The Road Series
by Kimber
Summary: Join the gang on an adventure that you'll never believe until you read it.
1. The Road to Recovery

The Road To Recovery **Title:** The Road to Recovery   
**Disclaimer: ** All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. If girl-girl action bothers you then you're on the wrong list.   
**Summary:** Part 1 in The Road series.   
**Spoilers: ** Everything is fair game.   
**Distribution:** Pat Kelly, Rodrigo, Gary Thompson, Syrenslure and Serendipity. Anyone else, e-mail me please.   
**Author's Notes: **The more feedback I get the more fic I write. . .nuff said. Thoughts are enclosed in >   
------------

August, 2002

The plane made it's final descent. She looked out the window and noted the all too familiar lights of Los Angeles International Airport. This was it – was what her life had come to – at least for the moment. She swore she'd never step foot back in the States until she was through with graduate school and could come back a success with her head held high. So much for keeping promises.

She was jostled a little when the wheels hit the ground. It all looks the same.> She wasn't sure if she was glad for that, or disappointed. The plane taxied to the terminal and the stewardess announced that they would be de-planing any moment.

-------------

If you blinked you would have missed him. He melted into the shadows so well and when he moved, you'd swear it was just the light changing and the darkness shifting.

Angel stood in the terminal, stoic expression firmly in place. He was still going over everything Giles had told him on the phone a few days ago. Willow attacked. Willow raped. Willow hurt.> If anyone deserved any of it, then Willow was at the bottom of the list. . .or not even on the list at all. He smiled at the thought of the petite redhead. Fond memories had flooded his mind in the days leading up to her arrival. . .bad memories too. He shook his head to try and rid himself of the thoughts of Angelus and the reign of terror he held. The announcement came over the loud speaker that the plane had arrived and he walked briskly to the gate and waited for her.

She was one of the first to get off the plane. Thank God for first class. Not that she was too good for coach, but the council had spared no expense and she was grateful. She saw him right away. . .shifting from foot to foot, looking around under hooded brows. Same old Angel.>

They noticed each other at the same moment and he stepped up to her. "Willow." He offered a soft smile.

"Hi Angel." It was a little too perky, a little too up. She mentally kicked herself for putting on such a high schoolish tone.

He continued to smile none the less. "Are you ready? We should get to baggage claim before the crowd gets too much." She nodded and followed him down the stairs.

-----------

The ride to the warehouse was made in relative, comfortable silence. Willow was thankful that Angel had picked her up – had it been Cordelia or even Wesley she would have had to take a hand full of aspirin from their non-stop talking.

"When's your first appointment?" Angel looked forward, concentrating on the road.

"Hmm? Oh, late next week. Giles thought I could use some time getting settled in."

"Good. That's. . .good." He nervously tapped on the steering wheel. "I'm glad you're here. I mean it's good. . . to see you. It's been a long time."

"Yeah, it has." She smiled a bit. Is Angel nervous?>

"Cordelia, um. . .well, she offered to have you stay with her. She thought you'd be more comfortable than if you stayed with me."

Willow instinctively rolled her eyes. "Angel, that's not. . ."

"It is necessary. We promised Giles we'd take care of you and we can't do that with you in a hotel room. No more discussion about it."

"But, Cordelia?"

It was Angel's turn to roll his eyes. "She's different now, Willow. She's still Cordelia, but she's different. You'll see."

"Gee, I can't wait."

----------------

Willow steadied herself as the elevator creaked and made it's ascent.

"You'll get used to it."

"Mansions, warehouses. . .have you ever heard of a house, Angel?"

He chuckled. "Its convenient. I live on the top floor and the office is in the middle. The warehouse is just space. I don't use it for anything. Cordy and Wesley live within walking distance. We're located right in the middle of the city."

"I never thought you'd put yourself willingly in the middle of anything."

"People change. It may have taken me over 200 years, but."

The elevator stopped and Angel pushed the cage back and led the way into his apartment. "I thought you might want to freshen up before we headed to the office. You must have had a long trip. Bathroom's down the hall."

She came back a few moments later and found Angel sitting on the couch. He looked up at her and smiled. "I thought only I was allowed to do the dark messenger routine."

"What?" She looked down and laughed. "Oh, yeah." She shrugged. She was wearing black – everywhere. Oversized long-sleeved turtleneck, jeans and sneakers. Her hair was down and framed her face. When she looked down, red locks almost completely covered her features.

It was as if she was trying to disappear and it made Angel sad. "I don't think I've ever seen you wear so much black before." He said almost absentmindedly. He noted the struck expression on her face and tried to recover. "It' looks good on you. You'll certainly blend in well here in L.A." She smiled. Good recovery.> " So, shall we? Cordelia's waiting in the office."

--------------

Her feet were propped up on the desk and she was filing her nails. It was Friday night, so technically she wasn't even supposed to be in the office, so technically she didn't have to do any work. Three or four bags lay on the floor, testament to her successful shopping spree that afternoon. She loved any excuse for a shopping spree and this was no exception.

"Cordelia?" Angel called from the front office.

"Back here. God, what took you so long? I've been waiting here forever." She rolled her eyes as he walked in. Willow followed behind. He furrowed his brow at her and she smiled. "Well, at least ten minutes anyway."

She looked at Willow and smiled. "Hey, Willow. How are you? You look good. . .good. . . .no, wait" She looked over at Angel. "Bad, bad, bad."

Before she knew what was happening, Willow saw Angel catch Cordelia on her way to the floor. Her eyes were squeezed closed tightly and she clung to Angel's shoulders. He didn't let her go and held her head still as she convulsed. It seemed like time stood still but in reality it was only about five seconds.

"Cordy, what did you see?"

She slumped over and rested against his chest. "God, he couldn't have left me a car, or money. . ."

"Cordelia. . ."

She reached out to the pad and pen on the desk. "Go to this address. It's a woman, young, my age. . .good fashion sense. She's hurt in an alley, she's wearing a wedding ring. . .she's pregnant. I think the husband beat her. . .I saw it. . .he's not human."

Angel nodded his head. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, go. . .she needs you. We'll catch a cab."

"I'll take the sewers. It's not far. Take my car, but if I find even a scratch. . ."

"Fine! Go. . .call Wesley."

He nodded his head and was out the door.

Willow stood there in shock. She wasn't sure what had just happened. Cordelia noticed the look on her face and tried to smile. "Long, long story."

"I'll bet."

She got up off the floor and sat in the chair. "Can you drive? These things really wipe me out and I don't think I'd do either one of us any good behind a wheel."

"You don't do anyone any good behind a wheel from what I remember. I'll drive."

Cordelia opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it. She nodded her head, grabbed her bags and they left.

---------------

". . .bathroom's down the hall from my bedroom and the kitchen is through there. That's about it. . . oh, and it's rent controlled." She was sitting on the couch with a wet rag across her forehead.

"I told Angel I could have stayed in a hotel. I don't want to put you out."

She shook her head. "You're not. I could use the company anyway."

"You're saying that because Angel told you to."

She frowned. "What makes you say that? I'll have you know I'm a different person now. . ." Willow looked over at her and Cordelia knew she wasn't buying it. "Okay, fine. He offered me a bonus and two weeks vacation. Happy?"

Willow's head shot up in the direction of the kitchen. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She rubbed her eyes, but it didn't go away. An icepack was floating through the room straight for Cordelia.

Without blinking, she took the icepack and placed it on her head. She looked over at Willow and laughed. "I, uh. . .kind of have a roommate."

"I see."

"Phantom Dennis, this is Willow. Now she's an old friend from high school so you'd better be on your best behavior. Understand?" She was looking around the room at nothing in particular.

A can of soda floated out of the kitchen right to Willow. She reached up and took it. "Um, thanks?"

"You'll get used to him. He came with the apartment."

She nodded her head. "Rent controlled. I see." She ran her hands through her hair. "I can't believe this."

"What?"

"Just any of it. L.A. was the last place I expected to be. I should be working on my graduate thesis right now and I'm here staying with you, you have a ghost for a roommate and you had this seizure and act like it was nothing and since when am I an old friend from high school?"

"Slow down there, Willow. One thing at a time. I had a poltergeist here when I first moved in. It was Dennis' mother, she killed him and she was haunting anyone who rented the place. Long story short, Angel, Doyle and I got rid of her and Dennis kind of hung around. I like him, he takes good care of me. . .he can get a little jealous when I have company, but over all he's a good ghost, like Casper, only without the squeaky annoying voice. The visions thing is a gift from my half-demon friend Doyle. He was Angel's connection to the Oracles. The visions help Angel find people who are in trouble, supernaturally speaking of course. Stuff you wouldn't dare take to the police."

"Hmm, Sunnydale only with more lights."

"I never thought of it that way."

"Where's Doyle?"

A sad expression crossed Cordelia's face. "He died about two years ago."

"I'm sorry. . .I didn't know."

"Long story short, he saved a bunch of half-demons from being killed by this band of other demons looking to wipe out all half-breeds. Doyle was half-demon. Before he died he kissed me and passed along this power he had. . . headaches and all." She shook her head. "Thank you Doyle." The phone rang. "Hello? Now? Fine . . .you're lucky we're decent." She hung up. "Angel's on his way over. He has some information that apparently can't wait until Monday." She rolled her eyes and got up. "When you get a job, make sure your boss doesn't know where you live."

Right on cue, Angel walked through the door. "Hey."

"Don't you knock?"

"Sorry." He stood there with his hands in his trench coat, looking at the floor.

"So what's the what?"

"You were right. Husband did a number on her. He's half-demon. She's seven months pregnant. I have her in a hotel across town but she's kind of skittish so I left Wesley with her. I need to find out more about this guy."

"You really need to take a computer course, Angel."

Willow was watching the exchange with an amused expression on her face. Angel looked over at her and caught it. "What?"

"Nothing. I just never thought I'd see the day."

Cordelia interjected. "Believe me. Neither did I."

A mug floated through the air and Angel grabbed it. "Thanks Dennis."

Willow shook her head in disbelief. "I thought you couldn't. . ."

"I can, when I want to. But it's blood." He took a sip. "Warm blood. Thanks again."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Can we say, eww? Not that his plasma supply is mingling with my pickles. He has his own little refrigerator under the sink. Dennis takes care of him when he comes over."

Willow stood and stretched. "I guess nothing should surprise me. . .especially after finding out you two are working together. Hey, didn't you say something about research?"

Angel laughed. "Some things never change I guess. Yeah, I have to do some digging about this guy. The wife doesn't know what breed he is. . .she didn't even know he was a demon. Cordelia's computer is linked to the one in the office. It took us a while but we sent all the books out to be scanned and stored on a server."

Willow clapped her hands together. "Finally, I can feel useful. Where is it?"

"Willow, you don't have to do anything. You're here to relax."

"Angel, I'll be fine. I've been here two hours and you guys are treating me like normal. It's nice. They're all walking on egg shells around me back in England. It was driving me batty."

Cordelia interrupted. "I'm going to go change then we can get to work. Ugh, work on a Friday. . . a Friday night no less! You'll make this up to me, won't you Angel?"

He smiled. "Yes Cordelia."

She disappeared into the bedroom.

Willow turned to Angel. "She doesn't know, does she?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't my business to tell her. Giles had to tell me but telling her, well, it's up to you. As far as she knows, you were burned out from your first year at Oxford and needed a break."

"Thanks. For everything."

"Don't mention it."

They worked well into the night and Angel actually picked up a few pointers from Willow where the computer was concerned. The information they found was meager at best. Without a description of the guy in demon form, he could be anyone. There were too many mixed breeds out there to list. They did discover that there was a pattern to some activity that had taken place in the city for the past ten years. Domestic abuse charges were filed by several women, all refusing to give a description of the man, or in some cases, the husband. They were all pregnant and after the authorities were involved, he was never heard from again. Some of the women went missing, too.

"I don't like the way this is going."

"Why's that Angel?" Willow looked up at him from the keyboard.

"I think it might be the same guy in each case. If I'm right then he's trying to populate the world with his own kind."

"Yuck. He doesn't get my vote for daddy of the year." Cordelia said from the couch.

Angel stretched. "I think that's about all we're gonna get for tonight. I'm going home and going to bed. Night ladies. See you Monday."

"Night Angel." Willow barely got out before the door closed. "He never changes."

"Yeah, at least this time we saw him leave. You don't know how many times I've been left in the office talking to myself. It gets very irritating after the first hundred times or so but I've gotten used to it."

"I think the jet lag is starting to set in."

"I'm tired myself. Come on, I'll show you where you'll be staying."

Cordelia led the way to her room. Willow noticed that it was very spacious and decorated in bright colors. Cordelia's bed was against the wall, close to the window, but not in the center of the room. She looked to the right and noticed an oriental folding panel dividing the room. . .and it looked suspiciously like. . ."Cordelia, where did you?"

"Angel arranged everything. He remembered what the one in your room looked like and went out and bought the same exact one. He also went out and bought a futon for you and a dresser. He wanted you to be comfortable. From what he tells me, you'll be here a while."

She nodded. "Yeah, but if I'm in your way, then. . ."

"You're not in my way. It's fine, really." Cordelia smiled and Willow just shook her head. "What?"

"I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, that's all. Angel wasn't kidding when he said you were different, but still Cordelia. The Cordelia of old would have never bunked up with me, let alone been so nice."

She had a hurt expression on her face. "L.A. has changed me. I'm not better or worse, just. . .different. I still have my priorities but they've shifted. No one can hunt down a sale like I can and I still reign supreme in the mall but, I've changed. I'm"

"Different. I like it."

They smiled at each other for a moment. Willow brought her bags behind the screen and changed. Cordelia did the same and they were both in bed in no time.

"Cordelia?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For having me, I mean. You didn't have to. . "

"I wanted to." She waited a beat. "Angel offered the bonus, but I didn't take it. I did take the vacation time though. I'd be crazy to pass that up."

She chuckled. "Good night, Cordy."

"Night, Will."

Willow was surprised at the familiarity they'd fallen into. She smiled and was thankful for it. . . .looks like strange things happened even when you don't live on a Hellmouth.

---------------------

About 200 miles away, Buffy Summers was in a fight.

"God, Xander!"

"What?!"

"Can't you think of anything else?"

"Hardly." He smile the oafish smile that had gotten him out of situations like this countless times.

"Don't even." Her arms crossed her chest and she chastised him with a look. The Look.

"Now Buff, don't give me the Slayer-eyes. You know I get weak in the knees with the Slayer-eyes." His expression shifted to wounded puppy. Suddenly he stumbled back and flopped on the couch. "See?" He made a grand gesture with his arms to demonstrate his point.

"Xand. . ." She warned as she crossed the room and sat next to him. "Men, I swear. They only have one thing on their minds."

"If you're referring to sex then. . ."

"Xander!" She popped him with the pillow.

He held up his hands in defeat. "Fine, fine. . .don't tell me. See if I care." He crossed his arms and pouted.

She looked at him sympathetically. "Xander, it's just weird, that's all. I mean, I usually talk to Willow about these things." She studied her hands. "I called her, but Giles said she was studying. Again. All she ever does is study. . .I wonder if you can go into a coma from excessive studying?"

"You hardly have to worry about that." He smiled but was nailed by the pillow again. "Ouch! Who knew feathers could be used in hand to hand combat? You know, come to think of it, I haven't spoken to Will either. I've gotten a few letters but, " He shrugged.

"I know. The Watcher council must be keeping her real busy."

"Yeah, but she's never been too busy for her friends. I wonder if something's up?" He fell into thought for a moment. "And don't think you've gotten out if it by changing the subject either."

"Okay, fine. Torture me with a hot poker why don't you?" She saw the look on his face. "Don't even go there." She warned. They settled down. "It was. . .nice to see him again, and strange. It's been a long time."

"But you were alright with it?" He shifted from clown to concerned friend-mode.

"Yeah, it was alright, I was alright. We had coffee and talked, that's all. He's only in town for a few weeks. He had some loose ends to tied up. Apparently they're shutting down the compound, but I didn't pump him for information."

"Well it's about time. Those commando guys really creeped me out. Especially him. I didn't trust him to begin with."

"Riley was okay. Well, other than not believing me about Professor Walsh in the beginning and doubting everything our relationship was built on." She glanced over at Xander's unbelieving look. "He turned out to be okay, Xand. You know that as well as I do."

"I know, I know. I still have a hard time trusting the guy."

"So something's come up. A final project or something and he asked me to help out."

He arched his eyebrows. "And you had an incredible moment of clarity and turned him down flat?"

"Not exactly."

"Buffy."

"Xander, I owe it to him. He's helped me out too you know."

"You're not doing it unless I get to be involved too."

"Xand. . ."

"Nope, I'm not budging on this one. I don't want you alone with him. He's got shifty eyes."

She laughed. "Actually, he mentioned that you could help. He brought it up."

He tried to hide the surprise from him voice. "Really?"

"Yes really. He knows our situation and he figured he'd invite you before you got all postal and invited yourself."

"I don't go postal. Overprotective, maybe. Suspicious, definitely. . .especially when it comes to the Buffster and mysterious men from the past."

"We'll meet him for coffee tomorrow at the Espresso Pump. He'll tell us everything then. In the mean time, I'm going to bed." She rose from the couch and gave a little yawn. "You staying up?"

He got up too. "Nah, I'm wiped out."

"Yeah, I can see how watching TV all day can really tire a person out."

"You strike me!"

"You're lucky I don't strike you. . .now come on. Walk me to my room and don't forget to turn out the lights."

They walked down the narrow hallway together, stopping at the first door. Buffy reached up and tousled his hair. He leaned down and she planted a kiss on his forehead. "Night Xand."

He smiled at her before she closed the door. "Night roomy." Then he made his way to the next door and closed it behind him.

-----------

Running. Running, and running and more running. Sweat poured down her forehead and she wiped it away with her sleeve. As she brought her arm down, she noticed the crimson color left on the back of her hand and thought that sweat wasn't supposed to be that color.

Footsteps. Three, maybe four sets of them. Her eyes darted about her, looking for someplace, anyplace to hide or crawl into until this was over. They were close. . .so close she could hear their whispering. She pressed herself up against the wall and cursed silently when she looked down and noticed her coat was gone and the light was illuminating her white blouse like a beacon on a lighthouse.

They came close and passed. She could smell them. Smell the death lingering on their clothes. If she got out of this alive she knew she'd never forget that smell.

Two hands grabbed her and she struggled, tried to break free but it was no use. He'd found her and there was no where left to run. She defiantly looked into his steely blue eyes and found no remorse, no hesitation. . . She spit in his face and it only made him laugh.

Suddenly she was thrown to the ground. Absentmindedly she thought about how the stains would never come out of her jeans and she'd have to throw them away. God! The things you think about when fighting for your life, your dignity. She tried to scream, but no sound came out. She was horrified and terrified and prayed to any Gods that would listen that if she got out of this alive then she'd do her research and put her clothes away and listen to the professors and everything else a good little Watcher in training was supposed to do.

He was on top of her, shaking her. He had a death grip on her shoulders and shook her so hard she almost lost consciousness. She screamed and screamed and screamed. . . on the inside.

"Willow, wake up."

She'd been tossing and turning for at least ten minutes now. A thick sheen of sweat covered her face. Cordelia was shaking her, trying to get her to wake up but so far it was no use. Suddenly she shot up in bed. "No! Stop! Don't!"

"Willow, it's me. . .Cordelia. Are you Okay?" She touched her shoulder and Willow's eyes shot to the brunette in front of her.

"Okay?" She mimicked back. "Where am I?" She looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings.

Cordelia rubbed her shoulder, the worry was apparent in her face. "Will. You're in my apartment. Are you okay?" She leaned forward and placed her head on Cordelia's shoulder. Awkwardly, Cordelia reached up and rubbed her back. "Willow, what is it?"

She was silent for a few moments. She gathered her bearings and realized where she was and who's arms were around her. She jerked back. "Sorry. Bad dream. Really, really bad dream." She was embarrassed by the display. "I didn't mean to . . .I didn't mean to put you in a bad position I'm sorry not that it was a bad position but it's just I didn't mean to freak you out and the dream was bad, bad dream and I didn't scare you did I?" God, around Cordelia for less than twenty-four hours and you're already in high school babble mode. Nice Rosenberg, real nice.> She ran one hand through her hair and noticed how sweaty she was and made a face.

"It's fine, Willow, really. I'm not going to come at you with a ripping comment or sly remark. We all have bad dreams." She offered a smile. "Dennis made us breakfast. Why don't you hop in the shower and freshen up?" She got up off the bed and walked away. She turned back a moment. "I get all yucked up and sweaty when I have nightmares too. You'll feel better, I promise."

Willow was standing in the shower with the water on as hot as her skin could stand it. She was still having some trouble wrapping herself around the new Cordelia. Angel was right, she was still Cordelia but different. It was like she was de-thorned or de-clawed. . .or something like that. She rinsed off the last of the soap, stepped out and toweled off. She was running through the dream again in her mind. The training she'd received in the past year had taught her to be more analytical of everything, even things she took personally. Each time she had the nightmare, she remembered more and more of the encounter, the attack. She shuddered a little then shook it off as she pulled her pajamas back on. For now, she'd put it out of her mind. She'd have no choice but to think about it soon enough.

Cordelia was sitting at the kitchen table and syrup had just floated over to the table. "Thanks." She continued to read the paper.

Willow sat down. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that."

"Dennis? You will. He's a great roommate. A little jealous at times, but great over all." She smiled at nothing in particular. A warm breeze passed by both of them. "Sorry, Dennis. . .I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Willow smiled to herself and they ate breakfast in compatible silence. They both finished and were reading the paper, slowly sipping the coffee that had been served to them moments before. Willow looked up at her. "You know. . .had I said I'd be having breakfast with Cordelia Chase in L.A. with her ghost roommate a year ago, I would have been committed."

She smiled and looked up from her paper. "Tell me about it. When I graduated high school I never would have guessed I'd be working for Angel. Now look at me, office gal with her dead boss the vampire."

They loaded up the dishwasher together. After that, Cordelia decided that Willow needed to be shown around L.A. properly. Willow protested a bit but Queen C won out and sent her to their room to change.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

Cordelia opened the door. "Angel?"

"Hey." He walked in past her and stood in the middle of the room. "Where's Willow?"

"Changing and I thought you avoided mornings. . .I know how you are in the morning plus the whole sun factor."

"It's important. We have a situation."

"The woman last night?"

Willow emerged from the bedroom. "Good morning, Angel." She smiled but still found it peculiar to see him at this hour.

"I need your help with something. This case is getting stranger and stranger by the minute. What can you tell me about The Initiative?"

Her mouth opened but no sound came out. She gathered up all the thoughts that flooded her mind and tried to form sentences. "The Initiative?"

"Apparently it's some covert military operation designed by the government to capture demons, vampires, imps. . .you name it they take them in alive."

"I know. They're based in Sunnydale." She still couldn't believe this conversation.

"The woman I found last night. . .her husband wasn't the one that worked her over. It was the Initiative. They tried to kill her and the baby. The husband fought them off and was hurt pretty badly himself. He's at the hotel with her now. He was trying to get them to safety when the clan discovered where they were. To top it off, he says that this Initiative is after them for research."

"I remember. They catch them, but don't kill them. They take them to a laboratory and study them, to find out what makes them tick. Generally, they just do tests, it doesn't sound like the Initiative to try and kill them. Are you sure it's them?"

"Positive. This guys clan, the Badahu demons, they're peaceful. He's just trying to earn an honest living and raise his family. They've been moving around for the past year and a half with the Initiative on their tails."

"Just like with Doyle. . .but with camouflage?" Cordelia spoke to no one in particular.

Angel nodded his head sadly. "Yeah. Anyway, they're safe now, but I can't guarantee for how long. Before you say it, Cordelia, it has nothing to do with the Scourge. This is completely government run."

Willow cut in. "Riley."

Angel turned to her. "Who?"

"Riley. Riley Finn. He went to College with Buffy and I. He was an agent for the Initiative. If anyone would have information it would be him."

"How do we track him down?"

"We don't. After college he took over the operation. As far as I know he's still in. . ." She stopped herself and looked at him apologetically.

He caught on. "Sunnydale." She nodded. "So, I guess we're in for a road trip."

Willow shook her head. "Angel, I can't. No one knows I'm here, not even Buffy."

"Don't worry about it, Willow. She won't see you, I promise. I was stealth guy during that whole Indian incident a few years ago. Remember?"

"I remember Xander seeing you and spilling everything."

"They won't see you, I promise. I know you're here for yourself and I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

She cut him off. "I know." She paced a bit then stopped in front of him. "So who'll take the first driving shift?"

-----------------

". . .So you're killing them now?" Xander took another sip of his espresso.

"Well, not exactly. They're not exactly HST's." He was having trouble explaining without giving too much away.

Buffy looked over to him. "So what exactly are they, Riley? And how exactly are you not killing them?" She knew him well enough that he wasn't giving them the information freely.

"Look, demons. . .the Initiative has always been able to handle them. We leave the humans to the public authorities but this is. . .different."

"Again, how is it different and why are you being cryptic about it?" Xander had just about had it. They'd been talking in circles for about an hour and were getting no where.

"That's classified."

"Your being cryptic is now suddenly classified information?" He shook his head and got up. "Come on, Buffy, this guy doesn't really want our help."

"No, wait." Riley rose too. "I, I want to tell you, but. . ." He looked around suspiciously. "Fine. Come on. It would be better if I showed you."

Buffy and Xander looked at each other for a moment then got up and followed him. The walk to campus was short. Buffy and Riley walked it almost instinctively having gone there for four years. They arrived at the house and walked through to the mirror. Riley had his retinal scan approved and they got in the elevator.

"Gee, I have not so fond memories of this place." Buffy made a face.

Riley looked over at her. "Sorry. It's the only way."

They got out and Riley led them over to a door. He swiped his card and held it open for them. They walked through a corridor to a small room. Inside, there were about six or seven scientists looking into another room through a large window. Riley pointed to it. "We can see them, they can't see us."

"Has that whole interrogation room feel to it. Scary, antiseptic interrogation room."

Buffy poked him. "Shh, Xander." She turned her attention to Riley. "What's going on?"

"Well, at first glance, it would appear that we're about to witness a woman giving birth."

"Cool." Xander got out before he got poked again.

"It is a woman giving birth, but with a twist. She's being used as a containment for a small HST." Buffy looked at him confused. "Basically she had sex with a demon and is giving birth to it's spawn."

"Eww!" She covered her mouth with her hand but not before receiving looks from the other people in the room. She whispered to Riley. "Why would a human want to have sex with a demon? That's. . .so not natural." Xander cleared his throat and she shot him a look. He gave her that 'I know what you know' look and it dawned on her. Angel.> She gave him a sheepish grin and turned back to Riley. "So what's the what? Why do you need us?"

"Fortunately, these things haven't been procreating for very long. We've discovered that the incubation period is the same as a human child. If the spawn is taken away from the human mother, it dies within five hours, probably from lack of nourishment." He pointed to the window where they were beginning the procedure. "The woman is under anaesthesia, the spawn is taken by cesarian section and brought to a confined area. It's left there until all signs of life have diminished totally." He stopped speaking as the small demon was lifted out of the woman. "It's in true form when it's born . . .demon form. It doesn't have the ability or knowledge to change until it's reached puberty. The woman will be taken to another room where the memory of all this will be stripped away. As far as she'll know, she's been in a state of amnesia for the past year. We'll help her recover and send her on her way." The mini-demon was taken out of the room. He turned back to Buffy and Xander. "We need your help to track the males. As far as our research tells us, it's only one breed of demon that's doing this. We've had little success so far because it's very difficult for us to go out in civilian clothes and be ready for an attack by the male. I thought that if you helped, you could track it and we could do the rest."

"Sound's easy enough." Buffy commented and looked at Xander.

"I don't know, Buff. I don't like the fact that this gets you back in the middle of commando land."

"She won't be in the middle of it. All she has to do is find out where the males are dwelling and we'll do the rest. In and out, nice and clean." He tried for a reassuring tone.

"Not without me." Xander said levelly.

Riley shook his head. "Not with out you. That's why you're here."

Xander looked at Riley then back to Buffy. "I don't see why we can't do a little re-con. I've been bored lately. What do you say, Buffy?"

She looked up at Riley. "I think you've got yourself two trackers, Agent."

"Great. We'll head to the debreifing room and tell you what we have so far." Riley led the way out of the room to a larger conference room and began to tell them the plan.

--------------

"Ugh, are we there yet?"

Angel smiled. "What's wrong, Cordelia? Did you forget exactly how far from Sunnydale we were?" He gave her an amused look. She was anything but amused. "Ten minutes, tops. . .dear."

"Thanks dad." She rolled her eyes and turned to Willow in the back seat. "Can you believe this guy. Give him a soul and suddenly he's the worlds best un-dead comedian."

She laughed. "You wanted to drive first. I told you you'd be bored."

She tried to glare, but it came off as being amused. "And thanks to you too, mom."

Angel looked at Willow through the rear view mirror and gave her a wink. She shook her head at him. The cryptic avenger thinks he's funny.>

They pulled up to the warehouse and got out of the car with a sigh. They'd made it to Sunnydale in record time and there was plenty of time to relax and get a good nights sleep before starting in on the Initiative tomorrow.

Willow sighed as she and Cordelia followed Angel to the side entrance. He looked back at her and smiled. "I know, I know. . .mansions and warehouses." He shrugged. "I'm a creature of habit I guess. Don't worry little one, we have all the comforts of home here." He gave her another glance and opened the door.

Angel's old apartment. It was odd for him to be back. Hell, it was odd to be back in Sunnydale overall. He'd have to be very careful this time and make sure he wasn't caught by Buffy or Xander. They couldn't know the three of them were in town and the sooner they got the information they needed, and got out, the better. He leaned against the wall and watched Cordelia and Willow put their things in the cabinets and refrigerator. From the disgusted sound Cordelia made, he figured she'd found the blood packets hanging in there. "I had one of my men come by and stock me up for a few days. Sorry there isn't a separate refrigerator."

She wrinkled her nose at him. "At least it's only for a few days. I guess I'll make it through." Willow chuckled behind her. In a very Cordeliaesque manner, she turned on her heel, put her hands on her hips and cocked her head. "And what do you find so funny, Red?"

She shook her head but couldn't suppress a laugh. "Just look at us. Angel, brooding in the corner, you trying not to touch the packets of blood while stocking his refrigerator with your diet coke and me putting my Oreo cookies in the cabinet. A souled vampire, a hacker and Queen C herself. God, what a motley crew." She turned around and put some cans of soup on the bottom shelf muttering something about it happening only on the Hellmouth.

Angel and Cordelia looked at each other and laughed. He walked over to her. "Here, let me."

"Finally, the vampire gets some manners." She flipped her hair and walked over to the couch.

He was still smirking when he noticed that he was being watched. He turned to her. "What?"

"Nothing. You should smile more often. It suits you."

Cordelia called over from the couch. "Don't let him fool you, Red. He can be a barrel of laughs when he wants to be."

She shook her head at him. "I knew the cryptic, tortured routine was just an act." He crept up to her with a serious look on his face. She immediately got concerned. "Angel, what is it?"

He bent down and whispered in her ear. "Shh. . .it's our secret."

She punched him in the shoulder. "You! I can't believe you. You had me worried there for a minute." She crossed her arms and pouted.

He grabbed his arm and feigned injury. "You've got some right hook there, little one. Anyone ever tell you that?"

Cordelia walked over and broke it up. "Alright you two. Don't you think its time we get some shut eye? I swear if I don't get eight hours sleep I'll get bags under my eyes and. ."

"It'll be all your fault." Angel and Willow said in unison. They looked at each other and managed not to laugh.

"Fine. You two jokesters stay here and play stand up all night. I'm going to bed." She walked away but then turned back, confused. "Um, Angel. . .where exactly is bed?"

"There's only one and it's in the back. Now before you say anything, I'll ride the couch and you two ladies can have it. It's queen sized so you'll be very comfortable I'm sure."

Willow put her hands up. "Hey, I'm not complaining, are you complaining?" She looked at Cordelia.

She smiled at him. "No complaints here. Hope you and your leather couch have a very nice evening together."

The two girls headed off to the bedroom and Angel changed and laid down. He actually found it to be pretty comfortable. He knew he'd slept in worse places than this. After a few minutes, a pile of cloth was heaped on top of him. It was Cordelia. "Two pillows and a blanket. Don't say I've never given you anything."

"Why thank you for sharing my pillows and blankets with me, Cordy. What ever would I do with out you?" He looked her straight in the eye.

She walked away shaking her head. "Vampires. I swear if I ever . . " The rest of her thought was lost behind the now closed door.

---------

". . .it'll be too soon."

Willow poked her head out from the bathroom. "What?"

"Nothing. Angel's just being Angel again." She changed her clothes and stood next to the bed.

Willow came out of the bathroom and stood next to her. "Something wrong?"

"No. I always figured him for satin sheets."

"I don't know. I always thought of him as a 100% cotton man myself."

"Yeah. I never would have guessed."

"Plaid." Willow shook her head. "I think I'm getting less and less surprised the more time I spend with you two." She walked away and got into what she designated her side of the bed.

Cordelia climbed in at the same time and they both stiffened. "Whoa."

"Stop the ride I wanna get off."

"Water-bed. Leave it to Angel."

Willow chuckled. "Now that's something I'd figure him for."

"If we don't move too much I think I can brave the sea. How about you?" She looked over in Willow's direction.

"It's kind of nice, actually. I've never slept in a water-bed before. It's sort of billowy. . ." She shifted and laid on her side sending a small wave to Cordelia then it came back to her. ". . .or not. Maybe choppy is a better word." She frowned and looked over at the brunette. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I think I'm starting to get my sea legs."

"So how do you like working for Angel? Really."

"It's not bad. The pay could be higher and the danger could be lower. . .but over all I'd say it's okay. . .and if I'm late he can't fire me because I know too much. He's not too bad on the eyes either and don't ever tell him I said that."

Willow laughed. "I won't. I'm glad you two found each other. . . to work with I mean. You seem to have a great relationship, not that it was bad before or that you had any relationship with Angel before, well, other than the platonic kind, but even then you weren't too fond of him and somebody shut me up please." She shook her head. Babble mode. . .I'm cursed!>

Cordelia smiled. "Nice to see some things don't change."

"What? I can still babble myself into a hole in front of you?" It came out meaner than she'd expected it to and regretted her tone.

"No. . .that your still so observant. That's all I meant."

She hurt her and knew it. "Cordelia, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She paused a moment. "I have changed you know."

"I know and I even said that to you. Old habits die hard."

"Don't get me wrong, I can still be as bitchy as ever. I just know who to use it on now and choose my targets more wisely."

Ouch.> Willow reached out and touched her shoulder. "I'm sorry. Really."

Cordelia turned to her. "And you've changed too. I can tell."

"What's so different about me?"

She thought for a moment. "Your eyes."

"What?"

"Your eyes. You look, I don't know. . .older I guess. Like you've seen a lot more that you should have."

"I think we've all seen more than we should have."

"But it's different with you. I saw Xander last year and he never changes. Still has that stupid grin plastered across his face and doesn't have a care in the world. I look into your eyes and they're sadder and older than I remember."

Willow was a little confused. "There's a time when you can remember looking into my eyes? I didn't think you ever noticed me. . .other than to pick on I mean."

"Hey, I noticed. When you were in the hospital because of, well, the mean guy that is so not Angel anymore. With all you'd been through you still had that, I don't know, innocent look in your eyes. I think we all did."

"Cordy, that was Junior year." Willow was shocked at the revelation.

"Yup. It was all so much simpler then. You had Oz, I had Xander. Then we all had to go and grow up. . .and apart."

"If I had any doubts about you changing before, I don't now. I never took you as a sentimental person. Ever."

"I have layers. . .Who I choose to show my layers to is a different story."

Willow smiled. "Well, let me be the first to thank you for your layers. You keep surprising me like this and I'll be shock-resistant by the time I get back to England." She sighed. That was a long way off and she knew it. A long way.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Just thinking about England."

"Do you miss it? Who am I kidding, of course you do. . .it's so beautiful there."

Willow was hardly thinking of England as a beautiful place right then. "It can be. I was studying so much I barely had time to notice though. I guess it's for the best. I don't know what I'm missing." She was absentmindedly rubbing Cordelia's shoulder. Neither one of them said anything but they both noticed.

"Willow, did something. . .did something happen to you in England?"

She let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Then why are you with Angel and I instead of Buffy and Xander?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Giles suggested it and I didn't argue. Buffy's got the Slayer thing going on full tilt and from what she tells me, Xander's life is still up in the air. So when he said I should come here I agreed. If I'm safe anywhere, it's with Angel."

"There's something you need to be safe from?"

"Mmm, you catch on quick."

"I'm sorry. You probably don't want to talk about it."

"Not really, but if I do it's nice to know you're willing to listen."

Cordelia reached over and put her hand on Willows. "That's what friends are for. Right?"

She smiled. "Friends." She dropped her eyes to their hands. "I like the. . .feel> sound of that."

"Me too." Cordelia's eyes followed Willow's. "Sorry, I didn't mean. . ."

"No, it's okay, I mean. . ."

"Sorry." They both said it at once and laughed. Cordelia pulled her hand away first and stifled a yawn. "Look at what time it is. We'd better get to sleep."

Willow laid down and snuggled into the pillow. "Yeah, we all know how you can be without your beauty sleep."

"I'll take that as a friendly comment, Red."

"Goodnight, Cordy."

"Night, Willow."

-----------------

"Anything?"

"Nothing. I think we've got a big fat goose egg with this one, Buff."

Riley's voice came over the earpiece. "Then that's it guys. Why don't we wrap it up and head home?"

"Can't. I have to do a quick sweep before I head back. Vampires wait for no one."

Riley laughed. Always the Slayer.> "Suit yourself. I'm tired and heading in. Finn over and out."

He waited a moment and spoke. "You there, Buff?"

"Yeah, is he gone?"

Xander looked over to where he saw Riley last. "I think so. I'm on the other side. Come on over."

"Be right there." She removed the earpiece and put it in her pocket. She walked up next to him. "So what do we have?"

He knelt down and poked the ground with a stick. "An hour, tops. It's still warm."

She nodded. "Good, Xand. I knew that whole changing into your costume thing would prove to be useful."

He stood. "I aim to please. From what I can make out they're headed north. . .deeper into the woods. Who can blame them with us and the commando boys on their trail."

"I don't think Riley's telling us everything."

"Finally, a breakthrough!" He raised his hands skyward. "Remind me again why you don't listen to me more often?"

"Xander, shh. He could still be around. . .doing that lurking thing."

He shook his head. "You and the creepy lurking guys, Buff. I swear. . ."

"Don't finish that sentence, Harris. Come on, we'll talk more at home."

She stopped short a moment and looked around suspiciously.

"Spidey sense kicking in?"

"Maybe, or it could be my overactive imagination. Tracking demons, who'd a thought." She shook her head and continued on. They walked off talking about the nights events.

He stepped out from behind the tree when he knew they were far enough. Kneeling down, he felt the earth where Xander had been moments before. Boy's right. An hour at best. . .and they're headed north.>

He stood up and shook his head, quietly laughing to himself. Never underestimate Xander Harris, no matter how irritating he is. Behind the boyish grin was someone to be reckoned with and Angel knew as much. He had a set on him, a big set, and he always pulled through in a pinch. . . .even if it did almost get him killed a few times.

Angel knew there was nothing left for him to do then. He headed back to the apartment, lost in thought. He'd caught more than a glance at Buffy. She looked good, healthy. What else could she be now that he was gone. Their love was the best and worst thing that had ever happened. . .to either one of them. He walked in the door and placed his keys on the table. Turning around, he found a set of eyes on him. "Cordy? What are you doing up?"

"I could say the same thing to you. You saw her, didn't you?"

"What? No, why would I? That's not why we're here."

"Because you have that wounded bird look again. You only look like your wings have been clipped after you see her."

He shook his head. "I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse."

"What's that?"

He looked down at her seriously. "How well you know me."

She smiled sadly. "So what did you find?"

"The Initiative has recruited Buffy and Xander to track the demons. As well as I can figure out they can't do it alone, during the day. There's too big a risk of coming up against the demons unprepared. Buffy and Xander are needed to pinpoint the demons' location then the Initiative will take it from there."

"Do they know what they're in for?"

"You know Xander."

"Suspicious of any male showing interest in Buffy or Willow for that matter."

Angel nodded. "He knows and so does Buffy. They don't trust this guy or the entire operation. Riley I think his name is. Riley Finn. She seemed familiar with him, like she's known him for a long time, but she still doesn't trust him. I can feel it."

"Angel, get over it."

"I have Cordelia, a while ago. Something about this guy just. . ."

"Bugs you?"

"Yeah, I can't put my finger on it."

"Well, you can do the tortured soul routine solo tonight. I'm going back to bed." She turned and headed for the bedroom.

"Thank you, Cordelia. What would I ever do with out your. . ." The door shut. ". . .perspective." He shook his head. She knows me too well. It's. . .it feels good.>

----------

He was on top of her, shaking her. He had a death grip on her shoulders and shook her so hard she almost lost consciousness. She screamed and screamed and screamed. . . on the inside.

On the outside she wasn't revealing anything. She was still reeling from the evening's events. She couldn't believe him, couldn't believe he'd changed. He was a demon. Now this demon she'd once called friend, almost called lover, was striking her across the face. Hard. This demon she came to trust, confide in. . .stole kisses from in empty hallways. She couldn't believe it.

She smelled them before she saw them. That smell. Two vampires came up and held her by the arms and two others took her legs and pinned them down. She struggled but knew it was no use. It was one against five and she had the short end of the stick.

She heard the sound. Flesh being split. She heard it before she felt it. . .she wasn't sure she was able to feel anything. They were feeding off of her, trying to keep her weak. She struggled even harder and began to scream. She actually thought sound had come out of her throat. . .she hoped.

"Will!"

Her eyes opened wide. She was breathing heavily and felt the sweat drip down her forehead. She knew where she was and fought to catch her breath. "I'm okay. Give me a second."

Cordelia got up and came back with a wet washcloth. She slowly placed it on Willow's head so as not to startle her.

She closed her eyes with some relief. "Thanks."

Carefully, she smoothed the hair away from her face. Whatever this was, it was something big. After growing up on the Hellmouth, not even Cordelia could remember having nightmares like this. "You okay?"

"Fine." She sat up and gave a weak smile. "Sorry you had to see that."

"It looked bad. Worse than the other one."

Willow nodded her head. "It gets worse every time. . ." She rubbed her temples. "So do the headaches. Can you get me the bottle of pills out of my bag?"

Cordelia nodded and walked over to the bag. After rifling through a bit she found it. "Xanax?" She looked over and Willow nodded. "Nerve calmer of choice to the stars." She handed her the bottle.

"What?" She took two of them and tossed them back.

"No water?" She shook her head. "Xanax. . .a lot of people I've auditioned with take it before they read for a director. They said it calms their nerves."

"It does. Believe me." She smiled and laid back against the pillows. "I'm sorry, Cordy, you shouldn't have to. . ."

"I don't have to. Get it?" She smiled down at her.

Willow looked up, thankful. "Yes, ma'am."

"Hungry? I've got Krispy Kreme's. . ." She said in a sing-song voice. She headed out the door to the kitchen.

"You didn't. How did you get out and back without Xander spotting you? He's there every Sunday like clockwork right when they come out of the oven." She brought over a plate and Willow took one. They were still warm. "You are so the goddess! He didn't see you, did he?"

"No. I used the back door. I dated the front counter guy in high school. Only back then he was Sunnydale's front runner for All-American third year in a row. Go figure. The places we find ourselves." She sat down on the bed again. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "Fine. I have an appointment with a therapist next week. . .big fun." She rolled her eyes.

"So you're here to get your head shrunk, not just to relax." Cordelia was beginning to put the pieces together.

"In a way I am relaxing. I think I'm one of the only people I know of that finds research relaxing." She smiled and was almost feeling better.

"I'd have to agree. Only you could find comfort in the demon section of the library." Cordelia smiled, but noticed that Willow had a stricken look on her face. "Did I say something wrong?"

She shook her head. "No. Where's Angel?"

Change of subject. Okay.> "He went out late last night to investigate some stuff. I guess he left early this morning too. I didn't see him when I got up. With the office being open during the day, he kind of keeps human hours now." She reached down and pushed a hair away from her forehead. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Un uh. Bad dream thoughts. You don't wanna buy those. You wouldn't get your money's worth."

"Ha, ha. I'm serious, Will. These ears were made for listening."

Trusting Cordelia. She figured that stranger things have happened. "I was attacked in England. . .it was really bad. Giles and the council sent me her so I could get help. The therapist I'm going to next week is supposed to be the best hands down. They want me better quick so I can get on with my studies. . .and Giles just wants me better." She looked down at her hands. It was a very abbreviated version of the truth, but the truth none the less.

"That's what the nightmares are about?" Willow nodded. "Was it like Angelus bad or more Jack the Ripper bad?"

She thought for a moment. "Both. But worse. I don't think Angelus could ever do to me what . . .they did."

"They?" Again Willow nodded. "How many?"

"Five. Four vampires and a shape-shifting demon. The demon, I. . .we thought he was a novice Watcher, like me, but. . ."

Cordelia realized the implications of her words. She didn't know what to say, they were both on the edge of tears. God, to go through that, to go through it and remember everything and have it done to you by someone you thought you could trust no less. She did the only thing she could think of, she leaned down to the redhead who looked so tiny under the comforter and hugged her.

Willow stiffened at first. Hugging Cordelia was new. Geez, everything was new in the past forty-eight hours. Trusting Cordelia, talking to Cordelia like a friend. She liked it. She liked the girl in front of her, liked the way she smelled (like home somehow), the way they could talk seriously and kid around too. She relaxed and put her arms around her more tightly. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this safe this. . .okay. Feeling okay in and of itself was new for Willow too. She'd been skittish and tense for so long.

"Am I interrupting?" Angels voice was soft from the door.

Willow looked up. "No. Just some bonding."

Cordelia let go and sat up. Willow gave a little pout but let her go. "Yeah, girl bonding." She turned to Angel. "It's fun. . .you should try it."

He smiled. "I think I'll pass. . .for now." He walked into the room. "So are you two going to stay in bed all day? There's work to be done." He looked down at them with a smirk.

"But, dad, I'm on vacation." Willow said in her best whinny voice.

He chuckled. "Okay, you got me. I have some research that needs to be done. You'll both be better off staying indoors anyway. I don't need Xander or Buffy seeing you." They gave him a look. "Or me." He added. He looked at the nightstand. "Although, if those are Krispy Kremes I see there then someone's already gone out and tried to blow their cover." He looked accusingly at Cordelia.

"Guilty. I couldn't help it. They were warm and gooey and I wasn't caught. I promise." She smiled at him.

He sighed and nodded his head. "Okay you two. Computer is in the den. It's not as good as the one Cordy has at home or in the office, but it'll do for now. Willow, do you think you could link up to the office in L.A.?"

"Sure, no problem. I can do it with my eyes closed." She smiled at him.

He turned and started to walk away. "I should know better. Never doubt the redheads."

-------------

"Buffy. . ." Xander was knocking on her door for the third time in ten minutes. "Come on, they're gonna get cold."

She immerged from her room and pushed him out of the way making a beeline for the bathroom. After she closed the door, he rubbed his stomach. Slayers. . .now that's gonna leave a mark.> He sat down in the living room and turned on Sunday morning cartoons.

She came out of the bathroom and flopped down on the couch. Without looking, he reached for a donut and handed it to her outstretched hand. This was a familiar routine for them on Sunday's. Donuts, waking Buffy up, cartoons, coffee and talk.

"Xand, we gotta find you a new line of work."

"Whada ya mean, Buff?" He said with a mouthful of donut.

She made a face at him. "If you could get a job that you'd get up for they way you get up for these donuts, you'd be set. Do you realize ever since we moved in together you've involved me in your sugary little ritual? At. . " She looked at her watch. "9am no less!" She took a big bite of the donut and glared at him.

"Its just another Xander Harris tradition. One that I was so kind and friendly like to let you in on." He reached for her donut. "Now if you'd like to be uninitiated, then. . ." She promptly slapped his hand away and took another bite. He smiled. "I didn't think so."

When the coffee was done, Xander got up and served them. They sat watching cartoons for a while then Buffy had an idea. "Hey, I'll bet Willow is in her room today. It's Sunday. . .she can't be studying. Even God took a rest."

Xander looked over at her. "It's worth a try." He handed her the phone. "Here."

Buffy dialed. And dialed, and dialed. "These international numbers give me a headache. Why can't the have just eleven numbers like the rest of us?" It rang. "Hello? Rupert Giles' please. Thanks. . . Giles? It's Buffy! How are you? What's new. . .where's Willow?"

"Fine, nothing and out of town. It's nice to hear from you too, Buffy."

"Where'd she go?" Buffy gave Xander a look.

"On assignment out of town. You must realize that she is very busy."

"Out of town like here out of town?" She squeezed the phone.

"I'm afraid not. She's gone to Wales on assignment with some of the other novices. I am sorry but you just missed her. They left about an hour ago."

"Oh, well. Okay." Silence.

"She's alright, Buffy. Really."

"I know Giles, I just miss her." She thought for a moment. "And you."

He smiled. "I miss you too. I hope to finish up in the next few months and fly back. You are doing patrols, aren't you?"

She smiled. "Yes, Giles. All is quiet on the home front. Although. . .well, Riley asked for a little help and that's what Xander and I have been up to. Did you know they're closing the Initiative compound on Campus? This is what I know so far. . ."

She hadn't planned on telling him anything yet wound up telling him everything. He listened patiently and offered his advice here and there. In truth, she did miss him. More than she thought she could have, but he was her Watcher after all. She couldn't begrudge him the chance to make things right with the council and get his standing back. Even if it did mean he was away for a long time. She hung up the phone and sat in thought.

Xander looked over at her after a few minutes. "He'll come back, Buffy."

She looked over at him. "I know. And so will our favorite hacker, but. . ." She shrugged sadly.

"It doesn't make us miss them any less now." He looked at her with knowing eyes. "Wills has only been gone a year. She still has three more to go. . ."

She slouched over against him. "Why does everyone leave, Xander? Everyone has left us. . ."

He put his arm around her. "Hey, the Xand-man's still here. I'm not goin anywhere without my Buffster close behind." He gave a little squeeze.

"I can always count on you, Xand." They drank coffee and watched TV a little more. "Hey, so what do you want to do about this whole demon hunting thing? I told Giles everything we knew and he said he'd find out if the Council had any informaiton. . ."

"Well, I think we should just sit tight and let the Council put all the answers in our lap. No use in going on a wild goose chase until we know what the goose looks like."

"But still, Riley might get suspicious. . ."

"True. So we'll do what we do best in the face of unknown danger."

"What's that?"

He gave her his big lovable oaf smile. "Fake it till we know more."

---------------

"Hello? Hello?" He was holding the cell phone to his ear but it was no use.

Cordelia came up behind him and took it. "Vampires." She shook her head. She hit the answer button. "Hello?. . .yes, hi. . .no he's right here. . .yeah, he can read and speak twelve languages, four of them dead, but he still can't answer a cell phone. . ." She held the phone out to him. "It's Giles."

He took the phone and glared at her. "Hello?"

"Angel, it's Rupert. I didn't reach you at home, well obviously. . .are you busy?"

"No, just working on something. What's up?"

"Have you ever heard of the Initiative?"

"Funny you should ask. That's what I'm working on now."

"You don't say."

"Yeah, I got a lead from a woman. Her husband is a demon and this group, the Initiative is trying to hunt them down and kill them. Apparently they don't like the races mixing. . .must be stuck in the 60's."

He was taken back by Angel's humor. "I see. Yes, I've been told as much. I just got off the phone with Buffy. Apparently she and Xander. . "

"Have been rucruited to hunt the males. I know. I think there's more going on."

"How did you? Angel, are you in Sunnydale?"

"Yes, but no one has seen me and I plan on keeping it that way."

"And Willow?" The concern in his voice was apparent.

"She's fine, Giles. . .she's"

Willow came up next to him. "Giles? Is that Giles?"

Giles spoke again. "She's there, in Sunnydale? Have you lost your mind?"

He motioned for Willow to be quiet and spoke to Giles again. "She's fine."

"If anyone see's her. . ."

"No one will see her, Giles. We were careful. We're at my apartment."

"Angel, she's supposed to be taking care of herself. She's there to recover, not work for you." He was getting more and more agitated.

Angel shook his head. Willow saw the expression on his face and put her hand out for the phone. He gave it to her thankfully.

"Giles. . "

"Willow? What on earth are you doing in Sunnydale?"

"It's fine. I'm helping Angel and Cordelia. I offered and they couldn't stop me and believe me they tried. My first appointment is next week and I plan on keeping it as well as helping Angel, it's good for me so don't try to talk me out of it. Understand? Do you know about this whole Initiative thing?"

He sighed in resignation. "Yes, Buffy just told me everything. You have to be careful. There's more going on than any of you have figured out yet. I've got the Council on it now and I should have word soon. Buffy seems to think that it's a simple 'rid the world of demons' issue, but it's much more. If I'm correct, this is a clan of Badahu demons. They are peaceful and blend in well with the community. They only want to live their lives, but."

"What Giles?"

"The males inpregnate their wives, it's natural and normal. The Initiative somehow found out and, well, they're taking the wives, keeping them until they give birth and wiping out the memory of it all. They take the infant demons and let them die alone in a room. Without proper nourishment it can happen between two and five hours."

"That's horrible. They're killing the babies?"

"Yes. I'm afraid the Initiative only sees it as a way to bring more demons into the world. I'm sure they haven't looked at it from the human side. If given the chance to develop, the demons can learn to make the change to human form. They are a highly educated race and very resourceful."

"And the Initiative is trying to wipe them out. That's, that's like a twisted form of gender aparthid or racial clensing. . . it's illigal!"

"Yes, yes it is. But the government hasn't seen fit to accept this particular race of demons as citizens. For years they've been trying but to no avail."

"So Buffy and Xander are hunting them?"

"Yes, only the males. There have been so many killings lately that the race is close to extinction. She doesn't completely trust Riley's motives but she is helping him none the less, or, at least letting it look like she's helping until she can find out more."

"Good. At least she's being careful."

"As well should you. I can't tell you what to do Willow, but if you allow her to see you."

"I know, Giles. I'm more and more convinced that it was the best idea to go to L.A. with Angel and Cordelia. I feel a little better already. Cordy's been great."

"I never thought I'd hear you say her name and great in the same breath." He laughed.

"I know. Its weird. Everything is fine. You'll call Angel when you find out more?"

"Yes. How long do you three plan on staying there?"

"Not too long. I think Angel's going to lurk around some more tonight to see what he can find out. Cordy and I have been put under house arrest."

"Good. Take care of yourself, would you?"

"I will. Angel and Cordy have been doing a good job of that too. Bye Giles!" She shut the phone off and was running through all the information in her mind.

"So?"

She jumped. "Angel! God, do I have to put bells on you?"

He smirked. "No, sorry. What did Giles say?"

"Come on and sit. You two are not going to believe this." They all sat down on the couch.

-----------

"So this guy. She dated him in college?"

"Yes."

"And now they're together again?"

"No. They broke up two years ago. They both thought it was for the best. She hasn't been with anyone since then. She is roommates with Xander though, if you can believe that."

"I believe it." He smiled.

"Riley was. . .he was kind of the last straw. They both had the same ends but their means clashed. She's all theory thanks to Giles and he's all science thanks to the government."

"I see."

"So if the Initiative is closing down and moving camp then this must be their final project here in Sunnydale." She fell into thought for a moment. "They're killing babies, Angel. It's so horrible. Half-demon or not, how could anyone live with themselves?"

He shook his head. "It's more of a job to them. They don't see the human side of it, the side with emotions and feelings. They just see them as. . .what do they call them again?"

"HST's. So what are we gonna do?"

"I'm going to stick around and see what else I can find out. You two can head back to L.A. Check on Wesley and the couple, make sure they don't need anything and that they're safe. Cordelia knows where the petty cash is. I'll drive you to the airstrip. An old friend of mine owes me a favor."

"Private jet?" Cordelia chimed in.

"No. Helicopter. It's not much, but you'll be back in L.A. in an hour or so." He got up from the couch. "Why don't you get your stuff together. I want to drop you off within the hour."

They agreed and headed off to the bedroom. Cordelia emerged from the room after a few minutes and approached Angel. "Hey."

"Hey. How is she?"

She shrugged. "Okay. It was bad, Angel, wasn't it? I mean she told me some of it but. . ."

"Really bad. Never in 246 years did I ever. . "

"I know. I mean I don't know everything, but I know enough to know."

"You're good for her." He smiled. Good for me too.>

"You think? I'm trying to be her friend but it's a little hard. There's so much mucky stuff to get through from the past. You know?"

He nodded. All too well.> "Cordelia. If she can forgive me for what I did to her then she can forgive you."

"I do. Forgive you I mean."

He smiled sadly. "But, Cordy. . .if I ever, I mean. . "

"If you ever I swear you would so be fertilizing my plants!"

He chuckled. "Good to know."

Willow came out of the bedroom with bags in tow. "You two ready?"

They nodded and Cordelia walked past her. "I just have to grab my bags."

"Give me a half-hour and we'll go. I have something to take care of first." He walked out the door.

Willow shook her head. "Always the mystery man."

--------------

"Damn it! I should have known better than to trust her." He was standing in the spot she stood last night. There were signs that someone had been there. A fire pit, footprints that weren't theirs. Had he been more careful he would have noticed it last night. Now the demons were far ahead of them.

"I don't know. I find her kind of trustworthy."

He turned. "Show yourself. Who are you?"

He stepped out from behind a tree. "A friend."

"I don't need a friend."

"Didn't say I was yours." He walked closer so they were about three feet apart. "There's more to this than you know."

"How do you know what I know?"

"You should back off of this one, Riley. It's no concern of yours."

"How do you know my name? Who the hell are you?" He stepped forward and looked at his face closer. "You're not human."

"That's right. I'm not human and you've forgotten how to act like one. Killing babies? I'd figure you for a humanitarian, not a murderer."

"They're demon spawn, not children. Small HST's that may seem harmless now, but when they reach adulthood. . .why am I explaining this to you?"

"He has a way of getting people to open up. It's one of his better qualities." Buffy stepped out from behind some bushes.

Angel turned. "Buffy."

Riley looked back and forth between them. "You know each other?"

Xander stepped out from behind the bush too. "Dead boy. Should have known." He pulled a stake out from his pocket.

"Xander." Angel nodded his head to the boy. "And could you not call me that?"

Buffy tried to ignore their exchange. "You look good."

Angel looked at her. "You too."

"Could someone please tell me what's going on?" Riley yelled and they all looked at him. He moved over next to Buffy. "You two know this. . . .vampire?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. . .he's an old, um, acquaintance."

Angel winced at her words. "I know what you're doing, Finn, you and your military boys."

"Good. Could you clue us in cuz we're a little confused." Xander added.

"Killing babies." Angel said.

Riley shook his head. "Demons. HST's. . .not children." He turned to Buffy. "You were there, you witnessed a birth. They come out. . ."

"Demon born, human raised. You're not giving them a chance to become human." Angel interjected. "It stops now. You won't hurt them, I won't let you."

"And who's gonna stop me?"

"I am." He walked over next to Angel. "Sorry it took so long, mate, you suck with directions."

Riley threw his hands up in frustration. "Hostile 17?" He turned to Buffy. "Are you on a first name basis with all the HST's in this town?"

She laughed. "No, just these two." She turned. "Spike. Good to see you. I think."

Angel turned to Riley. "I want to make a deal with you. Give me a week and you won't see the Badahu demons again. Unless of course you want to."

"The Initiative wants them wiped out. They're a threat to the community."

Spike stepped in front of them. "They're no threat to you, you wanker! They're just trying to live their lives. They didn't expect to be hunted down and send into extinction. Now you've got the Slayer involved and I'll bet you didn't even tell her the whole story."

"Spike." Angel warned behind him.

"So that's the whole story? They're peaceful, not hostile, and you still want them dead." Buffy turned accusingly to Riley. "And you were gonna tell us this when?"

"Look, I have a job to do, the less you knew the better. . ."

"And I have a job to do too." Angel interjected. "These people are under my protection and you won't harm them. You give me a week and you'll never see them again."

Riley shook his head. "They're not people, they're animals like you. You don't know what your asking."

"I do know and it's not that hard. Just continue to follow Buffy on these wild goose chases. After a week she can start to really track them. If she can't find them, you never will."

He looked at Angel and stepped up to him until they were nose to nose. "A week. Then they're fair game."

"Good choice."

"Was there really any other?" He narrowed his eyebrows.

"Yeah. . ." He shifted into game face. ". . .but I don't think you would have liked it." He stepped back, gave one last look to Buffy and walked away with Spike two steps behind him.

He turned to Buffy and she shook her head. "Don't. Just don't."

"Fine. I'm going. I have some fake demons to track." He walked away.

"Coming Buff?" Xander said from behind her.

"No. I'll do a quick sweep then be home in time for Nightline. I need to get rid of some of this energy." She smiled at him. "Save me some donuts."

They walked off in opposite directions.

---------------

"Where the hell is he? I wanna get out of this one Starbucks town already." Cordelia was standing at the window, looking out into the darkness.

"He's not gonna get here any faster if you stand there. It'll only seem like it's taking longer." Willow was stretched out on the couch, flipping through a magazine.

She walked over to the couch and finally sat down. "I just don't like it that we could get caught. Buffy and Xander. . ."

"They're probably at home watching TV and eating left over donuts."

"He went to see her you know."

Willow looked up. "I know, and neither one of us could have stopped him."

On cue, Angel walked in and tossed his keys on the table. He stomped to the refrigerator and pulled out a packet of blood, poured it into a glass, and drank it down in one gulp. He looked over at them. "What?"

Willow sat up. "First of all, wipe off that face. Second of all, how did you think you'd feel after you saw her?"

"I don't know. How did you feel when you saw Oz again?" He meant for it to cut but couldn't stop himself from saying it out loud.

She stood up. "For your information, I never did see Oz again." She walked off to the bedroom.

"Willow. Willow, wait!" He called after her but she closed the door behind her. He took the glass and threw it against the wall, pieces flew all over.

Cordelia glared at him from the couch. "Nice going Mr. Insensitive dead-guy. We're supposed to be helping her not making her feel worse." Cordelia marched off to the room too.

"Tell her I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." He called after her.

She turned. "Tell her yourself. That is if she can ever look you in the face again." She opened the door and walked in, locking it behind her.

---------------

"Will."

She looked up, her eyes blood shot from crying. "I'm okay."

"It was mean."

"It was true. I knew it would hurt him if I said it."

"And he knew he'd hurt you, now you're even."

She nodded. "You know, as much as I hated him for hurting Buffy. . .Now I hate to see him hurt over her. It's like I hate them both for hurting each other." She sighed. "They both mean different things to me."

Cordelia sat down. "I know. I was never close with Buffy but with Angel. . .he broods in his office all day and I know it's over her. I just wish he'd get over it already. Even if it's just a little bit."

"I'm over Oz. . .over his hurting me anyway. . .I'm not crying over that, I just. . ." She shrugged. "Oh, Cordy, it's all so complicated." She reached over to the night stand and took two more pills.

"Don't you have a limit with those things?" She took the bottle and read it. "Take one a day with a glass of milk." She looked at her. "Will, you've taken four today, are you trying to. . "

"No! No way. I've been taking them since, well, for about 6 months now and I think I've built up an immunity to them, that's all." She looked into her eyes. "I'll be fine really. I don't want to hurt myself. Just the opposite."

She brushed some hair away from her face. "Okay." It was a simple, friendly gesture. So then why did it feel so. . .electric. She bent down slowly, never breaking eye contact. She was going to kiss her. Kiss Willow! Never in a million years had she ever thought, well, maybe once or twice, but still. . .

They were startled by a crash from the living room. Cordelia got up and went to the door to peek out. "Damn."

"Cordy, what is it?" She came up to stand next to her. "Damn. Xander."

"Stay here. He can't see you but he can see me." She walked out and closed the door behind her.

Angel was in game-face against the wall. Xander had him pinned there with a loaded crossbow to his chest.

"Xander. Don't kill my dead boss!"

He looked over at her shocked. It was just enough time for Angel to grab the crossbow and break it in two across his knee.

"What are you doing here?" He looked between Angel and Cordelia. "You're not. . .I mean you couldn't be. . ." He made a face.

"No, Xander. Unlike you I don't want to sleep with every woman I'm friends with." Angel commented.

"We work together. Hello? Or have you not been reading the letters I've sent you?" Her hands were on her hips and she was fast changing into bitch Cordelia mode. "or haven't you learned to read yet you big oaf?!"

"Cordy, I just wanted. . ."

"You just wanted to storm in here with half a brain like you always do and try to hurt Angel. He's trying to help you and Buffy."

Xander turned to Angel. "He can help Buffy by staying away. Far away."

Angel straightened up. "I came here for information. I got it so now I'm leaving. I hope you'll be doing the same."

He looked around the room and noticed the bags. He bent down and upon closer inspection found something very familiar. "This! This is Willows! It's a mini-beanie baby frog key chain! I gave it to her before she went to England! Where is she?" He Made a beeline for the bedroom. "Will?! Willow?!"

He searched the bedroom, the closets, the bathroom, the kitchen and even under the couch. She was no where to be found. He stepped over to Angel and dangled the key chain in front of his face. "Where did you get this?"

Cordelia snatched it from his hand. "It's mine. They're a dime a dozen at the novelty stores in L.A. Xander. God, forget Mel Gibson, they should have cast you for the Conspiracy Theory!"

"I just thought. . .and then, well. Never mind. I just leave while I still have some of my dignity intact." He walked out the door and Cordelia watched him as he rounded the corner towards his apartment. She closed the door and turned to Angel. "That was close."

"Too close, but. . .where's Willow?" They headed to the bedroom and Angel called out. "He's gone. You can come out now."

"A little help here guys." They looked up and saw some red hair peeking out from the top of the canopy. Angel shook his head. "How did you get up there?"

She looked down and rolled her eyes. "Don't ask. Just get me off of this thing."

With a little maneuvering, Willow managed to step down onto Angel's shoulders. She wobbled a little and sent them both crashing to the floor with a resounding thud. She sat up and rubbed her shoulder. "Thanks."

He rubbed his head. "Don't mention it. Ever."

Cordelia was suppressing a grin. "I don't know. I'd give you a six for form but the dismount gets a two." They all laughed.

Angel got up and put his hand out to help Willow. "Willow, I. . ."

She nodded. "Me too." And she reached over and hugged a very surprised vampire.

"I'd hate to break up this touching Hallmark moment but I really want to leave. As in an hour ago?" She walked out of the room.

Angel looked after her. "Meow. What's with her?"

"I don't know." She grabbed Angel's arm. "Come on." She stopped short and turned to him. "Meow?" He shrugged and walked out of the room.

---------------------

"Xander!"

"I know. You don't have to remind me how incredibly stupid it was. I got that part, trust me."

"I can't believe you. As much as it freaks me out to know he's here, he was only trying to help. From what it sounded like, he's been involved longer than we have."

"It just. . .man it kills me how that guy gets to you!" He was pacing around the room. "And to have both of them there, within like two feet of each other. . ."

"I was wiggin, believe me. Major wiggs going on." She was sitting on the couch all balled up with her chin resting on her knees.

He stopped short and looked over at her. . .really looked at her. She looked so sad, so lost. It just wasn't fair – the hell these guys put her though. He walked over to the couch and sat down next to her quietly. Gently, he put his hand on her shoulder. "You okay, Buffy?"

"Why is it that every guy I've slept with turned evil?"

His eyes went wide. "What?!"

She looked up at him. "I'm serious, Xand. Angel turned all grr after my little after hours private birthday party. . .then Parker couldn't even look at me the next day. . .then Riley goes all psycho ubber-commando suspicious guy when Walsh died." She got quiet a moment then continued. "He still blames me for it, you know. He may not say it, but I know. . ."

"You don't know that. Angel was, well, there's no other way of putting it, but Angel was a mistake. Slayers and vampires don't mix." He put his arm around her. "Parker was a guy. . .the ultimate sex seeking nasty guy that gives us love seeking guys a bad name." She laughed a little and he continued. "Riley. Riley is and always be a military guy in the truest form. He's all ethics and there's only black and white where he's concerned. He could never understand the many colors and layers that is the one and only Buffy Summers. Not even if he tried."

She looked up at him and sniffled. He reached over and handed her a tissue. "Thanks." She smiled at him.

"Hey, don't give me that look. I don't understand you either sometimes." He gave her a squeeze. "Make that most of the time. I can't explain you to you, Buff. You're the only one that can figure that out."

She blew her nose. "How did you get so smart?"

He gave her a goofy smile. "Guess I did it when you weren't watchin."

She shook her head. "No. I've watched, I've noticed. You've grown a lot since high school."

He shrugged. "You gotta be wise to stay alive, I guess. In Sunnydale anyway. . .you gotta keep one step ahead of those crazy vampires." He smiled down at her.

"See, there. . .then you revert back to the wise-cracking fool that wandered the halls with me and I wonder how you made it this far. I don't know how you do it."

He got up and grabbed a soda from the fridge and leaned against the counter. "I'm a man of mystery I guess."

She walked over to him. "No, no more men of mystery in my life. I wanna live mystery free from here on out." She hugged him and pressed her head against his chest. "Just be Xander."

He put one arm around her. "The jury's in. Just plain old Xander it is."

"Not plain. You may not know it, but you have a lot going for you."

He chuckled. "Yeah, lots. I live in the converted attic of my best friend's mother's house, I don't have a steady job, my love life is non existent and I don't know where my next meal is coming from or where my life is going. I don't even know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, never mind the rest of my life." He shook his head and put his other arm around her. "I have lots goin on. . .bunches even."

She looked up at him. "Don't sell yourself short. You'll figure it out soon enough. In the mean time, you've got me."

He looked at the seriousness in her eyes. He wasn't sure where it came from, or how it got there, but it had to go. Now. She just couldn't look at him like that. Now. He pulled away from her and stretched. "What do you say we go to bed. It's been a really long night."

She frowned from the loss of contact but agreed. "Okay. Turn the lights off and walk me to my room."

He smiled. "As always." After hitting the last light he stopped in front of her door. "Night Buff."

She kissed his cheek. "Night roomie." Then closed the door.

Before heading off to bed, Xander went to the bathroom for a quick shower. A very cold one. He hadn't had those feelings for Buffy since high school and that was five, almost six years ago. . .it made him uneasy. He got out, put his boxers on and went to his room.

As he put his clothes away, he thought about their situation. It was really nice of Buffy's mom to let him live there. As long as he had helped with construction, she converted the attic to an apartment for them – complete with a separate entrance. Buffy lived with him, that way she was living on her own, but her mother still got to keep an eye on her, and him.

It made him smile. After Xander had shown up to Buffy and Willow's graduation with a black eye, he'd told her everything and she refused to let him go home again. He couldn't ask for a better situation.

He climbed into bed and began to fall asleep. There was a knock on the door. He sat up.

"Xander? You still awake?"

He sighed. "I am now. Come on in."

She opened the door tentatively and whispered. "Sorry. I couldn't sleep." She looked around awkwardly. It was her house, but she'd never been inside Xander's room before. "Can I come in?"

He nodded. "Sure. Something on your mind." He looked at her with concern. "Bad dreams? Boogieman?"

She smiled and sat down on his bed. "No, I just couldn't sleep. I guess seeing Angel got me worse than I thought." She looked around. Not typical Xander. "You cleaned? Not that I've ever been in here before, but. . ."

"Yeah. I had a little pent up energy I had to get rid of."

"Oh."

"Buffy, I"

"Can I stay with you?"

"Huh?"

She moved closer to him. "Can I stay? I don't want to be alone tonight."

"Uh."

She laughed. "Xander, say something. If this is too weird for you then,"

"Yes."

She got up and turned towards the door. "Oh."

He reached up and grabbed her arm. "I meant yes to the you can stay part. Not the weird part."

Silently she climbed into bed next to him. He pulled the covers up over them and tried to relax. Breath Harris. Just remember to breath.>

"Xander?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime." He put his arm around her and she instinctively snuggled closer. They fell asleep a few minutes later.

--------------

The cab ride from the heli-port was short and they were back in Cordelia's apartment in no time. She made a quick call to Wesley to make sure everything was alright and tell him that Angel wasn't going to open the office tomorrow. She hung up with him and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Willow watched her as she went from the kitchen to the living room, used the phone, and back to the kitchen again. Something was definitely bothering her. They hadn't said two words to each other the whole ride back to L.A.

She crept into the kitchen and came up next to her. "Hey."

"Hi." She continued to look straight ahead.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"You haven't said anything since we left Sunnydale."

Silence. She took a sip of water.

She put her hand on her arm and felt the other girl stiffen. "If something's bothering you then. . ."

"I'm fine, Willow." She looked over at her.

"That's not what your eyes are telling me."

"And what are they telling you?"

She swallowed hard. "That you either regret what passed between us or you regret that we got interrupted by Xander. Either way, you're wigged."

"You're not?"

She shook her head. "Impossible."

Now she was confused. "How's that?"

She held up her hand. "This. It's enchanted. It keeps my emotions in check and helps me keep a level head. It's called the Gem of NoiTome. Legend had it that Zeus himself wore it." She smiled and walked to the fridge. "Anyway, it was given to me by my mentor. It keeps me clear headed and helps with my studies."

"Take it off."

She turned back to her, shocked. "Cordy, I can't."

"Why not?" She walked up to her. "Is it welded to your hand or something?"

"No. I actually only just put it back on when we got to Sunnydale. I thought I'd need it."

"Then. . ." She motioned to Willow's hand. "I may not know you as well as Buffy does, or even Xander, but I do know you well enough to know that you're a creature of emotions and feelings. It's what drives you. . .makes you special. With that on, you're just analytical and, cold. Kind of like a man, and that is so not right."

She had to laugh at the comparison. She took the ring off and put it in her pocket. "Better?" Cordelia nodded. Without a word, Willow walked into the living room and sat down.

Cordelia came in a few minutes later with a tray. On it was a bottle of wine, two glasses and some chips. "I thought we could use these after the day we had."

Willow nodded her head. "Absolutely."

They talked and drank well into the night. Cordelia told her everything that happened to her since she got to L.A. and Willow told her about studying with the Council in England. Cordelia wanted to know more about the attack but didn't push her on it. Willow finally found out what made Cordelia different. It was when she slept with that rich guy her friend set her up with and became pregnant with demon babies. It made her realize just who her friends are and that list started with. . .

"Angel and Wesley. They were great with everything and as always, Angel came rushing through the door at the last moment and saved the day."

"That's horrible. He used you."

"Yes, and it took me a while to get over it but Angel and Wesley were great. Angel even gave me two days off, paid. I don't know what I would have done without them."

"You're lucky to have each other."

Cordelia nodded her head in agreement. She looked at the table. "Man, we sure did put them away, didn't we?"

Willow looked over at the table. "Yeah. Four each. I think that's a new personal record."

"You don't drink much do you?"

Willow shook her head. "And you?"

She looked down at her hands. "Well I drink, uh. . .barely ever."

"Ha. You're even less of a lush than I am. At least I have scotch with Giles every night after dinner."

She made a face. "Yuck."

"It's an acquired taste." She leaned in close to her and whispered. "I water mine down to kill the taste, but don't tell Giles."

"I won't. It's our secret." They were close. So close, Cordelia could smell the wine on her breath and feel the air pass her lips. It was warm.

Willow blinked and realized how close they were. The color rose in her cheeks. "Sorry." She started to move back but Cordelia stopped her.

"Willow."

She looked at her lips, her hair, even her cheeks. Anywhere but her eyes. The eyes were the windows to the soul after all and Willow wasn't sure if she wanted to open that window just yet. "Yeah?"

"Before. . .at Angel's. . .would you have? I mean. . ."

"I don't know. Maybe." She leaned over towards her shoulder and Cordelia put her arm out so she could lean against her. "I've never before. Ever. I've thought about it but. . ."

"I haven't either."

"I don't have it in me to love anyone just yet. Not the way they'd deserve to be. The things I've seen, the things I've been through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

"Once upon a time that was me." She was stroking her hair.

"Yeah. . .and here we are." She reached over and touched her arm lightly.

"Here we are." She echoed.

Willow looked up at her and saw the sadness there, the hurt. She reached up and touched her cheek and felt Cordelia smile under her hand. "Sad?"

She shook her head and whispered. "Scared."

"Me too." Willow whispered back. "There's a lot of baggage behind these eyes. More than you know."

"Same here." Cordelia began to lean down. "Lots of it."

Willow began to lean up closer to her. Instinctively they closed their eyes as their lips met. It was soft and warm, mingled with the taste of wine. They kissed long enough to get used to it but not long enough to get worked up.

Willow opened her eyes. "That was nice."

Cordelia nodded. "Didn't suck."

Willow smiled. "It was sweet." She kissed her again.

"And warm." Kiss.

"Soft." Kiss.

"But not gross." Kiss.

Willow smiled again. "No, not gross." She kissed her again with a little more confidence and Cordelia responded in turn. They stayed that way for maybe an hour kissing each other softly, sweetly, whispering about the things they felt and feared. Soon after the last two glasses of wine were gone, they fell asleep snuggled together on the couch.

------------

She made her way down the street quickly. There were things to do, places to see, and she felt like she never had enough time for anything these days. Punching in the key code at the entrance, she waited for the familiar beep to allow her access.

It was brimming with activity this afternoon. People mulled about here and there. She caught clips of conversations, but nothing she'd feel comfortable commenting on. They were here for privacy, after all, and safety. She felt that she could afford them that much.

She quickly made her way to the back office and put her coat up on the hook. Turning around, she caught sight of something she never thought she'd see.

"Angel."

He punched a few more keys on the computer, then turned around and smiled. "Willow. How was your meeting?"

"Fine. How's it going today? When I left, we had three waiting."

"One down, two to go. They don't want to come out just yet I guess."

She smirked. "Who can blame them?"

He nodded in agreement. "Did you see Cordelia on your way through?"

"No. I haven't seen her all day."

"Odd. She went upstairs this morning and I haven't seen her since."

Willow shrugged. "So when does the next bus leave?"

He looked at his watch. "Not until nine. We have time to wait for the two late ones."

"Good. If you need me I'll be over by the rooms." She walked out and went down a hallway. Two short minutes later, she was standing in front of a large window, smiling at the woman laying there. She gave a friendly little wave then walked in. "Looks like someone doesn't want to meet you just yet."

She wiped sweat from her brow. "No. I hope we don't miss the bus."

"You won't. How do you feel?"

"Like I could sleep for a week. I've been in here since 2 am." Just then, her features changed and a monitor at her side began to beep. Doctors and nurses swarmed into the room and Willow was long forgotten. She walked out and stood by the window to watch, out of the way.

It was a good idea. Angel called her a genius, although she could hardly argue with him. She suggested that the warehouse under his office should be converted into a shelter for the Badahu demons who were on the run from the Initiative. Using some of her own expense account and some of the Council's, she set the plan in motion. Within a week, they moved the woman and her demon husband from the motel to the warehouse. It was a close call, but Angel had managed to get the word out and soon they were taking in two and three families a day. Most of the women were pregnant and needed care, and that's when the birthing rooms were set up. Angel was able to keep his word to Riley, and he had kept his word about the Initiative not being involved.

Exactly a week after their meeting in the woods, Buffy started to really track the demons. They were almost caught when Angel made a last minute trip to Sunnydale to pick up two women, but Angel made the excuse to her that he was taking his computer back to L.A. for Wesley. The women cowered in his bedroom while Buffy helped him load up his computer in the car. She watched him drive off and he came back an hour later to get them.

Willow watched with wide eyed wonder as the baby demon was lifted from it's mother. She walked back into the room and produced two identical tags. She tied one to the mother's arm and one to the child's. They found out the hard way that when the demons were born it was almost impossible to tell them apart. She wasn't about to make the same mistake again.

She noted the pointy ears and smiled. "It's a girl. They're just going to take her in to be cleaned off and bring her right back. Congratulations." The woman smiled and thanked her.

Willow turned and picked up the phone. "Angel? Room three. . .it's a girl. . . yeah. . . one to go. . . I'm gonna head upstairs and see what Cordy's up to. . .bye."

Willow walked down a long corridor to the elevator. Three months. Has it really been three months since I got here?> The elevator made it's familiar creak and jolt as it stopped on the second floor.

Willow walked into the back office. Cordelia was nowhere to be found. She walked over to the desk and sat down. Now where could she be?> Noises came from the front office. Happy laughing noises. She got up and peeked through the blinds.

"Thank you for lunch, Joe."

"Anytime, Cordelia." He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll let you know if anything comes up." He lingered a moment and heads out the door.

Willow quickly moved away from the blinds and scampered over to the desk. Cordelia walks in seconds later. "Willow."

She was faking interest in a magazine. "Hi. Lunch date?"

Cordelia walked over and took the magazine from her and put it right side up. "Yeah, you could say that." She smiled and walked over to hang up her coat.

Color crept into Willow's cheeks. "Known him long?"

"I've been seeing him since I got to L.A."

"Oh."

She turned back to Willow and smiled. "Yeah. Joe's a great agent."

"Agent? He's your agent?"

"Yes. Why would you think differently?"

"No reason." She looked around the room, disinterested. This was hard, really hard. Things hadn't progressed past kissing with Cordy and even that was infrequent. She ran so hot and cold all the time and now was no exception. Not in the mood for a fight, Willow got up and headed towards the door. "I'm heading back home. Will you be there soon?"

She opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it. She just nodded and smiled.

Willow gave her one last look and walked out the door.

-------------

"Take that you creep!" Xander had pushed the last vampire back against the mausoleum. Buffy sprang up and drove the stake home. They were covered in dust.

"Man, that guy had to be at least three hundred pounds to produce all this dust."

He shook his hair out. "Yeah. Guess vampires don't discriminate. They turn anyone."

"That was the last of them. Let's head home."

They walked along in silence. The cemetery had been on the other side of town, so it took them about fifteen minutes to reach the Summer's residence.

Xander let out a heavy sigh as he followed Buffy up the stairs to their apartment. "We really need a set of wheels, Buff. . .and maybe even an escalator while I'm thinking of it."

She shook her head. "Exercise is good for you, Xand."

"Hey, I exercise. Plenty."

She opened the door and hung the keys up. "Yeah. It's a long trip from the couch to the fridge and back again. You must be exhausted."

He began to creep up behind her. "Oh, ha ha. . .the Slayer thinks she's doing stand up now." He grabbed her around the waist and they fell to the couch. "Let's see how funny she thinks she is up against the tickle monster!"

They struggled on the couch, then the floor. Finally, Buffy had had enough so she pulled her legs back and gave him one swift shove. He flew across the room and landed on top of the table that was against the wall – breaking it in half.

She scrambled over to him. "Xand! Are you okay? I am so sorry!"

He laid there in a heap for a few moments then sat up, shaking his head. "Okay and ouch." He reached up and touched the bump forming on his head.

She reached over and touched it and he winced.

"Rule number one with injuries. . .no touching."

She pouted. "I didn't mean to do it. Here, let me get you an ice pack." She got up and headed to the kitchen.

He made his way over to the couch and there was a knock on the door. "Come in."

"What happened here?"

Buffy turned. "Mom. Sorry if we woke you."

"Yeah. We were just horsin' around. Sorry." Xander gave her a sheepish grin.

She wasn't amused. "Clean up this mess before you go to bed."

"Yes ma'am."

"Sorry mom. Guess I don't know my own strength."

Joyce shook her head and closed the door behind her.

Buffy walked over to the couch, sat down and put the ice pack to his head. "I am sorry, Xander."

He nodded. "I know. No big. I should know better than to unleash the tickle monster on the Slayer. I'm gonna get myself staked one of these days."

"I would never stake you. You're my bud."

He smiled and reached for the remote. They watched TV for a while and after going through the channels another six times, decided it was time to turn in. They got up and stretched.

"Lights, Xand."

He walked her to her room and smiled. "I forgot to tell you. I got a letter from Willow today."

"Yeah, me too. She sounds really happy out there."

"Yeah. They're keeping her busy though."

Buffy's expression saddened. "I miss my Willow-shaped friend."

He nodded. "Me too. It's almost a year and a half. The longest we've been apart was in the fifth grade when I got the chicken pox."

"Yeah? I think the longest we were apart was that summer I took off. Three months." She shrugged.

"Longest three months of my life." His head shot up to gauge her reaction. "For Will and I. . .I meant." He added as an afterthought.

"I know what you meant." She reached up and straightened his collar unnecessarily. She smoothed out the fabric of his shirt against his chest and left her hands there. "I always know what you mean. Even when you don't say it."

He took a deep breath. "So, we should, uh. . ."

She looked up at him. "Yeah, I guess we should. . ."

He reached up and touched her wrists. "I'm going to have an incredibly adult thought here and say I need to go to my room. Now."

He moved to go but she still hung on. "Xand."

He shook his head and looked at her sadly. "We can't." He whispered.

"Why?"

"Because it's not forever with you and I know that. It's just for now. . .until another Angel or Riley comes along."

"Nothing is forever."

"Buffy." He sighed.

"Even the big bad Slayer needs someone to chase the monsters away. . .even if it's only for a little while." She touched his cheek.

"See? You said you need someone. Not that you need me."

"I do need you Xander. . .I always have."

"But not like this. Never before, so why now?"

She placed her head against his chest. "This is going to sound like the worst cliché in the world, but I'm lonely and so are you. Why should we be alone if we can have each other?"

He lifted her chin so he could look at her. "Because it would only be for now. . .and I don't think I could live like that."

She smiled sadly and nodded. "Stay with me? Just sleep like last time."

----------

Willow walked through the door and looked around the apartment. There was no sign of Cordy. She half expected her to be perched on the couch ready to give the 'mom' lecture about going out in the city alone and questioning her as to her whereabouts. She wasn't sure if she was glad or angry she hadn't waited up.

She put her keys on the table and removed her coat. Walking to the kitchen, she saw a glass of water and two pills float towards her. "Thanks Dennis." She looked at the pills. "Aspirin?" She felt her hand nudge towards her mouth. "Okay, okay . . .I'll take them." She put them in her mouth and washed them down with water.

"Where have you been?" Cordelia's disembodied voice came from the kitchen table.

Willow turned on the lights. "I didn't see you sitting there. I was out."

Her arms were crossed and she showed no surprise. "I see."

Willow rolled her eyes. "I can go out alone, Cordy. I'm not a teenager and I don't have a curfew."

She looked hurt. "I know." She stood up and moved closer. "I was worried, I guess." She shrugged.

"I took a walk around the city to clear my head. I stopped into this little hole in the wall bar, had a few drinks, and walked back here."

"I didn't ask for an explanation."

She turned and walked away. "Well, you got one."

Cordelia followed her. "What's with the 'tude?"

She turned. "Nothing. I . . I think it's time I go back to England."

"What?" She gave her an incredulous look.

"I can finish my therapy sessions in England. There's really nothing left for me to do here. I helped Angel set up the clinic and I think it's time for me to go."

"Willow."

"Cordy, can we just not? There's nothing for me here except stress and aggravation. I don't need it."

"That's all this trip has been to you? Stressful?" She couldn't believe her ears.

She turned her back. "Honestly? Yes. . .I can't do this with you, I'm not up for it. I can't argue, can't stand here and watch you run hot and cold, can't wonder what you're thinking all the time. It's too hard."

She was silent.

Willow turned to her. "This isn't what I'm here for, Cordy. I'm here to get better. . .to try and feel safe and comfortable in my skin again." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "You're not helping."

"I'm not trying not to help." Her voice cracked. "Just the opposite." She crossed the room and stood in front of her. "I. . .God, this is hard."

She nodded. "I know. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to. . ."

She silenced her with a finger across her lips. "Don't." Willow closed her eyes. "Do you think this is easy for me? To stand by and watch you go through this, alone? Well, it's not." She stepped back and walked over to the fireplace. "You wake up screaming every morning in a cold sweat and all I can offer you is a cold washcloth. You come home from therapy or late from the warehouse and sit in your bed and cry yourself to sleep. I don't know what to do."

Willow listened to everything she had to say. Truth be told, she never expected that what she was going through would have an effect on Cordelia. In hindsight, how couldn't it affect her? She walked up behind her and placed her hand on her shoulder. "Cordy."

"Don't, Will. You shouldn't be comforting me over your problems." She turned around to face her. "I'm not good at this stuff."

Willow smiled. "You can say that again."

"Hey!"

"But now that we know what the other is thinking. . .it might be easier."

"You mean you'll stay?"

She nodded and hugged her. "Hmm, a heart to heart with Cordelia Chase. The surprises just keep coming." She felt the other girl stiffen. She pulled away. "Hey, I was just kidding."

She looked down. "I know, but, could you not?"

Willow reached out and touched her face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean. . ."

"I'm sorry too." She closed her eyes and leaned into the hand that cupped her cheek but pulled away after a few moments.

Willow's hand dropped. "Why'd you do that?"

"Willow, I think. . . I think we're both really tired and we need to go to bed." She walked away into the bedroom.

Willow stood there for a few moments contemplating her actions. Every time she and Cordy had a 'moment', something happened that sent them back further from where they started. She followed into the bedroom a few minutes later, gathered her pajama's and sat down on the edge of Cordelia's bed. She'd figured out a way to approach this. "Cordy, can I ask you a question?"

She sat up in bed. "Sure. Go ahead."

"Do you. . .well, I was wondering if you felt, you know, funny, about us, kissing?"

"Funny how?"

She shook her head and got up. "I don't know how to explain it." She turned away and took off her shirt. "I guess what I'm trying to say . . ."

"Oh my God!" She gasped.

Willow turned around and saw the look on her face. "What? What's wrong?" She rushed over next to her. "Cordy, what is it?"

---------------

He nodded and followed her into the room. He'd have to be nuts to do this again. He remembered the last time they slept together. He woke up entangled in limbs that definitely weren't his and had to stay in the shower for two hours that morning. No, sleeping wasn't the problem. It was the waking up part that did him in. To wake up next to her, smell her hair, feel how soft her skin was and the rhythmic breathing. .. .

"Xand? You coming?"

He shook himself out of his thoughts and climbed into bed next to her.

She snuggled in next to him and placed her hand on his chest. "My bed's bigger than your bed." She whispered in a sing-song voice.

He had to laugh. "It's not the size of the bed but what you do with it and that was so grade school by the way."

She was rubbing tiny circles into his chest. "Just being silly, I guess."

He noticed his breathing change. "Yeah. . .ha ha. . barrel of laughs the Slayer is."

Her hand moved down to his stomach and she felt him go stock still. "Xand?"

"Mmm?" He managed.

"Do you think I'm attractive?"

He let out his breath. "Of course! Why do you ask?"

She looked up at him. "In case you hadn't noticed, I've pulled out everything I know to try and get you to kiss me and you still won't do it. Are you gay?"

He laughed nervously. "No, Buffy, no. . " He fell silent in thought for a moment. "I don't want to ruin our friendship. It's the best thing I have going for me and I don't want to lose it."

"What if I promised you that wouldn't happen? What if I told you that you'd never lose me, even if you tried really, really hard?"

"You can't promise that." He said dryly.

She sat up and looked at him. "I guess that wouldn't be fair." She ran her fingers through his dark locks. "I love you. . .in a Xander way."

He smiled. "And I love you in a Buffy way."

---------------

"Will, your. . .your back and your, your arms."

Willow's head fell. She'd almost forgotten about that. Almost. She was so worried about talking to Cordelia that she'd started to change in front of her absentmindedly. "It's not a big deal." She said, embarrassed.

She swung her feet out of bed and slid over next to Willow. "But Will. . ."

"It's okay, Cordy. They don't hurt." She shrugged. "Not anymore anyway." She saw the concern on her face. "It's okay. You can touch them."

Across Willow's back were five long scar lines from her shoulders to her waist. They were set in such a way that Cordelia could tell that it had been long, sharp nails that had done it. Across her arms, right above both of her wrists was one long scar on each arm. There were probably fifteen, even twenty smaller scars from stitches. She gently touched the raised skin there. "I didn't know. . ."

"Only Giles does. And the doctor he took me to after the attack. I wouldn't let any of the other watchers near me. Finally I agreed to go to a doctor, but only if Giles took me. He took the first flight he could get."

Cordelia looked at her back again and touched the scars there. They were still raised and even the untrained eye could tell the attack had been recent. Gently, she placed a light kiss on Willow's shoulder.

She flinched. "Cordy, don't." She got up quickly and put her nightshirt on.

"Why not?"

"Cause it's gross. You shouldn't. . ."

"It's a part of you. I don't think you're gross. Far from it in fact." She stood and walked towards her.

Willow put her hand out to stop her. "Answer me this one question. I've been here for over three months and we've kissed a few times but when I think it's going somewhere you stop. Why?"

Cordelia reached out and took Willow's hand in her own. "Because I don't want to hurt you and I don't want you to think I'm using you. I, Willow. . .I just want you to feel safe. I feel like, if I push you too far, I'm going to hurt you and that's the last thing I want."

Willow looked up at her. "I came here because the Council was driving me insane! All of a sudden they didn't know what to say around me, they didn't know how to act. God, even Giles was walking on egg shells when I was around." She smiled. "It's sweet of you, really. . .but I'm not made of glass, you're not gonna break me." As if to demonstrate her point she kissed her. It was firm and certain. She ran her tongue along the edge of her lip and was met with a small gasp from the girl in front of her. Willow pulled her in closer and entangled her fingers in thick, chocolate colored hair. She broke the kiss and gave a little smirk. "See? I didn't break."

She was taken back by the kiss. She hadn't been prepared for it or for the feelings it brought to the surface. She blushed and whispered. "Yeah. . I see that now." She pressed her forehead against Willow's. "I'm just afraid. I've never done this before and with all you've been through." She shrugged. "I guess I'm scared of how you'll react. . .and I have scars too and I don't just mean emotional ones." She stepped back and pulled up her shirt. There, Willow saw a thick line that was about three inches long. Cordelia turned around and on her back was another scar, just as bad.

Willow whispered. "From the mansion."

She nodded and walked back over to her. "So I could never be grossed out from something that I have too. It's a part of me and will probably always be there. Even after I get them removed." She leaned in and kissed her. They'd had enough of talking enough of the 'what if's' and worries. She spoke to her through her kisses, through her touch.

They somehow wound up on the bed. As each kiss grew in intensity, Willow became suddenly panicked and pulled back for air. "Cordy. . .wait."

"Okay." She stated simply. "Nothing will happen unless you want it to."

Willow leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. After a few moments she whispered. "Thank you."

Cordelia leaned up and kissed her on the forehead. "For what?"

"For letting me feel like I have a choice. It means a lot."

"You do. Always."

Willow sighed and turned to her. Tears were beginning to make an appearance. "Cordy, I just want to feel better. I want to be able to feel something, anything. . .other than this tightness in my stomach all the time. I feel so numb inside and I feel like if I just keep pushing along, someday I'll be able to feel the good things again. Do you know what I mean?"

She wiped a tear away and smiled. "I do. I think sometimes that it's better to feel guilt or anger or even that knot in my stomach because it's better than feeling nothing at all." She kissed her cheek. "Will, can you let me? I mean, will you?"

She nodded and it was all the incentive Cordelia needed. She kissed her with a growing passion and intensity that she'd hardly experienced before. The kiss was designed to conquer and tame. They each had their own demons to get under control and the thought that they could do it together, for each other, made her happy.

----------

She looked at him. Looked deep into his eyes and saw it. That same look he had in high school. The glittery 'I worship the ground you slay on' glint in his eye. She thought for a moment and decided that he had never really lost it. She bent down and placed a light kiss on his lips. Maybe it was to seduce him, maybe it was because he was just Xander as always, and maybe it was for that look in his eye. She really couldn't decide and didn't want to right at that moment. She felt his hand come up and touch her shoulder. Not to push her away, but to draw her in. In one fluid movement, she stratled him and put all her weight on him, covering his body with her own.

He couldn't believe this was happening. Kissing Buffy, Buffy on top of him, Buffy's hands in his hair, on his skin. Every thought, every doubt, flew out of his head as she moved to lay on him. She was tiny and weighed less than he'd ever imagined. How a body like this took a beating night after night and still had the presence it had. . .the thought sent a shiver down his spine.

She felt him shutter and broke the kiss. "Is this. . .okay?" He'd forgotten how to speak, so he just nodded. "Because as much as I want this, you're right. I don't want to lose what we have. I don't want to hurt you, or us."

He touched her cheek. "We'll be okay. I have a newsflash for you." He pulled her down and kissed her lightly. "I fell for you a long time ago and I know you don't feel the same."

"Xand. . ."

"Shh. . .I need to say this. So if this is what you want. . .if this is what you need, then it's yours. If this is all I have to offer you. . .the right now and for now, well then. . .How can I deny you anything?"

"That's so sweet, Xander."

----------

Willow gave in to all the feelings coursing through her body. She rose to each caress and got lost in each kiss. This felt good, felt better than anything had in a long time and she wasn't about to give in to the fear she knew would settle in later. Having gone through what she had in the past year, it was about time she started feeling good, feeling loved. She used a few well placed touches of her own and when Cordelia responded it made her smile. She'd done that, she made her feel good, her body was responding to the things that Willow did and she began to feel like she was in more control of things. She held on to the body beside her like a lifeline. If only somehow, someway she could feel safe again then everything would be alright. Forever.

------------

He smiled and pulled her into another kiss. He felt more confident and in control. With each kiss, each touch, he allowed himself to get lost in her. He swam in her eyes and reveled at the softness of her skin. It was the stuff that dreams were made of, his dreams. She didn't love him, not the way he'd desperately hoped she would, but she did love him in her own way. . .she'd said she loved him in a Xander way and he supposed that it was good enough. For now.

------------

She heard the sound. Flesh being split. She heard it before she felt it. . .she wasn't sure she was able to feel anything. They were feeding off of her, trying to keep her weak. She struggled even harder and began to scream. She actually thought sound had come out of her throat. . .she hoped.

She opened her eyes and he was there. He was grinning through those awful, twisted teeth. He was larger in demon form, more ominous. There was a black collar around his neck and black leather bindings on his wrists. As much as the sight of him made her stomach roil, she memorized him, every feature, every detail. He'd pay for this. . .and pay, and pay, and pay. He covered her body with his own easily and she felt smothered and gasped for air. She felt his coarse hands on her shoulders. . .arms . . .stomach. . .waist. . . .leg. Then she felt her skirt hike up and knew what was happening. He laughed evilly at her struggling, it was no use.

She screamed right into his face and he slapped her. She tasted the blood, the metallic taste across her lips. With one thrust he entered her and she screamed again.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" She bolted up in bed and franticly looked around.

Cordelia was up in an instant. "Will! Willow, what is it!?"

She was breathing heavy. Her legs were up and she was hugging them tightly, whispering to herself. "Oh, God. . .I remember, I remember, I remember. . ."

Cordelia was at a loss. She reached up and began to stroke Willow's hair gently. After a few moments, Willow leaned over into Cordelia's embrace and sobbed like a frightened teenager.

----------------

Xander was standing in the small kitchen, leaning against the counter. All the lights were off and the street light from outside the window brought the shadows creeping across the floor. He drank down the last of his water and let out a heavy sigh – the sun would be up soon.

He shook his head and smiled sadly. She was gone. He woke up in an empty bed, an empty room. No note, no nothing. It was 5am and he was alone. He silently berated himself for not giving in. They'd come so close, but he couldn't go through with it, couldn't give her what she needed. She'd never asked him for anything, and the one thing he was able to give her, he didn't.

She plastered herself against the wall. She blended into the shadows and brought her hand up to run through her hair. Her arm brushed the keys on the hook and she mentally kicked herself when she saw him jump.

He shifted into a defensive stance and looked around. "Who's there?"

She stepped out. "It's only me, Xander."

He relaxed a little. "Buffy? I thought you, I mean I woke up and you. . ." He shook his head. "Where were you?"

"I went on a little impromptu patrol. Needed to get rid of some pent up energy." She laughed nervously.

He nodded. "I see."

They stood there and looked at each other, the awkward silence hovering in the air.

"Xander, I'm sorry."

"No, I should be sorry." He interrupted. "I let you down. The one thing you needed from me, I couldn't give you."

She crossed the room and stood in front of him. "No, no you didn't. Just the opposite. You made me realize that this isn't what I really want. I don't know what I want. I thought I did, but. . ."

He took her into his arms. "I wish there was something I could do. You're just not you lately. . .you've been different, so sad."

She clung to his shirt. "I know. I've felt like this ever since. . .God, ever since Willow left." Her voice took on a shaky tone. "I didn't think I could miss anyone so much."

"Yeah. I haven't held a steady job since she left. Even though we didn't hang like we used to, she still managed to give me some direction, some incentive to push myself."

She nodded. "Now I'm just stand-still Buffy. We used to talk all night in college. Even though she didn't have to, she'd go on patrol with me. I'd have a horrible dream and there she was, sitting on my bed telling me it would be alright. God, what I wouldn't give to hear her say that."

He moved away from her and rushed into the living room. "Why can't we? Let's call her right now. If we're so miserable, then it's only right that she be miserable too. What are friends for?" He grinned.

Buffy perked up. "Yeah!" She walked over and sat on the couch. "Start dialing!"

------------------

Willow blew her nose for the tenth time. She took the glass of water from the nightstand and drank it down.

"How are you?" Cordelia was leaning against the door of the bedroom.

"Better." She sat up and patted the spot next to her. "Come over here."

She walked over slowly and climbed under the covers.

Willow touched her arm. "Are you okay?"

She let out the breath she wasn't aware of holding. "Yeah, fine . . .great."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this."

Cordelia shook her head. "No. Don't ever be sorry. You're the one going through it, again."

"I remember it."

"I heard you."

"It was awful. I could still feel his hands grabbing me.. His body. . ." She shuddered.

Cordelia put her arm around her. "You never remembered before? I'm sorry, you don't want to talk about it, right?"

"No, it's okay. I remembered bits and pieces, but never this much. Every time I dream it, I remember more and more."

"So you remember everything?"

"Yeah, I think. I always remembered passing out right before. . ."

"Before you were attacked?"

Willow shook her head. She'd never said it before, never had the courage. It was only a word, one little four letter word, but it had this sickening power to it. No word should ever have that much meaning, that much power over someone. "No, before I was. . .before I was raped."

She stiffened.

Willow looked over at her. "I've never said it before. What happened to me. I guess I thought if I didn't say it, it was like it had never happened."

Cordelia felt a tear escape. "I'm, God. . what does someone say to that?"

"Nothing I guess."

Cordelia hugged her. "I'm sorry, Red. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I didn't know, I knew you were attacked but. . ." She pulled away. "Oh, God. . last night."

Willow knew what she meant. "No. Don't even say it, Cordy. I know what your thinking and don't. It's okay."

"But I. . "

"You made me feel loved. You made me feel like I haven't felt in a long time." She kissed her lightly on the lips. "It was special. For the first time in a long time I was thinking about what was happening in the now. . .not in the past."

"Oh, Will."

"Shh. I was with you because I wanted to be. . . and I still want to be if you'll have me, that is. . .I mean I don't want to go back to England just yet and I can still help you and Angel and living here is definitely an upside and."

Cordelia kissed her. Babble mode would have to wait. They snuggled down closer together, touching warm skin, soft hair. The kisses grew more desperate, more passionate. Cordelia could almost here bells going off in her head. Bells, bells, bells. . . "What the hell?"

Willow laughed. "Cordy, the phone."

"God! It's 6am. If this is Angel, I'm gonna go out and buy him a tanning bed." She reached over and picked it up. "Hello?. . .God, do you know what time it is here? . . .six, as in the morning, as in. . . .yeah, she's right here. . .fine." She covered the phone and turned to Willow. "It's Giles. He's having a heart attack. . .not literally, but."

She held out her hand. "Cordy, the phone please?" She kissed her quickly before taking it. "Hello?"

"Willow, good, you're there."

"Where else would I be at six in the morning? Did something happen?"

"No, no. . .I just received a call from Xander."

She sat up. "What? Buffy, is Buffy okay? Did something happen?"

"No, Willow. I. . .I don't know how much longer I can keep them at bay. As far as I know nothing has happened but they're threatening to come here if I don't have you call them."

"God, this is just what I need. I'll call them this afternoon."

"They're not. . .they don't sound right, Willow. They said they were fine, but"

"I'll find out what's going on. I'll call you tonight."

"Yes, that would be fine. Take care."

"Bye, Giles." She hung up the phone and sat there for a few moments in thought.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Xander and Buffy called Giles demanding to talk to me. They said if I don't call soon then they're gonna fly out there and hunt me down themselves."

"God. Obsess much? You're a big girl now, in college and everything. . .you'd think they'd let go already."

"I've been dodging them, Cordy, it's not their fault. I left a few letters with Giles so he could mail them to Buffy and Xander but. . ."

"Well, it's not your fault either that they can't stand on their own four feet."

She laughed. "I miss them too, but I think that it was the right decision to come here instead of going to them."

"You know, now that I think about it, why did you come here? I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong, but they're your friends."

She kissed her. "And so are you. I'm not really sure why I didn't insist on going there. I put up a little fight with Giles, but. . .I think maybe it's because I'm embarrassed. Buffy's gone through so much, seen so much in her life, I just didn't think it would be fair for me to show up on her doorstep and expect her to take care of me. I needed to do this on my own, to prove that I can take care of myself."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed of."

"I guess, but. . .I know Buffy and Xander have this picture of me in their heads. I'm the quiet hacker, the not so good with spells witch, the class nerd who could go to any school she wanted to. When I was. . .raped. . .I felt like I not only failed myself, but I failed them too. It was like if I was strong like Buffy I would have gotten out of it, or if I had the dumb luck and wit that Xander has it never would have happened. . .or I would have talked my way out of it."

"But it's not your fault. You had no control over it."

"I know that, well, at least I know it now." Willow turned to her and looked at her seriously. "Cordy, about Angel. . ."

"What about him?"

"Well, he was in England. . .when it happened. Remember the case he had where the guy took off?"

"Yeah, he was gone for like two weeks. . .he never told me where he was. Why didn't he tell me? You saw him?"

"No. He doesn't know I know. I remember waking up and someone was hovering over me, telling me it would be okay. I was in and out of consciousness, but I saw him kill the vampires. . .but I didn't know it was him. . . I didn't know until he called me 'little one', then I knew."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No, not yet. I wound up coming here because he called Giles out of the blue. He said he was just checking in to see if he needed anything. When Giles told me I put two and two together and figured out that he was checking up on me. Giles told him about the attack and he insisted that I come here. He even found the therapist I'm going to now. Giles had her checked out and when he saw her credentials, he couldn't refuse."

"Wow. So stealth guy strikes again."

She laughed. "He's great. I owe him so much. You know, you guys really do work well together."

"Yeah, we kind of have a good working relationship, don't we?"

"He cares about you."

"Angel? Yeah, as a boss, he's great."

"No, I mean cares about you."

"No way. Not Angel. . .every time I turn around he's still pining away over Buffy. . .and have you seen his wardrobe lately? Black, black and more black. . .accented with a black duster and black boots."

"Cordy, he's over it. . .as over it as he's gonna get, they both are."

She shrugged. "Angel is just. . .always gonna be Angel I guess." She looked at her watch. "God, it's eight in the morning."

"Mmm, and Saturday. What do you say we catch some more sleep? I'm gonna need all the strength I can muster for that phone call this afternoon."

She smiled and pulled her down against the pillows. "Is this okay? I mean. . ."

"Fine. It's very snuggly. . .I could get used to this." She kissed her on the cheek.

"Me too. Night, Red."

"Night."

----------------

"See? I've said it before, I'll say it again. . .That would NEVER happen."

"I hope not. Otherwise, we'd be hunting down a big ugly Mayor-Snake for the rest of our lives." Xander and Buffy spent most of the afternoon in front of the TV. The worldwide cartoons versus real life debate had been going on for about an hour. "All I said was that some of that stuff could happen. . .not that it was possible to get blown up with acme TNT and still be walking around. . .a little barbequed, but walking none the less."

The phone rang and Buffy picked it up. "Willow? . . oh, hi. . no, we'll find something later. Okay, bye." She turned back to Xander and frowned. "Mom wanted to know if we wanted to come down for lunch."

"Oh." He sat back again and sighed. "Think she'll call?"

"I don't know. I hope so. If not we're on the next flight outta here."

"Buffy. We have no money. It would probably be more effective if we swam."

The phone rang again and Buffy picked it up. "Mom I said we'd eat later and we're waiting for a phone call."

"Grumpy, grumpy. And here I thought things would change while I was gone."

"Will!" She turned to Xander and bounced up and down on the couch. "It's Willow! Willow, how are you are you okay and why haven't you retuned my calls are they treating you alright how's Giles?"

She laughed. "Slow down, Buffy. I'm fine. I was on assignment in Wales. Boring Watchery stuff you don't want to hear about. The Council is treating me fine and Giles is, well, he's Giles."

"I know. Books in the morning, tea at noon and. . ."

"Scones after dinner. Giles never changes. So how are things in Sunnydale? Any interesting creepies to report?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. . .but I don't want to talk about Slayer stuff. I want to talk about you. Where have you been? Has Giles been giving you my messages?"

"I've been busy. Giles tells me when you call, I just have so much to do, so much to learn."

"Too busy for your friends?" It came out harsher than she'd planned. "Will, I. . ."

"Do you think it isn't hard for me to be away from you?"

"Will, no, look I'm sorry. . ."

She sighed. "I am too."

"God, this isn't what I planned on happening."

"What did you plan on then?" Her voice was level.

Buffy whispered to Xander. "Stake me, please." He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she turned back to the phone. "I just miss you, Will."

"I miss you guys too. You have to know how hard this is for me. . .being away from you." She paused. "and Xander."

"I know. Will you come visit soon?"

Willow expected the question but didn't know how much it would affect her when she actually heard the words. "Buffy, I. . ."

"I know, you're really busy." She sighed. "Here, I'll let you talk to Xander."

"No, Buffy. . .wait!"

"Wills? Is this my favorite redhead of all time?" He tried the chipper approach.

"Xander, I'm your only redhead. . . unless Anya has dyed her hair. How are you?"

"Okay, trying to keep busy. Anya's not around anymore. . .she left about three months ago."

"Xander, I'm sorry. . .I didn't know."

"No, I guess you wouldn't. I mean you're so busy and everything with Watcher stuff and your studies. . . how's the magic?" He knew he was treading into unsafe waters and tried to change the subject before he wound up in Buffy's shoes.

"Good. I have a mentor now. I'm already at the intermediate level. Xander, you have to know that I miss you guys."

"I know. And I know what you're doing is important. . .for your future. I just miss Bronzing with you and going for ice cream and, someone check my temperature, but I even miss the all night research parties."

She laughed. "So do I."

Silence.

"Let me give you back to Buffy."

"Is she there?"

"No. She went into the bedroom for a sec. Why?"

"Is she okay, Xander? She doesn't sound, I don't know, Buffyish."

"She misses you, Will. We both do." He said quietly.

"Can you put her on?"

"Sure. You'd better call again soon though. I want to hear about any action you've had."

"I will, Xand."

"Hang on." He paused a moment. "I love you Will."

Before she could respond, she heard him put the phone down. Same old, Xander.>

"Hello?" A meek little un-Slayer-like voice came across the line.

"Buffy. I miss you, so much. I know how hard this is for you because it is for me to. Please, let's not fight."

"Oh, Will. This is so hard. . .I didn't think it would be so. . ." She cleared her throat to keep it from cracking. "hard."

Willow felt a warm arm come across her shoulders. She smiled over at Cordelia and whispered a thanks. "I know. . .and I'll come for a visit soon. I won't promise you when, but I will."

"Really?" There was a little hope in her voice.

Willow noticed it. "Yes, really. I miss you and I think the Council owes me some time off for how hard I've been working lately."

"That would be amazing, Will. We could go to the Espresso Pump, only decaf for you though, then we could rent some movies and have a pajama party then. . ."

"Hey! I haven't even asked yet. Don't make any plans until I get the okay." She laughed a little. "I have to get going. There's a meeting and I can't be late."

"Okay. . .call again soon?"

"I will, Buffy. Take care of yourself."

"You too Will."

"Bye." She hung up the phone.

"I love you." Buffy said into an empty receiver.

--------------

Willow sighed and slumped over to snuggle next to Cordelia on the couch. "That was so not fun."

"That bad?"

Well, all things considered. . .she's not bleeding or missing any limbs, Xander was surprisingly level headed. . . I wonder if he's been hit with any blunt objects lately?"

Cordelia laughed. "So Sunnydale is just as we left it."

Willow nodded. "Mmm. I should go, you know."

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

She shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt. I do miss them and I hated playing human dodge ball when we were there."

"If that's what you want." Cordelia got up from the couch and went to the kitchen.

Willow frowned at being left alone and headed off after her. "Cordy?"

"Are you hungry? I'm starved." She opened the fridge and poked around. "There's nothing in here. Feel like pizza?" She looked up innocently.

Willow crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "You don't want me to go."

She stood up. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't not say it either."

She shrugged, reached on top of the fridge and grabbed a menu. "So pizza or Chinese?"

Willow walked over and took the menu from her. "Why don't you want me to go?" She put her resolve face on.

"I do want you to, and I know you miss them, I just. . ."She walked a pace away and hugged herself. "I guess I've gotten used to having you around, that's all."

Willow stepped behind her and pulled her close. "Could you be a little more specific?" Willow smiled into her hair before placing a kiss on her neck.

Cordelia leaned into her arms and felt slender arms encircle her waist. "I'll miss you." She whispered.

"There now, was that so hard?" She kissed her ear. "I'll miss you too. . .but you've had me here for six months and I haven't seen them in almost 2 years."

"I know, Red." She turned around to face her. "I know."

Willow smiled. "I won't be gone long. Maybe just Friday until Sunday night."

Cordelia put her head down and nodded. "Okay."

Willow caught her chin in her hand. "Cordy, we know this isn't forever. I have to go back to England soon, not now but soon. This was the last think I expected when I got here, but it's nice. Let's just enjoy it while we can. Okay?" Not giving her any choice, Willow leaned in and kissed her gently. She pulled back a little when she felt something wet touch her cheek. "Cordy." She sighed.

"I know, I know. . .who'd have guessed Cordelia Chase would be crying over a computer geek. . .but I am. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, Red, and I'll be sad to let you go." She sniffled and kissed her lightly. "But I know you have a life in England and I know you have best friends that miss you. So I'll be brave."

Willow smiled and took her by the hand. She began to walk towards the bedroom. "You know, I don't have to leave until next weekend." She stopped and gave her a shy smile. "We could make the most of our time before I have to go. Couldn't we?"

Cordelia caught her drift. "Willow Rosenberg, I never would have guessed."

"Guessed what?"

Cordelia took the lead and pulled her into the bedroom. "That you, of all people, would be a nymphomaniac!"

Willow laughed as she pulled her in for a kiss. "It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for you know." She shut the door firmly with her foot.   


*****Later in the evening.*****

Cordelia was lighting a fire in the living room when she heard footsteps behind her. "What are you doing up?" She said without turning around.

"I'm more of a night person."

She turned. "Angel!"

"I used the spare key. I hope it's okay. I just wanted to drop this off to you. I won't be in the office until tomorrow afternoon and you need to drop them at the notary in the morning before work. They'll be expecting you."

Cordelia eyed the bedroom door nervously. "Uh. . .ok" She took the papers and hustled him towards the door. "Thanks. . .I'll drop them off before I go in. Night!" She smiled.

He gave her a curious look. "Cordelia, you have company, don't you?"

"Um, no. Why do you ask?"

"Your shoving me out the door." He made a move to go towards the living room, but she stepped in front of him. He turned quickly and peered down the hall at the bedroom. He noticed a red mane of hair poking out from under the covers.

"It's not what you think."

He shook his head. "I don't think I want to think about what's going on."

"Angel it's. . .complicated."

"I don't want to know." He sighed and gave her a sad look. "Just. . .just take care of each other."

She nodded and he walked out the door.

"Is someone here?" Willow called from the bedroom.

"No. . .I was checking the mailbox. Angel left me some paperwork. That's all." She leaned against the front door and looked up. "Ugh, why me?" She whispered.

--------------

The rest of the week flew by. There were six births and five bus loads between Monday and Friday – a new record. Willow left the office early to attend another therapy session then headed back to Cordelia's to pack. She finished with about a half hour to spare.

Cordelia walked in the front door. "Willow? You still here?"

"I'm here." She called from the kitchen. "I just called a cab."

"No way. I'll drive you."

She walked out into the living room. "No. It's alright, Cordy. I'd rather say goodbye to you here."

"You're only going for the weekend you know."

Willow looked down at her feet, embarrassed. "I know. That's what I keep telling myself."

She laughed a little. "Welcome to my shoes. So, how do they fit?"

Willow smiled and hugged her. "Too well." She sniffled. "It's only a weekend. I'll be back on Sunday night."

"I'll pick you up."

Willow nodded. A car horn sounded outside. "That'll be for me."

Cordelia gave her one last squeeze and pulled back. "Have a good trip. Call me if you get a chance."

Willow leaned in and kissed her. "I will. I promise." She whispered. She grabbed her backpack – Angel had thankfully bought her a new one after the incident with Xander – and headed out the door.

Cordelia watched her get in the car and drive off. They waved to each other until the car was out of site, then she went back inside for some hot chocolate Dennis made her and a good cry.

------------

Willow arrived at the heli-port within an hour. She planned on surprising Buffy and Xander. The cab driver gave her a curious look when she asked him to drop her off at the cemetery and she just chuckled to herself. Walking through the sea of headstones, she heard distinct battle noises coming from beyond the last bunch of bushes. Not wanting to intrude, she squatted down and watched.

"Buff! Over here!" Xander called out from under a vamp.

She was on him in no time and Xander was left under a pile of dust. She helped him up and he coughed. "Next time, you be the bait!"

"Oh, yeah. And what are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna slay some undead butt!" He noticed her expression and shook out his hair. "Fine. Just call me squid. I'm gonna go catch a shower. You okay to patrol alone?"

"Fine, Squid. I'll see you in about an hour."

They hugged and Buffy started to walk in Willow's direction. She passed right by the bushes Willow was hiding behind and stopped cold about four feet away. "Okay. I know you're in there. Come out so we can get this over with. I don't want to miss my favorite show tonight." She said without turning around.

Willow stood up and couldn't help but smile. "Since when are you such a couch potato?"

Buffy whipped around, mouth wide open and pointed at her.

"Well? Are you gonna stand there and catch flies, or do I get a hug?" She dropped her backpack. "I didn't come all this way to watch you do mime."

"Ohmygodwillow!" She squeaked out before closing the gap between them. Their contact was so sudden that they both overcompensated and fell to the ground in a fit of giggles. "When did you get here?" Buffy had a firm grip on both her arms.

"I just flew in. I figured you'd be patrolling so I took a cab and you wouldn't believe the look I got from the driver. Ah, Sunnydale, everyone is a clueless as always. Good to know." She smiled.

Buffy pulled her into another hug. "Xander is gonna have a cow when he sees you. You just missed him."

She smiled. "I know. I was gonna come out sooner but he took off."

Buffy pulled back and looked her over. "I can't believe you're here."

"Me either. It's been a long time." She got up and put her hand out to Buffy. "Come on. We have some catching up to do and I'm only here until Sunday night."

-----------

". . .so then he quite that job and has been perfecting the couch stain look ever since." Buffy had filled Willow in on almost everything on the walk back. They climbed the stairs and Buffy stopped before she opened the door. "It might be a little messy."

"Living with Xander, I don't doubt it." She smiled. "It looks good from her though. I still couldn't believe it when you told me this was your mom's idea."

She nodded. "She loves Xander like he was her own." She put her key in the door and walked in. "Xander!"

"In the shower. I'll be out in a sec." He called from the bathroom.

She smiled at Willow and yelled back at him. "You'll never guess what I found on patrol tonight."

The door opened and he walked out in boxers, with a towel over his head. "What ever it is, we're not keeping it. No." He looked up and shock settled in his face. "pets."

Willow giggled then waved. "Hi!" Color crept into her cheeks when she noticed what he was, or wasn't, wearing.

Buffy laughed and put her arm around Willow. "She's real, Xand. Moveable parts and everything and I think she's housebroken. Sure you don't want to keep her?"

"Will! Willow!" He pointed at her. "Willow's here and" He looked down and put the towel around his waist. "I'm kinda naked." He gave her a goofy grin before crossing the room to hug her.

She wiggled after a few moments. "Xander, you're still wet!"

"Sorry." He held her at arms distance and gave her the once over. "You look good! I see England has done wonders for your complexion." He pulled her into a hug again. "Pale as a sheet. . .just like I remembered!"

"Xander. . .pants!" She ordered.

He gave her a hurt look. "Geez, and just when I thought this was gonna be a fun visit." He walked into his bedroom and shut the door.

Willow shook her head. "He never changes."

Buffy agreed. "Nope. Not our Xander. You want something to drink? You must have had a long trip."

"Sure." She took her coat off and hung it up by the door. "It was a pretty long trip." She turned around and noticed that Buffy was looking at her funny. "What?"

She handed her a glass and motioned to the couch. "Are you taking fashion tips from Angel now?"

Willow sat down and smiled. "No. I have to be inconspicuous, that's all. I can't be running all over England with flashy colors and a sign that says 'hey, I'm a Watcher in training, ask me how'!" She settled back and relaxed. "I've gotten used to it. Besides, it's warm."

Xander came out of the bedroom and looked at them on the couch. He opened his mouth to say something, but Willow cut him off.

"Don't say it, Xander." She held out her arm. "Would you like to check for a pulse?"

He reached out and took her arm. "Yeah, it's there." He grinned and flopped down next to her.

"I can't believe you're here." Both Buffy and Xander said at the same time. They all laughed.

Willow noticed Xander give Buffy a look, and before she knew it, she'd turned into a Willow sandwich. "Guys. . .air. . .lungs."

Buffy pulled away. "Sorry."

Xander was still hugging her from behind. "Well I'm not. I got my Wills back and there ain't no way I'm letting her go."

"You'll have to let go sometime, Xand. She's going back Sunday night."

He frowned and turned her to him. "Say it ain't so."

"Sorry, Xander. I'm on temporary leave. I'm lucky they gave me this long. . .I almost had to go back tomorrow for a meeting."

"Meeting shmeeting. . .they're a bunch of slave drivers." Buffy chimed in.

"Okay guys. . .I'm here. . .let's talk about stuff other than the council. I live it day and night and I want to make the most of the time I have with you."

They agreed. Xander volunteered to go get a movie and pizza while Buffy and Willow got ready for a long night of catching up.

------------

". . .It went this far just recently."

He nodded, but didn't turn to face her.

"Angel."

"Do you know why she's here?"

"Yes. She told me everything BEFORE anything happened."

He turned back to her. "I just don't understand how. . ." He shook his head. "She has to go back soon."

"I know."

"Soon."

"I know, Angel. God! Must you rain on my parade? Look, were both in this with our eyes open."

He looked at her a moment then nodded. "Okay." He walked to the door and let himself out.

------------------

Buffy and Willow were sitting on the couch watching the end of the movie. Xander hit the sack early because he had an interview in the morning at a construction company. The movie ended and Buffy yawned. "That was good, don't you think?" She looked over at the form leaning against her and realized she was talking to herself. "Gee, look who still can't make it through an entire movie late at night."

Willow stirred a little then snuggled closer. "Mmm. . .warm." She mumbled.

Buffy looked down at her friend's smiling sleeping face. She touched her arm and woke her. "Will? Come on. . .let's go to sleep, in a bed I mean."

She blinked and looked up startled. "Buffy! I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep."

"It's okay. It looked like you were dreaming about something, or someone. You were smiling."

She sat up and yawned. "Was I? I don't remember." She got up and went to her backpack. Grabbing some pajamas, she went to the bathroom and emerged a few minutes later and sat back down on the couch. "I'm really tired. I think I'm gonna fall asleep again really fast." She spread out on the couch and sighed.

"You don't have to sleep here, Will. You can have my bed."

"Don't be silly. I don't want to put you out of your own room."

"Then we'll compromise. The bed is big enough for the two of us." She got up and put her hand out.

Too tired to argue, she got up and followed Buffy to her room.

------------

A man picked up the phone a continent away. "Hello?"

"It's me."

"And?"

"She's here."

"I thought as much." The line was silent. "Can you handle this?"

He sighed. "I don't have much of a choice, now do I? Every time I do it I feel like I'm betraying them."

"You know what the consequences are. They mustn't be allowed to do this. Not yet."

"I just can't wait until this is over so I can crawl to them on my hands and knees begging for their forgiveness."

"It won't come to that, but if it does, you're not in this alone. I'm as much to blame as you are."

"Gee, I'll try to take comfort in that." His voice was level.

"If you're not up to it, then. . ."

"No, I am. I'm an old hand at this, remember? Besides, what are you gonna do? Hop on a plane and do it yourself?"

"Quite true. Do you still have the crystal?"

"Yeah."

"Wait until tomorrow night, then you know what to do."

"I hope this is over soon. If the guilt doesn't kill me then they will for sure."

"Take care of yourself, and them. I'm counting on you."

"As always."

Xander Harris hung up the phone and sat on his bed. He placed his head in his hands and sighed. The most frightening statement of the entire conversation repeated itself in his head. If the guilt doesn't kill me then they will for sure.>

He reached into his shirt and pulled out a black cord with a teardrop crystal attached to it. It all came down to this – it was the bain of his existence since the summer after they all graduated – the summer his life changed forever. Well, it would all be over soon. That thought was the only thing that kept him going this long.

---------------

"Buffy?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay? I mean . . .is everything alright with you? You didn't sound like yourself when we talked last week."

Buffy sighed and turned on her side to face Willow. "I'm okay. Nothing new, I'm just a little lonely sometimes I guess."

Willow turned her head. "I'm sorry."

"No, Will, it's not your fault."

She shrugged. "I miss you, you know. More than you realize."

Buffy smiled and reached over to hug her. "I miss you too, Will." She whispered. "I never thought I could miss someone so much."

"You'll have to come visit me soon." She said through a yawn. "England is beautiful."

She pulled back a little. "I can imagine. I still can't get over it – you, big Oxford girl, soon to be Watcher."

"But I'm still me."

Buffy brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "Yup, same old Willow. Only a little older."

Willow blushed a little and pulled away. "We should go to sleep."

Buffy wasn't sure what was going through her mind, but it had to stop quickly. This was Willow. Her best friend, shy hacker and future witch extraordinaire. "I'm sorry Will. I don't know what came over me." She leaned back against the pillows and sighed.

"It's okay, I'm just. . .jumpy from the plane ride I guess."

They both laid there for a long time, deep in thought. So many things went unspoken that night. And so many questions went unanswered. Buffy wondered about what exactly came over her to feel like that for Willow – even if it was only for a brief moment. There were so many hazy images in her mind, like she'd felt like this before, but long ago. As she drifted to sleep, fragments of pictures flashed in her mind. A plane ride. . .a sunrise. . .a foreign place she'd never seen before. . .The Grotto on New Years Eve. . .mistletoe. . .

Chat room. . .a tiny Christmas tree. . .Camelot. . .a fire-demon's lair. . .all the images blurred together and Willow couldn't figure out where they'd come from. She remembered when they came up against the fire demon and she was burned, but nothing significant stood out in her mind. She recovered at Giles' house and was back at the dorm within a month. Buffy visited her everyday to keep her in good spirits after they had that little fight about Buffy blaming herself for it all. . .and Xander was there every day too so he could drop off her homework. And doing spells with Tara. . .why was she suddenly thinking about Tara and the time they spent together in college?

And what was with Buffy anyway? She wasn't acting like herself on the phone and that whole awkward moment just now. Willow had enough experience with Cordelia to know when something was going to happen – and she'd stopped it. For the life of her she couldn't figure out why. . .

-------------

Willow was utterly exhausted. She was dragged around all day by Buffy and Xander to the mall, then The Grotto, the Espresso pump and they finally ended up at the Bronze.

Buffy was sitting next to Willow laughing at Xander. "He never changes."

Willow laughed too. "Do you think that's some odd interpretation of the Snoopy dance he always does?"

Xander made his way over to the couch. "I don't know about you ladies, but I'm beat. I think I'm gonna head back to the house. Coming?"

Buffy shook her head. "I think we'll hang out a little longer. You up for it, Will?"

"Sure. Not to long though."

Xander waved and headed out the door.

"You're right, Buffy. I don't think he'll ever change."

She nodded. "He's been great. We've gotten really close since we moved in together and you left." Buffy looked over at her. "Will, I didn't mean. . ."

"I know. It's okay." She smiled and put her hand on Buffy's arm. "It's hard, I know that. You guys need each other for support."

"I don't know what's wrong with me lately, Will. I just can't seem to do or say anything right."

Willow took Buffy's hand and squeezed it. "How about I go on a quick patrol with you and we get some ice cream?"

"Okay." She got up and put her hand out to Willow. "Come on. . .the quicker I dust, the quicker I get chocolate chocolate chip."

They walked through the cemetery for the third time. "Nothing. Nobody wants to come out and play with me tonight." Buffy crossed her arms and frowned.

Willow looked at her and laughed. "What? I'm not a good enough playmate for you? I could always catch the next plane to England."

Buffy gasped and walked over to her. "Will, no! You wouldn't do that. Would you?"

"Buffy, no, relax. I'm not leaving yet." She hugged her. Something was definitely going on. "What's wrong with you?" She whispered.

Buffy shrugged and tightened her grip around Willow's waist. "I don't know, Will. I'm just not myself lately." She sighed. "I just miss you."

Willow smiled. "You keep saying that."

She pulled away, hurt. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to hear it then. . ."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Willow frowned and pulled her back into a hug. "I miss you too. That's why I'm here."

"God, Will. . .when you left, I didn't realize. . .I didn't know how much I depended on you. . .then you were gone and."

"Shh. . .I know." She whispered. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have come."

"You shouldn't have to jump on a plane every time I turn into miss insecurity."

Willow looked at her and smiled. "But I would have."

"Really?"

She nodded.

The realization at how beautiful Willow really was crossed Buffy's mind right before she leaned in and kissed her. Willow stiffened a little then relaxed into the kiss. It wasn't so much just one kiss but a bunch of light touches and brushes with their lips. Her stomach fluttered and she pulled Buffy in closer, if that was at all possible.

A noise broke off any further exploration. Buffy's eyes shot open and she gazed behind Willow.

"What is it?" Willow whispered.

"I don't see anything." She reached into her jacket and pulled out a stake. "Don't move. I'll be right back." She handed another stake to her. "Keep out of it. If it gets ugly, run."

Before she had a chance to say anything, Buffy was off into the night. Willow watched her until she couldn't see her anymore. She walked over to the nearest tree and sat down. "Great, just great." She whispered to herself. "Kissing Buffy. . .genius!" She put her head on her knees.

A noise startled her and she looked up. "Xander?" She scrambled to her feet. "What are you?"

"I can be stealthy when I wanna be." He smiled at her, a little sadly she noticed, and reached into his shirt for the crystal. "Here. I wanna show you something. . ."

----------------

Cordelia slammed the phone down. "Damnit! Where the hell is she?"

Angel looked up from his book and smirked. "Probably having a good time. You really shouldn't be calling her you know. What if Buffy or Xander picks up?"

"It's her cell phone, Angel. . .I'm not stupid." He glanced at her. "Don't say it vampire. Just don't."

He smiled and returned to his reading.

-------------

"Xander? I thought you were heading back to the house." Buffy approached them about ten minutes after she'd left.

"I figured you'd be on patrol and I thought you could use a hand. Our Will here has been outta action so long and. . ."

"Hey! Do you really think they don't have vampires in England?" She punched him in the arm.

Buffy laughed. "English vampires. . .now that's interesting."

Xander smiled. "Yeah, can you imagine? 'Pardon me, would you mind if I had you for dinner?'"

Willow shook her head. "Keep your day job, guys. Trust me."

They began the short walk back to the house. Buffy fell in step behind them and observed Willow and Xander making small talk. She was berating herself over the kiss. It just happened out of the blue – it wasn't like she planned it. Kissing Willow. It should have frightened her half to death but the feeling was. . .oddly familiar.   


"You there Buffy?"

She looked up and saw that they had reached the house. "Present and accounted for." She smiled.

They walked in and Willow headed straight for the couch. Buffy went to sit down next to her but Xander intercepted. "Buff – can I see you for a sec?"

She nodded and followed him into the bedroom.

Willow's cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Red."

"Cordy, hi! Did something happen?" She whispered.

"No, I just wanted to talk to you. . . that's all. Having fun?"

"Yeah. We just got back from patrol. They've dragged me all over the place today. Good thing my parents don't live here anymore otherwise I'd have to do a spell to split myself in two."

"Now that could be fun!"

Willow giggled. "Cordy, stop! Big, evil, vampire me was so not fun. Remember?"

"I know, I know. So when do you get back tomorrow?"

"I think I should get there around seven."

"Good. I'll be there to get you then."

"I gotta go. Buffy and Xander will be back any minute."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." She paused. "Will, I. . .I"

"I miss you too." She smiled.

"Yeah. Bye."

"Bye."

-----------

Cordelia hung up the phone and there was a knock at the door.

"Angel?"

"Hope you don't mind." He stepped in. "You talk to Willow?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She'll be back tomorrow around seven." She smiled.

"Cordelia, "

"Angel, don't. I know what your gonna say and I really don't want to go through it again with you."

"I was gonna say there's something going down, something big."

"Sorry."

"I just got a call from Spike."

"Oh, God. He never calls you. . .this must be really big."

Angel nodded. "There's something going down with the Council. I don't think Giles knows and I'm not gonna tell him until I know more." He hesitated, then continued. "Willow may be involved. Not in a bad way, but. . .she may be in danger."

Cordelia stood expressionless. "Angel."

"I don't know, Cordy. I don't know if she's gonna be okay. I'll do everything I can to protect her, she means as much to me as. . . "He didn't finish.

"As much as anyone whose ever saved your soul. Buffy being at the top of your list." She shook her head and started to walk away.

"Actually, I was gonna say you."

She stopped and turned. "Angel, what do you mean?" She was totally confused.

He crossed the room and looked at her for a long moment. "I'm not saying anything that you can't understand if you'd just open your eyes a little wider." He looked at her again and crossed the room to the door, letting himself out.

---------------

"Take care of yourself." Willow was hugging Xander for the tenth time. "And Buffy. I'm worried about her." She whispered in his ear.

"I will, don't worry." He pulled back and gave her a sad smile.

She turned to Buffy. "Well." She shrugged.

"Yeah. You'd better get going." She was staring at her feet.

Willow reached out and put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "You'll come for a visit. Promise?"

Buffy looked up with tears in her eyes and nodded. She pulled her into a fierce hug and let out a sob. "It was too short. You weren't here long enough."

"I know. I'll call when I get back." She pulled away with tears brimming in her own eyes. She looked up and the pilot was waving at her to climb aboard. "I gotta go now."

"I'll miss you."

"I love you. Never forget that."

Buffy didn't get a chance to answer. Willow ran off to the helicopter and climbed on. As she ascended into the air, she waved at them. Xander waved back but Buffy stood there with her arms wrapped around herself looking down at the ground. I love you to, Will.>

----------

She was pacing by the fence when the helicopter landed. So many muddled things were running through her mind. How she felt about Willow, Angel in all his crypticness. What exactly was he trying to tell her? Was Willow right when she said he cared for her?

"Well that's not a happy face."

Cordelia looked up. "Hey. How have you. . ." she was cut off by a kiss. She wrapped her arms around Willow's waist and smiled. "been."

"Better now." Willow smiled into her hair.

"You're not gonna be better for long." Cordelia pulled back and worry washed across her face. "Something's up with the Council. . .Angel's on it. He got a call from Spike last night."

Willow sighed. "Never a dull moment." She let her go and pulled out her cell phone. "Let's see what's going on."

"Will, I don't think Angel's talked to Giles yet. You shouldn't call him."

"I'm not calling Giles. I have contacts." She dialed the phone and stepped a few paces away. "Hello? Yes, looking for news on the home front. . .I see. . .are you sure? Fine. . .no, I'm in the states. . .yes. Thank you." Willow closed the phone and sat down at the nearest bench.

Cordelia sat down next to her. "Is it bad?"

She stared off into space for a few minutes before responding. "Something's got the demon population running scared."

"Do they know what it is?"

She shook her head. "Something about a prophesy." Cordelia gave her a worried look. "Not now. He said it was going to happen in three years and the events of the prophesy were going to trigger another bigger one. Like a domino effect." Willow looked over at her and took her hand. "Cordy. . ."

She looked up at her. "You have to go back."

Willow nodded. "It's my job. . .or it will be. It's what I went all the way out there for and not that I know about it, I can't ignore my. . ."

"Willow, it's okay. You don't have to justify yourself to me." She leaned over and kissed her gently. "When?"

Willow reached up and touched her face. "Tomorrow night."

Cordelia gasped. "Tomorrow! That's. . that's. ." She closed her eyes.

"I know." Willow closed the gap between them and hugged her. "What do you say we go home and make the most of the time we have left?"

-----------------

"Angel. . .Cordy told me. I made a call and it's a prophesy."

He paced back and forth in his apartment, listening to her on speaker phone. "Yeah, I just talked to Spike again. Something's got him spooked."

"Spike spooked? Now I'm wigged." She sighed and looked over at Cordelia sitting on the couch. "Angel, I'm going back tomorrow night."

"I figured you would."

"I need you to do me a favor."

"I'll take care of her, Willow. I promise."

She gave a sigh of relief. "Thank you. If I don't see you before I leave, thank you for everything. I don't know what I would have done without you two these past couple of months."

"No need to thank me. Just returning the favor. Tell Cordelia I can handle things tomorrow by myself. Okay?"

"Thanks Angel. You're the best vampire a girl could ever have."

He chuckled. "Take care of yourself little one. I'll see you soon."

"Bye." She smiled and hung up the phone in the kitchen. Slowly she walked over to the fireplace and built a fire. Cordelia observed her, but didn't move. Willow disappeared into the bedroom and brought out a two comforters and all the pillows and laid them down in front of the fire. She walked over and stood in front of Cordelia. This was hard, harder than either one of them had imagined it would be. They'd come to mean different things to each other – much different than they'd ever expected.

"Cordy." Willow whispered.

She looked up and a tear fell down her cheek. Despite the knowledge that this may be the last time she looked at her like this, she smiled and got up from the couch. "The cheerleader and the hacker. . .who would've thought?"

Willow leaned in and kissed her. "No thinking." Kiss. "No talking." Kiss. "Just kissing." Kiss. "and maybe a little touching."

"No complaints here."

------------

They came together that night again and again. Without words, they both told each other it was the last time. Life awaited them, and love, although neither one of them knew it yet. Both still had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of lessons to be learned.

Willow cried in Cordelia's arms. She swore to herself that night that she'd have to be strong from here on out, but on this night and this night alone she'd allow herself to be the frightened victim and the one who needed comfort.

Cordelia cried with her. She knew what she was losing and with that lose she knew she was gaining something too. A friend she never had before and she never realized just how valuable this friendship was until it was just being taken from her. Life's that way sometimes.

Hours afterward, as she boarded the plane bound for England, Willow took a small ring out of her pocket and placed it on her finger. She bravely wiped the tears away and sat down in her seat. It would be the last time she'd cry for three years, the last time she'd feel anything significant. She had a job to do and a life to lead - no use in crying over someone you've let go and someone else you'll never have. That second thought made her shutter but she quickly pushed it out of her mind. She didn't know where it came from or who she was even refering to so there was no use in thinking about it. At least for now.

----------------

A vampire sat alone in the dark. It doesn't matter what time it was or what day. He sat there most nights with her on the fringes of his mind. Guilt. Why did he feel so much guilt at the realization that he saw her as more than a friend – or would have liked to. He knew well where love got him – every day he hurt a little less from the disaster that was him and the Slayer. It hurt a little less, but it still hurt. He wasn't sure if he could do that to someone again. Love them. Redemption was still on his mind and he'd protect her at any cost. Even if it cost him his own happiness. He left a note right by the phone and quietly slipped out the door and into the world.

------------

A boy who turned into a man much too soon packed the last of his things. This was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life, but he knew it was for the best. He simply couldn't go through with it anymore, he couldn't interfere. They deserved happiness and it wasn't fair that it was taken away from them every time they found it. How many times had he twisted their memories and whispered lies into their believing ears? He'd lost count by now. Well, not any more. If they loved each other so much that they somehow always came together then he wasn't going to stop them. Never again. They belonged together, he knew that, he knew it even when he agreed to this. The guilt roiled around in his stomach – if this was going to turn out right then he'd have to remove himself from the situation. It was the best decision he'd made in his life – and quite possibly the hardest.

-----------

A young girl wandered the streets of a small town. Young in appearance, but then again looks are always deceiving. She kept going over and over in her mind the dream she'd had the night before. None of it made any sense – but then again this was Sunnydale. The ache in her heart and the emptiness she felt was only felt one other time for one other person. To miss her best friend the way she missed a lover felt almost wrong. Almost.

She stopped short and looked around. They were close, four maybe five of them looking for action. She pulled a wooden stake out of her pocket and was ready for anything they had to offer. If she hit them a little too hard, played with them before the kill a little too much, well. . .she needed this release, need to get rid of the negative energy she felt hanging over her head.

One, two three. They went down like flies. It was just too easy sometimes, she almost felt bad about how dumb they were. She let herself get hit a few times, let them take pot shots. Let them throw her to the ground and punch her in the face. It wasn't that it felt good – it never felt good – it was the fact that deep down inside, she knew it was better to feel something, anything, than nothing at all. At the least this was a familiar feeling, and she could live with it. Everything else would have to wait. Every unfamiliar thought and unsure feeling she had would wait till the pain was gone. Then she'd have to do it again. After all, it was her job – her destiny.

----------------   



	2. The Road to Self Discovery

The Road to Self Discovery

**The Road to Self Discovery**   
_Book II In the Road Series_

**Disclaimer: **All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.   
Thoughts are enclosed in > and flashbacks are enclosed in >>>   
------------ 

Greater London was in the middle of what could be best described as hell on earth. Well, not literally of course. The heat wave hit in the end of July and had been relentless ever since. At this hour of the day, people were just starting to come out of their homes and businesses because it was the only time the sun wasn't beating down on them. It was an Indian summer. 

Willow Rosenberg had spent most of the summer in quiet introspection. Working on new spells and studying with the Council filled most of her time. She could hardly wait to see Buffy again. It would be another day until she came for a much needed visit. Inwardly, she had to admit that she missed Buffy most of all. Only three short years ago was when they all parted after college graduation. She kept in touch with Xander, and Angel and Cordy who were still in LA. 

When she thought of Buffy, she felt a longing there and something inside of her ached. It wasn't a bad ache really, more of a comfort if anything else. Comfort because she knew she loved the slayer, after all they were best friends, and she knew Buffy loved her. 

She sat down in the cool grass and leaned back against the tree. The sun had already begun to sink down and she was always grateful for this quiet time. She promised herself that she would do this every night no matter how much studying she had ahead of her. For some reason, watching the sunset made her feel like she wasn't so far away from home. In those moments she thought about nothing and it was like she was a normal person with a normal life – not a witch residing in the a mansion full of stuffy tweed wearing Watchers. But who was she kidding? She'd be one of those stuffy Watchers soon enough. 

The sun sank down and Willow sighed deeply. "It's so beautiful tonight." 

"I'd have to agree." 

Willow was startled by the voice from behind her. Slowly she reached in her pocket for a stake and turned around. 

"Buffy!" She dropped the stake and ran over to her friend. "When did you get in? Why didn't you call? How are you?" 

"Uh, just now, I wanted to surprise you, and fine . . .I think that about covers it." She smiled into the mane of red hair. "Giles told me I could find you here. I missed you, Will." 

Willow pulled away to look at her friend. "You look great. . .you got a tan." 

"Yes, which I've decided is an upside to fighting the powers of darkness. I kinda blend in." She noticed the stake on the ground and leaned over to pick it up. "Hey, you were gonna stake me?" She managed a mock pout. 

"You can never be too careful." Willow shrugged and smiled back. 

A strange expression began to play on Buffy's face. "No, I guess you can't." 

All of a sudden, Willow found herself on the ground. Buffy knocked her down and was on top of her. They struggled, but the slayer was more than a match for her. "Buffy . . .what are you doing?" 

Buffy smiled down at the red head. "Taking what I want." She vamped out and was at Willow's neck in an instant. 

Willow began to swoon. She couldn't believe this was happening. Buffy . . .they got Buffy.> Just as she was beginning to loose feeling in her limbs, Buffy pulled back and looked down at her. 

"Mmm, you taste as good as I always thought you would . . .maybe even better." She licked her lips. 

Willow tried to keep focused. "Who . . .who did this to you? What happened?" She blinked a few times. She tried to lift her head but the pain in her neck was too intense. 

"Lets just say I ran into a little trouble in the sewers a few nights ago." She leaned in so they were nose to nose. "I had a choice. Die and never complete my destiny or live forever and stop you from completing yours." She leaned over and licked the side of her face and dropped her voice to a whisper. "Good choice, don't you think?" 

Willow tried to remain calm. "My . . .my destiny?" 

Buffy pulled up so she could see Willow. She shifted out of vamp face and began to chant. "'One be the champion, one the eternal. One be the savior with struggle internal. One be the witch with powers for teaching. A prophesy fulfilled, effects far reaching. Each one in turn will save this earth, beginning with the slayer's re-birth." 

Willow struggled to hear the words, but she could feel the darkness creeping up on her. "Buffy, I don't understand. . . I . ." 

She was silenced by a cold finger against her lips. "Shh, Will . . .my sweet, sweet Willow. Don't you see?" She began to nuzzle against Willow's face. "It's our destiny to be re-born, to live together forever in the night. . ." 

Willow could hear purring coming from Buffy's throat. Her breathing had become erratic and if she wasn't in so much pain, she could swear she was turned on by this display. The purring stopped and Willow held her breath, afraid of what was coming next. 

"Time is short my love." She leaned in a little closer. "Want, take, have." She vamped out and clamped down on Willow's neck. 

Willow felt the darkness closing in all too quickly. This can't be happening! No . . .no . . .NO!> 

"NO!" 

She was breathing heavily. Breathing . . .I'm breathing.> Her hand shot up in the darkness to where Buffy had bitten her neck. She found no marks there, only beads of sweat. Slowly she focused her eyes and realized that she was in her room. Calming herself a little more, she tried to focus on everything she'd seen. It was a dream . . .only a dream.> 

There was a knock on the door. "Willow, it's Giles . . are you alright?" 

She took a deep breath. "Come in Giles." 

"Are you alright? I thought I heard you screaming?" He stood in the doorway with a stake in one hand and a cross in the other. 

"I had a dream. A very BAD dream." 

He stood there in quiet contemplation for a moment. "Was it, um, anything like the others?" 

Since Willow had begun her training as a watcher, she began to have prophetic dreams. Many of them were warnings about things to come and by working with the Council, they were able to avert catastrophe on many occasions. 

"Yes . . but this one was worse." She looked up at him. "Buffy was. . .Buffy was a vampire, Giles, and she came here to turn me. She said something about stopping me from fulfilling my destiny. Only, she used words that rhymed." 

"Oh, dear." He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Try to get some sleep and we'll notify the council in the morning." He turned to go but stopped short. "What time do you pick her up tomorrow?" 

"Noon." 

"Good, good. Very well then. Try to get some sleep." He walked out and closed the door. 

----------------------- 

"Flight 6984 arriving from Los Angeles, United States, gate 42, gate 4 - 2" 

Willow broke into a full sprint down the corridor. She'd overslept and Giles was out so he was unable to wake her up. She arrived at the gate just as the passengers were pouring out. She leaned against a pole to catch her breath and kept one eye out for Buffy. She tried to get back to sleep after the dream, but every time she closed her eyes Buffy's words came back to haunt her. But the other part, the sexy, purring, licking part. . . .Willow's pulse quickened just thinking about it. 

"Mmm, heavy breathing. Anyone I know, Will?" 

She spun around and came face to face with the slayer. 

"Huh? Buffy. . .No, I was late and, my alarm didn't go off and . . .I ran." She smiled and brushed the hair away from her forehead. 

"I can see that. So are you just gonna stand there and pant at me or do I get a hug?" She looked up at her through her eyelashes. 

"Of course, come over here." She enveloped the slayer in a hug. Slowly she reached up and put two fingers on her neck. Good, she has a pulse. That's always a good sign.> 

Buffy noticed the odd gesture and pulled away. "Will? What's going on?" 

"Nothing, really. Come on, I'll explain on the way to the mansion." 

"Okay, but . . .It's not every day your best friend checks your pulse." 

Willow gave her a disbelieving look. 

"Then again . . .Hellmouth being our home town and all . . ." 

Smiling back at her, the two girls made their way to the baggage carousel and then to customs.   


------------ 

Willow was fussing around the kitchen, trying to find something to eat. 

"Willow, you're back." 

She turned around. "Yeah, just got in about a half hour ago." She smiled. 

". . .and Buffy, she's, ah . . ." 

"Sleeping Giles. And totally with a pulse. I was going to take her on a tour of the mansion, but the next thing I knew she was getting cozy with my pillows." 

"Jet lag . . .I see." He smiled and put on a pot of tea. "Willow, we must talk about your, um, episode last night. The Council wants to launch an investigation and. . ." 

She came around and sat down at the table. "I know, Giles, I know." 

He smiled at her at the opposite end of the table. "Now, the dream . . " 

"It was strange. I was watching the sun set and suddenly Buffy was behind me. We hugged, and at first I thought there was a vamp behind me, so I had a stake and . . ." 

They delved into the meaning of her dream for the next three hours. Giles tried to draw every detail out of her and with each new discovery, he jotted down notes. They came to the conclusion that it may be a prophetic telling, and decided to notify the council at once of what they'd discovered. 

". . .it was just so real, Giles. It really weirded me out. I haven't felt like that since we left Sunnydale. I mean, she was on top of me, and I was swooning from the loss of blood, her teeth were clamped down on my neck and . . ." 

"What!?" Buffy rushed to Willow's side and began to examine her. "Where? Who bit you? Are you alright…..I'll kill them, Will, I swear. . ." 

She reached out and stopped her friend's musings. "No, Buffy, it's okay. It was a just a dream I had last night, that's all." She smiled. 

It took a moment for it to register. "Are you sure?" 

Willow was touched by her concern. "I'm sure. . .look . . .no fang marks." She tilted her head to demonstrate the point. 

"It's nice to see you too, Buffy." Giles broke in. 

"Giles!" She went to the other side of the table to give him a hug. "It's so great to see you. How have you been?" 

"Very busy with Council affairs as usual." He was glad to see her again after all these years. "How is your mother?" 

"Fine, fine . . .everyone is good. Mom is in charge of the Gallery now. They actually let her invest some of her own money, so now she has more of a say in what goes on there. Xander is working at the Bronze collecting at the door and still living in his parents basement. I haven't heard from Angel and Cordelia in a few months, I guess no news is good news." 

"I spoke with Cordelia recently. Seems the business is going well and our favorite vampire with a soul has his hands full." Willow chimed in. 

"Swell." Buffy rolled her eyes. Angel was apparently still a sore spot with her. 

Willow picked up on the gaffe and decided to change the subject. "Why don't I give you that tour I promised earlier?" 

Buffy agreed and they left Giles with his tea and notes. 

They made their way through the entire mansion. Each floor was equipped with a training room, a library, a den with a fireplace and a kitchen. From what Buffy surmised, Willow had one of the best rooms in the entire place and it was in the center of the house with windows looking out to a beautiful garden. 

"And here we are back at our room." They had come full circle through out the entire house. Willow noted Buffy's confused expression and began to explain. "You'll have to stay with me because there's a convention in town. The Watcher's council get together every three months to go over business in person. They come from all over the world . . and they have to sleep someplace." 

"It's not a problem, Will. It'll be just like old times." Buffy offered as they entered the room. She turned around to face her friend. "There's one thing I don't get though. You've been here for three years, and I know that the Council has a lot of old retired Watchers laying around, so why'd you get the primo room? I mean, it's not that I don't think you deserve it, but it struck me as strange." 

Willow listened and was unsure of how to answer her question, or if she even wanted to right this minute. It would bring up so many other questions . . .questions she just didn't feel like going into right then. "It's a long story, Buffy. Let's just say that I'm a favored pupil of the Council and they're going to great lengths to make me comfortable while I study." 

"Comfort isn't the word I'd use, Will . . .this is luxurious!" She flopped down on the bed with her arms spread out. 

There was a knock at the door and a disembodied voice came from behind it. "Miss Rosenberg, you're evening meal is prepared. Will you and your guest be taking it in your private study?" 

She looked up and gave Buffy a guilty grin. "Yes, James. We'll be up in a moment." 

"Very well, Miss." They heard his footsteps retreating down the hall. 

Willow got up and tried her best to avoid her friend's gaze. 

"Private study?" 

"Buffy . . ." 

"Miss Rosenberg?" Buffy walked around the bed to her side. 

"Come on, Buffy. Cut it out." 

"Evening meal? Is the soon-to-be-watcher too good to eat with her kind?" Buffy jabbed at her for good measure. 

"Cut it out." She gave a defeated sigh. "It's just some of life's guilty pleasures. Let's go eat." 

They approached an elevator. Willow punched in a sequence of numbers, it opened up, and they stepped inside. Moments later the door opened to what was the most interesting collection of things Buffy had ever seen in one room before, yet, it was all very Willowy. "Will, this is . . .this is amazing!" She stepped out and began to inspect everything. 

Upon closer inspection, Buffy realized that the room was a half circle and they were on the topmost floor of the mansion. "You have a computer center and over here are all kinds of books. . .some of them I can't even pronounce! Then there's this part where all of your witchy stuff is . . .hey, is that a cauldron!? Do you actually do spells here? You've got a wide screen TV and a state of the art entertainment center. . . .and those couches look comfy enough to drift to sleep on. You've got everything here . . .it's like . . .it's like a wet dream!" She flopped down on the sofa and decided to test her theory. "Mmm, even better than I imagined." 

Willow stood at the elevator amused by the excited display Buffy just put on. "It's not that big a deal, Buffy. I guess I'm used to it." She crossed the room and joined her on the couch. 

"Well, I could definitely get used to this. Too bad the Hellmouth has to be across the sea, this slayer could use some pampering." 

They finished dinner and Buffy suggested they watch a movie. Willow led her over to a cabinet recessed in the wall and told her to pick what ever she wanted. 

"You've got to be kidding me, Will. Some of these aren't even out of the theaters yet back home." One particular title caught her eye. "How about this one?" Buffy held up the box. 

"Uh uh, no way Buffy. Do you know how many times I've seen that already?" Willow hoped she wasn't serious. 

"Come on, pretty please . . .with a cherry on top?" She resorted to the eyes. 

"No, not the slayer eyes again? Really, Buffy . . .exactly how many times can you watch him drown?" 

"At last count? Seventeen." 

"Aw, man. . . how many times can you hear my heart will go on, and on, and on and on . . ." She pouted some more and Willow caved. "Fine. Pop it in, but I get the control and you make the popcorn." 

"Deal." Buffy headed for the elevators. "Um, Will . . .that whole keypad thingy. How do I get back up here?" 

"Oh, sorry. The code is 0-3-1-0-9-7. Then press the OK key twice." 

Buffy repeated the sequence to herself a few times then was off to make popcorn. 

----------------- 

Back in the US 

"Angel investigations. . .we help the hopeless." 

Angel was lurking around the office when the phone rang. He caught clips of the conversation but nothing he could figure out. He'd been in LA for over three years now. It was tough at first, but with Doyle and Cordelia's help, he finally found his nitch in the world. Doyle. The vampire couldn't help but think of the demon from time to time. He'd given his life to save the world from The Scourge and Angel couldn't help but think sometimes it was too heavy a price to pay. 

"Angel?" 

He was shaken out of his reverie by the brunette in front of him. "Yeah." 

"What planet were you on?" She scoffed at him. "That was Giles on the phone, looks like the council might need your help." 

"The council, huh?" 

"Yes, and before you go and get all broody, I already told him that there'd be a fee involved. You're not a free agent anymore." 

He smiled. Good old Cordelia . . .she never changes. "And what did he say?" 

"He said the council would pay what ever we asked them to. Do you know what that means, Angel? I can finally get a decent manicure and we can get a decorator in here to liven up the office. I mean, the boss may be dead, but, that so doesn't mean the décor has to be." She flashed him a smile and took a step towards him. 

"Anything we ask them? This has to be pretty big Cordy." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Don't think you're gonna blow this like the last time. Bills first, fun later. Got it?" He tried to give her a reprimanding look and almost pulled it off. Except, she was looking at him in THAT way. "Don't give me that look Cordelia." 

"What look?" She asked innocently. 

"The look that you get right before I cave in and give you anything you want." He looked down at her and furrowed his brow. 

She stood on her toes and brushed her lips against his. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

-------------------- 

Giles emerged from the elevator. "Good, you're both here. I have some news." He approached the couch where the two girls were sitting. "Good, God . . .has something happened? What's wrong?" 

Buffy was wiping her nose and sniffling. Willow on the other hand seemed unaffected. She looked up and him and shrugged. "Um, Titanic." 

He looked appalled. "I see. Well, no time for that now. The council has come to a decision about your vision, Willow, and. . ." 

"Vision? What Vision? What's going on, Will?" 

Willow sank lower into the couch. 

"Apparently you haven't told her yet." Giles asked in her direction. She shook her head no. "Well, I'm going to let this wait until tomorrow then. You should explain everything to Buffy. We have work to do." He rose to go and stopped short at the elevator. "Willow, please try to not leave anything out, will you?" She gave him a horrified look but he smiled and left. 

They sat there in silence for a few moments. Willow was trying to figure out where to begin. 

"So?" Buffy gave her a look. 

"So. . ." She sighed. "I don't know where to begin. So much has happened to me in the past three years Buffy. . .I'm different now. . .everything is so different." 

"Well, that's as good a place to start as any." She sat up and faced the red head. "How are you different?" 

"I was coming back to the house from the library one night. It had almost been a year and I hadn't seen any kind of activity, so I let my guard down. I was almost to the gate when I was attacked by a cadre of vampires and an icky green slimy demon." She closed her eyes reliving the moment. "I was mortally wounded, Buffy, and the council was beside themselves. The summoned Giles from Sunnydale, hoping that he'd get there before it was too late." 

Buffy sat in a state of shock. "I remember when he left. . .he said it was council business . . ." 

"Yes, they told him not to tell you. You had your duties and couldn't be distracted. He arrived and met with the Council. They decided that the best way to deal with this was to plead with a higher court. Giles went off to contact The Powers That Be." 

Buffy looked thoughtful for a moment. "I thought that was only a saying?" 

"No, they're real, believe me. I owe my life to them, and Giles. So he make his plea to them for my life. He was gone for two days, the Council had almost given up on him. He pulled through. He came back with a liquid of some kind and had me drink it. Almost immediately I felt better, but different." 

Buffy sighed. "Let me guess, there was a price." 

"You could say that. In order for the Powers That Be to spare my life, they needed something in return. The elixir contained healing elements, but it also included some elements you find in a slayer." Willow paused to gauge her reaction. "I'm nowhere near a slayer, but close. I have the ability to predict future situations through dreams, slayer healing powers and slayer sense. That mixed in with my witchy ways . . .well, lets just say that I think it worked more in their favor than mine." 

Buffy sat quiet for a moment trying to absorb everything she was saying. "So you're working for the Powers That Be?" 

"Not exactly. I work for the Council and the Council works to achieve the goals of the PTB. That's what all the fuss and muss over me is about. I don't owe the Council anything, I owe Giles. I made them very aware of that. So in order to get me to stay, they hired him back to work with me." 

"I see. That's why he never came back." 

"That and. . . " She hesitated a little. "There's something big coming up, Buffy. Really big. I had a dream the night before you got here. Giles and I went over it and, well . . ." 

"Let me guess. I'm involved." She sat back and closed her eyes. This was going to be some 'vacation'. A million thoughts ran through her mind. Giles . . Willow . . working for the Council . . .the Powers That Be. It was all too much to digest right now. 

Willow reached over and touched her arm. Buffy startled a little and looked over at her. 

"I know Buffy. It's hard to understand." 

She got up and began to pace. "No, you don't know, Will. How . . .why didn't you and Giles tell me any of this? I'm a big slayer now, I could have handled it." She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "You almost died! I almost lost my best friend and I learn about it now, three years after the fact?" 

Willow rose and inched over to her. "Buffy, it was my decision not to tell you. I thought you had your plate full and didn't want to worry you. There wasn't anything you could have done but worry. We both know you couldn't have left Sunnydale." She reached up and put her hand on her shoulder. "Besides, look at me . . ." She lifted Buffy's chin up and noted the tears. "This is me, standing in front of you . . not dead." 

"Not funny, Will." It was all to much for her. She let out a sigh and leaned into Willow for a hug. 

She gathered the sobbing slayer in her arms. She reflected on everything she'd said and couldn't believe herself when she thought of the things she'd gone through. It was for a higher purpose though. Wasn't it? There had to be some sort of gold ring to latch on to after all of this. 

Buffy straightened up and looked into her friend's eyes. "I'm sorry, Will. I shouldn't have lost it like that." 

Willow reached up and touched her cheek. "It's okay, Buffy, really. I've been known as your crying pillow on more than one occasion you know. I kind of missed it." She smiled hoping to lighten the mood. 

"But Will, you're so . . .detached. It's like you're reading a script or something. Come on, am I the only one allowed to shed a few tears here? What's with you?" She looked at her, but her facial expression never changed. "Will?" 

Willow sighed in defeat. Giles did tell me to tell her everything.> "Buffy, the work I do, it's . . .it's really hard. The council has been a great resource for me, and I'm improving my spells and gaining more control over them every day." She tried to sound enthusiastic, but from Buffy's expression she could tell she wasn't buying it. 

"Come on, Will. You're avoiding the question. . ." 

"Okay, well. . .The council gave me a mentor to study with. They thought that honing my Wiccan skills would just be an added bonus. In order to remain focused, my mentor gave me a gemstone to help me be unbiased about the prophesies and visions and all the work I'm to be involved in. It's called the Gem of NoiTome, pronounced no – to – may. It keeps my emotions in check." Willow lifted her hand and showed Buffy the small ring on her left middle finger. It had a thin silver band with a petite setting. The gem glowed with a dark gray hue. It almost looked like it was made for Willow's slender finger. 

"So this ring thingy keeps you from feeling extreme emotion?" Buffy shook her head in disapproval. "I don't like it, Will. . .it's not natural." She reached out to try and touch it and was met with a little electrical shock. "Ow! That didn't tickle." 

"Only the person who wears it can take it off. It's not that bad, really. I can take it off. . .and it's not like I'm numb or anything. . .the ring stores up all of my unfelt emotions and when I remove it, I can feel them naturally as if they were happening right then. The good thing is I don't have to feel them all at once. I can do it slowly and kind of de-charge the ring until they're all gone. It's just a precaution." 

"I still don't like it. I knew there was something up with you . . you just weren't acting like yourself." Again, Buffy shook her head. 

"Myself? What? You miss the angsty, unsure heap of no-self-confidence that was once me?" 

Buffy thought long and hard about it. "Yes, yes I do. I miss the real Willow. That's who you are, Will. And no ring is going to change it. You lead with your heart and take other people's feelings into consideration. You weigh the consequences, both emotional and physical. . . that's what's always been so great about you. That's the Willow that's my best friend." Buffy was becoming agitated. "Not this, this uncaring calculating walking watcher-thing you've turned into! What the hell have they don't to you here?" 

Willow walked away from her. "I've changed, Buffy. You didn't expect me to change at all in three years? I can't even begin to think of how much I owe to the Council. I have a life here now, and I have a job for as long as they need me . . maybe even longer. Retired Watchers have it really good you know." She was calm, cool and collected. . .and it chilled Buffy right to the core. 

"I'm not going to get anywhere with you while your wearing that thing. Take it off so I can talk to the real Willow." Buffy came up behind her and crossed her arms across her chest. 

Willow turned around and sighed. "This is the real Willow, Buffy. I told you, I've changed." She reached up and unfolded Buffy's arms and took her hand into her own. "I need to make one thing clear to you. I can't ever let you see me without the ring. It's just too difficult for you to handle." Willow detected a protest form on her lips and shook her head, needing to go on. "No, it's not going to happen. I made the mistake of letting Giles be there once. He stayed with me for two days and it took me a week to convince him to not kidnap me and take me back to Sunnydale. We're working for a greater good here, and there are certain sacrifices that need to be made. This is one of them." 

Buffy saw her resolve face and knew she didn't stand a chance. For now, anyway. "Can you at least take it off sometime after you've de-charged it or whatever? When there isn't a threat of danger?" 

Willow knew her friend was only trying to look out for her. "I'll consider it. I'm not making any promises though." 

Buffy pulled her into a hug. "If I had known, Will. I could have been there for you. . .but all your letters said you were okay and I believed you. I should have known something was up when you wouldn't return my calls. I should have come sooner." 

"I didn't want you to know, Buffy. I had to do this, start my future, alone. Please understand." 

"I know, and I do understand in a way. You have a job, you have obligations. Believe me, I know about sacrifices." She inhaled deeply and exhaled. She realized she almost forgot how good it was to be in her best friends arms again, to have her senses invaded by all that was Willow. "You feel good, Will. I missed this." 

Willow nuzzled in closer to the slayer. "I missed it too." She closed her eyes and smiled. "More than you'll ever know." She smiled under the blonde mane that curtained her face. After a few minutes she broke away. "Come on, I think we both need some sleep. Giles will want us up bright and early tomorrow." 

Buffy moaned a little but knew she was right. They headed for the elevator arm in arm. 

----------------- 

"I don't like it, Giles. You have to at least give her some warning . . ." They had been on the phone for over an hour. Angel was still trying to convince him to tell Buffy they were coming to London, but Giles wouldn't even consider it. 

"No, Angel. I cannot. We can't give her time to process this. She'll know how dire the situation is as soon as you walk through the door. There are things you can do, people you know, that no one else has the resources for." He removed his glasses and sighed. "She'll get over it. We'll all be much too busy to think about high school crushes and love lost. Don't you agree?" 

"I just hope you're right." He hesitated, not knowing how to approach the subject. "Giles, there's something you need to know. Cordelia and I, well . . .we have a different relationship now. It's more . . ." 

"Intimate. I see. I trust you're both careful?" This was just another wrench to throw into the works. 

"Willow's curse . . .when she cursed me with my soul again, she must have done it wrong, or right. I suppose it's how you look at it." He was struggling. 

"Your soul is permanent then?" He sighed on the other end of the receiver. "And you chose now to make me aware of this little fact?" 

"I didn't know until recently. The Powers That Be told me about it. That's when Cordy and I . . ." 

"I really don't need a play by play, Angel." He just couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I suppose Xander would say in this situation that you're sending me to a scary visual place." 

The vampire chuckled. "Yeah, I guess so." He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "So, we'll be there in three days. I received the tickets by messenger from the Council. . .on their tab I'll assume." 

"Yes, indeed. We'll see you then. Have a safe trip." Giles hung up the phone. 

He was sipping tea in his private study. After he came back into favor with the Council, he was given back all of his old privileges. But what price had he paid? What price had Willow paid for it all? He looked back on the past three years with some regret, and some fond memories. He always knew she was headed for much bigger things than any of them could imagine. He just never imagined it would all happen so soon. 

She's had to grow up so fast in these three short years. The life she's committed herself to . . .I don't think I'd wish it on even Ethan. I still don't fully trust the Council either.> 

He sighed and absentmindedly sipped his tea. In the short time the three of them had been reunited in the kitchen and then in Willow's study, he knew Buffy's mind was turning everything she'd seen over in her mind. It was only a matter of time until she found out about the gem, and all the things Willow had to sacrifice. 

That damn gem! I should have smashed it into oblivion when I had the chance.> 

He looked back on those two days he'd spent with Willow with much regret. 

The things she's gone through, the things she's seen. . . I can't even imagine how she must have felt when . . > 

He let his mind move on to more pleasant thoughts. There was no use in dwelling on things he didn't have the power to change. 

He smiled thinking about how close they'd become. It was much like a father and daughter relationship. She respected him immensely and the feeling was returned. He thought Buffy being here would do her some good, maybe even give her a few hours without that blasted ring. Now, with the dream she'd had it was as he feared. They were all headed on a collision course with destiny. He shivered and knew . . things would never be the same for any of them. 

-----------------   


As soon as she heard the soft rhythm of Buffy's breathing, Willow slipped out the door and made her way to Giles' study. She knocked on the door. "Giles? Are you up?" She opened the door a little and spotted him in his recliner by the fireplace. 

"Yes, come in, Willow." He sat up and gave her his attention. "Is something troubling you?" 

"No, just reporting to duty." She gave him a mock salute. "I told her. Everything more or less. I haven't told her about the dream yet, though. I thought it could wait until we were all together." She moved over and sat opposite him. 

"More or less?" He arched his eyebrows, urging her to continue. 

"Everything important. I didn't tell her about, that time." She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't think it was important right now. It'll keep." 

Giles shook his head in disapproval. "Absolutely not. I thought we agreed that you would tell her about it. It's the only way you are going to heal, Willow." He sat forward and looked imploringly into her face and took her hand. "Not with this blasted gem!" He gave her hand a squeeze for good measure. "The Council never would have let her come otherwise. They realize how important she is to you and she's the one who can help you heal." 

"Giles don't do this now. . ." 

He stood, angered by her offish ness. "That damn gem. I have no choice, Willow, you must realize that. If you do not start the healing process WITHOUT it. . .the Council will see it fit to take it away from you and force you to deal with all that has happened." He turned to her and knelt down in front of where she was sitting. "They've informed me of as much. . . .you have no choice. You're no good to anyone, or yourself, if you continue on in this manner." 

Willow knew what he was saying was true. "Giles, I told her that she can't see me without it. That it would be too hard for her to handle. She's never seen me like that . . .you know how she gets and if it's anything like what you went through then. . ." As she spoke, she inched the ring higher and higher up her finger and brought his attention to it. "I can control it Giles. The more it comes off, the more I feel." She closed her eyes, feeling the all too familiar ocean of emotions begin to sweep her away. "You have to try and understand how hard this is for me. Can you?" She looked at him and a lone tear fell from her eye. 

He was moved at her plea. "I do understand. But you must understand also. There are precautions we can take. She can be put under protection. And if you choose, the council will see to it that she forgets." He felt a bit more reassured now. He felt a glimmer of hope that he was actually getting through to her. "They want to arrange for you to take a trip to Callaway. It's a small fishing village down south. They have a retreat house there and it's as good a spot as any for a small vacation of sorts. I assure you, you won't be bothered." He looked down and noticed that the ring was back secured on her finger. 

". . .But we have so much work to do, dreams to interpret. . ." She was self assured again. 

"I will keep . . .at least for the next few weeks. I've called in some back up and . . ." 

Willow nodded her head in acknowledgement. "Angel and Cordelia , I figured as much." 

"You must understand, he has the ability to contact others, and his resources alone. . ." 

"You don't have to justify yourself to me Giles. I've never questioned you before." She gave him a little smile. "I just wonder how Buffy's gonna take seeing them together. She'll know something is going on." 

He looked at her puzzled. "Am I always the last one to find out?" 

"I called Angel at his apartment about a month ago. I forgot about the time difference and must have woken them up. Cordy answered the phone and, well . . .I caught them red handed so to speak." 

"I see. Well . . ." He stood up and paced around a little. "Should I tell the Council you've agreed to go?" 

"I don't see what choice I have. I hope you know what you're doing. All of you." 

"Don't worry about Buffy. She'll be able to handle this far better than either one of us will give her credit for. I'll explain to her in the morning and you two should be packed and ready to go by supper time. Agreed?" 

Willow rose and headed for the door. Before slipping out she nodded her head and whispered. "Agreed." 

------------ 

". . .I'm afraid the only way to describe it is addiction. She's become dependant on the ring and the Council is worried about the effect it's having on her." He turned to the slayer and dropped his voice. 'I tried Buffy. God help me, I tried. You don't know how many times I've wanted to smash it . . .but it's a necessity to her position." 

"So they want to send her on a little mental vacation so she can get deprogrammed and not need it anymore?" She still had so many questions and was trying to follow the best she could. 

"I'm afraid that's not possible. As long as she works for the Council, she will always need the ring. Right now, it's a matter of life and death that she, temporarily at least, live without it. There are things that have happened to her, things she refused to deal with and the Council, myself included, is worried that it could mean . . ." He was unable to continue. 

Buffy realized, maybe for the first time, the severity of the situation. "This is really bad, Giles, isn't it?" She wasn't sure, but it almost looked as if he was going to cry. 

He took a few moments to compose himself and continued on. "I'll assume she told you about when she was attacked . . .when we almost lost her?" Buffy nodded her head. "She was taken by the cadre of vampires, not just attacked." He turned away unable to face her. "She was raped, Buffy. The demon that was with them raped her while the vampires watched and drank from her. She was left for dead in a back ally not far from the mansion. They did it to make an example of her. To make an example of the Council, to show them that they weren't that powerful after all. To show that they could infiltrate the ranks, that they had the power." He sighed heavily. "It was one of the novice watchers, the demon that is. He befriended her. He was a shape shifter and was living here all along." He banged his fist on the table and Buffy jumped. "He was my charge. I was assigned to train him and I never saw it. Never saw the monster for what he truly was. She was found by chance. Quentin was out for a walk and found her there. . .almost completely drained." He waited a few moments then came around the table to sit next to her. "Do you see now why I had to stay? Why I couldn't abandon her? I felt so responsible . . ." 

"It wasn't your fault, Giles." Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes and placed her hand on his for comfort. "If a houseful of Watchers and slayers-in-training couldn't see it . . .then how could you?" 

He smiled at the simple truth of it. "Yes, I suppose you're right. You need to take care of her, Buffy. Help her heal. Try your hardest, would you?" 

Buffy nodded and leaned over to give him a hug. "I will, Giles. I promise." 

Willow walked into the kitchen and caught sight of them there. "I see you two have been plotting my demise?" She walked over and opened the refrigerator for closer inspection. 

They were shaken at her presence. Buffy spoke up. "No. . . no demise plotting here." She managed a weak smile. 

Willow turned around and scrutinized them both. "I see. And I suppose the tears are just because you're so happy that we're having turkey for dinner?" She arched her eyebrows and went back to her task. 

Buffy gave Giles a surprised look, and then directed her attention to the girl in front of her. "Gee, Will, callous much?" 

She didn't turn around and gave her reply to no one in particular. "If I didn't have my ring on I'd be really insulted by that remark." She dead-panned. 

That's it!> Buffy got up and stalked up to her. She grabbed her shoulder and turned her around. "Enjoy your monotone-melancholy little performance while you can, Red." She grabbed her hand and held it up between them. "You're not gonna have this security blanket much longer." 

Giles tried to defuse the situation. "Yes, well . . .I'll assume you're both packed and ready to go?" 

Without taking her eyes off of the enraged slayer, Willow responded. "About as ready as I'll ever be I suppose." She broke from her grasp and headed out the door. 

Buffy stood there in shock. "How can you stand her like that, Giles?" She motioned to the door. "Three years ago, she never would have . . ." 

"No, she wouldn't. You must realize what you're dealing with, Buffy. If you're not up to it, then . . ." 

"Believe me Giles, I'm up to it." She walked up to him. "I'm all over being up to it." She exited the same way Willow went just moments before. 

He stood there for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. For her sake, I hope you are.> 

------------- 

The ride to the cottage was made in relative silence. Buffy attempted about two minutes worth of conversation until Willow pulled her headphones over her ears for the rest of the trip. They traveled along the coast for about three hours until they came upon a small village. The driver rolled the divider window down and announced that they'd be there in ten minutes. 

Great. Let the games begin.> Willow heard him through the headphones and began for the thousandth time to reconsider her position. I don't know if I can do this.> 

They walked into the cottage and the driver left the bags by the door. "James will be staying in the servant's quarters. He's been instructed to prepare your meals and perform all household duties. Beyond that, he will not interfere." The driver fished around in his pocket and produced a letter. "These are some final instructions from Mr. Giles. I'm sure you'll find everything you need." He handed it to Willow, tipped his hat, and was out the door. A few moments later they heard the car pull away. 

Willow opened the letter and began to read: 

Dear Willow and Buffy, 

I hope this finds you both well and safe within the cottage. You have all the supplies you need and James will tend to the house. There is no reason for either of you to be discouraged in this task. I'm sure you will face it together. The Council has informed me that the ring will slowly deactivate itself. It will not go any faster or slower than either of you can handle. I pray that this brings you both closer; but most of all, it brings you, Willow, closer to healing. You're in my thoughts, Giles. 

--------------------- 

"You know we wouldn't do it if it wasn't absolutely necessary, don't you Rupert?" 

Giles was gazing out the window. "I know Quentin. I just hope it works. Our lives depend on it." 

------------------- 

"I still don't understand why we have to go so soon. We don't leave for another day and I haven't even packed my walking shoes." 

Angel looked up at her and past her shoulder. The suitcases where spread from the door to the kitchen. "I have to go see the Powers That Be." 

"Since when do you read Dr. Seuss?" She chuckled at him. 

"What?" He realized what he'd said and smiled. "I'm serious Cordy." 

"Fine. But if I break a nail rushing, you're paying for one of those Paris manicures." 

----------------------   
A week later in Callaway.   


"Will . . ." 

"No." 

They had been arguing with the bathroom door between them for over an hour now. It had been a rough week. Giles wasn't kidding when he said this was gonna be tough.> "Come on, Will. I won't do it again. I swear." 

"You swear?" 

"Yes. Now would you please come out?" She saw the door creak open a little and pushed it back the rest of the way. Buffy looked over at her cautiously. "I'm sorry, Will. Not until you're ready, I promise." 

Buffy had made the mistake of trying to take the ring off her finger when she was napping. She forgot about the little security system it had and yanked so hard the shock sent her back a few feet. Willow woke up from the charge and made a bee-line for the bathroom. 

"Okay then." She looked down at her from her perch on the counter. 

"You still hungry? I could make us something to eat?" 

"Mmm, no. I'm alright." She managed a little half smile. "Let's go watch some TV." 

Buffy sat next to her and took Giles' coveted position . . .she watched. She noticed that Willow had already begun to change and her emotions were beginning to surface. As Giles promised, it wasn't happening too fast, giving them both enough time to adjust to the changes. Buffy already saw hints of the old Willow come through. She figured it would only be a matter of time before she was alright again. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" Willow looked over to her. 

"Ah, nothing really. Just thinking about how much I missed you is all." 

"Yeah, it's been a while since we were able to do this. . .Just sit around in our PJ's watching TV." She smiled. "I forgot how nice it felt . . ." to be near you, and look into your eyes and know that I'll be ok because that's what you believe and I believe it because you do. Well, that's what I wanted to say anyway.> 

Buffy noted the thoughtful expression on her face and decided to press on. "I . . .Will, Giles told me about . . ." 

"I figured as much when I walked into the kitchen with you two huddled up" She looked down and began to play with the ring. "It was so horrible, Buffy. . ." The ring came off a little more. "I never thought I could feel so horrible about anything, ever." 

This may turn out to be a long night.> "Giles said that he was a watcher in training. That no one knew he was a demon." 

"A novice, and yes, a demon." She concentrated mostly on the ring. She was shifting it back and forth between two fingers now. "There's more, Buffy. There's so much more . . ." 

"Take your time, Will. I'm not going anywhere." 

-------------- 

"Giles, are you sure?" Angel was staring at the sketch as if it would jump off the page any minute. "This is the thing that attacked her?" He motioned to the sketch on the table and continued to pace. 

"Yes. She drew it herself. We told her it wasn't necessary, but . . ."Giles noted the agitation the vampire had worked himself into. "Angel. . ." 

It's a rogue . . .it was probably banished from the clan because of something unforgivable it had done." He stopped and motioned to the sketch on the table. "The collar it has on can tell you as much . . .do you have any idea what it takes for a demon to banish it's own kind? Whatever it did, must have been . . " 

"I can't even begin to imagine." Giles picked up the sketch again then brought his attention back to the vampire. "You know what this is, don't you?" 

He shook his head. "I can't be sure." 

"If you have any idea, Angel, it will be the only idea any of us have had in three years. Please." 

He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms in front of him. After a few moments he began to speak. "It's a Mohra Demon. Their blood has regenerative powers . .it can re-animate a vampire, or any dead creature, and make it live again." 

Giles was on his feet. "And you know of this thing how?" He raised his voice . . .possibly in fear. 

"I was attacked by one once. I contacted the Powers That Be and they told me how to destroy it. You have to smash the jewel in it's forehead." He gave the man a few moments to process the information. "There's more, Giles." 

He sighed. "There bloody well always is." 

"Mohra Demons are powerful assassins. Their purpose is to kill individuals on the side of Good. They are dual examples of evil-as-corruption, because they defend evil's ability to destroy, and they have a goal of bringing the apocalypse." 

"Hell on earth and the end of days." 

Angel could do nothing but nod in agreement. 

He lurked behind the door, listening intently to the entire conversation. Damn. They weren't suppose to find out so soon.> He rubbed his temples in deep thought before taking off down the hall. 

------------------ 

Willow got off the couch and began to pace around the room. "It's frowned upon by the Council. . .but I . . .we were seeing each other. I was involved with him for about a month before." She stopped at the bay windows and looked out at nothing in particular. "I trusted him. . .I thought he was different, I thought I was . . special." 

Buffy realized what she'd been so scared of. She was seeing a demon and didn't even know it. He tricked her. And for that he must die!> 

"We were walking back from the library . . .a-and the vampires descended on us right before we got to the mansion. . .I was here for a year . . .there wasn't any activity and I thought I was safe. . .I ran . . .I ran so fast I thought my chest would explode, then I ran some more." She was crying now, the ring had fallen to her feet. 

Buffy approached her slowly. The last thing she wanted to do was startle her. She saw Willow look up into the glass and notice her approach. 

She whispered. "I'm okay . . .just give me a second." She saw Buffy nod in acknowledgement. She closed her eyes and pressed on. "There were four or five of them . . .they took me to an ally . . .it was dark, there was a dumpster there and a lamp post a few feet away. . .the ground was warm from the sun that afternoon." She sniffled and wiped her nose with her sleeve. "They held me down . . .they fed off of me a-and he . . .he changed right in front of me, it was so disgusting." She made a little face as a shiver ran down her spine. "He got on top of me and I felt him, IT, go in . . .I must have passed out from the loss of blood. . .or it was a side effect of the fear." She gave a cynical chuckle. "Next thing I knew, Quentin was kneeling down next to me telling me not to move." She turned around to face Buffy and leaned on the window pane for support. "Giles was flown in the next day and two day's later he brought me the elixir. . .I was able to sit up within ten minutes." She sighed. "The next day, my mentor gave me the ring." She looked down at it on the rug. 

Buffy nodded her head sadly. She looked over at the clock on the wall. It was 4am 

------------ 

"This girl grows stronger . . .I can feel it." He gave a menacing look to the band of vampires before him. He got up from the throne and began to pace around the room. "She should have been destroyed when you had the chance!" The walls shook with the boom of his voice. They all dropped to their knees and cowered. "She will not defeat me, they will NOT win!" A thunder clap could be heard in the distance. "So help me, if my plans are detained in anyway, it will be your heads mounted on these walls! All of you!" 

------------ 

"Will . . ." 

She remain still and continued to lean against the window with her eyes closed. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks attesting to the events of the night, and bearing witness to all she'd felt, or, was unable to feel. She opened her eyes and saw the sadness mirrored back by the face that studied her. 

Buffy took a chance and tried to reach out for her. 

Willow pressed herself closer to the window, if that was possible. She shook her head and looked down at the floor. "No . . .don't." She wiped the tears away. "You can't . . .I don't want you to." She looked up at the girl in front of her. "I . . .you can't touch me . . .I don't want you to . . I'm . . .I feel so dirty, Buffy." 

A sob escaped from her throat and her hand went to her mouth. She wanted to help her, so much. She didn't know what she could do, she felt like her hands were tied. "Will, I want to help you. Please, let me. I don't know what you're feeling, I can't even begin to imagine. . .but no matter what happens to you, no matter how much you change or what you do, good or bad, I love you." She took a step closer. "I love the gawky shy hacker, I love the wiccan, I love the soon to be watcher." She smiled at her and took a breath. "And yes, I even love the person who feels dirty. There's no two ways about it, Will. . .I just love you." 

That's all it took. She took a baby step forward and leaned her head against the slayer's chest. Buffy's arms came up slowly and upon contact, Willow collapsed into her. They sunk to the ground and Buffy kept her hold on the girl, all the time rubbing small circles around her back. "It's okay now, Will. You're gonna be okay." 

They stayed like that for maybe a half-hour until Buffy heard the soft rhythm of her breath and found that she'd fallen asleep. Gently, she lifted her off the floor and carried her to the bedroom. She laid her down and covered her up with the comforter. She sat on the edge of the bed for a few moments before quietly tiptoeing to the door. 

"Buffy?" 

Damn!> "Sorry Will. I tried to be quiet." 

"Where are you going?" She turned over at looked at the slayer. 

"Back to my room. I thought you could use some time alone." 

She sighed in the darkness. "I've been alone for three years, Buffy . . .I don't want to be alone anymore. Will you stay with me?" 

She crept up to the bed again and got under the covers. Willow snuggled down next to her and Buffy smiled at the sweetness of it. "I'm glad the big bad hacker still needs me for something." 

Willow shifted to look at her. "I'll always need you Buffy. You don't know . . .I couldn't tell anyone, not even Giles . . .I guess I was just saving it for you." She sat back and was thoughtful for a moment. "I mean, the Council sent me to therapy and all that, but. . .there's no better medicine than sharing it with a friend. You know?" 

The tears pushed through again and crept down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you, Will. If I was here, it would have been different. You never would have been . . ." 

"And if Giles went with us it never would have happened, and if Quentin went for his walk earlier he could have prevented it, and if the Council implemented DNA identification sooner it never would have. . ." 

"Okay, okay. . .I get the point." She smiled down at her and kissed her lightly on the forehead. 

"See . . .right there, I feel better all ready." 

Buffy considered that for a moment then leaned down again, placing a kiss on her cheek. 

"Would-you-run-away-screaming-if-I-said-a-little-to-the-left?" 

It was a rushed whisper, but Buffy was sure of what she'd heard. "Will, I . . ." 

"Never mind.." She turned on her side away from her. 

"Will . . .I don't want to take advantage of you." She reached up and put her hand on her shoulder to bring them face to face. "You've been through so much, I don't want you to get hurt." 

Willow smiled at her concern. "I didn't think it would hurt . . .I . . .I was kinda hoping it would feel good." She scrutinized the girl in front of her. "Wait. Does that mean . . .you've thought about it?" 

"Of course I have, Will." They both laid back and stared at the ceiling. 

"You have?" 

"We were in the Library, remember when you walked in and we thought you'd been turned into a vampire?" 

"Uhh, I still have nightmares about it." 

"Well, after we found out that it wasn't you at the bronze, and after Xander and I hugged you . . .I stood there and looked at you . . .I mean REALLY looked at you. . .and that's when it hit me." 

Willow waited a moment, maybe remembering all that had happened that night. "What's that?" 

"That I wasn't just fighting every night to save the world from evil anymore . . .I was doing it for me and Giles and Xander and yes, even Cordelia . . .and I was doing it for you. When I thought that something could have gotten you, that something evil crept up close to home and did this to you. . .it made me want to fight harder." She paused a beat. "Nobody messes with my Willow." 

"Aww." She looked over and put her hand on her arm. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" A realization hit her and she whispered. "Oz." 

"And Angel." She shifted so they were once again face to face. "But I'll make a promise to you now." She reached up and touched her cheek lightly. "I promise you we'll find the right time, and when we do, nothing is going to keep us apart again, ever." She leaned over and brushed Willow's lips with her own. 

------------- 

Morning came, and Giles walked over to the window to close the drapes. 

"Thanks." Angel looked up at him. "When are they due back?" 

"James phoned earlier this morning. He expects that they would want to come back this afternoon or early this evening. Apparently they were up all night and he found the ring on the floor in the living room after they'd gone to bed." 

"So it worked." Angel was relieved. 

"Yes. I didn't doubt it would." Giles smiled to himself. 

"Do you ever plan on telling her the power it has wasn't lost in the first place?" It was the vampire's turn to smile. 

Giles looked up surprised. "How did you . . .?" 

"Gem of NoiTome. . .worn by Zeus himself when planning for battle. A gift from his mother after he killed his father Kronos and was caught cheating on Hera. It made him level-headed in battle and in marriage." Angel looked up for Giles' reaction. "The only way to destroy it is to smash it, just like the Gem of Amorah." 

"You bloody well never cease to amaze me, Angel." Giles took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

"Yes, well. I try." He brought his attention back to the book he'd been studying earlier. "Tell me more about the dream Willow had. . ." 

He sat down and began flipping through a book and began to trace with his finger a passage he found. "Yes, here it is. I won't bother you with the translation. Basically, there are certain forces that have been joined. An unholy marriage, if you will. These specific forces will gather with one purpose in mind. . . The death of the slayer will trigger a series of events that will prevent the Immortal Watcher from taking her rightful place. Without the Immortal Watcher, the council will become infected with double agents and rendered powerless." He flipped through some other pages. "The death of the slayer will not be an ordinary death….she will be turned into a vampire. Since she will still be walking this earth, it prevents the next slayer from being called thus bringing about the end of the Watcher's Council and the biggest stronghold that exists on the side of good." He shook his head. "I just can't seem to connect the demon with any of this though." 

"Why don't we cross reference the times when the Immortal Watcher is mentioned with rogue demon activity." Angel said thoughtfully. "Whatever's happening, this demon has an agenda." 

"Mmm, I've never met one who hasn't." Giles looked up and realized what he'd said. "Sorry, present company excluded of course." 

"That's alright, Giles. I make no excuses for my past." Angel got up and began to pace. "Now, what would a rogue hybrid shape shifting Mohra demon want with the Immortal Watcher?" Angel stopped and turned to him. "Is it safe to assume that the Immortal Watcher is . . " 

"Willow, yes." He sighed. "She knows. She's known since she arrived and has been training for it." 

"Who has been training her?" 

"Quentin has. Before he was appointed to the Council, he was the High Priest of one of the largest coven's in England. They saw his potential and recruited him. He's her mentor." 

"He's the one that found her that night, isn't he?" Giles nodded his head. "And he gave her the ring afterwards?" 

"Yes. What are you getting at, Angel?" 

"Who recruited this novice Watcher turned demon?" 

A look of questioning washed across his face. "Quentin did, but . . " 

"And who better to summon a Mohra demon than a Warlock Watcher." Angel slammed his fist down on the table for good measure. "Damn." 

"It couldn't be. . .What use would it serve? Why would he have her attacked and brought to the edge of death, then to spare her life? It just doesn't make any sense. You must be mistaken, Angel." 

He looked up at the Watcher and shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Giles. Answer me this: How does the Immortal Watcher become immortal?" 

"You know that as well as I do Angel. . .It is attempted every thousand years or after the death of the five-hundredth slayer. I've never witnessed one myself so I don't know the exact process . . ." 

"Yes, and what number slayer is Buffy?" Angel looked down at him with concentration in his eyes. "I've been around long enough to know that she's number 1499, and with faith in a coma and stripped of her slayer powers, that makes her 1500. Her death means . . ." 

"The rise of the Immortal Watcher. . .but if the slayer is a vampire and can live forever, then. . ." 

"Then the Immortal Watcher will never take her post." Angel sat down and opened up another book. "Come on, we have a lot more work ahead of us." 

Giles was broken out of his thoughts. "Yes, I want to have more information before they get here. We can't run off half-cocked on this you know." 

----------- 

"Are you certain they know?" 

"No, but they are close. It's only a matter of time before they find the pages missing." 

He paced around the office. God help me, this better work.> "Let them find them." 

"You can't be serious. Do you have any idea what I had to go through to get him back here? She almost died for God's sake!" He was on his feet. "He'll kill me . . then he'll come after you." He turned around and shook his head. "Ripper may be gone now, but he's not forgotten, I assure you." 

"Quentin, there are four people in this mansion that I trust implicitly. Myself, James, you and Rupert. Everyone else is under suspicion, you know that. Anyone of them could be a double-agent." 

"He'll leave." Quentin turned and faced the older man. "And he'll take the lot of them with him! We'll be unable to keep them under surveillance, under OUR protection. . . surely you must reconsider." 

"That's what I'm counting on." He dropped his voice. "The fate of the world depends on it. As soon as he suspects, he'll be gone . . .and she'll be under better protection than these wall can offer." 

Quentin dropped his hands to his side in resignation. "I hope you know what you're doing." He turned to go. 

"Make the pages findable." 

He nodded his head and was out the door. 

-------------- 

The car had no sooner stopped, then Buffy and Willow were out the door. The headed straight away for Giles' study, wanting nothing but to get to work on the prophesy that lay before them. 

Willow burst through the door first. "We're back, Giles." She stopped short. 

Buffy wasn't far behind. "Hi Giles . . ." Her gaze shifted to the table where a vampire sat without expression. "and Angel?" She reached out and grabbed hold of Willow's hand. 

The gesture didn't go un-noticed by him. "Buffy. Nice to see you again." He nodded in the redhead's direction. "Willow." 

All she did was wave. 

Cordelia chose that moment to walk in with an armful of bags. "Hello? Someone care to give me a hand with this?" 

Angel got up and took some of the packages. 

"Thanks. Anyone ever tell you you're a sweetie? Even for a dead guy . . " She dropped her bags and walked over to him. "Guess that's why I lo . . ." 

He cut her off. "Uh, Cordelia?" 

She followed his gaze and stepped back " . .look, it's Willow, a-and Buffy. Buffy and Willow, here, together…with us in the same room." She smiled and jabbed him in the ribs. 

He winced. "Yeah, they just got back . . .5 seconds ago." He looked down at her. 

Giles decided to step in. "Yes, well . . now that we're all finally here." He motioned to the chairs, hoping they'd all sit down. 

No one moved. 

Buffy found her voice and spoke up. "Giles, what's going on here?" 

"I decided to call Angel in to help out. We've already made some headway with the prophesy and . . ." 

" . . .and Cordelia made herself useful as usual by shopping?" Buffy sent a glare at the brunette. 

"Listen here missy, I'll have you know that Angel and I . . ." 

"Work well together." Angel cut her off with a look. "We've been working together for over three years now. She is a lot of help." 

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I can just imagine." 

It was Willow's job to do the jabbing. "Buffy, cut it out. They work together, that's all." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "You're not gonna go psycho-jealous-slayer on me, are you?" 

Her lips formed a protest but she thought better of it. "Okay, I'm sorry. It's just a shock to see you after all this time, that's all." She moved to the table to sit down, never letting go of Willow's hand. "Come on. We have work to do." 

Giles sighed in relief. "Good. Well, now that the reunion is over with, Angel and I would like to explain what we've discovered." Giles sat down and motioned to the vampire. "Angel?" 

He nodded to the table and Cordelia took a seat. Buffy thought it was odd – Cordelia taking silent orders from him - but decided not to question it. 

Angel began, "So this is what we have so far. . ." 

They worked diligently into the night. All of them, even Cordelia, were immersed in one volume of the Codex or another when Giles finally broke the silence. 

"That's odd . . ." 

They all looked up and turned their attention to him. 

"What is it Giles?" Angel questioned before walking up behind him. 

"This book . . there are pages missing from it." 

Angel bent down for a closer inspection. "You're right. Who else has access to these books?" 

Giles thought for a moment. "No one. This is my private study . . .I have the only key other than . . ." He shook his head in disbelief. 

Angel stood up straight. "Quentin." 

"I'm afraid so." 

Willow broke into the conversation, confused. "What does Quentin have to do with this? I thought you ruled him out as a suspect because he's my mentor?" 

"He's your mentor?" It was Buffy's turn to be confused. 

Willow nodded her head and smiled at the blonde. "Guess I forgot that part." Her attention went back to the vampire. "But Quentin? Are you sure Angel?" 

"No, Willow, I'm not. But there's only one way to find out." He sat down next to Giles. "Here's the plan. . ." 

--------------- 

She knocked on the door. "Quentin? Can you give me a hand with something?" 

He looked up from his book at the redhead. "Certainly." 

"James isn't around and I can't get my suitcase from the elevator to my study. Think you could help me?" 

"Of course." He rose from his chair and followed her out the door. 

----------- 

They waited around the corner until they saw the elevator doors close. They slipped quickly into the study. 

Angel whispered. "Check all the drawers, filing cabinets, and bookcases." He moved over towards the window. "I'm gonna try and find out if there's a sliding panel here somewhere. Giles said all the studies on this floor have the same floor plan and he has a safe in the wall behind the picture." 

The blonde nodded to him. "Roger 007 . . I'm on it." After giving him a mock salute, she turned to inspect the desk drawers. 

He shook his head and couldn't help but chuckle. Good old Buffy . . .never changes.> He could have sworn she was humming the tune to Mission Impossible. 

------------- 

". . .Well, I'm glad you're better. Now maybe we can get to work on interpreting that dream you had. The Council wants you to start right away." 

Willow had just finished filling him in on what happened in the last week. "We're already on it. Giles and Angel think they have a few leads." 

Quentin looked over at her. "Really?" He shrugged his shoulders. "I shouldn't be surprised. Rupert has always excelled at his job. Graduated top of the class." He looked down at her hand. "Where's your ring, Willow?" 

She looked down and realized she wasn't wearing it. "Oh, James must have it. I'll get it from him later." She waved her hand. 

"I must say, I'm quite impressed with your demeanor. You've managed to control your emotions the entire time we've been talking. I never would have known you weren't wearing the ring." He smiled up at her. 

"Thanks." She looked at her watch. "I should be getting back downstairs. We still have a lot of work to do." She rose to go but he reached up and stopped her. 

"So, fill me in on what you've found so far." 

---------- 

"Ah ha!" Buffy's head popped up from underneath the desk. "Three missing pages from the codex." She held them up and waved them around. "Now I wonder how they got here?" She got up off her knees and walked over to Angel. 

He took them from her and glanced over them. "No." 

Her expression turned from victory to concern. "Angel, what is it?" She looked at the passage he was pointing to. "No." She stepped back and tried to process what she'd just read, then it dawned on her. "Oh my God. Willow's alone with him! Get Giles, quick!" 

She sprinted out the door with the vampire close behind. "We'll be up as soon as we can." 

-------------- 

Willow shifted nervously under his gaze. "Quentin, you're hurting my arm." 

He smiled and let her go. "So what have you discovered?" 

"We, ah . . found out that it was a hybrid Mohra demon that attacked me." She backed up a little and he followed in step. 

"A Mohra demon.? How odd . . " He never stopped smiling. 

"Yeah, so Giles thinks it has something to do with the Immortal Watcher Ceremony, and, uh . . ." She swallowed hard. "These things never seem to go smoothly, demon rising, apocalypse happening . . .you'd think they wouldn't even care I was . . ." She saw the look in his eyes and gasped. 

His advance on her increased. 

"Quentin, you're making me nervous. . .what are you doing?" 

Before she knew it, he had a hold of both of her arms. "You never should have interfered!" He began to shake her. "Things would have gone off smoothly if it wasn't for that damned vampire. . ." 

His rant was interrupted by Buffy's fist hitting his face. 

"Get your tweed paws off of her!" She pushed Willow behind her and walked up to him. "How dare you . . .how could you have done this to her! You were her mentor!" Buffy reached down and yanked him to his feet. "I'll kill you for this." 

Giles ran over to them. "That's quite enough, Buffy. He's worth more alive to us than dead." Quentin sighed in relief and Giles caught it and looked at him. "For now." 

She looked over to him never loosening her grip. "But Giles . . ." 

"I read the pages, Buffy. I know what's happened." He turned his attention to the cowering man under the slayers grasp. "As for you. You'd better start talking fast. She's never been well known for following her Watcher's orders." 

He raised his hands in defeat. "Fine, fine . . .I'll tell you anything you want." 

Giles nodded to Buffy and she threw him on the couch. Without missing a beat she went over to Willow. "You okay, Will?" She reached out and put her hand on her shoulder. 

"Fine, fine. . .I'm okay, Buffy." She shook her head a few times to clear it. "What's going on? Did you find the pages?" 

Angel stepped up. "We not only found the pages, but we found out who the demon is working for." He gave the man on the couch a menacing look. "I think you should take this one Quentin old chap." 

Willow looked over at her now former mentor. "Who was he working for?" 

He looked up at her with sadness in his eyes. 

She walked up to him. "Quentin?" 

He brought his hands to his head and looked at the floor. He couldn't bear the way she was looking at him. "The Council. He was hired by the bloody Council." 

She stood there in shock. "The Council? They hired him to . . .they knew what he'd do all along?" Hot angry tears formed in her eyes. 

He looked up at her finally, ready to bear the consequences. "They hired him to befriend you and Rupert. He was to gain your trust and on the night of the full moon, he was to put his seed in you to begin the process for immortality." He shook his head in disbelief. "It went horribly wrong. You were supposed to be willing . . .we didn't know he had his own agenda. . . .the cadre of vampires were working for him." He sighed and pressed on. "And he is working for something greater than any of us." 

Giles broke in. "The end of the world." He took off his glasses and began to pace the room. "Mohra demons work towards two goals. . .evils ability to commit evil and the apocalypse. This particular demon made a deal with a Warlock." Giles motioned to Quentin. "He was to instill the ability to shape shift and in return the demon would grant you the first step to immortality. I'll assume the Council didn't count on him double crossing you?" 

Quentin shook his head. "No. After their 'encounter' he was to be destroyed. The Council would have had no use for him after that. Whom ever he's working for knows about the rise of the Immortal Watcher and struck a deal with him to prevent it." 

Angel stepped up into Quentin's view. "You know who he's working for, don't you?" 

His head shot up. "I have no idea. You must believe me." 

Angel reached down and brought the man off the couch and dangled him in the air. He shifted into game-face. "You KNOW who he's working for." Angel put him down and leaned into his neck. "Do you know how long it's been since I've tasted the blood of a human directly from the source?" He sniffed his neck. "Too long." He leaned in for a bite. 

"Rayne!" Quentin shook with fear. "Ethan Rayne . . .he's working for Ethan Rayne!!" 

Angel tossed him back on the couch and turned to Giles. "Think that's everything?" 

"For his sake I hope so." 

The elevator doors opened and Cordelia walked in. She saw the scene before her and walked up to Angel. "What's going on?" 

He shifted out of game-face immediately. "Cordelia. We found the missing pages and Quentin here was filling in the blanks for us." 

"Ohhh." She nodded her head as if she understood. 

Buffy rejoined the conversation. "Now can I kill him?" 

Willow took a deep breath and spoke up. "No. They planned this all along. Richard knew about this too, didn't he?" She didn't wait for the answer. "The only way we could have found those missing pages is if you wanted us to. This has to do with the dream I had and the death of the slayer." She walked up and hovered over him. "It's not going to happen, Quentin. . .mark my words, it'll NEVER happen. Not as long as I'm alive!" With her last words the house shook with a roll of thunder and they saw lightening flash outside the window. 

He spoke in an eerily calm voice. "That's what we're all afraid of my dear." 

----------- 

"How is she?" Giles inquired through the rear view mirror. 

"Sleeping still." She didn't move, and spoke in no direction in particular. 

"Let me know if you need anything. We'll be there soon." 

She nodded her head and closed the divider between them. 

They were on their way to James' retreat in the mountains. No one knew of it, thankfully, and Giles decided it would be best if they didn't stay in the mansion any more. Angel and Cordelia were following in the van that was packed with necessities, and James and Giles were in the front seat of Willow's limo. They'd left three hours ago and were determined not to stop until they arrived. Before they left, James removed the tracking device from the car and smashed it. Now the Council would never be able to find them. They hoped. 

Immortal Watcher. . . Quentin as her mentor/tormentor. . .raped by a hybrid demon.> That was just about everything wrapped up in the form sleeping next to her. So much on your shoulder's Will. I don't know why you never told me any of it. God, I know I have my own stuff to deal with, but, I love you so much, you're my best friend.> Buffy sighed and glanced at the now stirring form beside her. 

Slowly she opened her eyes. "Where are we?" 

Buffy whispered. "We should be there soon." 

She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. She slumped over to the other side of the seat and put her head on Buffy's shoulder and yawned. "So sleepy. How long have I been conked out?" 

The slayer smiled. "About two hours." She anticipated the next question. "We've been driving for three." 

Willow sat up and looked at her friend apologetically. "I'm sorry. You must have been bored to death with me snoring into the upholstery." She gave her a sheepish grin. 

"No, it's okay, Will . . .it gave me some time to think." Absentmindedly, Buffy was playing with a few strands of red hair in her fingers. 

"What's on your mind?" Willow gave her a worried look. 

"No doom and gloom, promise. " Buffy reassured. "I was just thinking about you, me, us. . .how most things change, but still stay the same, and how it's really cool in a weird sort of way, you know?" 

Willow blinked. "Uh, riddle me this, riddle me that?" 

Buffy smiled. "Sorry. . . my mind got ahead of my mouth. I guess I was just thinking about the whole situation we've gotten ourselves into here. . . and prophesies seem to have a way of following my around you know. I'm sorry if I got you involved, I didn't mean to." 

"Got me involved? Buffy, you know as well as I do that we can't control this kind of thing." She studied her hands a moment and continued. "I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. It kinda wipes out the whole 'no secrets allowed' rule." 

She touched her cheek with her hand. "It's okay, Will. You told me in your own time . . .that's the important thing. . . .that and your safety in whatever we're about to get ourselves into." 

She leaned into the slayer's touch. "I'll be fine, as long as you're around." In a bold move, Buffy began to draw the girl closer. 

"Buffy, Giles and James are . . ." 

"Shh, no more talking." She silenced her by placing one finger across soft lips. Soft, kissable lips. "Just one, little tiny peck." The intentions were good, but she hardly got the end result. 

The kiss was tentative and restrained. Just enough to make their hearts leap but not too much. 

Buffy pulled back and looked into troubled eyes. "Will, what's wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. . ." 

"No, it's not you Buffy, I just. . . you were right, we need to take it slow." She smiled at her. "It was nice though." 

Further conversation was interrupted by the car stopping. Giles rolled down the divider. "We're here, thankfully." 

They all followed up to the cabin. From what they could tell, it was situated in the middle of nowhere and there were trees as far as you could see. Upon entering, they all chose rooms. 

"This is great, James. It's so big." 

"Yes, Miss Rosenberg . . it is quite deceptive from the exterior, isn't it?" 

She smiled at the older man. "Please, James. . .if we're going to be working together, you'll have to start calling me Willow." 

Dinner was eaten in relative silence and everyone decided to turn in for the night. There would be a long day waiting for them tomorrow, and they weren't full recovered from the trip yet. 

------------ 

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. "Busy?" 

She turned around from brushing her hair. "Cordy, no. . .come on in." 

She stepped into the room and closed the door. "We didn't get a chance to talk earlier, you know, with impending death and prophesies . . .I was wondering how you were doing?" She sat down on the bed a few inches from Willow. 

"Okay. Just trying to digest everything I guess. I mean, a lot has happened and who knew about Quentin, and then the trip to Callaway and I knew you and Angel were coming but I didn't tell Buffy and do you think that was okay? I mean I feel like I should have warned her and we haven't seen each other in three years and it's all the same but different, but things are changing and. . . " 

She put her hand on her shoulder. "Relax, Red . . .from zero to babble in record time as always. I didn't come here to make things harder for you. I just wanted to see how you were . . .I'd better go." She began to get up but Willow reached up to stop her. 

"No, don't . . I . . .it's just weird after all this time. . .you know? I don't want this to be weird. But I guess it's just getting weirder by the minute." She shrugged her shoulders. 

She sat down again. "So you and Buffy? I mean., did you tell her . . " 

"God, no . . I couldn't. And yes, Buffy and I." She saw her expression change. "It just sort of, happened. I wasn't looking for it, or maybe I was, but . . .we've only kissed once and we've talked about this, Cordy." 

Cordelia took the brush from her hand and turned to stroke it through the mane of copper in front of her. "I know we have. And I thought I was alright with it but. . .I'm not and I can't pretend to be, I know it was a long time ago, but . . ." 

"It feels like yesterday, I know. . .but now everything is different. You're with Angel and sometimes LA seems like it was a dream or something." 

She stopped brushing and placed her hands on slender shoulders. "But it wasn't a dream, it was real from what I remember and Angel and I are, well, complicated. He knows about" 

She turned. "You told him? How could you tell him?" She got up and started to pace around the room. "Oh God, this is way too much to handle at once. . . I think I'm going into overload." 

Cordelia got up and stopped the redhead from wearing a hole in the carpet. "Hang on there, Red. . .slow the train down a sec. . .he's good with it. We got caught red handed anyway. He came over late one night to drop off some papers and I left the bedroom door open. He saw you in there and I had to fess up." 

"Just knowing he knows what he knows is . . ." 

She backed up a step. "Are you ashamed of it? Of everything that happened?" She began to retreat for the door but Willow reached out and stopped her. 

"No, you know I'm not. Cordy, when I went to you two in LA . . I was so lost, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. The Council told me I could go anywhere and I went to you and Angel. I needed to heal and process everything that happened. It had only been 6 months since the rape." She released her grip a little and let her hands fall down to entwine with the ones in front of her. "You helped me, you don't know how much, and when I went there I wasn't looking for anything but to get away. You did that . . .you helped me get away and get comfortable in my own skin again. . . .getting involved with you was only a bonus." She smiled a moment and allowed the brunette time to process everything she'd just said. "You gave me what I needed back then and when I left we agreed that no matter what happened, the friendship we'd created wouldn't be changed." 

She reached up and touched her cheek lightly. "I saw you standing there in the library, holding her hand and I just. . ." She leaned over so her forehead was pressed against a pillow of red hair. She whispered. "I wished it was me . . .I remembered when it was me and how you smelled, and how you felt, and how your eyes lit up when you laughed and. . ." 

"I know, Cordy. I saw you reach up to kiss Angel and I." 

The sentence was long forgotten in a kiss. They soon remembered every crevice, every nook that made the other shiver. Cordelia pulled her in closer and Willow gasped from the pressure. Taking that as an invitation, Cordelia ran her tongue lightly across a pink swollen lip and was met with it's match. The kissed for what seemed like forever when Willow finally broke away. 

"Cordelia . . " 

"I know, we can't do this. Angel" 

"And Buffy." She gave her an apologetic smile. "I'll never forget what you did for me, you know . . .we have to be . . .we have other people in our lives now, other people that love us very much." 

"I know. And I wouldn't trade Angel for the world, but that doesn't make me miss you any less." 

"Me either." She leaned over and gave the taller girl a big hug. "We can do this. It's our time to try out the friendship side of us. Angel deserves a chance and so does Buffy." 

She smiled into a mane of red hair. "I know. I just hope they know how good they've both got it." 

---------------- 

This isn't good . . .not good at all.> Giles was standing outside Willow's room. He'd meant to speak with her but heard voices from the other side of the door. He didn't mean to eavesdrop . . he caught clips of the conversation and what he'd suspected happened, had. When Willow returned from her trip to LA she was withdrawn and sad. Now he knew why. These secrets are going to be the death of her. The death of them all.> He was left in a quandary. The dynamics of the relationships in this little group could be the undoing of this entire mission. One slip, one misspoken word and they were all doomed as well as the world. It would all unravel. He noticed the door begin to open and was left with no choice but to hide. Not very well, though. 

"Giles?" 

"Yes, I was just coming to speak with you, but I heard voices and . . ." He raised his hands and sighed. "I think we need to talk, Willow." 

Cordelia made a hasty exit and Willow invited Giles into her room. So much for sleep.> 

---------------- 

". . .and that's everything?" 

She got up and stretched. "Yes, Giles. Now you know everything." She walked over to the night table with her back to him. "Every embarrassing, sordid detail. . . well, not all the details, but" 

"That's quite alright. I don't need, um, details." He got up and put his hand on her shoulder. "There simply isn't much choice here. You know what has to happen, don't you?" 

She sighed in resignation. "Yes, dad, I know." 

"There's no need to be flippant with me. I'm only trying to help." 

She turned around regretting the words. "I'm sorry, Giles. My brain is misfiring from all of this. I can't believe I have to do this." 

"Yes, well. There's no time like the present, don't you think? It's not too late and if all goes well, then." 

"Giles, this is the Scooby gang your talking about. . . since when has all ever gone the way it was supposed to." She glanced over at the clock. "Hmm, nine thirty. I guess we can start and anything that goes unresolved can be dealt with in the morning." 

"Very well. I'll gather the others. No need to wake James. He's thankfully no part of this." 

"Giles, we didn't do this on purpose." 

"I know, and I'm sorry." 

------------- 

The hallway was a popular place that night. He watched Giles leave, stepped out into the shadows and glanced down at his watch. Right on schedule.> It was to happen tonight, their lives were never going to be the same. The past three years had culminated to this point and they didn't even know it. They didn't know they'd brought it on themselves. 

------------   


"I'm sure you're all wondering why we've gathered here." He stopped and looked at them sitting on the oversized couch. Willow was sitting next to both Buffy and Cordelia and Angel took up the leather chair by the fireplace. "In what we are about to undertake, there has to be a level of trust achieved, a level of understanding." 

Buffy broke in. "We do trust each other Giles. I mean, it's not like we haven't worked together in the past." 

He took his glasses off and continued. "I'm well aware of that, Buffy. But there are secrets here. . .secrets that must come out in order for us all to have clear minds when this begins." 

"Giles, I still don't understand why . . ." 

"Buffy. There are things you need to know. Things that I haven't told you." Willow got up off of the couch and walked over to the window. 

"Will, what is it?" 

She waited a few moments and began her story. "After I was attacked, I was lost. I felt empty inside. I didn't know what to do and the Council didn't know what to do with me. It was six months after it and I decided that I needed to get away and clear my head." 

Angel caught on to what was happening. "Willow, you don't have to do this." 

She looked over at the vampire and smiled a sad smile. "Yes I do Angel." 

"What? What's going on, Will?" Buffy looked thoroughly confused and was becoming panicked. 

"I went to LA to stay with Angel and Cordelia for a while. Almost a year actually." She was still looking out the window, unable to face them. 

Buffy sat still for a moment trying to process what she was saying. "You were in LA for almost a year and didn't call me?" She stood and walked up behind her. "You told them? Everything?" 

"Turns out that the best therapists are in LA . . .must have to do with Hollywood being so close and all the stars being so neurotic." She gave a little laugh, but was unable to find the humor. "I had a relationship with someone while I was there. This person helped me deal with everything that had happened." She turned to face Buffy. "I told this person everything I told you. I'm sorry Buffy, I lied when I said you were the first person I told.". 

"Is that what this is about? Will, it doesn't matter, as long as you're okay. . .I don't care who you told or who you had a relationship with." She has a quizzical expression on her face. As the words came out, a look of realization came into her eyes. She looked over at the vampire in the armchair accusingly. "Angel?" She looked back at Willow. " With Angel, you . . " 

"No, Buffy. It wasn't Angel." A little voice broke in from the couch. 

She'd almost forgotten she was sitting there. "Cordelia? You had a thing with Cordelia?" Buffy began to pace in front of the fireplace then stopped short. "I saw her come out of your room earlier. Is that was this is about? And in the limo? God, I thought I was pushing you." She brought her arms up around herself. "You two must have had a great laugh at my expense." 

Cordelia got up from the chair and crossed the room. "No, Buffy. Not everything is about the all mighty slayer. I wanted to see how she was doing because I haven't seen her since then." 

"And we're together. Have been for a year now." Angel stood and walked over to Cordelia. He protectively placed her a step behind him. "Before you assault me with a million questions let me explain. I have a soul – it's permanent. I can't lose it in a moment of true happiness. Cordelia and I have been working together since she came to LA. That's almost six years. Our relationship changed when Willow left. It took me getting jealous to realize what was right in front of me." 

They all held their breath. Willow finally spoke up. "Buffy, say something." 

She smiled. A horrible, twisted, mocking smile like only she could pull off. "Say what, Will? You lied to me! You of all people . . .I thought you trusted me, I thought we were special to each other? Now I find out that not only did you have a relationship with Cordelia of all people. . . now she's got Angel too? I can't believe you people. . . and you. "She turned to Angel "How long have you known and your still doing the tortured soul routine? You" She turned on Cordelia next. "First you take Xander, then Willow, now Angel? Is there anything else of MINE you'd care to have? How about my mother? Or my life!? You want those too?" 

"Buffy, please calm down. There's no need to panic." Giles tried his best to diffuse the situation 

"You wanna be next Watcher-guy? Cause I've got a whole three years of hurt saved up special for you." She watched Giles back up then turned to Willow. 

"And you. How could you do this to me? How could you keep this a secret? I can almost get past the fact that you've been getting it on with this pathetic excuse of a high school debutant but, Angel? You knew about them and you didn't tell me?" 

"It wouldn't have mattered. . .wouldn't have changed things. You know that." Angel spoke up again. He couldn't stand to see her on the attack with Willow. 

Buffy ignored him and continued her verbal assault. "When did you plan on telling me? Over dinner? When we're fighting for our lives? Watch out behind you and oh, by the way I warmed Cordelia up so Angel could take over while I was gone? Is that how it was gonna be?" 

Everything stopped, everything stood still and the slap Willow placed across Buffy's face was the only thing they heard. Buffy gave her a look of horror and bolted out the door into the night. 

"I'll go." Angel took off after her. 

Cordelia closed the gap between her and Willow. "Red, you alright?" Willow shook her head no and fell into her embrace. 

Giles leaned against the wall and let out a sigh. Dear God, what have I done.> 

------------------ 

An hour later Angel walked into the room carrying a knocked out slayer. 

"Angel, what happened?" Giles rushed over to where he stood. 

He walked past him and laid her on the couch. "We fought. . .she was so angry, we were out front. I tried to just block her punches but I got mad. . .we fought like we never have before. . .not even when I was . . .she advanced on me and I threw her off. . .Giles, I . . .what have I done?" 

He knelt down to examine her. She had gashes across her face and was bleeding heavily from her head. He listened to her chest and checked her pulse. "Her pulse is weak. She may not make it Angel." He looked up at the vampire with sadness and anger in his eyes. 

Before he knew it, Angel was thrown against the wall. Rupert Giles was no more and Ripper took over. He punched him in the face once, twice, three times. Angel's legs gave way and he wound up on the floor. Giles took the opportunity to kick him anywhere he found an opening. Angel never lifted a finger to defend himself. Willow and Cordelia walked in with James in tow. 

"Rupert. . .Rupert stop! What are you doing?!" James ran over to restrain him. 

Willow and Cordelia stood there in shock. Then Willow noticed the still form on the couch and went over to her. "Buffy?" She shook her gently then turned to Giles. "What happened? Can someone please tell me what's going on?!" She was crying, wiping the blood away from Buffy's face and smoothing the encrusted hair away. It wouldn't stop, the blood just kept coming. 

Giles shook free of James and turned to Angel. "You very well may have just killed her you bastard." 

Angel looked up at Willow. "We fought. . .she, I threw her off into the bushes. . I didn't think she'd get hurt. . " He couldn't continue. 

James tried to get a hold of the situation. "Alright, all of you, that's enough! We'll not have anymore of this bickering." The room turned silent and he continued on. "I was hoping to avoid this, but now you give me no choice." He turned to Giles and began to explain. "Richard wanted you to find the pages because he knew you'd leave the mansion. He knew you'd take the lot of us and go. It's the prophesy, Rupert. It's been coming for over three years now and whether your aware of it or not, you've all been taking part in it for that long." He turned to Willow. "Willow, you must listen to me. You must trust that I will not steer you in the wrong direction." 

Willow nodded her head. "Just make her better, James. Anyway we can." 

James walked over to where Angel lay and spoke softly. "Can you get up?" Angel nodded yes and James helped him to his feet. He helped Angel over to stand next to Giles. "Now listen to me, we don't have much time. The minute the slayer dies, Willow will go through the final change and will take her place as the Immortal Watcher." 

Giles began to protest. "No, she can't die . . she is the slayer! The one in all the world . . .she's . . like a daughter to me." He broke down and a tear fell from his eye. 

"Rupert, you must trust me. The Council has anticipated this for three years and we are prepared . .every one of us in this room has the equipment to see this through." He turned his gaze to Angel. 

From the expression on the vampire's face, he knew what was coming. "I won't do it. I'll die first." 

James squared his shoulders and looked him dead in the eye. "You must. If you don't she'll be lost forever and the forces of darkness will win. You don't have the slightest idea of what we're facing here." 

Giles watched the exchange between the two men and it dawned on him. "You can't be serious, James." 

"I'm afraid I am, Rupert." He took something out of his pocket and held it in front of him. 

Giles knew the object all too well. "The orb of Thesula. But that's impossible . . the last one was used on Angel." 

"You thought it was, but the Council has been keeping it safe. When this is used, there is one left at the mansion." 

Willow watched in silence at the entire exchange. Slowly she got off the floor and walked up to Angel. She took his hand in hers and whispered. "Do it." He shook his head, but she pressed on. "Do it, Angel. I won't lose her, I can do the spell and I can make her soul permanent like I did for you. Just do it." 

He reached up and touched her cheek. "You don't know what you ask, little one." He turned a sad gaze towards Cordelia. 

With tears in her eyes, she acknowledged him and nodded her head yes. They all saw the exchange and were confused by it. There was no time for questions though, there was only time to act. 

"Five minutes alone with Cordelia. That's all I ask. Then I'll do this." The words came shakily out of his mouth. 

The three of them nodded and left, leaving Angel and Cordelia alone. 

--------------------- 

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I thought we'd have more time." She cried into his shirt. 

"Two-hundred forty six years, you'd think I'd learn to spend it wisely." He grasped her hands and brought her around in front of him. "Tell her. When you leave here, wait an hour then tell her. I should be gone by that time . . .there's plenty of blood packets in the refrigerator." He kissed her forehead and let out a choked sob, then kissed her with sad passion. He broke away and held on to her. "I've never said it, it was never the right time . . .I love you, you know that. You have to believe." 

She couldn't speak at first, only nod her head. "I know. I love you too." She kissed him softly, lingering for a moment before pulling away. "Come back to me? After it's all said and done, come back." 

He laughed a little. "You too, don't know what you ask." He closed his eyes and breathed in. "If we . . .if you win, Willow can do it, she can bring me back. . . you just have to hold on." He hugged her tight then let go. "Now go, be with her. She needs you now and I have a slayer to turn." 

There was nothing left to say. She touched his cheek lightly and backed out of the room. 

He took a few minutes to compose himself and approached the still form on the couch. He lifted her onto his lap and moved the hair away from the nape of her neck. "I never thought it would come to this, yet I always knew." A tear fell from his eye and landed on her cheek. He whispered in the darkness. "Please forgive me." He vamped and clamped down on her neck. 

-------------- 

Fifteen minutes later, Cordelia knocked on Willow's door. When she found no answer, she opened it and saw Willow laying on the bed. 

She looked over at the girl and offered a weak smile. "Hey." 

"Hey. How are you doing?" 

She sat up and shrugged her shoulders. "As good as can be expected I guess. How's Angel? I mean, did he. . .?" 

Cordelia closed her eyes at the sound of his name. "He's. . .doing it now. He said to wait an hour before we go back in there." She leaned against the door jam and looked like she was almost ready to collapse. 

Willow got to her feet and walked over to her. "Cordy, what is it?" She reached out and touched the brunette's hand. 

She shook her head. "Nothing . . stress, this whole night, the long ride here. . . everything." 

James appeared behind Cordelia and put his hand on her shoulder. She jumped a little and turned to face him. 

Her expression was all the confirmation he needed. "You know then?' 

She nodded her head sadly. "I've always known. It was a condition put on him by the Powers That Be. He knows what he's gotten himself into." 

He observed her sadly. "I'm sorry my dear . . .it's for the greater good. I know it's no consolation, but" 

"James, what's going on?" Willow looked back and forth between them both. Neither one of them were eager to answer. Giles appeared behind him and he stepped aside. "Perhaps we should all sit down inside." 

Willow and Giles sat on the bed and Cordelia walked over to the window. James stood before them and was unsure of how to begin. "There is a killer among us. Someone who will betray us this very hour." 

"James, you're scaring me." 

"I'm sorry Willow." He cleared his throat and continued. "As you know, the last time you anchored Angel's soul, it became permanent. You said yourself you changed the incantation and the Powers That Be confirmed it to Angel last year. However, there is a loop-hole." 

Giles snapped out of his thoughts. "There always is." 

"If he turns someone, anyone, the cost is his life. As Angel that is." 

Giles looked up at him in shock. "No, it can't be." 

Willow stood up and went over to Cordelia. "Angelus?" 

Weakly, she nodded her head and confirmed her fears. "He'll turn back into Angelus an hour after he turns her. He knew . . .he's always known but we never thought, he never imagined he'd ever do it again." A sob escaped and she collapsed into Willow's arms. "He knows how much you love her. He did it for you, Red, he did it for you." 

They heard glass break, then a scream. They all filed out of Willow's room into the living room and the site that was waiting for them. There was Buffy, chained to the wall, curled up in a fetal position. They all stood there and held their breath. 

Willow approached her cautiously. "Buffy?" 

The slayer stirred and looked up at the redhead with a blank expression. "Will? Oh, God, Will . . .what's happened to me?" 

Willow continued her cautious approach and reached out to her. "Buffy . . you're going to be okay, I promise. I'm going to" 

Suddenly, Buffy reached out and grabbed her arm. She twisted her arm around her back and Willow let out a little squeak. "You did this to me you little bitch!" She tightened her grip. "And for that I'll kill you. Do you hear me?" She reached up and grabbed a hand full of hair. She shifted into game face and leaned in. "I've been dying to know what you taste like. . .I've held out long enough, don't you think?" 

Suddenly she went stiff and slumped over, breaking her grasp on Willow. Willow looked up to see Giles holding a tranquilizer gun. He ran over and knelt next to Willow. "Are you alright?" 

She closed her eyes, took a breath and whispered. "It's not Buffy . . she's not Buffy . . .she's not Buffy." 

Giles reached down and helped her to her feet. "James, the orb. . .we must do this before she wakes up." 

Ten minutes later they were all sitting in a circle a safe distance from Buffy. Cordelia was lighting the herbs and Giles was lighting the candles. 

Willow took a deep breath and cast her stones. "Are we ready?" 

They all nodded in unison and Willow nodded to Giles to begin. 

"Quod perditum est, invenietur. . .What is lost, return." 

Willow cast the stones again and chanted. "Not dead... nor not of the living. Spirits of the interregnum, I call. Gods, bind her. Cast her heart from the... evil... realm. Return. (pants) I call on... (pants)." Her head falls to her chest. Suddenly, her head snaps back and she looks up with her eyes wide open. Her head snaps back down and her eyes stare into the Orb. She begins to chant steadily in Rumanian as though possessed. "Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte. . .I implore you, Lord, do not ignore this request!" 

Giles looks at her concerned but Cordelia whispers to him. "I remember this part . . she's okay. . .it's almost done." 

He gives her a nod and behind them, Buffy begins to stir. 

Willow continues on and her eyes take on a luminecent light. "Nici mort, nici al fiintei . . .Neither dead, nor of the living...Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. . .Let this Orb be the vessel that will carry her soul to her. . . Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!. . . So it shall be! So it shall be! Now! 

Buffy scrambles to her feet and lets out a piercing scream. "NO! NO!" 

Willow is unfazed. "Acum!. . .Now!" 

The Orb glows brightly for a brief moment and goes dark. Willow suddenly relaxes, and looks over at Buffy who has just fallen to her knees. 

Willow scrambles to her feet, Giles tries to stop her but she was determined. She kneels down in front of her and notices a purplish light leaving her eyes. She reaches out tentatively and brushes her shoulder. "Buffy?" 

She shakes her head a little and looks up to the girl in front of her. "Where am I?" She leans back against the wall and runs her hands through her hair. She blinks and a look of understanding washes across her face. "Angel . . we fought. . .I hit my head." She reaches up and flinches from the bruise that's still there. "It was dark. . .I felt like I was falling, then I was suddenly pulled back up. . .the blood, it tasted . . " She looks at Willow and a tiny blood-tear rolls down her cheek. "I'm not human, am I?" 

Willow shook her head. "No. You were going to die. . .Angel had to . . ." 

Giles walked over. "It was the only way, Buffy. We simply had no choice." He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You have your soul. Willow saw to that." Giles began to unlock the chains and help her to her feet. "Are you alright?" 

Buffy's gaze never left Willow. "I'm fine. A little, um. . . " She shrugged her shoulders. 

Cordelia caught on. "In the fridge . ." 

Buffy looked at her and smiled. "Thanks." She walked away towards the kitchen. 

Willow began to get up. How could this have happened?> "James. I think you owe us an explanation." 

James nodded his head. "I do." He walked over to the leather chair and sat down. He placed a few more logs on the fire and began. "I've been working with Richard and Quentin for the past three years. Believe me when I say that the death of the slayer was inevitable. Now that she is a vampire, the next slayer will not be called as long as she walks this earth . . .living or dead." He looked over at them and they all took seats around the room. "Willow is now the Immortal Watcher, Angelus has returned, and Buffy is a vampire with slayer powers. This was necessary to stop Ethan Rayne's attempt to open the new Hellmouth located underneath the mansion." 

"I don't feel different." Willow dryly commented. 

"I don't suppose you would. It's a simple process really. All it took was the slayer's death. You must believe it was inevitable." He walked over to where she was sitting and knelt down in front of her. "Please. . .hold no ill thoughts about me. I kept it from you to keep you safe. You never would have agreed to it if you knew what it entailed. Your station now seals Rayne's fate. He will be stopped." 

Willow smiled down at him sadly. "I know, James. I know. . . it's for the greater good." 

"The price seems much too high." Giles looked over to them. 

"It does now, Rupert. Trust me when I say we'll win. We can do this, and with the help of Buffy the way she is now." 

As if on cue, Buffy emerged from the kitchen. "Twisted poetic irony, don't you think?" She crossed the room and stood before the three of them. "I've become what it is . . .was my destiny to destroy." She walked over to the fireplace and turned around. "I can't do it . . .I can't be this creature, this demon shadowing what I was! I'll die first!" She produced a stake from her hand and rammed it through her heart. 

Willow got up. "Buffy! No!" She stopped short inches from her. 

Buffy stood there with a look of shock on her face and a very large stake protruding from her chest. She fell to her knees and began to cry. "God, I can't even kill myself right. I must be off my game." 

Willow joined her on the floor and took her hand. She gasped a little from the coldness of it but didn't pull away. She held Buffy's hand up in front of both their faces. "Recognize this?" 

Giles walked over and knelt down too. "The Gem of Amorah." 

Cordelia joined them. "That's impossible. . .he smashed it after he killed Marcus." They all looked up to her confused. "Oz gave it to him. . .Spike captured Angel and had this vampire child molester guy torture him until we agreed to exchange the ring for Angel. . .they fought, but Marcus got away and headed for the beach. Angel got the ring and killed him. Doyle told me he smashed it." 

"Um, guys? Stake in heart, pain. . ." She looked at Giles. "Take it out please?" 

He reached over and yanked on it none too carefully. 

"Ouch. . .hey!" She looked at him under hooded eyes. 

"Serves you right. Think next time before you try and kill yourself." He shook his head. "Um, I mean. . .oh, never mind." He shook his finger at her accusingly. "Don't do it again. Understand?" 

Buffy gave him a mocking smile. "Yes dad." 

----------- 

"I still don't understand. What are we waiting for, Giles?" 

He sipped his tea and joined her at the window. "Word from Richard or Quentin. James has shown me the records they've kept in the past three or four years." He looked down at her and smiled. "I assure you, they can be trusted. You should look at the journals, though. They explain quite a lot." 

She shifted and leaned her head against his arm. "I'll get to it. Right now we have a brooding slayer on our hands." 

He nodded his head. "How is she, uh, dealing with these changes?" 

I don't think she is." She turned to him. "I don't know what to do, Giles. Day after day she goes out there, sits on that bench and doesn't move until dark. She comes in, eats, and retreats to her room . . .just to start the whole process over again the next day." She ran her hands through her hair. "It's been a week . . .she can't go on like this." 

"Do you want me to try and talk to her?" 

"We both know she won't listen to you, Giles. Vampire or not . . .she's still Buffy." She waited a moment then left the room. 

------------------- 

"Hey." She walked around and sat on the bench. 

Nothing. 

She inhaled deeply. "Nice night. You can still smell the warmth." She turned and brought her feet up on the bench. "I have a few things to say to you, and I'd like it of you'd give me some indication that you're listening." 

Her head dropped a bit and she exhaled needlessly. 

"Good. Buffy, I . . .I am so sorry that this has been done to you. . .if I had any control over it you know I would have stopped it, but I didn't so that's kind of a moot point. I don't know what your thinking, or feeling, or what you want to do. . .even now it looks like you're ready to bolt, and I know I have no control over that. I can't make you stay. After everything I've involved you in, I wouldn't blame you if you took off and never came back. . . but I don't want you to. I want you here with me, so we can fight this thing together." 

She got up and walked a few feet away. 

Willow got up and continued to talk to her back. "First and foremost you're the slayer. You're a slayer with slayer powers and with a two hundred forty-six year old vampire's blood coursing through your veins. Do you know what that means? Even without the ring, you can't die that easily. Not only did Angel give you his blood, he gave you your own back . . .from when you cured him from Faith's poison arrow. You are now one of the most powerful vampires if not THE most powerful walking this earth." She stepped closer so they were inches away. "Do you know what that means to me?" She reached up and turned the slayer to face her. "NOTHING. It means absolutely nothing to me. . .because to me, you're Buffy. You're still just Buffy. My best friend, my roommate from college, my best bud. . . things may seem all upside down and ruiny now, but if you can find it in yourself to trust me, to trust us . . we'll be okay." 

It was a low whisper. "I'm a demon." She looked her in the eyes. "Buffy's dead. I'm just an demon animating her dead body." Her eyes filled up with tears threatening to spill over. 

She grabbed her by the shoulders. Buffy looked at her with menacing eyes, but she pressed on. "Don't even try to give me the slayer-eyes now. You are Buffy. You're my best friend. Whether there's a demon inside you or not, that's who you are and not even death can change it. . . not even death can change the way I feel, the way I love you." She pulled her closer and pressed her lips violently against the blonde's. 

She resisted at first. . .she knew she could kill her in an instant if she wanted to, but she didn't. Something welled inside of her, something familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. She returned the kiss with equal passion, equal yearning. She backed the redhead up against the house and continued the assault on her mouth. Her lips parted and without invitation she invaded her mouth with a hunger she'd never known before. 

The slam against the house was a surprise, but her reaction was even more so. Everything in her life, in her world, narrowed down to the woman in front of her. When her tongue first invaded her mouth, she let out a little sob but continued to match her stroke for stroke. She reached up and grabbed a handful of hair, trying to pull her even closer, if that was at all possible. 

They broke away at the same time and Willow pulled her into a fierce hug. She struggled to catch her breath, and Buffy struggled to regain some composure. . .breath was a non-issue. 

The slayer pulled away a little so they were nose to nose. "It takes my un-dead status for you to tell me you love me?" She dead-panned. 

Willow chuckled a bit and lowered her eyes. "I've told you hundred's of times that I love you . . .I guess it took your un-dead status for it to sink in just how much." 

Buffy took a step back and Willow groaned a bit from the loss of contact. "Come on, we've got work to do." 

They walked into the house hand in hand. 

--------------- 

They worked well into the night and the silence was broken by the phone ringing. They all sat still for a moment until Giles rose to answer it. 

"Hello? . . yes, yes, I see. . .when? . . .are you sure?. . .yes, we'll leave at first light. . .yes, it's been done. She has the ring, there's no danger. . . Dear, God. . . .how much blood did he . . .he's resting then. Good. . . just keep him strapped down, he's our best shot. Yes, see you in the morning." He hung up the phone and turned to them. 

"Giles?" Willow was the first to speak. 

"Richard and Quentin have cleared the mansion. They found Ethan almost drained on the front steps, he was carved up pretty badly, but he's still alive. They have him in the basement but they don't know how long he'll last. We must leave in the morning." 

James stepped up next to him. "How did it happen, Rupert? Ethan was our greatest barrier in this entire fight, with him incapacitated, then. . ." 

Giles looked up at him and answered dryly. "Angelus has taken his place. Ethan is no longer a threat." 

"Are you sure?" It was Cordelia. 

Giles turned to her. "I'm afraid so. He had small crosses carved into both his cheeks." 

Cordelia looked over to Buffy and Willow. "Angelus' calling card. Great." She got up and moved to the window. "I say we pack and leave now. If we drive fast enough we can get there before first light." She didn't wait for an answer. She walked out of the room. 

Giles spoke. "Well, I guess that settles it. Let's go." 

------------------ 

"Cordelia?" 

She turned around and wiped her eyes with a tissue. "Hey, you ready?" 

Willow crossed the room and stood in front of her. "Yeah. Are you okay?" 

She chuckled. "Fine, fine . . I mean just because my boyfriend's turned back into the murdering nightmare of a vampire that almost killed us all a few years ago. . .why wouldn't I be?" 

Willow looked at her with sympathy in her eyes. She remembered all too well how he tortured all of them. She took her hand and placed something in it. "Here. I think you need this now more than I do. He won't get to you, he won't be able to send you over the edge with this. If you wear it, and we all make it through. . .there's still hope left that you can get him back." 

Cordelia opened her hand and saw it was Willow's ring. "I wish I could say I don't want it, but I do. I'd do anything to get him back, Red. Anything." She reached over and pulled her into a hug. 

Buffy walked in and the hug was cut short by a low growl emitted from her throat. 

Willow looked up. "Buffy." She crossed the room and put herself between the growling slayer and Cordelia. "I gave Cordelia my ring. She was thanking me." She looked into her eyes hoping that she got through. 

Her gaze never left the brunette's. "I see. And we wouldn't be trying to cop a cheap feel here, would we?" She passed by Willow and approached her. "After all, you've tried to put yourself in my shoes before. . ." 

"Buffy," Willow cut her off. "Cordelia and I are friends. She loves Angel." 

She turned to face Willow. "I don't trust her." She turned back to Cordelia and began to approach. "I can smell the arousal on you. Just being in the same room with her gets you hot. Doesn't it?" 

Willow walked over and reached out to grab her shoulder. "Buffy. . .we don't have time for this." 

She stopped at the touch and smiled. "No. I guess we don't . . .RED." She turned on her heel and walked out. 

Cordelia let out her breath. "God . . what is her deal?" 

"She's dead, Cordelia. She's having a hard time adjusting." Willow shrugged. 

"Yeah, no kidding. Just keep your psycho girlfriend-slayer-vampire-whatever she is, away from me. Can't you put her on a leash or something?" 

"Cordy. . .that wasn't very nice." 

"Neither was her little territorial display. She's got some serious issues to work out." She closed her suitcase and placed it on the floor in front of her. "I just hope she can work them out before someone gets hurt. . .namely you." 

"It'll be alright. I promise." She said it more for herself than for Cordelia. 

---------------- 

They arrived at the mansion a little before dawn. As soon as they walked in, Richard appeared from a corridor and led them to the basement. There in the corner of the room, strapped to the bed, was Ethan Rayne. Or what was left of him, anyway. 

Giles crossed the room and sat down in a chair. He leaned in and whispered. "You bastard." 

He stirred and was barely able to open his eyes. "Such drama, Ripper. Don't waste my time." He managed to turn his face away from him. 

He stood and grabbed Ethan by the collar. "You don't have much TIME left." 

Richard rushed over and pulled Giles off of him. "Rupert, you're not helping." 

"I'm not helping? I'm not helping!? Don't you think it would have helped, Richard, if you had told us about the prophesy three years ago!?" He walked away from them both and noted that Buffy and Willow were watching. "Look at them, Richard. Look at them closely. My slayer is a bloody vampire and Willow is the Immortal Watcher! I have a girl upstairs who is ready to fall apart at the seams because the man she loves is now the demon who will be the death of us all!" He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "You're priceless, really. Bloody well priceless." 

Ethan gave a little chuckle and whispered. "So she's ascended then. Isn't that wonderful?" 

Giles looked at him with venom in his eyes. "Fag off you limey bastard! That's no concern of yours anymore. If I were you I'd be wondering when my last breath was coming, not the end of the world." 

Willow walked past all of them and approached Ethan. "Tell me what's going to happen." She leaned down closer to him. "Then you'll tell me how we stop it." 

Giles walked up behind her. "Willow, be careful . . ." 

"I know what I'm doing, Giles." 

Ethan smiled. "You've got to be kidding me." 

"I'm afraid not." She reached down and put her hand on his chest. "I can heal you . . ." 

A blue-green glow emitted from her hand. Within ten seconds, all of his wounds disappeared and he looked at her with wide-eyed wonder. 

"How did you do that? It doesn't hurt anymore, it doesn't . . ." 

"Or I can kill you." She placed her other hand on his chest and a red-orange light emitted from it. His featured contorted and all the scars re-appeared. 

He screamed in agony. "Ahh! No . . NOOOOOOOO!" He panted, unable to catch his breath. He glared at her with a mixture of blind terror and respect. 

Richard huffed from behind her. "Someone's been practicing." 

Giles looked down at her. "You're not kidding." He shook his head, still unable to grasp what he'd seen. 

She stood and smiled, quite pleased with herself. She turned to say something but was stopped by the confused, hurt look on the slayer's face. 

Willow knew what she was thinking. Quickly she walked up to Buffy and whispered in her ear. "Only because I'm the Immortal Watcher. . .I couldn't do it before. . .I can now because you." 

"Will, I get it. I almost didn't get it, but I got it." 

A look of relief washed across her face and she brushed the slayer's face with her hand. "Good." She turned back and spoke to Ethan. "Tell them everything or you'll deal with me." She grabbed Buffy's hand and walked out the door. 

--------------- 

They were ascending the stairs when a thought crossed Buffy's mind. "That was pretty cool, Will, but how did you do it when you knew you couldn't do it until you were the big IW?" 

Willow stopped and had to dissect the sentence before responding. "The big?. . .Oh, I get it. Quentin and I used a controlled study. He conjured the effects of each of the spells I was studying and when I did them right, I knew because I saw the objects I used change, but I wasn't really doing the spells." 

Buffy gave her a confused look. "In English, oh Great One?" 

Willow thought for a second. "Kinda like with Star Trek. You know . . the Holo-deck. The places they go aren't real, but they think they are. . .and the actions they take in the not-real world have specific reactions. Like if you build a fire. . you feel the warmth, but it's only the computer program making you think it's warm. When I did a spell right, Quentin make me think I was giving the right, or wrong, effect. I guess you can call me the first Holo-pagan." She smiled. Suddenly, she felt dizzy and took a step backwards. 

Buffy grabbed her and held her steady. "Whoa there. . .you're brain hurt from that big ol' explanation?" 

"It's the spells. It takes a lot out of me." She righted herself and tried to shake it off. "I'll be okay. I just need to re-charge." 

"So where do I plug you in?" Buffy stepped closer and kissed her earlobe. "Here?" 

She giggled. "Buffy! I mean rest. I'll feel better after I rest." Suddenly, Willow found herself about four feet off the ground and face to face with a very amused slayer. 

"By all means, then. Let's get you upstairs." 

"Buffy, put me down!" 

"Sorry, little one, time to put this slayer-vampiric strength to some use." She started to walk up the stairs. 

-------------------- 

"I was rather bitter after I was refused admittance to the Watcher's Council. It's what I'd worked for all my life. After Rupert and I parted ways, after that whole Ehgon mess, I became entangled in the underworld. I had the costume shop, we know how that turned out, then there was the deal with Trick. That was a mess if I'd ever been in one. I know you probably won't believe me, but I didn't know that the sacrifice was to be infants. I swear." 

"I came back to England after the slayer stopped the ascension. I was in a bar on the outskirts of town, quite hammered I must say. I was on my way home when I was attacked by a fire-demon half-breed. He and his little troupe beat me to within an inch of my life. I was on the ground, in an ally, when suddenly it all stopped. I thought I had died quite honestly." 

"I looked up and standing in front of me was a Mohra demon. He said he knew things about me, knew my potential, and wanted to strike a deal. The apocalypse was to occur in six years time and there was a way I could both help and repay his saving my life." 

"Of course I agreed. . .I'd be a fool not to. The details aren't that important, but suffice it to say that I've met some very interesting creatures in the past six years. You wouldn't believe the stamina of a vengeance demon after she's given an aphrodisiac. . .but I digress." 

"My basic mission was to muster all the force I could. Every race of demon, every age of vampire, succubus, incubus, burrowers, creatures of hell. . .you name it, I met it. The basic principle is this: to create a creature unlike any other. To join all the strengths of each creature into one. Once perfected, the male and female creature would mate, creating more creatures. I don't even know what to call it." 

"It's amazing Rupert, you should see it! The strength of a thousand year old vampire, the blood of a Mohra demon, the breath of a fire-demon, the ability to shape-shift, it can't be harmed by the sun, yet it can feed like a vampire, resistant to heat that would melt steel, yet it can breath underwater. Truly amazing. It has the gestation period of a fly . . .just 24 hours and it can give birth to a litter of six at a time. It takes one month for it to grow to maturity, then it goes on to breed and the process is started all over again." 

"The shape shifting ability is it's greatest asset. . .but from the way you cleared out this mansion, you must have had some idea, Richard. Didn't you? Yes, it lives among you, among us. It could be the banker working from 9 to 5 or the grocer on the corner. . .right down to the little boy playing cricket in the park with his friends. That's the beauty and the horror of it. You don't know where they are. You don't know . . .you don't know. . . .the horror. . ." 

Richard reached over and checked his pulse. "He's still there. Must have passed out." 

Giles was standing behind him. "Hmm, too bad." 

"Do you think that's everything?" He reached over and pressed stop on the tape recorder. 

"For his sake, I hope so." 

They walked out of the room and locked the door behind them. They began to walk upstairs, but Richard stopped and turned to Giles. "You know why I had to do it. Don't you, Rupert?" 

Giles nodded his head. "I know your position, Richard. Being the head of the Council can't be easy and I must say, I've never wished for your job, ever. James explained everything." He smiled at the older man. "You knew I'd leave. Am I really that predictable?" 

Richard placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thankfully so, Rupert. Like a lion protecting his young." 

--------------------- 

"Demon?" 

"Check." 

Vampire?" 

"Check." 

"Succubus?" 

"Check." 

"Incubus?" 

"Check." 

"Burrowers?" 

"Check." 

"Creatures of hell?" 

No answer. 

"I said, creatures of hell." 

Buffy looked over at Giles from the whiteboard she was writing on. "Creatures of hell? That's a bit non-committal, don't cha think? Care to vague it up for me a little more?" 

"I'm afraid that's all I got out of him. . .before he passed out. That's all we're going to get, at least for now. And before you suggest it, it's much to taxing on Willow to heal him. We have him at a disadvantage if we keep him in the state he's in now." He looked at her from over the top of his glasses. That usually meant 'end of discussion'. 

"Something's not right here." Willow got up and paced back and forth for a moment. "When he said breeding. . . did he mean the offspring grow up and breed or the two original creatures continue to breed?" 

"Either way it's a big screw-fest down there in the sewers. Demonstock '06." 

"Buffy!" Willow almost looked embarrassed. "That was a very un-Buffy like comment." 

"Yeah, well, I'm not really feeling like myself these days. Hmm, could it be because I'm dead?" She was dripping with sarcasm. 

Giles saw the discussion going nowhere. "Girls, if we could just focus on the problem at hand, please." 

"I for one have had it with talk." Buffy moved from the whiteboard and stood in front of the watcher. "Too much talk, too little action. Why can't I just go down there and kill it?" 

"Charging in much like John Wayne isn't going to get you very far I'm afraid." Ethan was leaning against the doorway. 

Giles stood at the sound of his voice. "Ethan . . .what the hell?" 

Richard came up behind him. "It's alright, Rupert. I had Quentin heal him. He's willing to help." 

"Are you out of your mind, man?!" 

"Giles." Willow came up next to him. "It's the only way we can do this." 

Ethan limped into the room. "Ah, yes. . .words of wisdom from the Immortal one. How does it feel, luv? To know you have to power to kill with a thought, to set a city block ablaze the movement of your finger?" He move up so that they were face to face. "Intoxicating, isn't it?" 

She turned her head to him and blew into his face. 

He reeled back and fell to his knees, grabbing his heart in pain. As quickly as the attack came, it left. . .and he was kneeling on the floor in front of her. "Tell me you don't get off on that." 

She raised her eyebrows. "Hardly." She raised her arms and at the same time he was raised off the ground. Swinging her arms to the left she placed him in the closest chair with a thud. She raised her arms in front of her and made a quick beckoning motion. His chair slid forward and pushed him into the table. He tried to move, but was unable to. She gave him a look of amusement. "Now, that, I enjoyed." 

They all remained still as she leaned over the table to leer at him. She reached out and pressed her palms against his temples. She looked into his eyes and used her thumbs to force him to look into hers. He began to squirm and choked sobs began to come from his throat. After about two minutes she pulled away and slumped over on the table. "He's telling the truth. . .(pants). . .he'll help." 

"I don't care if you're the bloody Queen of England. . .don't ever do that again!" He leered at her. 

She placed her head in her hands. "Believe me, it wasn't a trip to Disneyland for me either." 

Giles reached out and touched her shoulder. "Willow? Are you alright?" 

There was no answer. He turned her over and saw that she was passed out. 

Richard spoke up. "It's exhaustion, Rupert. She'll be fine." He turned to the slayer who was observing everything from the corner of the room. "Uh, Buffy, would you?" 

She nodded and walked over to pick her up. Giles held the door open for her and she disappeared through it. 

---------------- 

"How can they be destroyed? Where are they? Are they always together or is it possible to destroy them one at a time?" 

He laughed. "So inquisitive, Rupert. . .you never stop in your thirst for knowledge, do you?" 

"Just answer the bloody questions, would you?" 

He exhaled. "Not without a deal." 

Richard approached from behind. "I should have known. What do you want, Rayne?" 

He smiled. "My freedom when. . .if you win. If you don't I won't have to worry about it, because you'll all be dead." 

Giles shook his head. "No way, Ethan. I've let you go twice already. The third time will not be the charm in this case." 

"Ah, yes . . .I was prepared for that response." He closed his eyes in thought for a moment. "Then all I ask of you is this: Place me with a new identity in one of the remote holdings of the Council's. I enjoy what I do, you can't argue that I'm not good at it. Why not put it to some use?" 

"Absolutely n. . ." 

"It's a deal." Richard cut him off. 

"Richard, you must be mad? We can't have him working for the Council." 

"I see it as the only way, Rupert. At least this way we can keep tabs on him. No one is incorrigible. . .I believe you were the case study in point. . .or do I need to remind you, Ripper?" 

Giles stammered a bit. "N-no, I suppose not." He shook his head. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this. Fine. I'm sure you'll do quiet well in Siberia or Belgium or some other third world country, God help them." He pushed play on the tape recorder. "Now talk." 

------------- 

"It's like a mother animal and her young. If you take the offspring away from the mother too soon, the offspring will die from starvation…It's the same principle, only after you destroy the father AND mother, the offspring cease to exist. The mother and father are the direct lifeline to all they've produced. If you pull the plug, so to speak, it's over. . .death is inevitable and instant." 

"How do they cease to exist?" 

"I don't know. The mother and father haven't been killed, yet, now have they? They are mostly a mixed race of demon, so it would be safe to assume they won't explode into dust. The second most prominent characteristic is the ability to shape shift. I killed one once for trying to pilfer my lair. . .it simply melted down to this oozing, smelly mass of Jell-O and slithered off back to the parents. I'll assume it was absorbed and used again. I saw it burrow into the mother's stomach." 

"How did you kill it?" 

"Now that's interesting. They wear helmets. This one had it's helmet off and was placing my things in it. I put a dagger through it's skull. You see, even though it was at full adult size, it still retains the soft spot found on most infants. As with most infants, it doesn't entirely close up until reaching the age of three or four. As I said, it turned to slime and slinked away. Quite disgusting actually." 

"Then how do you kill the adults?" 

"In much the same way your mythical modern fairytales tell you how to kill a vampire. Their hearts must be ripped from their chests. It's quite difficult considering they wear breastplates, but I assure you it can be done." 

"Is there any particular way to kill the mother and father?" 

"The female is the strongest link. Many mythical legends and fantasies point to the fact that behind a great man, you'll find and even greater woman. It can 't be described as anything other than a feeding tube. There is a tube, about three feet wide, attached to the back of the female. The female has burrowed into the ground with the tube and is feeding off of something. Before you ask, I don't know what. Nor do I know how deep it goes. It's my belief that if you destroy the tube the female will begin to die. Adults don't ooze, they shrivel. You must wait for the right moment when the female has shriveled just enough . . .then you remove the breastplate and rip the heart out from the chest. After the female has died, the male will begin to shrivel. Do the same and I believe all the offspring will follow suite. Without the female to return to, the slithering masses will be looking for anything to borrow through. My only suggestion would be to torch the place. Burn it further into the ground than it already is." 

------------------- 

Buffy walked into Cordelia's room and found it empty. There were signs of a struggle. Tacked with a dagger to the wall was a drawing. Definitely Angel's doing. It was of Cordelia tied to a bed, knocked out, in a small cell. She removed it and noted the blood on the blade . . .uncharacteristic to Buffy, but second nature to her vampire self, she licked the blade and tried to discern the taste. Definitely female.> An image flashed in her mind. Cold. . musty smell. . .dark corridor. . .leather straps. . .a door. . . torches lighting a room. She took a few steps backwards from the reality she felt as the images past. Now that was interesting. . . totally frickin creepy, but interesting.> 

"What did you see?" 

She turned around and saw Willow standing in the doorway. "What? I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Angel took her. . .I felt it." She walked up to her and took the dagger and drawing from her hand. "This is her blood. What did you see?" 

"You felt him take her? What, are you two connected or something?" Buffy walked away a few steps trying to wrap her mind around this new development. Willow, her Willow, had a connection with Cordelia that not even she had. She turned around and looked at her accusingly. "What the hell happened in LA anyway?" 

"Buffy, we don't have time for these jealous games! We have to help her. . .if this drawing is true. . .Angel doesn't have her, Angelus does. Please, tell me what you saw. . ." 

She ignored her pleas. "The entrance is under the mansion. Isn't it?" 

"Buffy. . ." 

"Just answer me Will!" 

"Yes." She whispered. I hate it when we fight, I hate it.> 

Before she knew what was happening, Willow was thrown against the wall as a blur that was distinctly not human ran past her. She took a moment to right herself and ran to get Giles. 

------------- 

She rushed through the door and noted that Ethan, Giles and Richard were huddled up at the table. 

"Giles." 

He looked up. "Ah, yes. . .Willow. Ethan was just mapping out the lair. . .it's located in the sewer." 

"In the sewer system, I know. Giles, Cordelia's gone. Angelus took her." She placed the drawing and dagger on the table. 

"Oh, as always, dear." 

"That's not all. Buffy. . .I think she had a vision of where Cordelia's been taken. I tried to talk to her, but she took off. I think she went after them." 

Richard looked at her quizzically. "A vision. I don't understand." 

Willow was impatient. "It's a long story, Richard. Doyle, a half-breed demon, worked with Angel and Cordelia. He was Angel's direct connection to the Oracles. Doyle died fighting The Scourge, but not before he kissed Cordelia and passed his gift on to her. She's not half-demon, but she does have the gift. It's connected to her fluids. Buffy licked the blade and. . ." She shuddered at the imagery the last comment presented. 

"Not such a long story then. Very well, we don't have any time to waste. We'll muster our weapons at once. Willow and I will be one team. . .Giles, Ethan and Quentin the other." 

"No way, Richard. He's not going, we can't trust him." 

"We don't have time to argue about this. Quentin will be with them. . .he can keep a leash on Ethan if need be." 

She looked torn but finally agreed. "Fine. Lets just go. Let's kill these things and get them out of there." 

That settled, they all filed out of the room to prepare for the battle ahead. 

----------- 

"Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. . .Let this Orb be the vessel that will carry his soul to him. . . Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!. . . So it shall be! So it shall be! Now!" 

The air was punctuated by a blood curdling scream. He slumped over as the blue light faded from his eyes. He took a few moments to gather his thoughts then the realization hit him. Everything he'd done, everything he did to her. A sob escaped from his throat and two strong hands yanked him up by the collar. 

"No time for that now, man.." He slapped him to try and bring him to his senses. "We've a demon to stop. . .I bloody well don't want to die down here. Do you?" 

He shook his head and tried to focus his eyes. "No. . .we have to save them, we have to." Angel reached out and grabbed the hands that held him up. A blood-tear ran down his cheek. "My God, what have I done?" 

"No time now. We have to get out of here and carry on like nothing has happened." He smiled to himself. "Just think, if we make it out of here alive, I've got a new job opportunity. . .I'd make a pretty good witch you know." He gathered up the man in front of him and led him out the door. This better work.> 

----------------- 

You've seen one sewer, you've seen them all.> Buffy walked through the sludge and slime collected in the pipes located under one of the most beautiful cities in the world. She walked with a purpose, with direction. . .finally she knew what she was supposed to do. Angelus was close by, the blood humming in her veins told her that much. Must be the sick little connection a childe has to it's sire.> Until now, she'd been scared to use the vampiric strength and sense. Since she'd been turned, she was afraid to give into this dark, twisted gift. Inhuman speed, strength of 1000 men, night vision, sense of smell that would put a pack of bloodhounds to shame. Ethan's comments about the power being intoxicating were directed to Willow, but Buffy heard him loud and clear, and the consequences ran through her mind. 

Before she went on the hunt, she had the good sense to change her clothes. She was wearing a pair of form fitting leather pants, leather boots that came mid-calf and a simple white tank top. For good measure, she took Angel's duster. With her blonde locks pulled back in a pony tail, she looked genderless. Ultimately she was. . .she was no longer female or even a slayer. . .she was a vampire. That point had been driven home time and time again when the blood lust ached in her chest. It had been almost a month and she'd been able to avoid taking a life, but the temptation was there. Every time someone walked into a room, every time she came close, Buffy literally heard the blood coursing though her veins and her heart pounding a methodical, maddening rhythm in her ears. Willow's blood, Willow's heart. Even as she put distance between them, she could swear she still felt her there so close. Can't think about that now.> She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. 

She came upon a crossroads and pressed herself against the wall. A stray thought came into her mind about a poem she'd read in high school. Something about the road not taken. . .or less traveled or making a difference. . . or was it 

"Buffy." 

She was no thought and all action. Her arm swung back to where the voice had come from and upon contact heard the crack of bones. 

"Ow! What the hell was that for!" 

She looked back and saw Quentin kneeling on the ground holding his nose. . .Giles and Ethan were about five steps away. She reached down and grabbed him by the lapels and pressed him against the wall. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to sneak up on vampires?" 

"Apparently not. I didn't think it would result in a broken nose!" 

"Serves you right. I've been wanting to do that for a long time." She smiled at him and shifted into game-face. 

Giles cleared his throat. "Ahem . . .good, we've found you. Here." He dropped a knapsack at her feet. "This is everything we'll need to fight this thing." He looked down at her and shook his head. "And for God's sakes, wipe that face off, please." 

She never took her eyes of Quentin. "I don't remember sending out party invitations." She let him go and turned to Giles, morphing back to her human guise. "I have to get her out of here. It's what Willow wants, and I'm doing it alone." 

"Willow? It's what we all want, Buffy. Or have you forgotten how Angelus tortured me? I wouldn't wish that on anyone." He looked back at Ethan. "Not even him." 

"That's not what I meant, Giles." She shrugged her shoulders. "Look, Will loves her. . .I get that now, and if Cordelia makes her happy then I plan on getting her out of here in one piece." She grabbed the knapsack and began to walk away. "Just let me do this one thing right. . .for Willow." 

Giles had had it. He dropped his bag and grabbed her by the arm. "That's it! That's why you're down here? You amaze me sometimes, Buffy. Honestly." 

She growled and gave him a piercing gaze. "Let me go." 

They faced off for what seemed like forever. Neither one of them budging. Finally, Quentin took hold of the situation. "Buffy, we really haven't any time for this nonsense. I have a map that takes us right to the lair. You're either in or your out. As for Willow, yes, she and Cordelia are connected, but not in the way you think. Cordelia has a gift from the Oracles. . .prophetic visions. These visions act as an aide to Angel so he can seek out people in trouble. Since they had a relationship, some of the gift has been given to Willow. . .it's transmitted through fluids. . .only she has prophetic dreams. You witnessed a vision when you tasted Cordelia's blood. As for the connection. . . Willow gave her the NoiTome Gem. . .it was made for Willow by the Oracles themselves. . .that's how she knew Cordelia had been taken. . .she felt the ring's vibrations grow faint." Buffy stood there is shocked silence, unable to look at any of them. Quentin picked up his bag. "Good, well, a silent vampire is a good vampire." He motioned to the pipe leading off to the left. "Shall we?" 

Wordless, they continued on with Quentin leading the pack. 

------------ 

"She's close. . .I can smell her fear." He smiled and a hint of fang gleamed in the torchlight. 

A demon approached him. "The . .The Immortal Watcher?" He shuddered at the thought. 

He reeled around and the demon was met with a right cross to the face. He flew into a wall with a dumbfounded expression peppered with pain. "No, you fool. . .the friggin Easter Bunny! Yes, The Immortal Watcher. . .idiot, I don't know why I bother." He shook his head wondering for the infinite time just how reliable these creatures were. Leave it to Rayne to muster up the stupidest creatures earth and hell has to offer. Where's a God damn Chaos-demon when you need one?> He was shaken out of his thoughts by another demon walking into the room. He looked up and growled. "What do you want?" 

He was unshaken. All bark, no bite.> "The lookouts confirm the approach of the Immortal Watcher from the west. I've also been informed that another little troupe approaches from the east as we speak." 

Closing in from both sides. . .> He smiled again. "Good. Let me know when they're just outside the perimeter." He turned to go but stopped. "Let them find the bitch. . .I have no use for her. There are bigger fish around to fry." 

"Do you think that's wise?" The demon couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

"You question me?! They're weak, she's weak. . .and they bloody well won't leave here without her. It's perfect. . I couldn't have planned it better myself." He crossed the room quickly and stopped inches away from the demon. "Damn Mohra demons. . .one purpose in mind." He took on a mocking tone. "End of the world, end of the world. . you'd be spouting off about the end of the world forever if I hadn't come in here and taken over. It's happening because of me, I'M the catalyst that will be the death of them all." He stopped his rant and sniffed the air. "She's close." He returned his attention to the demon. "You strike to kill anything that gets in your way. . .save the Immortal one and the slayer for me." He straightened up and squared his shoulders off. "The Big Bad is back. . .and there'll be hell to pay. . .when I get my hands on her, I'll" 

The sentence was interrupted by a stinging backhand from a figure standing behind him. He landed on the ground with a thud and whipped around to find Angelus hovering over him. "You'll what, Spike?" He chuckled and backed up two steps, bringing his hands to his chest and closing his eyes. "Wish really, really hard that you could bite them? Huh? Maybe you should pull your fangs out tonight and put them under your pillow." The air was punctuated by his maniacal laughter. "That way, the tooth fairy will come and give you a pair that's not so defective." He stopped laughing and put out a hand to help his childe up. "I swear I only keep you around for amusement purposes." He dusted him off and slapped him on the back for good measure before walking away. 

"You're a real bastard, Angelus. Anyone ever tell you that?" He shook his head and ran one hand through short platinum blonde hair. 

"Once," He turned, game-face firmly in place. "but her thoughts were interrupted when I ripped out her heart and shoved it down her throat." He growled and looked at Spike from under a hooded brow. "It's kinda hard to talk with your mouth full." 

Spike threw his hands up in frustration. "You've lost your marbles! I'm convinced of it now! The Immortal Watcher and the slayer-vampire-thing, whatever the hell she is. . . they're moments away and all you can talk about is lunch." He shook his head and paced around the room. Finally he stopped in front of his sire. "So tell me, Great One, what's the bloody plan? How do we stop them?" 

Angelus laughed. "In the words of the mother country. . .sod off! You're on a need to know basis, Impotent One. You'll know when it's time." He walked out leaving Spike alone. 

---------- 

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" She sensed him moving around her in a predatory circle. "Cordelia. . .I never figured you for S&M." She felt him come closer and his hand went to her cheek. 

She tried to pull away from him but the quick movement only produced a sob from her throat and a sadistic chuckle from him. 

"Get away from me you bastard." She spit at him. 

He removed the blindfold and peered into her eyes. He shook his finger at her. "Now, now . . is that any way to speak to your lover? Hmm?" He smiled and she noticed a fang peek out from his upper lip . . it made her shudder. 

"You're not Angel . . .you're Angelus, I know the difference." 

"I see you've bought into what that slayer bitch has been feeding you." He took on a mocking tone. "Angel loves me, Angelus is the demon, he's the bad one, boo hoo." He shifted into game-face. "Spare me. . .I've heard the song before and believe me it's gotten old." He leaned in and sniffed the nape of her neck. A tear fell from her eye and he noted it by continuing up her neck and licking it off her cheek. "Hmm, great taste, less filling." 

"You sick bastard!" She managed to lift one of her feet and plant it firmly in his groin. 

He fell back immediately, bringing his hands to the quickly swelling area. Two demons rushed in. One helped him up and the other backhanded her. 

"Tie her feet up and teach her a lesson." He straightened up, trying to keep the apparent pain from his expression. "I'll deal with you later." 

"What's wrong Angelus. You have to send your boys to do a man's job?" She managed to sound defiant, but the fear was still there. 

He turned to her and smiled a sad smile. "You don't know the half of it." He shook his head and began to walk out. "You don't know the half." 

Both demons began to tie her legs together. After replacing the blindfold, they turned her over and once gagged, she felt the sharp sting of a whip on her bare back. After about five lashes, she thankfully passed out.. 

----------- 

She stirred and tried to open her eyes. It was useless. The blindfold was still firmly in place and any kind of movement just brought more pain. Her arms were shackled to the wall and her legs were tied together with rope. She was propped up against the wall, a very slimy cold wall, and she wasn't sure how long she'd been out. 

The last thing she remembered was laying down for a nap after talking with Willow. Next thing she knew, she was in this same position and her muscles protested the slightest bit of movement. She moved her fingers a little and gave a sigh of relief to find that the ring was still firmly in place. 

Over the course of what she thought was four or five hours, Angelus had come to visit her three times. She twitched remembering the things he'd said to her. . .the way he tortured her. She huffed in the darkness. I asked for it. I did tell him to come back to me.> She licked her lips and tasted the dried blood. Ugh, gross.> Finally, she realized that the situation was hopeless. He bindings were too tight and even now, she could feel the blood oozing from the cuts on her arms from the shackles. There was nothing left to do but wait. 

------------ 

Willow and Richard walked through the tunnels in silence. The map was clearly marked and if it was correct, they were right next to the cell that held Cordelia. 

"Richard, we have to find a way in. There has to be a manhole, or a grating or something." After feeling around in the sludge for a few moments, Willow's had ran across a latch. "Ah ha! Here we go." 

Richard bent down and began to unscrew the grating. Cautiously, Willow peered in and found that they were about 2 feet off the ground. Directly in her line of vision was Cordelia's badly beaten form, shackled to the wall. 

Silently, she shimmied in and dropped down to the floor. She crept over to Cordelia and put her hand across her mouth. "Shh. . .it's me, Willow. We're gonna get you out of here, Cordy. Just don't say ANYTHING." 

Her hand was met with a meek nod of acknowledgement. 

------------ 

The demon burst through the door and found Angelus laying on the bed. "Sir, the alarm." 

He got to his feet ad stretched. "Good." He winced a little from the pain of his earlier encounter with Cordelia. Slapping his hands together, he shifted into game-face. "It's show time!" 

----------- 

Willow had a tough time getting the shackles off and finally resorted to magic. Once they were off, she removed the blindfold and the ropes from her legs. She pressed both hands to Cordelia's temples and a blue-green light emitted from them. 

The warmth from Willow's hands stretched to all parts of Cordelia's body. When she could finally open her eyes without pain, she looked up at Willow. 

Her eyes were closed and beads of sweat were beginning to appear on her forehead. Her mouth scrunched up in concentration and she began to falter, only to be snapped out of it by Cordelia grabbing her. 

"Will, stop! You're gonna kill yourself trying to fix me." 

"Willow's eyes opened wide. "Cordy, I told you to be quiet." She shook her head and heard footsteps approaching from the hallway beyond the door. "Come on. . quick!" She grabbed her hand and rushed over to the opening. 

Richard was smiling at them through the now replaced grate. "Sorry, ladies. Slight change in plans." He secured the final bolt. 

Willow couldn't believe her eyes. "Richard, what are you doing?!" The words formed, but as she got them out, she knew full well what was happening. 

Before their eyes, he shifted into demon form. His eyes turned a haunting blue, his skin a deep green. . .and as his clothes fell from his now muscular body, a breastplate and helmet appeared. . .as did a black collar around his neck. "Surprise." An evil grin formed across his face. 

Willow shook her head. "No. . .it can't be. . . .Richard, you bastard!" She lunged at him and shook the grating. 

He stepped back and laughed. ""Now is that anyway to treat your lover? Hmm? You still have a chance you know. . .agree to be a good little witch and next time I pry apart your dimpled knees I'll be more gentle." He tilted his head and frowned at her. 

The lock on the cell door squeaked and Angelus appeared. "Well, well, well. . .now what do we have here?" He waltzed over to Cordelia and grabbed her by the arm. "Leaving so soon? . . and after I've been such a gracious host?" He smiled at her and leaned in so they were a breath away. "I see you've brought me dinner." He motioned to Willow. "How kind." 

He waved his hand and two demons grabbed Willow and put black shackles on her. She was still dumbfounded by Richards' appearance in demon form that she didn't even struggle. 

Angelus threw Cordelia to the ground and took Willow's face in his hand. "Don't even bother with your hocus pocus." He grabbed the chain between the shackles on her wrists and pulled them up violently. "They're magic. You're powerless as long as you have them on." With his other hand he grabbed a fistful of red hair. "Back to normal, little one. . .the old pathetic, scrawny little wanna be witch you've always been. Where's your little slayer now? Huh?" He walked a pace away and waved his hand in the air. "Get them out of here. . .just the sight of them makes me sick." 

He turned his attention to the grating in the wall. "Well? What the hell took you so long? I expected you hours ago." 

The demon smiled apologetically. "Took a wrong turn and had to double back. Demons aren't notorious for their sense of direction you know." He snarled and changed his demeanor entirely. "And I've warned you about taking that tone with me, Angelus." 

Angelus nodded. "Sorry boss. . .and the others?" 

"On their way as we speak." 

--------------- 

They walked down a corridor and opened the cell door. They stood in the room where Angelus stood only moments before. 

Giles shook his head. "Something's wrong. She's not here and there aren't any demons around." 

Quentin walked around the perimeter. "Yes. . .something's up. This isn't right." 

"Way to state the obvious, guys." She smiled. "And you became Watchers how?" 

Giles took his glasses off and turned to Ethan. "Well, any suggestions?" 

He wrapped his arms around himself and his gazed went around the room. "He's got them. There's no other explanation." He began to pace around the room. "You don't understand Rupert. It's not supposed to happen now. . .the end of the world I mean." He stopped and laughed to himself. 

Giles walked over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "What the hell are you babbling about?" 

He looked at him with fear in his eyes and spoke to no one in particular. "I can't believe he pulled it off. . .the bastard's got balls, I'll give him that. . .the blood of the Immortal Watcher" 

"Richard is with her. He won't let anything happen to her. He'd die first!" Giles was shaking him with every syllable. 

Ethan ignored him and continued to stammer ". . . .their reproduction time will increase ten-fold. . .There's no way to stop him now without getting them both killed." He wretched away from Giles' grasp and pounded his fist against the wall. "Don't you see, Rupert! It was Richard. . .or should I say the rogue Mohra demon. It's not Richard at all. . .there's never been a Richard." He began to laugh uncontrollably and put his hand against the wall to keep from toppling over. "Watcher's Council? Ha!! More of a demon council if you ask me!" 

Buffy rushed him and landed a round-house kick to the side of his face. "You knew! You knew and you didn't tell us?!" 

He continued to laugh unfazed. "I didn't think he'd be able to do it. . I didn't think he'd pull it off." 

Giles pulled out the tranquilizer gun and shot him. Before drifting into unconsciousness he muttered something. "Male first. . .then. . female. . .destroy them. . .destroy." He slumped over. 

Giles' gaze turned to Quentin. "And you. . .how much of this were you aware of?" He was reloading the gun as he spoke. 

Quentin put his hands up in defeat. "None of it, Rupert. I swear." He shook his head, still unable to grasp what just happened. "Had I known, I never would have." The sentence was cut off by another round leaving the gun. 

Giles inhaled and exhaled deeply. He looked over to Buffy. "I should have known better than to trust the Council again." 

She absentmindedly nodded her head and looked up at him. She shouldered her bag and grabbed Ethan's. "Come on. If this map is right then I have a plan." 

"And if it's not?" 

She shrugged. "We get another plan." 

He followed her out and threw the lock in place behind them. 

----------------- 

She was blindfolded and pushed into a chair. The air was thick with the stench of death, the smell of blood. Willow tried to get up, but a strong hand reached down and put her back into her place. 

"Not yet, little one. "Angel breathed into her ear. "You'll know when the time is right." 

She gasped at the familiarity of his voice. "Angel?" She whispered. 

"Yes, little one. No time to explain." He walked away for a moment then came back and crouched down next to her. "Cordy's out cold. Spike is around . . .trust him, he won't steer you wrong." He reached over and pulled the blindfold up a little bit. "Just follow my lead and you'll be fine." He kissed her cheek quickly. "I have to run. Remember this: Male then female. . .not the other way around. . .it's the only way. Good luck." 

-------------- 

Buffy and Giles crouched low to the ground. Both of their gazes took in the room completely. Buffy whispered over to him. "We doubled back because they're expecting us from over there." She pointed to the opposite end of the room where some demons were converging. "If we stay here long enough and bide out time, there'll be an opening. . .I'm sure of it." 

This is going to be the longest night of my life.> "I hope you're right." 

I hope so too.> She pointed to the other side of the room. "There, that's the female, I'm sure of it. Look behind her, the tube. . .it goes right through the ground." 

"Looks like my lessons on observance weren't totally lost on you." He smiled despite the grimness of the situation. 

"Hey, I listen. I'm a very good listener." She jabbed at him for effect. 

----------------- 

He looked around then turned to Angelus. "The natives are restless." 

He nodded his head. "They know it's time. They can smell it." He vamped and sniffed the air. "So can I." 

"The time draws near. Prepare her and bring her to me." 

He bowed his head and walked out the door. 

Richard got the attention of all the creatures in the room. "The time draws near! Soon our oppression will end and a new reign of terror will begin. I stand before you now a new man prepared to take the burden and carry us all into a new future. A future where we rule the world, where our race is bowed down to, where our race is respected and admired for breaking new ground. . . ." 

Cheers erupted from the masses. Buffy looked over at Giles. "He's got to be kidding?" 

A thought dawned on him. "I'm afraid not. Buffy, if I understand him correctly . . .he's not looking to end the world, he wants to conquer it. Populate it with this mixed breed of demon. It's the human weakness. . .studies have been done, but no scientist has been able to . . " 

"Giles. . the short and the quick of it, please." She motioned to the room. "Impending death here. . .no time for a science lesson." 

"Yes. It's . . the perfect human. Or, non human in this case. This is brilliant! Humans couldn't make the perfect human so a demon is undertaking the task!" 

She shook her head. "I fear you. The strangest things get you all worked up." 

"I think the whole 'end of the world' thing was only a rouse used to throw us off track." 

"Gee, ya think?" 

---------------- 

She heard the door creak and saw Angel walk up to her. He pulled the blindfold down. "Show time, little one. You ready?" 

"Willow, no, it's a trick! He's not Angel, he's Angelus. . .don't fall for it, don't fall for it!" 

Cordelia's screaming sent him running over to put his hand across her mouth. "Cordy, shh. They'll hear you." 

He pulled the blindfold off and she looked disbelievingly at him then looked to Willow for reassurance. 

She nodded her head. "It's him, Cordy. Angel's back. . .don't be afraid." 

Her gazed went back to him as he removed his hand. His words to her were barely a whisper. "It's me, princess. . .and as much as I'd love to start groveling for your forgiveness right now, we have some demons to stop." 

She finally grasped what was happening. "Angel? It's you?" 

He leaned in and kissed her gently, lovingly. Before he pulled away, he nipped at her lip. 

"Oww. . .yeah, it's you." She raised her hands. "Mind undoing these things?" 

He laughed and stood up. "Not right now. Soon." He turned to Willow. "He's ready for you. You'll both find a catch at the base of the cuffs. All you have to do is flick it with your finger and you're free." He turned around and walked towards the door. "When we walk in, look up and to your left. You'll see Buffy and Giles huddled in the corner there, ready for the signal. I'm surprised he hasn't spotted them yet, but then again, demons are notoriously too trusting of their charges. Oh, and by the way. . they're not magic, little one. . .you could have done your little hocus pocus thing at any time." 

She furrowed her brow. "You! Wait till this is over. I'm gonna, I'll. . .I'll do something really mean to you!" 

He laughed a bit then straightened up and opened the door. "Cordy, Spike's lurking around here somewhere. . .trust him, he's on our side. As for you, little one. . .try to look like you fear me. . . for all our sakes." She nodded at him. He changed into game-face and bellowed through the corridor. "Guards! Guards!" 

Two Mohra demons appeared in the doorway. 

"Take her to the chamber. Our master is ready for her. As for the other one." He reached down and took a handful of brunette hair in his hands. "Be sure she gets a prime seat. . . we wouldn't want her to miss the show." He winked at her then let go. 

---------------------- 

Willow was led into a bedchamber. There were torches on the walls throwing an eerie glow over everything. 

The guard pushed her to the bed. "Change. The master awaits." 

She glanced over the clothing and huffed. "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not putting THIS on!" She turned away defiantly. 

He grabbed her arm and tuned her around violently. "Do it or I'll do it for you, my Queen." 

Her eyes went wide. "Wha?" 

He was sent into a wall by a size 13 planted firmly in his back. "Fool! You dare speak to her that way?!" 

The demon cowered in the corner. "Sir, I'm sorry sir . . .please spare me." 

He reached down and grabbed the demon and threw him half way out of the room. "Be gone with you! I'll take it from here. At least I know how to treat a lady!" 

The demon scrambled to his feet and ran away. 

She heaved a sigh of relief. "Spike." 

He smiled at her. "In the flesh. Come on, luv. You have to change or they'll be in here. I don't know how long it'll take for that one to grow a pair and run to his commanding officer." 

She shook her head and grabbed the clothing off the bed. "I am NOT putting this on. No way." 

He chuckled at the look of horror on her face. "You don't have a choice here, ducks. Come on." 

She deferred. "Fine. This better be worth it. If I have to get into this, you'd better have something up your sleeve to get us out of here." 

"We'll get out. I promise." 

"Fine. . . now turn around so I can change, and you can start telling me what's going on by explaining that queen comment from the little green guy earlier. What's going on, Spike?" 

"You're a smart girl, I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet. Demon domination is the name of the game, luv. . .not world destruction. From what Angel and I have surmised, he's perfected this test-tube race of demon and plans on populating the world with it. Brave New World and all that. The only thing that's missing is immortality." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "He needs the mother to be immortal in order for the offspring to achieve immortality. With the blood of an immortal running through their veins, they'll be unstoppable." 

"Let me guess. . .I'm the immortal and my ability to reproduce is cut in half when mixed with a demon. You can turn around now." 

"Yes, I always knew you were a smart. . " The sentence was cut off when he caught sight of her. His eyes went wide like a deer caught in headlights and if his jaw could hit the floor in the manner of a cartoon, it would have. "I, um. . .Red you're uh." 

She gave him a look of caution. "Don't say it, Spike" 

"You look like . . ." 

"Spike. . .don't say" 

"Princess Leah in that Jabba slave get up!" 

She sighed. "I asked you not to say it." She became hyper aware of a draft and tried to cover up. "Ugh, I hate this. . . I'm cold." She pouted. 

He shook his head a little too eagerly. "Yes, I can see that." A smile played across his lips. She waved her hand and that's the last thing he saw. "Hey. . I can't see!" He tried rubbing his eyes but it was no use. 

"You promise not to gawk?" 

"Aw, come on Red. . .I promise to be good. You made me blind . . .Undo it! Undo it!" He was stomping his feet like a two year old having a tantrum. 

She waved her hand again. "No gawking." 

"Fine, fine." He grumbled. "Remind me to stay on your good side, oh Immortal One." He offered his arm and she linked it with her own. "It's show time. You ready?" He looked down at her with concern as he put the black shackles on her wrists again. "You know how to work these, don't you?" 

She nodded. "Angel told me. I'm as ready as I'll ever be." 

"Giles?" 

"Hmm?" 

"This thing with Quentin. I didn't like him very much to begin with but . . ." 

"It bothers you we left him in the cell with Ethan." 

"Yeah. What if he was telling the truth? Then we've sealed the fate of an innocent man." 

"Quentin was hardly innocent, Buffy, I can assure you of that. Remember his explanation about Willow and Cordelia's connection?" 

"Yeah. I felt like a real jack-ass." 

"Well, he was completely correct. He knew of their connection in detail and he knew that Willow gave Cordelia her ring. You and I were the only other people that knew she had the ring." 

"You knew?" 

"Um, yes, well. . I was out in the hall when you and Cordelia were exchanging words. Only that time I didn't get caught." 

"You were lurking? You're the last one I'd ever think of to pull an Angel." 

"I fear for your safety, Buffy, all of you. If anything were to ever happen, I don't think I'd ever forgive myself for it." He sighed. "Yet here we sit, Willow is Immortal and you're a vampire. I just feel like I've failed all of you." 

She reached out and touched his shoulder. "We'll be okay, Giles. We're gonna go in there, kick some demon ass and go home." 

He smiled at her and nodded. 

He noticed that Willow was being led in by Spike and brought her attention to it. "Look. . .I can't believe it!" 

Willow was arm in arm with Spike. He was leading her up a set a stairs. She caught their attention, motioned to Spike and gave the 'okay' signal with her hand. He looked up and nodded. It was done in an instant, but they got the message. 

Buffy whispered. "He's on our side." 

He nodded. "Looks that way. We could use all the help we can get." 

--------------------- 

"My fellow kindred. . your Queen has arrived!" 

Cheers erupted from the crowd of 20 or so demons. They pumped their weapons in the air and chanted 'Long live the Queen!'. 

Spike handed Willow off to Richard and bowed low. From the door they just came through, Angelus emerged and took his place on the other side of the stage. He and Spike exchanged a brief look then stared out to the crowd. 

------------ 

"Giles! Did you see that?" 

"I saw. Let's hope it means what we think it does." 

------------ 

Cordelia was led out by another demon and thrown to the ground in front of the stage. 

Richard spoke. "The hour of evolution is upon us. Soon we will be the perfect race, the only race worthy of inhabiting this earth! Even as I speak, you're old Queen is dying. She has passed her prime and must be put to rest. Will the new Queen present to take her place, we will achieve what we've fought so long for. Immortality! We will be unstoppable!" 

"The Queen must die! Long live the Queen!" The chant took on an eerie rhythm, pounding out each syllable in their brains. The pitch they reached was inhuman and they all had to hold their ears, fearing their eardrums would literally explode in their heads. 

"Now! Let the ritual begin!" 

Cheers erupted again and suddenly five demons appeared from an adjacent corridor. They wore robes encrusted with jewels and carried daggers in both hands. Silently they marched over to the female and in unison knelt in front of her in a circle. 

The creature stirred, but didn't really move. Buffy noticed that her skin had taken on a pale gray color and her movements were slow and awkward. She was indeed dying, probably from producing so many offspring. Screwed to death.> She gave a little chuckle. 

Again in unison the grabbed her and carried her up to the stage. A stone slab emerged from beneath the floor and she was placed on it, gently. They shackled her arms, wrists, neck and torso. She struggled the tiniest bit, but it was no use. She was then gagged and a black hood was tied to her head. 

The five demons turned to Richard and waited. He nodded his head and together they raised their right hands and the daggers were slammed into various parts of her body. The undertook the task of carving into her flesh, her head, her arms. Green ooze flew everywhere and the crowd scrambled to the edge of the stage. The demons continued to cut her up into small, manageable pieces and began to throw the pieces into the crowd. Giles noticed one demon caught a piece of the flesh and pushed his way to the front of the stage. He caught Willow's attention and hungrily devoured it. Almost immediately he took on a deep green luster. This entire display couldn't be described as anything but controlled chaos. Each demon that caught a piece of flesh did the same in turn. 

He leaned in and whispered to Buffy. "They're courting her. Trying to prove themselves worthy." 

She grimaced. "Ugh, that's disgusting!" 

"It's an animalistic mating ritual. The one that digests the most is considered the dominant male in the room." 

She shook her head and turned away from the carnage in front of her. "Giles. . does that mean they. . " 

"They're vying for her attention. I suppose you could say the one with the best green wins. Then he'll mate with her and . ." 

"Nope, no way. . not gonna happen. NOBODY is gonna mate with her. . .especially those things!" 

------------------ 

Angel, as casually as possible, walked over to where Spike was standing. "Does he know they're here?" 

He shook his head. "No. The two demons that reported to me earlier have been taken care of. As much for saving face as for safety. I'll get you for that impotent comment later, mate." He smiled. 

Angel shook his head. "You sound like Willow and Cordelia. I have a lot of debts to repay if we get out of this." 

"WHEN we get out of this. . .and you ain't whistlin' Dixie, old man." Spike glanced up to where Buffy and Giles were waiting and nodded his head. 

------------ 

The flesh-fest was over rather quickly and Richard stepped up in front of the crowd. "Very good. You have all served your Queen well and I'm sure she is impressed with your display." He looked back and winked at Willow. She rolled her eyes and looked away. "The time is now!" He pointed to a few scattered demons in the crowd. "You . . .and you. . . and you." They joined him on the stage and knelt down in front of Willow. "You have proved yourselves worthy of the Queen. After the ritual is complete, the line begins with you!" 

With a wave of his hand they got up and lined up against the wall. He beckoned to his two favorite charges. "Angelus, Spike, come. . .bring my bride to me." 

They each took one of her arms and walked her over to him. She put up a good struggle but stopped when she was thrown to the ground. She looked up at both of them with her patented 'you'll pay for this' look. 

Richard bent down and took her face in his claws. "The time is here, lover. What a fine match we'll make. . .our children and grandchildren will be proud." He lifted her off the ground without resistance. "Mmm, good. . .you're willing." 

She looked at him with a steely gaze and whispered. "Don't count on it." 

Angel noted his shocked expression and screamed from behind her. "NOW!" 

With all her strength, Willow used both her hands, pulled back, and slammed him across the face with a crack. Angle came up next to her and grabbed him. "Get the shackles off. . .quick!" 

Giles and Buffy jumped down from their perch and ran headlong into the throng of demons. Wielding staffs with blades taped to the ends they began swinging left to right, effectively cutting down almost half the crowd of demons. 

Cordelia pulled the shackles off and reached for the dagger stuck in her boot. She ran over to where the first wave of demons were cut down by Buffy and started kicking off their helmets and stabbing them in their skulls. Kick and stab, kick and stab. ..she was practically unstoppable. 

Spike had his hands full with the five ritual demons. Two of them had him in a hold and a third was punching his midsection. He jumped off the ground and placed two boots squarely in the face of his tormentor. "Take that you smelly little poof!" He shook the other two off and pounded their heads together, sending them into a pile on the ground. "The Big Bad is. . .ugh!!" The remaining two tackled him from behind. 

Willow was standing in the corner chanting under her breath. Two lightening bolts appeared above her and shot out towards the two demons who where going to town on Spike. Upon connection, they were thrown into the crowd and exploded into dust before hitting the ground. 

"Thanks, luv!" he yelled from the ground. 

"Thank me later!" She began to concentrate again. . . 

Buffy was taking care of the adult demons that didn't dissolve with Cordelia's stabs. With slayer-vampire strength, she ripped off the breastplates and with her bare hands ripped out their hearts and threw them on the ground. Between swipes of the staff, Giles took to stomping on the hearts Buffy was throwing in his direction. One got away from her and made a wet thwack against the side of Giles' head. 

"Ooh. . .sorry." She smiled sheepishly. 

He swung the staff and took down two more then looked over at her. "Indeed." 

Angel was squaring off with Richard. He'd just recovered from a direct blow to the midsection and staggered away from the corner. "That's it." He vamped. "No more Mr. Nice Vampire." He came out of the corner swinging, effectively sending Richard back a few feet with multiple punches to his face. While still dazed, Angel grabbed him and held him high in the air. With a grunt he sent the demon flying to the other end of the stage into a wall. In his hands he held the breastplate. 

Angel was on him again immediately. He lifted him high off the ground and slammed him down again into the middle of the stone slab that held the remnants of the dead Queen. He landed with a wet gushy thud. 

Willow raised her hands and before he knew what was happening, Angel was thrown into Spike and they both landed at the other end of the room. 

She approached Richard who was wriggling on the slab. She bent down and looked into his eyes. 

He froze under her gaze and a look of terror washed across his face. He was frozen, unable to move at all. 

Suddenly the bindings that held the Queen were snapped into place with the wave of her hand. She tilted her head to the right and he began to struggle again. 

He shifted into the form of Timothy and tried to appeal to her. "No, no, no. . .you don't want to do this Willow. I love you. . .you know I love you." 

She was shaken. She hadn't seen him in almost four years and everything they shared came bubbling to the surface. She stumbled back a bit and tried to clear her head. 

"I love you . . .trust me." 

That did it. Everything came back, everything. . the nights they shared talking till dawn, the secret meetings in her study, the stolen kisses in empty halls. . .the way he changed in front of her before he raped her. 

"No. . you're a demon! You don't know what love is!" She grabbed a dagger from the floor next to her and made a calm approach. She spoke in a low voice. "I trusted you. . I believed in you. . .and you repay my love and trust by raping me! You did it, you raped me!" She held the dagger high in the air and brought it slamming down into his chest. 

He let out a guttural, primal scream and morphed back to demon form. She continued to swing the blade up and brought it crashing down into his chest. "You rotten!" SLAM! "Slimy!" SLAM! "Evil!" SLAM! "Horrible!" SLAM! "Mean, mean demon!" SLAM!! 

Finally she dropped the dagger and reached into his chest and pulled out his still beating heart. She threw it on the ground and began to stomp on it while beating on his chest with her fists. "I can't believe you. . .you did this to me. . .you monster. . you bastard!" 

Her screams and poundings were slowed down then stopped by a light touch on her shoulder. She froze and turned slowly, tears streaking her slime covered face and was met with the blood tears of a frightened vampire. 

Willow blinked once, twice. . .trying to discern what was happening. "Buffy?" She said in a weak voice, barely able to control the emotion still brewing within. 

She nodded her head sadly. "I think he's dead, Will." She put her hand out and offered it to the redhead. "Come on, let's go home." 

"Home . . ." Escaped from her lips before passing out in the slayer's arms. 

Buffy caught her then Giles screamed. "Buffy! Look out!" 

A stream of ooze was making it's way up the stage and towards the two girls. Angel ran up and grabbed them both. "It's trying to borrow! Quick, get her out of here." Buffy jumped down the other side of the stage and handed Willow off to Giles. "Go, run! We'll stay and take care of this thing once and for all!" 

"Giles." He turned to the sound of Spike's voice. "22 Blackbird Circle. It's mine. . .keys are in the planter." 

He nodded and went out the tunnel he and Buffy emerged from not long ago. Cordelia was right next to him. 

"Spike!" Angel yelled in the blonde vampire's direction. "Are we wired?!" 

He nodded. "Wired for sound, mate. . .all we have to do is throw the switch." He produced a small remote control from his pocket. 

Buffy looked between both of them, confused. "What's going on?" 

Angel grabbed her by the arm and led her to the center of the room. "We blow this place sky high. In it's liquid state, these demons can't resist the heat." He motioned to Spike. "Come on." 

Angel knelt down and produced a map from his back pocket. "We're in the center of a circle. . .each of these three corridors leads to a dead end. The only way to get out it here." He pointed to a tunnel next to where they were now. "We go through this place and open all the doors to the cells. Spike and I already put canisters of gasoline in all the rooms. Empty it and run. There are four rooms to each wing. Start at they furthest cell and work your way back here. I already collapsed the tunnel where Richard and Willow came in. We get out the same way you and Giles got in. It's the only way." 

Spike and Buffy nodded in agreement and they all took off in opposite directions. 

-------------------- 

Not ten minutes later, Spike and Angel were standing next to the tunnel that would bring them to freedom. They were holding torches and swinging them at their feet to keep the oozing mass at bay. 

Spike looked over to his companion. "I don't know how much longer we can keep this up, mate." 

He nodded and handed the torch to Spike. "Here. . .something must have happened. I'll go after her. If we're not back in five minutes, do it." 

"Angel . . " 

"Do it Spike!" With those words he took off in search of Buffy. 

The first three rooms yielded nothing but the stench of gasoline. Upon reaching the forth he heard a yell that was distinctly female. 

He burst through the door just in time to see Ethan smashing her over the head with a chair. 

He was pure action. He ran over to him and landed several blows to his face and threw him to the ground. Quentin was on his back immediately but he shook him off and sent him flying against the wall, dazed. He reached down and grabbed Ethan by the throat. "You never learn, do you?" He vamped and clamped down on his neck. He took just enough to paralyze him. "The good guys always win." He grabbed Quentin and ripped into his wrist. He took a mouthful of blood, leaned down and pressed his lips against Buffy's. She stirred a bit but didn't wake up. 

He tied them together and left them in the middle of the room. Feeling a twinge of guilt, he shut and locked the cell without pouring the gasoline. He grabbed the slayer in a fireman's carry and ran off to the room. 

Spike was having a hard time fighting back the ooze and a little of it got under his feet. He quickly hopped up to the escape tunnel and began to turn away. He stopped at the sound of Angel's voice. 

"Spike. . .some help here!" He handed her limp body off to the other vampire and pulled himself up into the tunnel. 

"What happened?" He looked down at her with confusion. 

"Ethan and Quentin worked her over. She's lost a lot of blood and I tried to replace some of it, but. . ." He shrugged and touched her cheek. She was so cold, colder than any vampire should ever be. "Come on. Let's get to the surface and end this." 

-------------------- 

Giles was replacing the cloth on Willow's head with a new one. Off in the distance he heard a roll of what he thought was thunder and the house shook a little bit. 

Cordelia walked in with a towel around her shoulders, rubbing her hair. "What was that?" 

"It's either the first earthquake in England's history or. . ." 

"Or they blew the place to bits." She nodded her head and smiled. "I thought so." She walked over to the edge of the bed and touched Willow's cheek lightly. "Will she be okay?" 

"She's exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I think she'll be fine. She just needs some rest." 

"Boy, I don't think I've ever heard a truer statement." She stifled a yawn and stretched then looked at her watch. "It'll be light in a few hours. I wonder what's keeping them?" 

Giles shook his head. "Nothing oozing and slimy I hope." 

----------- 

Angel climbed out of the manhole and straightened up. "Ten more minutes and the three of us would have been toast." 

Spike nodded and shifted the body he held gently. "I know. . .that's the beauty of England, mate. Best sewer system this side of the ocean. The manhole here in the basement was my idea. I thought it would be better to be safe and wet underground than out there blowin in the wind." 

Angel chuckled despite the concern on his face. Spike led the way upstairs and through the kitchen. He walked down the hall and into his bedroom to lay Buffy on his bed. "This is my room. No windows. You'll be safe here, luv." He turned to say something to Angel, but he was already gone. 

He crept down the hall and opened the door. The site that presented itself almost made his heart beat once. Cordelia was laying on the bed next to Willow, he arm wrapped lovingly around her waist. Then there was Giles, asleep in the chair with his glasses on, hold Willow's hand. The vampire shook his head sadly and closed the door. 

"What is it, mate?" 

"Nothing. They're sleeping. I feel like we've won, but we haven't. . .not the way we were supposed to." He turned to Spike and cleared his throat. "Was it really worth it? If Buffy dies, then what did Willow fight so hard for if she ends up losing her anyway?" He ran his hand absentmindedly through his hair. "It's just not fair, Spike." 

He put his hand on his sire's shoulder. "She fought for herself, mate. She fought to rid herself not only of the demons that threatened her life, but the inner demons that threatened her soul." He stood there in silence for a moment and absorbed all that had happened. "I don't think I speak only for myself when I say that it's the one thing that keeps me from walking into the bloody sun." 

Angel nodded sadly. "A chance for inner peace and redemption. . .to finally forgive yourself." 

--------------- 

Angel was jolted awake by a very agitated Watcher. "Angel, Angel. . .wake up man!" 

Groggily, he opened his eyes. "Giles?" 

"What happened and why are you two down here? What happened to Buffy?" 

He got up off the couch and stretched. "The basement is the only other room in the house besides Spikes' that doesn't have windows. Ethan and Quentin ganged up on her. She's hurt pretty bad." 

Giles nodded his head. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I've examined her. She has injuries that would have killed a normal human being. Her skull is cracked in two places and her spine is out of joint. She has more broken bones than I can count and I don't know how or if she'll survive this. . .and if she does, I don't know what state she'll be in." 

"Willow?" Spike said from the other end of the room. 

"She's with Buffy now. . .she refuses to leave her side, even for a moment. It's taken Cordelia and I almost all day to find the two of you. . I didn't even think of the basement till now." He let out a heavy sigh. "Come on upstairs. . .dusk is approaching." 

The two vampires nodded and silently followed him upstairs. 

--------------- 

"Cordy." 

She looked up into green eyes and followed the gaze to the doorway. Willow whispered. "Looks like someone is here to see you." 

A grinning vampire was standing in the doorway. "Hi princess." 

"Angel." She got up and ran into his arms. "Oh, Angel." She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the floor. 

"God, I missed you." He snuggled down into her neck and took an unnecessary breath. "You smell good." 

"You feel good." She choked out before the tears came. 

He felt her chest heave and reached up to stroke her hair. "Shh, I'm here now, princess. . .Angel's back." He looked over at Willow and mouthed a silent thank you. She nodded and watched him carry her out the door. 

Willow returned to her task. "He loves her so much, you know. They're good for each other." She reached up and brushed a stray piece of blonde hair away from a bruised forehead. "Who would have thought? They compliment each other. . .his brooding and lurking and her strong headedness and zest for life. . .they were meant to be together, just like . . " Just like us.> A lump formed in her throat and a tear fell from her eye. She wiped them away with her sleeves. "Ugh. . .I can't do this alone, Buffy, I can't." 

A hand reached out and touched her lightly. "You may not have to." 

She turned around. "Giles. What do you mean?" 

"Heal her the best you can. . .then we'll take the matter to a higher court." He looked down at her seriously. 

She was afraid to hope. "I don't know, Giles. She's hurt so badly. . .I'll try my best, for her." 

He patted her on the back and left the room. 

---------------- 

Giles was leaning against the wall when Spike walked up to him. "How long has she been in there?" 

He looked at his watch. "About three hours." 

Spike tried the door but it wouldn't budge. 

"She has it sealed. . .you can't get in. Believe me, I've tried." 

He nodded and leaned against the wall next to the watcher. "Then we wait." 

"Cordelia and Angel? Are they alright?" 

The blonde vampire snorted. "Making up for lost time." 

He huffed. "I can just imagine. . no, wait. . .I really can and it's disturbing." He shook his head and laughed despite himself. 

The door opened slightly and a very tired, worn-out redhead emerged from behind it. 

"Willow." 

"She sighed. "She's better. No more bruises or broken bones, but. . ." She shrugged and shook her head. "Giles, she still won't wake up." She leaned her head against his shoulder and whispered softly.   
"Why won't she wake up?" 

Of all the questions in all the world anyone could have asked him right now, he feared this one from this particular person the most. She sounded so meek, defeated, afraid. He simply looked down at her with a fathers love in his eyes and his heart broke for her. She'd been through so much, too much for any one lifetime or any one person, and it all came down to this: none of it mattered to her, none of it, if Buffy wasn't there to share it with her. He knew she'd do it all a hundred times again if there was at all the slightest possibility that it would turn out different. . .better. He put his arms around her. "I don't know." 

She pulled from his grasp and went back into the room again. Silently she climbed into bed and began to stroke Buffy's hair. 

Spike whispered to Giles. "Breaks me heart to see her like this." 

"All may not be lost. We have one last chance. . .one final hope." He looked at Spike and motioned for him to follow. 

They stepped into the room. Willow was humming a soft melody into Buffy's ear. She did look better and some of the color had returned to her face. "Willow." Giles broke the silence. 

She never looked up. "Hmm?" 

"There's one last chance. We can still save her." 

She got off the bed and walked up to him. "How. . I've tried everything, Giles. I've used all the magic I know and some I just guessed on." 

"We appeal to a higher court." 

"The Powers That Be." Angel stepped into the room with Cordelia a step behind. 

Willow looked between the two men, confused. "You mean personally? In person?" 

Angel nodded. "You're Immortal. They couldn't hurt you if they wanted to, on principle alone. It's worth a shot." 

She grabbed her coat off the back of the chair. "Fine. . we do this now. Lead the way." 

Angel gave Cordelia a quick kiss and they were out the door in moments. 

-------------- 

Angel and Willow are standing in a white chamber. He looks to her and gives a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. You're a warrior now. Immortal. And I know your intentions are pure of heart. If I do this right you'll get in." He places some herbs in the urn in front of them. "We beseech access to the knowing ones" He lights the herbs on fire and it fills up with a blinding flame. They look up and the archway before them glows and fills with light. "You're in. This is your show, little one. I'll be here waiting." 

She walks into the light into a white marble chamber. Two glittery figures confront her but then take a step back. 

The Man smiles and bows to her. "Come before us, Immortal one." 

The Woman frowns. "What have you brought us?" 

Willow clears her throat. "I've come to ask a favor." 

The Woman waves her hand. "We take no course or interest in human affairs." 

The Man frowns. "Be gone with you then." They begin to walk away. 

She steps up to them "No, wait!" They turn back and the Man lifts a brow. "I've come to beg for the life of the slayer." 

The Woman laughs. "The slayer is dead." 

Willow shakes her head. "No, you're wrong. She was turned into a vampire. . .it was done to save her life, but now. Now she's sick and she needs help. Your help." She lifts her hands in defeat. "There's nothing more I can do. I don't know how to heal her." 

The two exchange looks then the Man speaks. "A vampire. . .lesser being. This is no concern of ours." 

Willow shakes her head again. "A vampire that used to be the slayer, only now she's a vampire. . .but with a soul, a good vampire. We need her in our world to fight evil. . I need her." 

The Woman cuts her off. "Then this is a matter of the heart. Still not our problem." She turns to the Man. "Immortal or not, I grow tired of her." 

Willow grows angry. "I am here to beg for her life! I need her and so does the world. What do you two do up here anyway? Just idly watch time go by and do nothing! Well I can't not do anything. . I can't watch her die. You have to save her!" 

The Man walks up to her. "Ours in not to grant life or death." 

She steps up to him defiantly. "Then I ask you to take mine back. Take away the Immortality I've been given in exchange for her life." 

The Woman steps up. "You're asking to be what you were, a mere mortal, in exchange for her life?" 

The Man looks at her quizzically. "She matters this much to you? Do you know what you ask? The Immortality you've been granted is a gift from the Powers That Be." 

She shook her head. "It does me no good. I'm no use to you as an immortal. If you do this, if you grant me this one request. . .the world will have the slayer back. She's useful. . .she's averted world destruction more times than I can count on one hand. That has to count for something, anything!" 

He frowns at her. "Changing the course of a life cannot be undertaken lightly, especially for a lower being." 

"Yes. You're right." The Woman smiles at Willow. "But this is not a lower being before us, she is an immortal, and we are bound to do what it is within our power to do. To help her. She does it out of love. . .and that makes her possibly a greater being than either of us." 

The man waves his hand in the air and a rain of gold dust covers Willow. "Very well then. Go." 

Willow rubs the dust from her eyes. "Wait, that's it? You'll do it?" 

A hand reaches out and grabs her shoulder. "What? Do what Willow?" 

She blinks and looks over at him. "Angel?" 

"Yeah, what are you talking about?" He motions to the archway. "Are you ready to go in?" 

She looks at him, puzzled. "But, I . . .I've already gone in. . .and they." 

He slaps his head with his hand. "That's right! When you go in, it's for an instant. It's like you never even left." He chuckles. "The first time I went in it took the whole ride home for Doyle to explain it to me." 

"So from what you know . . .I've been standing here the whole time?" 

"Yes. . .you never even moved an inch. So what did they say?" 

"I don't think I'll be going back there. . .EVER.. . .but if I ever do. Angel, you think you could remind me to bring an offering?" 

"I'm sorry." 

She smiled. "It's okay. Turns out I had something to offer them anyway." 

"What?" 

"Lets go back to the house and see if Buffy's alright. Then I'll tell you and everyone else at the same time. Saves me from having to tell the story five times." 

------------ 

". . .at all?" 

"No. She hasn't moved at all. I'm so sorry, Willow. I really thought it would work." Giles looked at her apologetically. 

The were sitting in Spikes room where the still form of the slayer lay in the middle of the bed. She looked so tiny, so frail. . .nothing like the girl she'd once been. 

Willow stood up. "I need to get out of here. . .I need to think." With that, she walked out of the room and out the door. 

--------------- 

She walked around for most of the day, going no where in particular. It had been almost two months since Buffy stepped of the plane and this entire mess began. As if by instinct she made her way to the hill by the tree where she'd watched the sun set for almost the past four years. She slipped off her shoes, gathered her dress up and sat down against the welcoming trunk. There was a distinct breeze in the air. . .it was the beginnings of the first frost and a preview of the winter to come. 

"What's happened to us? How did we get here?" She ran her fingers through silky red hair. " It's so beautiful tonight. Such a contrast to the dark pit my life's been lately." She chuckled to her self silently. 

"I wouldn't say it's been so bad." 

She was shaken from her thoughts by the familiar voice behind her. She turned slowly and saw Buffy standing there. Shocked was the least of all the emotions she was feeling. "Buffy?" 

"In the undead flesh. What's wrong, Will? You look paler than usual? Almost as pale as me." A smile played across her lips. 

Willow scrambled to her feet. Cautiously, she reached out her hand to touch her and Buffy grabbed it. "What's with you Will?" 

"You, your in the bed, hurt and I couldn't, I didn't fix. . the Oracles didn't and there was gold dust and Angel, the bright light, Giles and Spike then there was slime, not Spike slime 'cause that would be gross and this is all so confusing. Ugh." 

"Sooo, the Oracles got you with some Angel dust and Spike slimed Giles? I can see how that would make you go ish but your still not making any sense, Will." 

"This is all just so confusing." She shook her head in the attempt to jog all the images into order. 

Buffy pulled her closer. "Here. . .lemme clear it up for you." In one fluid motion Buffy pulled Willow to the ground and was on top of her. She smiled her best sinister smile and shifted into game-face. "I want you. . .I can take you. . therefore, I will have you forever. Comments? Questions?" 

She was struggling and shaking her head. No, this can't be happening!> "Buffy . .w-what are you doing?" The words past her lips but the answer was firmly imprinted in her brain. She knew full well what the answer would be. 

"Taking what I want." 

Just like the dream.> 

She bent down and licked the nape of her neck and slowly made her way up to her earlobe. "Mmm, you taste as good as I always thought you would . . .maybe even better." She pulled back and licked her lips. 

"Buffy, you don't want to do this. . .y-you don't want to hurt me. Please." She was pleading for her life as well as Buffy's. She knew, the instant that her life was taken and replaced by the demon, Buffy would lose her soul. Oh God, it is the dream . . .the dream is coming true.> 

She leaned down and whispered. "I don't want to hurt you, lover. I want you to be with me. . .forever." She shifted and Willow could feel the creeping of her skin as the fangs danced lightly across her flesh. She clamped down and began to feed. 

A darkness suddenly rolled in over the sky. Clouds gathered and not a star could be seen in the sky. Somewhere in the distance, thunder rolled and a streak of lightening cut across the sky and landed firmly between the shoulders of the slayer. 

Her body shuddered as the electricity shot through her. She let go of Willow's neck and let out a piercing scream, throwing herself back against the tree. Willow scrambled to her and grabbed her by the shoulders. They looked into each other's eyes as another bolt flew from the sky and branched off, hitting them both. They screamed into the night in unison as the pain and electricity and light streamed through their veins. Then all went black. 

----------- 

Thu-thump . . .thu-thump. . .thu-thump. . .thu-thump. . . 

Willow awoke to what she thought was they rhythmic beating of her heart. She lay there with her eyes closed for a moment, doing a mental 'body check' list in her head. Arms, there. . .legs, there. . .torso, fingers, toes, nose . . nose in breast. . .? . . .Oh, no this can't be good.> Slowly she shifted only to find there was a distinctly beating heart under her ear and a warm body covering her form. Not wanting to get her hopes up, she reached up with her hand and felt around. Slender waist, shoulder length hair. . . leather pants!> She opened her eyes. "Buffy?" 

She groaned. "Ungh . . .five more minutes, mom." And preceded to snuggled down more comfortably. 

Mmm, this does wonders for my body temperature. . . .no, bad thoughts. . .get her up, get her up.> "Buffy, come on. . .if you don't get off of me." 

"Huh?" The slayer blinked once, twice. She shifted her gaze and was met with a pair of wide green eyes below her. "Will. . .what happened?" She moved over to the side. "Oh, my aching back. . and my head, uh. . .think headaches measure on the Richter scale?" She brought her knees up, wrapped her arms around them and put her head down. "I think I'm having about an 8.4 right about now." 

Willow sat up slowly and touched her friends neck with two fingers. "Buffy, you. . .you have a pulse! You're breathing. . .and your back hurts!" She clapped her hands together and bounced up and down on the grass. "They did it, they kept their promise!" 

She lifted her head up and everything Willow just said registered all at once. "I remember biting you and it was dark and I got hit with alota juice. . .it made my hair stand on end." She reached out to Willow and examined her neck. "Oh, God. . did I bite you?" Willow flinched. "No, I did. . .I did bite you. I'm so sorry, Will. Does it hurt?" 

"A little, but. . ." She cupped her face in her hands. "Buffy, you're alive." 

"Shh." Buffy brought her finger to Willow's lips. 

She tilted her head questioningly but remained silent. 

"Do you hear that?" A small sob escaped from her throat. "I can hear my heartbeat." She smiled and collapsed into her friends arms. . .inhaling and exhaling deeply. "I can breath, Will. . .I can breath." 

--------------- 

"One be the champion, one the eternal. One be the savior with struggle internal. One be the witch with powers for teaching. A prophesy fulfilled, effects far reaching. Each one in turn will save this earth, beginning with the slayer's re-birth." He'd read it a hundred times in the past hour. Looking at it now only made him cross-eyed. "It's right here!. It was a prophesy. If not for the end of the world then what?" 

"You and those books, Giles, I swear. Can't you go a day without consulting them. You're a big boy now you know. . .you can make decisions all by yourself." 

He glanced up then back to the book. "As much as I appreciate your sense of humor, Buffy . .I" He looked up and took his glasses off. "Buffy? How did you? Where did you come from?" 

"Uh . . little town named Sunnydale? Ever heard of it?" 

Spike stomped through the hallway towards them. "Bloody hell man. . the slayer's gone. She's in a coma for the love of Pete. . .she was there one minute then the next she was" He pointed his finger at Buffy. "Right there.. . .s-she's right there!" 

Giles shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "I can't believe it. Buffy, you're alive!" 

Willow was watching the entire exchange with amused delight. As if on cue, Angel burst through the door and breezed right past her. "Not exactly." 

Buffy turned and faced him. "Oh, great! The Angel of death. Aren't you supposed to blow a horn or something before you announce impending doom?" 

"What's going on?" Cordelia poked her head around the corner. 

Giles stood up. "Well, since everyone is present and accounted for. . .would you two, er, three care to tell me exactly what's going on? When did this happen Willow?" He turned to the redhead. "Last I remember, you went out for a walk after you came back from the Oracles." 

"I think we all need to sit down. This is gonna take a while." 

They all gathered in the living room and Buffy and Willow began. 

"I woke up in the bedroom and. . .I don't know, it was like I felt like a different person. I knew something was happening and I was feeling really, you know, grr. I walked out of the bedroom and no one was around so I walked out the front door. I wandered around a little until sunset and I saw Will." 

"When Buffy didn't wake up after I went to see the Oracles, I wandered around half of the afternoon. I just need to bail and clear my head. So I went to my spot in the park. You know the one Giles, by the tree?" 

"I don't know how I found her, I just did. It was like I knew where she was." 

"I was really shocked to see her. She was acting all wiggy and all of a sudden she grabbed me and we were on the ground." 

"I don't know what came over me. I just had this overwhelming urge to bite her. I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. . .and believe me, right then I didn't want to. It was like I HAD to have her blood in me. . .I had to feed off of her." 

"She bit down on me and I heard some thunder then the sky lit up. A split second later I felt a shock go through my body and Buffy was thrown back against the tree." 

"I couldn't think I couldn't see. . .all I could do was scream. I didn't even know she was there. . ." 

"I grabbed her and tried to see if she was alright then the sky lit up again and I don't remember anything. After that when we woke up in the park." 

Spike snickered in the corner. "And they say lightening never strikes twice in the same place." 

-------------- 

"Angel?" Giles shook him out of his thoughts. 

"I went to see the Oracles. Willow's dream . . .the prophesy has been fulfilled." He closed the gap between him and Buffy. "You're not human." 

"Care to explain soul-man. . .this cryptic routine is getting quite tiresome." Spike snapped at him. 

He nodded his head. "The Oracles. They granted Willow's request and spared your life, but not without a cost." 

Willow nodded her head. "Yes. I offered them something in return for her getting better. They agreed. . .they said they'd do it." 

He smiled at her. "And they did. You offered them your Immortality." 

Buffy turned to her. "You gave that up? For me? Will, you shouldn't have." She placed her hand on Willow's. 

"I had to, Buffy. I tried to make you better but." She shrugged. "It was the only way." 

Angel offered an explanation. "The Oracles are notoriously self involved. You'd think that since they're the direct link to the Powers That Be they'd be more aware of what goes on in the world. They took your immortality from you and gave it to Buffy. They thought that was what you wanted. When Buffy bit you, she was struck by the lightening at the same time. That was the beginning of the transformation. Both of you weren't supposed to be struck. . . " 

"I'm alive but Immortal? Sounds like an upside to me." She grinned. 

Angel nodded in agreement. "I'd agree. . .only there's a catch." 

She put her head down on the table. "A catch. . .there's ALWAYS a catch." 

"What is it Angel?" Giles pushed on. 

"The transformation actually started the moment she woke up. She lost her soul. We all know what a soulless vampire has on it's mind. She went in search of the one person she loved the most, the one that mattered most when she was alive. I did it when I was first turned. The first person I killed was my mother." He sighed, the memory weighing down on his soul. "When she was struck, she received immortality. . .the second time she was struck, she regained her soul. Because she and Willow were, um, connected at the time. . .they're now connected forever. As long as Buffy lives, so does Willow. A part of Buffy's immortality was passed to Willow in the bite and some residual of Buffy's soul now resides in her. With the prophesy about the Immortal Watcher being diverted, the amount of years between Immortal Watchers rising has been converted to the amount of miles they can be apart. If they're more than one thousand miles apart, even for an instant, they'll both die." 

Giles stood and grabbed a book from the far end of the table. "Yes, yes. . .why didn't I see it before." He flipped through and settled on one page. "One be the champion, one the eternal. . . .That's Willow and Buffy respectfully, not the other way around. One be the savior with struggle internal. . . that's wrong. If you translate it into old Latin you get the word 'one' instead of 'with' and 'struggles' instead of 'struggle'. One be the savior, one struggles internal. Buffy is the Chosen one and with the attack Willow went through, I'd say it qualifies as and internal struggle. One be the witch with powers for teaching. . . .That's obvious now. Willow, in a round about way, has taught Buffy how to be Immortal. A prophesy fulfilled, effects far reaching. . .another obvious one . . .With Buffy being immortal and the Council being a non-issue, then another slayer cannot be called. . .this effects the entire dynamic of Good versus Evil. Each one in turn will save this earth. . .Willow saved us all by killing the demon and putting a stop to them inhabiting this world and with Buffy, it's her sacred duty to save on a daily basis. Finally, beginning with the slayer's re-birth . . .Buffy's re-birth as a vampire was the catalyst for all of this happening." He snapped the book shut and looked very pleased with himself. 

Willow was staring at him wide-eyed. "Wow." 

Spike shook his head. "Well, this is a bit disappointing, now isn't it. I've bagged at least three slayers in my time. A little thunder here, some well placed lightening there. . .and my bloody reign of terror is over!" 

Buffy looked up at him. "Don't worry, Spike, with my being a lifer now, I'm sure I'll find you some more little green nasties to kill." 

He smirked a little. "You promise?" She nodded and it seemed to satisfy him. 

Giles cleared his throat. "Well, seeing as we've gotten a lot accomplished tonight, why don't we retire and decide what we'll do from here tomorrow?" 

------------------- 

"It's not much, but at least it's a bed." Buffy and Willow were standing in the attic. As far as most attics go, it was surprisingly clean. Since Spike rarely had any visitors, almost every pillow in the house was carried upstairs and arranged into a little nest in the corner. 

Willow tilted her head. "At least it kinda looks like one." She walked over to her bags and grabbed some toiletries. "I'm gonna run down and go to the bathroom. Be right back." 

Buffy stood there a few seconds and tried to clear her head. Finally, she decided that sleep was definitely in order and began to get changed. God, has it really been two months since I've gotten here?> It was unusually warm in the attic, Spike had supplied them with an electric heater. She changed then decided to go downstairs to see what was taking Willow so long. 

---------------- 

Willow was leaving the bathroom when she heard a voice behind her. "Hey, Red." 

"Cordy. Hey! I was just heading upstairs." She smiled. 

"Can I talk to you for a second?" 

"Sure, what's up?" 

"I think I'm going to leave in the morning. One world destruction averted and there's no reason for me to stick around anymore." 

"No, Cordy. You have to stay. I think Giles is going to suggest we all go back tomorrow anyway. There isn't anything for any of us to do. Please stay so we can at least leave together." She took her hand. "Wait, what about Angel?" 

She smiled sadly. "We decided that we need some time apart. We had a long talk last night while you were with Buffy and Giles and Spike were standing vigil outside the door. He's going to stay here with Spike for a while and I'll go back to LA and take care of the business. He's already called Wesley and he agreed to stand in as Angel's replacement until he returns." 

"Oh, Cordy . . .I'm sorry. Are you going to be alright?" 

"I'll be fine, Will. We agreed together. He's feeling really guilty about the whole torture thing and I feel like I just need to sort some stuff out. . . .maybe even go see one of those really expensive therapists the Council sent you to. I'll be fine." 

She pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry, I just feel like this is all my fault." 

Cordelia pulled away. "No, it's not. You know that as well as I do. You couldn't have stopped it, Red. None of us could." 

"I still feel responsible. . . no matter what you say." She pouted a little and looked down at the floor. 

Cordelia reached over and lifted her head with one finger. "You're responsible for a lot of things . . .this not being one of them. You taught me how to be a better person, you taught me how to love people other than myself. . .and you've given me a terrific gift. You're friendship and love. Those are the only things I hold you responsible for." She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips. 

"Cordy. . ." 

"That was a thank-you and a goodbye." She took a step back. "Now don't you have an immortal slayer waiting for you upstairs?" She turned on her heel and walked back to her bedroom. 

Buffy stepped out of the shadows. "I was wondering what was taking so long." 

Willow turned around and shades of red crept up her neck and settled in her face. "Buffy, I. . uh, didn't see you standing there, I wasn't" 

"Kissing Cordelia?" Her arms were crossed and she studied her a moment. Finally she walked over to Willow. "Don't worry, Will. . .as much as I would have like to jump out of the shadows and rip her head off, I understand why she did it." 

"You do?" Her voice had a hint of hope in it. 

"Yes. Other than you being quite kissable, I think she just needed closure. Kind of a one last kiss thing." 

Buffy thinks I'm kissable?> She looked like Buffy, dressed like Buffy, but Willow wasn't sure if it was the real deal Buffy or a look-alike standing in front of her. All she could do is stand there with her mouth open and blink a few times. Then she poked at her with her finger. "You look like my Buffy-shaped friend." 

Buffy laughed at the odd expression on her face. She reached out and grabbed her hand. "Come on upstairs already. I'm beat." 

Willow could do nothing but comply. 

-------------- 

They were laying in bed looking at the ceiling. "You know, I just realized something, Will." 

"You figured out why there's glow in the dark stars on the ceiling?" 

They noticed it as soon as they turned the lights off and a discussion on just how quirky Spike was ensued for about ten minutes. 

"No, I still don't have a handle on that one." She turned to face her. "For the first time in about two months, we don't have anything to do tomorrow." She reached up and brushed some stray red hair from her face. 

"Yeah. Feels kinda nice." It was a response to both the sentence and the action. 

". . .and I'm human again. Well, sorta." She outlined Willow's lips with her finger. 

"That's a really big plus." 

". . .and you're not the big IW." She leaned down and kissed her shoulder lightly. 

"Can't find a downside with that one." 

"There's no real fear in me dying anymore either." She kissed the nape of her neck. 

"Mmm, that's a load off my shoulders." 

"I really don't see it happening, but, the only way it would happen is if we were separated." She nibbled on her earlobe. 

"No, I don't like that." 

Buffy froze and looked up at her, eyebrows firmly in 'huh?' mode. 

Willow giggled. "No, I meant the separation thing." She cleared her throat and smirked. "The whole earlobe thing you had going on there was really nice." 

She managed a brief 'Oh' before planting her face in the pillow. 

Willow tugged on her arm. "Hey, where'd ya go?" 

"Mp urm brasng mr e." 

"Didn't I warn you about talking in tongues?" She shook her shoulder. 

Buffy turned her head slightly. "Stop, you're embarrassing me." Then back to the pillow. 

"Well, from what your ears are telling me, it didn't suck for you." 

She pushed up on her arms. "Will! You're not supposed to know that!" 

The hacker shrugged. "I know you and your ears well enough to know that." She slid over closer to her. "You were gettin all toasty." 

"Was not. I was just being playful. That's all." She settled down again on her back. 

Willow reached up and outlined her ear. "Liar. I happen to be good friends with your ears and they're singing an entirely different tune." 

Buffy swatted her hand away. "Yeah, well. . .your hands are all sweaty." 

"They are not!" It was her turn to be embarrassed. 

"Are too! Just like they were every time you kissed Oz goodbye before we went on patrol." 

She quirked her head to the side. "You noticed my sweaty palms?" 

Buffy thought for a moment. "Yeah. We'd always go on patrol together. . .you, me, and Xander. You guys were arguing about something constantly and I'd grab your hand to pull you along. . . vampires to dust and all. . .and your hands would be all sweaty. So I thought to myself, hmm, must be Oz." She reached over and took her hand, entwining their fingers together. "And now your hands are all sweaty." 

". . .and your ears are red." Willow switched to her side and places some strands of blonde hair behind Buffy's ear. "I don't know what I would have done if" 

"Shh. . .don't think about it." Her finger pressed against Willow's lips. 

She opened her mouth slightly and kissed the skin pressing on her lips. Little kisses fluttered down slightly callused fingers and she licked tiny circles in an upturned palm. Her lips worked their way back up the backside of a slender hand. She whispered. "I like your hands." 

Buffy hooked the back of her neck and drew her closer. She nipped and licked her way sensually up Willow's neck then she sucked her earlobe in quickly. "Yeah, well, I like your ears." She whispered huskily. She turned her head slightly and kissed her on the lips and slowly drew away. "but I think I like your lips better." 

She nodded in agreement. Willow grew bold and pressed her lips to Buffy's more firmly. Caution and embarrassment were thrown to the wind and replaced by a growing, smokey passion. Buffy deepened the kiss and a low moan escaped from her throat. She reached down and danced her fingers across the exposed flesh of Willow's hip, rubbing sensual circles in the crook there with the tips of her fingers. 

Willow broke a moment to gasp for air. She breathed lightly into Buffy's neck. "Mmm, still loving your hands." 

She smiled and ran her fingernails up her back and then back down again. Gently she pushed her down on her back and began to slowly unbutton Willow's top. 

"Want some help?" She smiled. 

Buffy shook her head. "I think I've got it covered . . ." She pushed the fabric back slowly and placed a kiss on her newly exposed collarbone. ". . .or uncovered." She began to kiss slowly down her chest. 

"Depends on how you looungh" She passed all point of coherent thought. Buffy had it covered all right. 

She kissed and licked the hardness she'd found there instinctively. Nip, kiss. . lick. She felt Willow arch into her and smiled. With her other hand she was caressing the side of her face then she slowly brought it down to increase the sensations twofold in the girl below her. 

She arched into the form on top of her and shut her eyes tight. A low moan escaped from her lips when Buffy's hand trailed down. Never in all her life had she realized exactly how many nerve endings could be alert and at attention all at once. Soon a slick sheen of sweat covered her brow and she reached down and brought the slayer up so they were face to face. 

"Something wrong?" Buffy almost had the chance to switch into concerned mode. Almost. 

Willow pushed her down on her back with a little 'fwump' from the pillows. She knelt next to the slayer and wasted no time by pressing their lips together. While running a feather light touch up and down the slayer's arm, she seductively poked her tongue out to run it along the inside of Buffy's bottom lip. Buffy's own tongue met her there and soon they were wrestling back and forth, each meeting the other stroke for stroke. 

Buffy reached up and ran her hand down the heated skin of Willow's side. Mustering all the courage she had, and some instinct, she continued on and ran a phantom touch down the stomach and between the legs of the woman above her. Instantly, she heard a strangled moan. . .then realized it was her own. Willow moved closer to her hand, her body begging for more contact. Buffy pulled away and planted sweet kisses on her neck as she sat up and moved behind the redhead. 

Sitting up, Willow reached for her hips and drew her closer as Buffy increased the pressure and frequency of the kisses. She reached up and pulled off one of the last pieces of clothing that barred complete access. Continuing in that fashion, she rubbed then pressed her chest against Willows back and reached up to knead and massage two perfect mounds of flesh, never removing her lips from a slender neck. 

In one of the most sensual acts she'd ever taken part in, Buffy felt Willow's hands join her own. It didn't last too long as Willow guided one of Buffy's hands firmly down her chest, across her stomach to the silky, warm cloth of her bikini underwear. Sensing some hesitation, Willow let go and let her own fingers finish the short trip. 

Buffy heard and felt Willow moan in pleasure. Taking the hint, her hand joined Willows and soon they were both rubbing circles into silky wet folds of thin fabric. Buffy increased the pressure and felt Willow's arms go to her hips to steady herself. Fumbling with the the cloth, Willow managed to pull Buffy's underwear down to the bend in her knees. With a feather light touch, she ran her fingers through the coarse patch of hair and dipped her fingers to the core of moist flesh. 

The shudder of first contact made both girls sway a little. Willow turned around to face her, amazingly never breaking rhythmic contact. "You okay?" She whispered in her ear. 

She didn't nod, didn't speak. She answered with sweet touches of her own. Her fingers crept into the wet folds of flesh and as she applied tender pressure, both of them let out a moan of ecstasy. Buffy reached up and clung to the form in front of her. "So close." She whispered. Willow nodded her head in acknowledgement. 

It started as a warm feeling in the pits of their stomachs then suddenly flared out to every inch of flesh, every last follicle, on their bodies. Willow tightened her grasp as the first wave flooded her senses. She shook in the arms of her lover as every nerve ending and every muscle twitched with enough electricity to light up all of Times Square. Just as she started to come to her senses, she felt Buffy's grip tighten. She held on to her as her entire body shuttered. She felt nails dig into her back and she let out a moan of pleasure and pain. . .and as Buffy reached to peak of her release she let out short, moaning gasps that made even the stars blush in the still night sky. 

----------------- 

I can't believe it's almost two years. 

What a bloody mess we found ourselves in. I've never been much for words or memories and such, so you'll have to bear with me if this becomes jumbled and non-sensical. Finding trouble has never been that hard for me, come to think of it, trouble has a way of finding me. So I jumped at the chance to help some mixed breeds end the world. Who knew what the hell I was getting myself into when I agreed. Angel knew, I'm sure of it. Even though he was parading around as Angelus, he knew full well what the hell he was doing. That's mostly why he let me in on how he lost his soul. Yes children, my sire knows me well. . .perhaps too well. He knew my condition, and he full well knew I was just blowin' smoke about ending the world. I told the slayer as much – I like this world, and it's just gotten better since I found out I could kick some demon ass without the damn head aches. 

So old Spike went soft. I took pity on the old poof and his band of misfits and I broke into the Council's mansion, got the last orb of Thesula, and restored his soul. Who the hell am I kidding anyway? End of the world, hrumph, what good is that? I'd have nothin to do, no one to annoy, there'd be no animals to feed from. . .I thought about it and it wasn't all I thought it was cracked up to be. 

So now I find myself here after the 'good deed'. Should've kept my mouth shut. Got myself into it neck deep I have, and there's no way out of it now. Damn immortal Slayer – bossin me around like she's the bloody end all be all of it. Sheesh! Can't a guy get a moment's peace? No, not me. "Spike do this, Spike do that. . .Spike, don't eat the cat again". . .how the hell was I supposed to know it was the little witches' familiar? Far be it for them to tell ol' Spike something important like that. 

So where was I? Yeah, so we've been here a year. Sunnyhell doesn't seem to change too much. . .I guess if you've seen one Hellmouth, you've seen them all. The old poof and I kicked around England for about six months then he went back to LA. . .obligations and all that. If ya ask me, I'd say he was missin that little skirt he was chasin. Cordelia – Queen Bitch of Sunnydale and the vampire she tamed. Yeah, she tamed him alright. . .I'm surprised she hasn't had him de-fanged by now. 

The little tree and the Slayer – they get on my nerves. All kissy feely all the time. What the hell can I do about it. I thought she was bad with Angel. . . with Red she'd a hundred times worse. She's immortal too for Pete's sake, you'd think she'd lay off a little. Red can handle herself, that's for sure. I learned not to mess with her after she turned me into a goat for a week – I still get this hankering for grass now and then, but I'd never admit it to her. I'd be the last one to admit it out loud, but they make a terrific team. . .almost unstoppable if you ask me. They compliment each other. . .the Slayer's always goin off half cocked, ready to rock and Red brings her down to earth, makes her think about the consequences of her actions. The Slayer would've died fifty times over if it hadn't been for her. . .I don't know if I should thank her or hate her for it. 

The old bloke wanted me to do this – write down everything I knew and remembered. Ahh, I don't see the point. There's no sort of council left now, no reason to save everything for posterity. But, it looks like the old man has a plan. He wants to start the Council from scratch. Make it better than it was before. We're better off in this world without it if you ask me, but you didn't. Nope, no one ever asks old Spike here for advice, never. Just as well though. I'd tell them all to sod off. 

--------------------- 

I am the slayer. 

Geez, that sounded dumb, now didn't it? Well, I am. The slayer I mean, not dumb. . .though some people would argue with that. I don't know how I didn't see it coming. Will and I that is. This is confusing, I'm sorry. I've got so much stuff running around in my brain right now and it's all insisting that it comes out at once. 

Ok, so, Willow. Yeah, wow. I'm still amazed over that one. I can't believe she's with me and she loves me. It's such a risk for her, and not just because of the impending doom factor. It's the danger stuff too. I want to keep her safe now that I've got her. . .really got her. But of course she insists on helping. She says there's no danger in it for her as long as I keep my immortality, but I still can't help but worry. We really don't know anything about this even two years after it's happened. I feel things, creepy things, and I know she feels them too. I guess my spidey sense has rubbed off on her. I wish she wasn't involved and I'm thankful that she is at the same time. She's not only saved my hide countless times, she's saved my soul too. I get angry, really angry and I know I don't think straight when I'm like that. Will to the rescue with her level headedness and insight. 

One of the things I'm sure if is that I never want to be a vampire again, even if it's temporary. You don't know what it's like, you never want to. I had this little voice in my head for the ten minutes I was soulless and it was strong. There was some really dark, incontrollable thing inside me and I couldn't control it. It kept telling me to kill, maim, destroy . . .and the hardest part to live with is that I wanted to. I wanted to destroy every person in that room because I loved them. When I got my soul back it was better, not easier, just better. The lust was still there but I had control over my actions and thoughts. I don't think I've ever felt that kind of guilt ever before. I don't know how Angel does it. He had an eighty year run of death and torture before his soul was restored. I have a newfound respect for him. I think I would have killed myself before I'd be able to live with that kind of guilt. 

Angel. After all this time my heart still skips a beat when he's around. I don't think it will ever stop and I don't want it to. He's a very big part of my life, my love, and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to forget the way I felt when I was with him. If I do, it would be like it was all for nothing. But it was for something, a big something. I learned what it was like to love and I learned how to let go. I think it's toughened me up a bit and helped me grow up. 

Will. My Willow. I could sit here all day and write a one million word essay about my favorite hacker, and it still wouldn't be good enough. She's my strength and my hope and my companion on this long trip. Believe me, it's gonna be a long trip. As long as she's around, it'll be worth it. God, am I an idiot or what? She's been there, right in front of me for almost ten years and I never saw it. I never saw the love she had to offer and I almost missed it. 

I still don't get this immortality thing. I'm immortal, thanks to Will talking to the Oracles, and because we were connected when I was given the immortality, she's immortal too. Well, in a way. That's the part I don't get. 

So Giles, he's gonna be a watcher and think like a watcher till the day he dies. He wanted us all to write down everything that's happened, everything we felt. He has hope in a new and better Council. I say more power to him. If anyone can do it, he can. So the first step is this journal of collective thoughts and how the last Council ended. So this is it. It's the beginning of a journal of the collective thoughts of the four of us. . .and the beginning of a new Council that will be run the way I think it's always been meant to be run. . . by Giles. 

------------------------ 

It's so strange to be back here after all this time. Everything looks smaller and more, I don't know, less scary. I guess it's because of all the things we've gone through both here and in England. I don't think I'll forget England for a very long time. So much happened there. It all just seems like some weird freaky dream. 

What was supposed a happy reunion with Buffy turned into some freaky prophesy thing that we'd all been involved in for like three years before she got here. Giles says that he's still trying to figure out the far reaching ramifications of all that's happened. I think it's watcher talk for more research. Not that I mind. . .old habits die hard I guess and I'm still his number one research girl. It's nice to know that the more things change the more they stay the same. It's kind of like a creature comfort to me. 

Buffy's been playing big bad Slayer lately. She doesn't let me go on patrol as much as she used to. It shouldn't really be her choice. Right? I mean of the two of us, who runs my life? I love her and I know she just wants to protect me from all the goulies out there in the dark. I'm afraid for her all the time. As much as she wants to protect me, I want to protect her too. I think she still sees me as the shy, awkward fifteen year old hacker she met in high school. Yes, sometimes I see her as the vulnerable heartbroken mess she was when Angel left. I guess we're both guilty of it. God, to have her in my life, to have her in this way. . .it's more than I could ever have dreamed or conjured up for that matter. How did I get so lucky? 

So Giles is playing Watcher guy again. A new Council for the new millennium. I don't wanna burst his bubble, but the millennium started about eight years ago. Leave it to him to be way behind. I love him though. He's more of a father to me than my own has ever been. Not that I don't love my dad, he and mom have just never been there for me the way I needed them to be. They're always off on this conference or that business trip. Even now, it's been almost five years since I've been back to this little one Starbucks town, they're away and didn't leave word when they'd be back. I've learned to live with it though. Giles and Buffy are all the family I've ever really needed. Come to think of it. . .I wonder how Angel and Cordelia are doing? I haven't heard from them since Angel went back to LA. I'm gonna have to give them a call. 

--------------- 

Sometimes, when faced with the uncertainty of the future, you must return to the shadows of the past. Even now, just the thought of returning to this place makes my blood run cold. One must do what one must do, I suppose. I swore to them, I gave them my honor that their fight would be the good one – the just one – now I'm afraid I must go back on my word. It's not the good fight anymore. Bad, good, evil, just – the lines have been blurred and sides have been taken . . .where any of us will land is just as predictable as nature – it's not. 

I get ahead of myself here in this tale. Now where was I? . . .ah, yes, the beginning. In the beginning, a girl arrived in a small town called Sunnydale. She was the one girl in all the world who would stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She was the slayer. She averted the apocalypse on two occasions, killed countless vampires, demons and children of the underworld, held steadfast the balance between good and evil and still managed to graduate from college in one piece. The former was accomplished by preternatural powers and a destiny she was born to. The latter was by all accounts a miracle, of which a resident witch had a hand in. 

Buffy and Willow have proved to be an outstanding team through all of this. They are each others compliment, a true Ying and Yang. What one lacks, the other makes up for. They've learned to read each other in times of battle and it's proven to be a life saver. In all the years I've known Buffy, I've known one thing about her that's always held true. She had difficulty in trusting people. Who can blame her for that. Even I have betrayed her trust down the line and I'm thankful everyday for her eventual understanding and forgiveness. As much as they compliment each other and trust each other, I'm afraid still that she cannot fully trust Willow and her abilities. Perhaps this will come in time, perhaps it will not. I can only hope for the best and help them along. Right now their survival depends on it. 

Even now as the letters come together and the words try to form coherent sentences, I still can't believe it's happening again. My sources tell me that something big is coming and we need to be prepared for it. What it is, I'm still not sure. I've kept all of my Council contacts, and after little deliberation, they've agreed to form a new and better Council. DNA testing has been implemented and I can assure you as well as myself that they are all, in fact, human. I don't know why I didn't think to test Richard in the beginning. It's just a mistake I'll have to live with. One that almost cost us our lives. I will not make the same mistake again. 

A demon walks this earth, even now as we speak. There isn't much time. I must gather them together and find a way to stop it. This is a demon like no other. He walks this earth on the line drawn between this world and the next. He has been referred to in countless ways through the ages: The Boogie Man of childhood nightmares, the Shadow Man of adult fears and he's even been called the Grim Reaper. What ever he is, he's powerful and must be stopped. 

I've asked Spike, Buffy and Willow to write down some thoughts on what we all went through in England. My purpose is simple: If they are made to deal with the forces of the past that almost tore them apart, then they will be able to defeat the darkness that lies in our future. Drudging up horrible memories isn't what I'd call a favored past time, but I'm afraid it's necessary so we can focus on the problem at hand. 

Angel and Cordelia have agreed to help. I'm thankful for that. Angel has contacts and sources that I could only attain after I've lived 248 years. . .and that seems highly unlikely. They'll be here in a week, then we can get started on stopping this thing. Even Xander has agreed to help, which, in itself amazes me. He's kept my apartment fairly clean and is even holding a steady job bartending at the Bronze. The boy never ceases to amaze me. Twenty four years old and he still has that childlike gleam in his eye and his hair is forever tousled. The girls haven't seen him yet, though I do suppose they're out looking for him. I must admit, I am looking forward to the looks on their faces when they find out what he's been up to. Serves them right for not keeping in touch. All in good time I say. . .it'll all happen in good time. 


	3. The Road to Hell

The Road To Hell

**The Road to Hell**   
_Book III In the Road Series_

**Disclaimer:** All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

------------ 

Journal entries of Alexander LaVelle Harris   


July 30, 1999 

Oxnard. The engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So here I am playing dish boy at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. It's not that bad really – not bad meaning my hands have never been so clean in my whole life. I should be able to trade my car in soon and head back home. What a trip this turned out to be. 

I've had a lot of time to think things through. I don't think I've ever been alone for so long in my life and it kind of feels good. I'm able to put things in perspective where my buds are concerned. 

So I'm leaving in a week or so to head home. 

August 21, 1999 

Ok, I'm wiggin. I stopped at this seedy little motel. I'm about a day's drive from home and I'm sitting in this seedier diner. All of a sudden this MIB sits down at the booth with me. He says he's a Council member and needs my help. I don't know what to do. I mean, the Council fired Giles and practically had Buffy killed on her 18th birthday. He tells me to think about it, but not to tell anyone we talked. Great! How the hell do I get myself into these things? 

September 1, 1999 

I have returned to the loving arms of my parents. Everything remains just how I left it. Well, except now that all my stuff's in the basement and they want me to pay rent. Oh, well. I hit the Espresso Pump hoping to run into Buffy or Willow, and hoping they'd moved in already so I wouldn't have to do any serious lifting. The guy approaches me again. This guy just won't give up! He says something big is going down, something that we're all a part of. 

I really don't understand it, even now as I write it down. Basically, Buffy and Willow are warriors, soul mates – but the time hasn't come yet for them to realize their feelings for each other. If they do it too soon, then all hell will break loose. So they are the ying to each other's yang and this guy wants me to keep an eye on them – make sure they don't get all fuzzy for each other just yet. So I say to this guy 'why me?' and he says that I'm destined for greater things – to be a part of the greater good in the world. 

I'm not stupid, I wasn't gonna take this guy on his word. I needed some solid proof, real evidence that this was gonna happen. So creepy Council guy slips me a piece of paper with the name of a book written on it with the page number and everything. He says that Giles was sure to have it. 

October 3, 1999 

So Giles asked me to help him shelve some of his books. I pulled out the paper, found the book and guess what I saw? The prophesy. Right there in black and white. Well, the book was old so more like yellow and gray. But it was there none the less – right in the Codex Angel brought Giles the time Buffy was to fight the master. Can I just say, Yikes! 

October 6, 1999 

I must be nuts, but I met with Council guy last night and agreed to help. I didn't understand the full prophesy in the book, but I understand enough to know that my buds could be in some serious trouble. He gave me a teardrop crystal. It took me about three hours, but I finally got the knack of using the thing. It's easy really. . .actually it scares me how easy it is. Every time I think they've come close to admitting how they feel for each other, I have to wipe out the memory of it. For both of them. I know, I know. . .it sounds cruel but, it's for their own good. Right? 

January 4, 2000 

Happy freaking millennium. I did it for the first time tonight. Wiped out their memories. I don't know what happened in Canada, but from the glow plastered across both their faces, I knew it was something big. I went to the dorm for a simple little visit and Buffy tells me all about this guy Jeff who was harassing Will. Turns out this guy had a demon as a step father and wore these evil contacts to make people do his will. Man, I'd love to get my hands on him! 

Buffy went on a quick patrol so I stayed with Willow and changed her life. Literally. I didn't think I'd feel so bad, so . . .evil. When she goes under, I have to make her tell me what happened – everything. Then I have to change it so it was like it never happened. God, I feel sick to my stomach. Everything they went through to be together – and it was all gone within an hour by some simple little suggestions. She almost died when they fought Arthur – all because she loved Buffy. 

Buffy was a little harder to get alone. I told her I saw some creeps on my way in and asked her to walk me home. She protested a little saying that I should have told her earlier so she didn't have to go on patrol, but eventually she gave in. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. 

February 26, 2000 

I found out by chance. I pulled one of my 'oh, I'm just stopping by' routines and I saw her. Willow's friend Tara right outside the dorm window. She was gathering some stuff from the ground and walking away. I looked up and there were Buffy and Willow – gazing into each other's eyes. It broke my heart. Not out of jealousy or anything like that. It broke my heart that I'd have to do this again so soon. I went upstairs quickly and Buffy's was in the bathroom. I changed Will's memories then I caught Buffy in the hallway on my way out. I'm getting better at it, but I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. 

January 2, 2001 

I was relieved to not have to interfere for almost a year, then it happened. I couldn't find Buffy and the ball was getting ready to drop. I walked outside just in time to see Buffy step up to Will and Will reach out to touch her face. I never saw it before, the kissing I mean. It was done with such care and love, I almost felt a lump in my throat when I saw Willow's beaming face. This is killing me – I don't know how good of an idea it was to get involved. I'm invading their privacy and their lives. They're meant to be together, I know that. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.   


March 13, 2002 

Just when I thought I'd been relieved of my duties, it happened again. . .in a big way. Willow got hurt, burned actually by a fire demon. She wouldn't talk to anyone and Buffy was miserable. I stopped by to drop off some homework and Giles wasn't around so I lightly knocked on Will's door so I wouldn't disturb her. I stood in the doorway and there they were, all nestled under the covers holding on to each other tightly. I felt my stomach roil when I realized I'd have to do this yet again. I almost didn't make it to the bathroom in time. 

I picked myself up and sent Buffy into a deeper sleep. Council guy said it was easier during sleep and it was. It was like, bam, not even five minutes and I knew everything I needed to. 

I twisted Will's memory of that night then I moved on to Buffy. God, I feel sick. They're so happy together, they love each other with an intensity that I never thought was possible. And here I am taking it all away from them again. 

June 3, 2003 

With my luck, the old man was feelin a little frisky last night and decided to vent on my face. I couldn't let Buffy and Willow down and not go to graduation. So I sucked up my pride, what was left of it, and went. I tried to blend in, but Mrs. Summers spotted me and pumped me for information in that mom way – I'm totally powerless when it comes to mom's getting information out of me. So she insisted that I live with her and Buffy as long as I did the repairs and construction on the house. Fine by me, I finally get to leave my parents basement and I can keep and eye on Buffy too.   


July 4, 2003 

This is it. Probably the last holiday we're all going to be together. Willow announced today that she's been accepted into the graduate program at Oxford. My Will is gonna be ivy league. Can you believe it? I can. I always knew she had it in her to go places and be someone. 

I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. I'll miss her a lot, don't get me wrong. But this means that I won't have to use the damn crystal anymore. Willow will be an ocean away and Buffy will stay here with me. I just want life to get back to normal. As normal as it can be without Willow around. It's gonna be so weird. I've known her my whole life, and loved her too in my own little Xander way, now she's going.   


February 4, 2004 

I never thought the day would come. Giles got a call from the Council out of the blue and he's packing for England. They said he's needed right away and only he can handle this situation. 

Buffy is inconsolable. Not only did Willow leave, but Giles is leaving too. He doesn't know how long he'll be gone, and that just makes it worse. At least Will is gonna have someone familiar there. We haven't gotten a letter or phone call in a while and Buffy's getting worried. She made Giles promise to call the minute he arrives and to put Will on the phone too. God, I hope she's alright.   


December 1, 2004 

Buffy is miserable and if the truth be told, so am I. I miss my Willow, but the way Buffy misses her, God. I can see it in her eyes, the emptiness and loss. It crept in slowly when Will said she was leaving, but now. . .now you can actually see it in her face even when she's smiling. 

She doesn't know why she feels this way, she can't put her finger on it. She thinks she's stuck in one spot and isn't getting anywhere in her life. She even thinks that she may be lonely since she hasn't been with anyone since her and GI-Joe broke it off. So she came on to me and I resisted. I did the only thing I could do for her, I held her while she slept. Even when she sleeps, I can tell there's something missing there. The guilt is overwhelming and I'm just glad in my own perverted little way that Willow's not here. What I wouldn't give to have her here, but I'm thankful that she's not. What a best friend I turned out to be. 

December 4, 2004 

A lot has happened. Willow called then all of a sudden she came for a visit. Right before that, Buffy and I almost did the horizontal mambo. I stopped it before it got too far. I know she doesn't want me, she just wants someone and only I know who that someone is. This makes me sick. She's looking to make a connection, but she doesn't know who to connect with. Then Will gets here and she's happy go lucky Buffy again. Neither one of them knew it until it was too late. They made the connection again. 

I was playing stalker guy after the Bronze and I followed them on patrol. I was lurking behind a mausoleum and I saw it and heard it. Everything they said to each other. I could literally feel the air charged between them when they hugged. I'd never witnessed this before, a whole encounter from beginning to end. God, they belong together and I just can't live with myself anymore, I won't. This is it. The last time I'm going to interfere, the last time I'm going to crawl into their heads and twist things. I can't live with myself anymore, I just can't. I feel like I'm on the road to hell and there's no turning back.   


December 6, 2004 

Last night, a beautiful redhead boarded a helicopter bound for an airport bound for England. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't face myself in the mirror. Damn it all I'm leaving. It's better this way for everyone. If they ever find out what I've done, scratch that – WHEN they find out, they'll hate me. I hate myself. I have for five years now, ever since this thing started and I won't be a part of it anymore. To hell with the prophesy, to hell with the Council of tweed wearing Watchers and to hell with me for what I've done to them. 

My bags are packed and Buffy is out on patrol. I left her a note saying my uncle was sick and I had to leave to be with my family. I'll call in a few days and tell her I'm staying for good, that they need me. I have to find my way out of this guilt and back into who I used to be. I need to find him again. I hope it's not too late.   


Xander LaVelle Harris   
December 7, 2004 

------------------------------------------------------- 

May 3, 2008 

He'd received the plain brown package by mail this morning. The book was leather bound and he'd just finished reading it for the 20th time. Damn him, damn that boy! Had he just come and ask for help, then maybe a lot of heartache and pain could have been avoided. 

It was all falling into place now. Willow and Buffy never told him about their relationship simply because they never got the chance to enjoy it or remember it. He was never one to interfere in their lives, so he just let it be and waited for them to come to him on their own. 

He now wrestled with the idea of telling them, showing them the book. What purpose would that serve now? He got up from his chair and dialed a number he knew by heart. 

"Rupert Giles here." 

"What can I do for you Rupert?" 

"I need you to track someone down for me. I don't have a current address, so it'll be a bit of a challenge." 

"I like challenges, mate. Who is it?" 

"It's Xander. I've just come across some information and he's got a lot of explaining to do." 

"You don't say. . .dead or alive?" 

"Very much alive and breathing, Spike, if you don't mind." 

"Fine, fine. . .I'll give a ring when I find something." 

"Very well." Giles hung up the phone and rubbed his temples. Xander's little confession just threw a wrench into the works. . .a big one and he wasn't sure if he could repair the damage this time. It may be too late. . .   


To be continued. . . 


	4. The Rocky Road

The Rocky Road

**The Rocky Road**   
_Book IV In The Road Series_

**Disclaimer: **All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

Thoughts are enclosed in >   
Flashback are enclosed in >>>> 

_______ 

**Prelude: The Journey Begins**

**December 2009**

As I have stated in my journals, sometimes to face the uncertainty of the future, one must return to the shadows of the past. That is what we've done. After we averted world domination by the demon hybrids, Buffy, Willow and myself returned to Sunnydale. I took over my old apartment and Buffy and Willow moved into the attic of the Summers home. It would be some of the best and worst times of their young lives. 

Come August of last year, Willow stumbled upon a cure for the distance rule that applied to them. It was buried deep within an old forgotten text. It was a simple incantation and Willow didn't think twice about performing it. The spell quadrupled the distance that they could be apart and this enraged Buffy. They fought long and hard. With the distance limit no longer an issue, Willow decided that it was time to return to her studies so she packed her bags and left for England once again. Returning not to the Watcher's Mansion but to Oxford so she could resume the end of her Senior year. She's been gone for four months and I'm afraid that it's been very hard on Buffy. 

Phone calls, but mostly letters, have been exchanged but the toll that it's taken on them is going to be far reaching. Willow has attained what she's always strived for: Academic and personal independence. She's graduated at the top of her class with a doctorate in two fields: Demonology and Computer applications with a minor in old world languages. 

The pride I feel is indescribable. I always knew she was bound for greater things than this dreadful town would allow. She is now Doctor Rosenberg and will begin her studies right here on the Hellmouth. There is no better place to start than this. 

I fear that Buffy is feeling inadequate and lost. As I write even now, Willow is returning to us. Buffy doesn't know it yet, Willow wanted it to be a surprise. With all the problems she's had in these past few years, she returned to Oxford and was able to complete her studies and graduate now in December. She has no need for pomp and circumstance, so she simply picked up her diploma, packed her belongings and booked the first flight she could find. 

Time grows short and soon I will have to reveal the next obstacle that lies in our paths. I am still struggling with the knowledge that Xander was so kind as to bestow on me. I've received a few calls from Spike but as of yet, Xander's status is still unknown. Willow has requested that I not pick her up at the airport. Perhaps it is for the best. She and Buffy have a lot to discuss. 

Rupert Giles 

--------------------- 

_'you told me all your secrets'_   
_'and i filled you up with lies'_   
_'now i'm living honestly'_   
_'because i said goodbye'_   
_'i can't go home anymore'_   
_'i don't wanna find out what i left there for'_   
_'I Don't Wanna Know' by The Indigo Girls_   


He stumbled out of an alley and fell on already bruised knees. 'Have to get away. Have to get away.' The words repeated themselves in his head like a mantra. He noticed that he was being tracked back in Santa Fe. God, that was a month ago. What ever this thing was, it wasn't about to give up. He opened his eyes and his stomach retched from the stench of the puddle of liquid in front of him. This was no way to live, it was no way to die. If he didn't get his ass off the cold pavement he'd die for sure. Not this way, please. He'd fought vampires, demons, been kidnapped, beaten and kicked around. He wasn't about to die in an alley alone. He picked himself up and continued on. 

----------- 

The boy was smart. Too smart for his own good sometimes. More like a smart ass. Spike stepped out of the alley and stayed a few paces behind the cloaked figure. Two could play at this game. Rupert wanted to boy back alive, he didn't say conscious. He nodded his head and four men set off after him. Finally after almost a year, Spike had found him. And he wasn't about to let the boy go without an explanation. He watched as they struggled then knocked him out and bagged him. Spike considered for a moment why he'd agreed to track him then came to the conclusion that it was curiosity. The boy had been up to something big and if he was gonna find out what it was, then he'd have to deliver this package to good old Sunnydale. 

------------ 

Kick, punch, kick, punch, swing, slam, poof! This is way too easy> The Slayer thought to herself. As if they'd sensed her cockiness, they last two vampires stepped up their attack. She was sent slamming into a tree and slid down with a resounding thud. They attacked together, grabbing her arms while she was still stunned and both leaning in for the kill. She hesitated a moment then broke free. Two stakes emerged from her sleeves and she jammed them home creating two clouds of dust next to her. 

"Morons." She shook out her hair and retracted the stakes. "Thank you Angel." 

Before they all parted ways in England, Angel gave Buffy a pair of stake cuffs. It took her only about five minutes to learn how to use them and they'd proved to be very useful when she was faced with a group of vamps. 

Buffy glanced at her watch as she exited the graveyard. Ten o'clock. Patrols were getting shorter and shorter and much too easy since she'd been turned immortal. She headed up the block engrossed in thought. For the past four months, one scene played over and over in her mind. It was one of the first and most hurtful fights she and Willow ever had…… 

"I can't believe you'd do this to me." 

"Buffy, I did it for us. What if we need to be apart, what if I need to go to England, or France or Russia or." 

"Then I'd go with you. There's no reason for us to be apart now. Why couldn't have we discussed it!" 

"Because you'd try to change my mind. I need my independence." She saw Buffy's back go stiff at these words but she continued on. "I want. . .I want to finish my studies." 

She whipped around with fear and anger dancing in her eyes. "Go back to England? You want to go back to England after everything we went through there?" 

"After everything I went through there. Me! I was the one who was attacked. I was the one who was raped by a demon and almost drained by his cadre, not you!" Her voice rose to a frantic pitch. "I need to face this. I can't let it hover over me like a black cloud." 

"And what about me? Did you forget that I died and had to live as a vampire? Do you know how hard that was for me, how disgusting I felt?" 

"But your not anymore. You don't understand. You faced what ever it was you had to in order to get over this. I haven't. I won't run scared anymore. I need to finish my doctorate, this is important to me. Why can't you support me?" 

"Support you? I don't even know who you are anymore, Will. All you do is study and practice witchcraft and go back to studying more. If I wanted to live with Giles, I would have moved in with him, not you!" 

She stood firm with tears in her eyes. "Buffy, I'm going back. Not to the mansion but to Oxford. I have to finish my studies, I have to do this." 

Buffy shook her head in disbelief. "You already called, didn't you? You applied for re-admittance." 

Willow nodded her head. "I can live in a single flat right on campus." She walked up to Buffy and tried to touch her arm but Buffy pulled away. "Don't do this, I need you." 

"You don't need me, Will. I just wonder now if you ever did." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"You went to Giles you went to Angel you went to Cordelia. . .you went to everyone but me." 

"Buffy you don't understand. . .you don't know how much. . ." 

"Because you didn't let me know. You didn't tell me what you were going through. You didn't trust me enough." She wiped the hot tears away from her eyes. "I can't do this with you Will, I can't fight. I don't have it in me to stand here and. . ." She looked at her for a long moment before grabbing her keys and heading out the door. 

"Buffy wait!" >>>> 

She put her key in the door and opened it. That was the last time they really talked. In four months, they'd spoken on the phone twice and letters came very infrequently. They were mostly filled with how her studies were going, how she'd joined a coven on campus and was improving every day. Nothing about the fight, nothing about how sorry either one of them were. They acted like it never happened but it did. 

Buffy opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. She sauntered over to the couch and turned the TV on. Yet again, this was going to be a long night. Nights like this were the longest ones she'd ever experienced in her life. Nights without Willow. 

----------- 

It was drizzling lightly. Willow stood outside the back entrance of the Summers' home and let the rain caress her skin. It felt good and refreshing. . . and a little sad. She looked up and sighed. The sky is crying. I wonder if this is a sign of what I'm in for?> She chuckled to herself. That was pretty cheesy, but it fit the situation well. 

Everything and nothing flashed through her brain in the ten or so minutes she'd been standing there. Buffy. What was she going to say to her? Would she welcome her back with open arms. Or? The though sent a shiver down her spine, or maybe it was just the rain. No use in thinking about it now. . .no thinking, just go up there, damnit and tell her how much you missed her, how sorry you are that she was hurt so badly. 

She stood there, house keys clenched so tightly in her hand that it almost hurt. She looked up again and sighed. This was going to be on of the longest nights she'd ever experienced in her life. Her first night home with Buffy. 

-------------- 

**Chapter 1: Every Road Leads Back to You**

_'Spend all your time waiting'_   
_'for that second chance '_   
_'for a break that would make it okay'_   
_'there's always one reason to feel not good enough '_   
_'and it's hard at the end of the day '_   
_'I need some distraction oh beautiful release '_   
_'memory seeps from my veins let me'_   
_'be empty and weightless and maybe '_   
_'I'll find some peace tonight'_   
_'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan_

The first thing he noticed was that he was moving. Not in the sense of one foot in front of the other, but still. . .moving. He opened his eyes slowly and focused on the ropes that were around his wrists. The zapping pain in the back of his head was proof positive that he was in a world of trouble. 

"God, were am I?" 

"Don't bring him into this, mate. He'll be of no use to you now." A distinctly British voice came from the other side of the van. 

Xander squinted. "Spike?" 

He lit a cigarette and it illuminated his face. "In the undead flesh, boy. Got yourself into a heap of trouble, did you now?" 

"What did I do to deserve this?" He leaned back and closed his eyes. 

"That's what I'd like to know. Rupert sent me looking for you. You're a slippery one, I'll give you that." 

"Giles?" Oh man." This was getting worse and worse by the minute. 

"So what'd ya do, boy? Steal one of his dusty books? Or even better, did you tell him you wanted to shag?" 

"You know, Spike. . .your village called. They said they were missing an idiot." 

"Good to see you still have a sense of humor." He flicked the cigarette out the back window. "So what happened?" 

"I don't want to talk about it." 

"Well, you'd better get chipper and chattery there pretty quickly, mate. From the looks of it we'll be hitting Sunnyhell in about an hour." 

-------------- 

Sleeping. She was curled up on the couch sleeping peacefully. From what Willow could surmise in the quick walkthrough she'd done, Buffy had been sleeping on the couch ever since she left. Over four months ago, she'd laid her red sweater down on the bed and forgot to pick it up before she left for the airport – it was in the same place she'd left it. 

Willow sat in the single overstuffed chair with her feet pulled up under her. She'd been there for over an hour and sat for most of it watching Buffy sleep. She still didn't know what to do, what to say to her, if she should wake her up, let her sleep, or run screaming into the night. 

Buffy stirred and reached out to the coffee table for a glass of water. She sipped it without opening her eyes then put it back down. 

Willow held her breath and watched the sleepy movements she made. It would have gone unnoticed by anyone else, but Willow saw Buffy stiffen slightly. She knew someone was there and she was running scenario's through her mind. Same old Buffy. "I've missed you." 

This time, Buffy visibly stiffened and her breath caught. Slowly she turned her head in the direction of the voice she knew so well. "Will." Then she opened her eyes. 

---------------- 

"Come on. Up and out you go." Spike was pulling Xander to his feet and dragging him to Giles' door. 

Xander put up what little fight he had left in him but he knew it was no use. He gave up and slumped against the wall. 

A moment later, Giles opened the door. "Spike." 

Spike gestured to Xander. "Look what I found crawling around in an alley like a rat." 

Giles sighed and nodded to him. "Xander." He stepped aside so they could both walk in. 

Spike led him to the couch and pushed him down. 

"Do you really think this is necessary?" Xander held up his bound hands. "It kind of itches." 

"It took me almost a year to find you. Your not getting away now." He turned to Giles. "Almost had him in Santa Fe then he just disappeared into thin air." Spike turned back to Xander. "I underestimated you once, it won't happen again." 

Giles paced in front of Xander then stopped in front of him. "Seems like I underestimated you too, Xander." He sat down on the coffee table and was face to face with him. "You have a lot of explaining to do so I suggest you start at the beginning." 

Xander sat back and sighed. "I guess I owe you that much." 

Giles became angered and grabbed him by the shirt, eyes blazing. "You owe me nothing! Buffy and Willow on the other hand. . .God help you boy when they find out. And they will, I assure you." 

------------- 

She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. "When did you get in?" 

Willow glanced at her watch. "Almost two hours ago." 

She tried to hide her surprise. "Really?" 

Willow nodded. "I wasn't sure if. . .I didn't know how. . ." She was struggling with the words. None of them wanted to form understandable sentences. 

"How was your flight?" Her voice was level, cold. 

Why are you sleeping on the couch?" 

Buffy shrugged and got up. She went to the kitchen and refilled her glass. "Did Giles pick you up?" 

"I called a cab and how long are we gonna do this, Buffy?" 

She looked up at the clock on the wall. "Not much longer. I have a second patrol to run." 

"A second patrol? Buffy, we haven't seen each other in over four months and you tell me you're going on patrol?" 

"Duty calls, Will. I have obligations, no one is gonna do it for me." 

"I've missed you. You don't know how much." 

"No I don't." 

Her head shot up. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

Buffy put her head down. "Nothing. It meant nothing." 

Willow got up again and walked over to her. "This isn't what I wanted to happen. This isn't what I wanted to say." 

Buffy looked up at her. "Then what did you want? What did you expect?" She walked around her and stood in the living room. "Look, I'm not up for a patrol. I'm gonna go take a shower." She walked away into the bathroom and shut the door. 

Willow stood there in shock. She never expected Buffy to be so cold, so uncaring. She was ready for a fight, ready for the screaming and harsh words, but not this. Never this. She walked into the living room and curled up on the couch. It was still warm from when Buffy was sleeping. She pulled the blanket up over her shoulders and began to cry. 

------------- 

"And you never got his name?" 

"It wasn't tops on my list, Giles." 

Giles walked over to a bookshelf and took out six large binders. He dropped them in front of Xander on the table. "This is a record of every living Council member. Distinguishing marks, achievements, where they are assigned – complete with up to date photos." Xander gave him a blank look. "Start looking." 

"Giles, there has to be over three thousand pages here! You really don't expect me to. . ." 

"I whole heartedly expect you to." Giles glared at him. "And I don't expect to be let down." 

He shook his head. "Fine. Untie me." Once untied, Xander got up to stretch and found Spike at his side in an instant. "Relax black ranger. I'm a little stiff here." 

Giles stood back and took in his features for the first time since he'd been dragged in by Spike. Xander's face looked drawn, older. He had a trimmed goatee and mustache that came together at the edges of his lips. He was dressed all in black, complete with a black cloak tied around his shoulders. There were lines in his face. Giles was disturbed most of all by this. A boy so young shouldn't have lines like those. 

He took the cloak off and tossed it on the couch. He was wearing a black skull cap that completely hid his hair and it was beginning to itch so he removed it and tossed it aside too. This drew gasps from both men flanking him. He gave them a sheepish smile. "What?" He reached up and ran his hand through his hair. "Oh, yeah. That." He shrugged and sat down. 

Spike shook his head. "No wonder I had such a hard time finding you." 

Giles nodded in agreement. "Yes, I see the trouble now." 

Xander looked up at both of them. "Get over it already." He began to flip through the first book. 

Neither one of them could believe it. His hair was cut drastically short in a military flat-top style and it was. . .bright yellow sun blonde. They stood there and just shook their heads. 

-------- 

Willow blew her nose and took a deep breath. This wasn't going at all the way she'd expected it to. She sat up and looked at her watch. Buffy had been in the shower for almost forty five minutes now. She hesitantly made her way to the door and knocked. "Buffy?" 

Silence and running water. 

"Buffy, are you in there?" 

"Where else would I be?" 

Willow let out a sigh of relief. "You've been in there a long time. Are you okay?" She waited a few moments for an answer then tried the door. It was unlocked. She stepped in and was hit by a wave of steam. 

"Leave me alone." Came from the shower. 

She walked over and pulled back the curtain. Buffy was sitting curled up in the tub with the shower water running across her back. Her head was down an she didn't look up. Willow reached out to touch her and jerked her hand back. "Buffy!" 

"Get out of here, Will. I want to be left alone." Her voice echoed a little against the porcelain. 

"Are you trying to boil yourself alive?" She reached around the other side and turned the water off. "You're a slayer, not a shrimp! Now get out of there." 

"No." 

"Buffy." 

"No." 

"You're not gonna make this easy, are you?" Willow reached down and put her hand out. Buffy wasn't in the mood to fight, so she complied. "Oh, well, maybe you are." She led Buffy to the bedroom and sat her down on the bed. She gently dried her off with a fluffy white towel patting her back lightly. The skin there was red and swollen and boils were beginning to form. "How could you do this to yourself?" She whispered. 

"They'll be gone by morning." 

"Willow looked up at her, shocked. Then the realization dawned on her. "How did you know they'd?. . .Oh God, Buffy." The phone rang. The phone always rang at times like these. Willow silently cursed to herself before answering it. "Hello?" Her voice was strained. 

"Willow. Is everything alright?" 

"Giles. It's not a good time." 

"I'm sorry but, I need you two here right away." 

Willow looked at her watch. "Giles, it's midnight. Can't this wait till morning? I just got in two hours ago and . . ." 

"Willow. It's about Quentin." 

"What?" 

"Just come here. Both of you." 

"Fine. Give us about an hour." She hung up the phone. 

Buffy hadn't moved. "So?" 

"So Giles needs us at his place. Something about Quentin." 

Her head shot up. "I thought he was. . ." 

"So did I. Giles didn't say much but it sounded important." 

Buffy was up and dressed in fifteen minutes. She emerged from the bedroom and looked at Willow sitting on the couch. "Ready?" 

She nodded and followed the slayer out the door. 

------------------ 

**Chapter 2: Paved with Good Intentions**

The short walk to Giles' house was silent and strained. Tension hung thickly in the air as both girls walked side by side. Buffy was careful to walk on the grass a little bit so as not to brush up against her silent companion. So many emotions were running rampant thought her body. Anger, fear, love, hate, hurt. . .love. She did love the redhead next to her with all her heart, and then more besides. . .so why did she have such a bad reaction to seeing her after over 4 months? She'd felt abandoned and left to her own devices. She and Willow hardly had a chance to settle in and get used to this new relationship, then Willow was off to England and Buffy was left in the dust. 

They arrived at the door and walked in. Giles was standing by the bookshelf and Spike was watching TV. Neither of them noticed the girls walk in. Willow cleared her throat. "Some things never change. MTV Spike?" 

Both British heads shot up at the sound of her voice. Giles smiled. "Willow. It's so nice to see you again." 

She walked over to him and gave him an awkward but warm hug. "Giles. It's nice to see you too." 

"Welcome home Red. Sorry to call so late but business as usual doesn't wait for love. Or something like that." 

She turned to him and smiled. "Nice to see you too Spike." 

Buffy observed their little reunion still standing in the doorway. She was trying to get her emotions under control. She breathed deeply and walked over to the couch. Time to put on the brave face.> "Hey guys." She sat down. "So what's so important you dragged us here at 1am?" 

The slight anger wasn't lost on Giles. "How was patrol?" 

She shrugged. "Fine. I came, I saw, I plunged." 

Very loud boot-clad footsteps could be heard coming down from the staircase. "Hey, G-Man! You have a t-shirt I could borrow? Billy Idol ripped mine when he. . ." He stopped at the bottom of the stairs dumbfounded. "Oh, dear." 

Buffy scrambled to her feet. "Xander?" She couldn't believe her eyes. 

He tensed. Giles didn't tell him they were coming – he simply sent him upstairs to shower saying in not too many words that he stunk big time. 

"Oh my God." Willow finally found her voice. 

He blushed. "Willow." She crossed the room and crashed into his arms. 

He picked her up off the ground with easy and swung her around. His mind was spinning too. This was good, it felt good to have his best friend back in his arms. . .and bad, very bad. She'll never forgive him for what he did, neither would Buffy. Guilt took up residence in his throat and he had trouble speaking. "It's good to see you. So good." He put her down and looked at her before sending his gaze to Buffy. "What? No hug?" She remained firmly in place, shock carved deeply into her features. He knew that look. Slowly he crossed the room and stood in front of her. He reached a tentative hand up and touched her cheek. "Hey there roomie." 

"You left. Without saying goodbye, you just left." She whispered. She glanced at Willow then looked down at the ground. 

He reached out to her and pulled her into his arms. She resisted at first but sunk in slowly and returned the hug. "I've missed you. You big oaf, where have you been?" 

"I took care of my uncle the first year. He got better so I moved back in with my parents and started working the door at the Bronze. Anya blew back into town." He gestured for them both to take a seat before he continued. "And blew right back into my basement. I'll spare you the details." 

"Thanks." Buffy and Willow said at the same time. 

"You guys did get my letters, right?" 

"But where have you been for the past year and a half?" Willow asked. 

He shrugged. "Around. I tried the whole cross country thing again after Anya left. . .again." He ran his fingers needlessly through his hair. They both stared at him. "This? I went incognito for a while. I made the wrong people mad. . .got a little scared to death, but I survived." He smiled but could tell it was forced. He noted their worried expressions. "I'm fine, really. Giles here sent Spike after me, he took care of the bad guys and here I sit." It was a fly by the seat of your pants excuse, but it was all he could come up with at the time. It seemed to do the trick. "God, you look like hell, Buff." 

She laughed. "Thanks Xand. I can always count on you to pull the punches." 

Giles watched the entire exchange with a stoic expression. How could he tell them now? The love between the three of them spoke clearly, as did the guilt hidden behind Xander's eyes. "I have some information that may be troublesome." 

Xander's head shot up to Giles. Now? It was too soon. . .he didn't have enough time to enjoy this. Now it was going to be taken away so quickly. 

Willow looked up at him. "You said something about Quentin. I thought he was dead. We left him in the sewers." 

"Quite right. By all accounts, there is nothing that leads me to believe that he's alive. I've consulted my books and there is some odd activity coming up. I want to look into it just to be sure Quentin and Ethan aren't involved." 

"That's it? Giles, we can research tomorrow, and I just got home." Willow protested a little annoyed. 

"He didn't tell me he called you guys." Xander interrupted. "I think he wanted to surprise you." 

"Oh." Willow immediately regretted her words. "I'm sorry Giles, I didn't mean.. . ." 

"It's quite alright." He smiled at her. 

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat. Two hours tied up in the back of a van with Spike will do that to a person." Xander shot him a glance. 

"Well you weren't exactly willing you bloke. It took me almost a year to find your pathetic hide." 

"What's going on?" Buffy cut in slightly amused. "Spike tying Xander up. Now that's gotta be. . " 

"Not high on my list of explanations I'd like to make." Xander cut in. 

Giles cleared his throat. "That may be best saved for tomorrow when we're all wide awake." 

"Good. I think I'm wiped out too. The jet lag is starting to kick in." She looked over at Buffy. 

She nodded. "Yeah. Patrol was a little rough. I'll be going too if you don't mind." 

Giles led them to the door. "Indeed. We'll see you around noon then?" 

Both girls nodded and headed back for home. 

Giles closed the door and stood there for a moment. 

"You didn't tell them." Xander stated. 

"No. No I didn't." 

"Thank you." 

He turned. "And I won't. That's your job." 

----------------- 

They'd been sitting facing each other for the past ten minutes now. Buffy on the couch and Willow in the armchair. Neither one of them was budging. Willow finally broke through the silence. "It was good to see Xander again. I can't believe his hair." 

Buffy nodded. "Yeah.. He looks like a cheap knock off of. . ." 

"Spike, yeah, and I never thought I'd say this but it was nice to see Spike, I mean after all he was so involved in everything in England, he saved our lives and still he never changes I can't believe he still watches MTV and Giles looked the same too although I saw him a few months ago before I. . ." 

"Will." Buffy looked up at her. 

She blushed and looked at her hands in her lap. "Sorry. Babble mode." 

"It's okay. I kinda missed it." She whispered. 

Willow looked up. "Really?" 

"Kinda." 

"Is there anything else. . .you know. . .you kinda missed?" 

"Well. . ." 

Willow got up and sat down next to her on the couch. "I missed. . .some stuff too." 

"Yeah?" 

"Mmm. I missed the ice cream parlor down the block, and I missed the patrols and Giles, and going to the Grotto and." Willow looked over at her. Her expression was unreadable, like a blank wall. "Buffy, I missed you." 

"Yeah?" 

"Every day. But I had to do it, I had to finish my studies and I knew it wouldn't be fair of me to ask you to come because you had to stay here." 

"But I would have." 

"I know and I didn't ask because you would have." 

"So you didn't want me around, is that it? Would I have just been an embarrassment to you and your big Oxford friends?" The anger flared up a little. 

"No! That's not it. I wanted you there, you don't know how much. But I couldn't ask you to go because it would have been selfish of me. You have to know that I want you all to myself and you would have been a distraction. . .but in a good way." She reached for her hand and was met with no resistance. "It was really crappy of me to leave like that and not tell you about the spell. We were just starting out here and all of a sudden I found it and then I got the admissions packet in the mail. . .I forgot I'd even sent for it." 

"I wish you had talked to me about it." 

"I'm so sorry Buffy. There are other reasons I went back too." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I needed. . .I needed to go back there to where it happened. I remember what happened, you know that. . .but I never came to terms with it, never faced it. I had to go back to that alley, and I had to do it alone. I needed to show myself that. . .that it didn't own me. . .that I owned it and I could make it as big or as little as I wanted to. . .so I went there and I looked around and I cried and I shook and I remembered and I shrunk it down to a tiny little insignificant piece of dust that's never gonna haunt me again." She sniffled a little and wiped a fresh tear from her eye. "And I had to do it alone. . .for me. . .so it wouldn't consume or affect us." She whispered. 

Buffy sat quietly taking it all in. She never wanted to realize that there were some things Willow had to do on her own, had to face herself. And here she was feeling angry and hurt and resentful when in the end, she'd done it for her, for them. "Will, I never realized. . .I thought it was over. I didn't even see that you were still hurting from it." 

"Because I didn't want you to." She reached into her pocket and pulled out something they both knew very well. "I changed the potency of the ring. It didn't make me super detached girl, but it didn't allow my emotions to take over either." She placed it on the table. "When I left England I took it off. . .and I never want to wear it again." She touched Buffy's face lightly. "I never want to not feel anything around you ever. I want you to know it all. . .the good, bad and ugly Willow." She attempted a lighthearted smile 

Buffy leaned into her touch. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling. . .this feeling she'd yearned for over the past few months. . .Willow had returned home to her, to their home. She couldn't move, couldn't speak. . .all she could do is feel. 

"There's an ugly Willow?" 

"Buffy." She smiled more sincerely now. 

"Cuz if there was I must have skipped that chapter." 

Willow leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. It was warm, friendly. . .sort of a 'let's get used to this again' kiss. She leaned back and was met with a pair of glistening hazel eyes. She couldn't help but smile. "Hey." She whispered. 

"Hey yourself." She leaned over and placed her head in Willow's lap. For that second, in that one moment, she felt like everything would maybe be okay. 

-------------- 

"I'm in." He whispered into the receiver. 

"Your just toying with me again." The voice couldn't hide some astonishment. "You know how I hate that." 

"It was too easy." A self satisfactory grin crossed his face. "I felt cheap." 

"Remember the plan, darling. Even now I can hear the stars begin to weep. They're afraid. . .very afraid." 

"Don't worry, baby. I've got it covered." He hung up the phone and smiled to himself. He walked over to the window, took out a cigarette and lit it. Inhaling deeply, then exhaling, he couldn't help but chuckle. Too easy.> 

-------------- 

**Chapter 3: Rites of Passage**

_'Now I lay me down not to sleep, I just get tangled in the sheets'_   
_'I swim in sweat three inches deep, I just lay back and claim defeat'_   
_'Chapter read and lesson learned, I turn the lights of while she burned'_   
_'So while she's three hundred degrees, I throw the sheets off and I freeze'_   
_'My hands are locked up tight in fists, My mind is racing, filled with lists'_   
_'Of things to do and things I've done, Another sleepless night's begun'_   
_'Who needs Sleep?' by Blues Traveler_   


~~Two years previous~~ 2007 

He dropped two letters in the slot of the mailbox on the corner of Fifth and Main. It seemed funny to him that almost every town he stopped in had a Fifth and Main, and there was always a mailbox to be found. He wanted to think about this for a while, how small the world suddenly seemed, but there was no time for it. 

He crossed the street quickly and disappeared down a dark alley. It was a shortcut he wasn't fond of, but it would get him there just in time. Taking money at the door of a local kink club. It was his dream come true. Well, it would have been had he been the same boy that left Sunnydale two years ago, but he wasn't. Things were different and if he had to make a living taking money from scum who were foaming at the mouth to have other forms of scum beat them into submission, well, that's just how it had to be. 

He stumbled upon the club in a drunken stupor, gambled and lost, then lost even more. Now he was working off his debt. Home was a little shack behind the club, not much to speak of but it didn't leak when it rained, well much anyway, and the food was free. 

The oddest sense of being watched consumed him and he doubled his pace. Fifty feet to go. . .forty. . .twenty five. . .fifteen in the home stretch. He almost made it to the end of the alley then something grabbed him, something strong and smelling of dead roses. The time he went with Buffy to the mortuary flashed through his mind – dead roses lingered in the air too. 

He found himself slammed against the wall and a very strong, feminine hand grasped his throat. 

"Little boy, little boy. . .so very far away from home." 

It was dark, but he saw a glimmer of yellow in the eyes before him. 

"Has little bo peep allowed her sheep to wander so far from pasture?" She cackled, a high pitch maniac's cackle that could only be pulled off by one person. 

"Drucilla." He managed to squeak out before her grip tightened. 

"The stars are speaking and what do they say? The hours are ticking, ticking and where shall they lead? Away, away" She loosened her grip and stroked his hair with her free hand. "He's gone now you know, the man who walked this world and the other. The shadow has been slaughtered and they're not happy." She smiled. "I want you, want your help and I promise great things will happen. You are destined for great things, I can smell it in your eyes and see it on your veins. You're the one." 

"The one what?" Damn voice. . .Stop shaking!> 

She let him go but remained in front of him and her tone took on an eerie singsong timbre. "The Shadow man, the Shadow man, he walked the line where no one can." 

"You're insane, you know that?" 

She grabbed him again. "Not as insane as you may think. Normalcy is in the eye of the beholder, my love." Clarity crept into her eyes. "I will take care of your debt, but you must take care of me. I will bring you places you've never dreamt of, never knew existed. When the prophesy is at hand you alone will rule Liveside and Deadside and I shall be your queen." 

A car drove by and he saw her face, saw the yellow in her vampiric eyes and knew he didn't have a chance. A killer lives behind those eyes> he thought. . .but then he was stricken by the unfamiliarity of the voice in his head. . .it was feminine. He froze and wondered if he thought it or if she projected it into him. He heard the pain before he actually felt it. . .heard her throat working to push down the blood that flowed from him and now through her. 

The last thought to cross his mind was that he deserved this, all of it. He deserved to die near a mailbox off of Fifth and Main in a dark alley he'd almost made it to the end of. The murkiness came and his eyes rolled to the side. . .it was more like five feet to salvation. Miscalculation's a bitch and I've always sucked at math.> Darkness. 

---------------- 

He slowly opened his eyes and found that not only had his clothes disappeared, but so had a lot of blood. He knew this because when he sat up he was blinded by a swooning in his head first then looking down he wondered where his shirt was second. All before he flopped back down on the bed. Bed?> He opened his eyes again and saw that he was in a room possibly underground. There were floor length candles everywhere and dead roses in vases scattered about the room. Dead roses. . Drucilla. . GULP!> 

Panic stricken and weak, he flailed about the bed much like a fish out of water. This drew laugher from the left side of the room. Maniacal laugher. 

"Drucilla." He whispered. 

"Feeling better boy?" 

"I've been worse. Where am I?" 

"I've repaid your debt and we are underground. The stars are awake and laughing." 

He'd had just about enough of the riddles. Wacky vampire or not, he wanted some answers. "Repaid my debt?" 

"I sent them all to sleep, they'll never bother you again." She smiled and stepped out from the shadows. "The prophesy is coming and magic is afoot. You're destined to be a warrior." 

He rubbed the back of his head. "More like the court jester. What do you want from me? Am I a. . a" 

"I've not turned you into a vampire. You're of no use to me like that, yet anyway." She crossed the room and sat on the bed with him. "I know what it's like, to not have them understand you, to know things no one else knows about." She tipped his head up to look into his eyes. "They'll never understand, you know that. But I do. . mommy knows. Won't you let me make it better? Let me take the pain away." 

A tear escaped from his eye. They never would understand, would they? Never accept what he'd become. He had trouble facing himself in the mirror, how would they look at him? Buffy, Willow, Giles. . he'd failed them, and himself. Always the failure always the one to muck it up. No more, never again. He wiped the tears away and gave her a sad smile. "Make it go away." He whispered. "Make it all disappear." 

She locked into his gaze and he straightened up. Her hands wove intricate patterns in front of his face and the last thing he thought of was how peaceful he'd felt. More so than he could ever remember feeling. 

------------------ 

~~One year later~~ 2008 

It was done and there was nothing left to do. The diary, wrapped in a pain brown package, had been tucked under his arm and he was bringing it to meet it's destiny. He scribbled the address down from memory and dropped it in the slot. All that was left now was waiting and more waiting. 

The smell of gardenia's hung in the air thickly. He made his way down the street at a steady stride. He passed men, women and children celebrating in the streets. This was New Orleans and this was, in all it's glory, Mardi Gras. Had he felt like a younger man, had he still some glimmer left in his eyes, he would have been there with them. Those were times long gone now. He rounded the corner and St. Anne's loomed in the distance, her pointed steeple reaching out and seemingly touching the stars. He approached not the church, but the manhole ten feet away from it. With a quick look around, he moved the cover and descended into the murky darkness. 

---------- 

She wore a long low-cut red satin dress that reached the floor. A rope, seemingly made out of gold, was tied around her waist and there were spray's of baby's breathe stuck in her long black hair. She walked languidly across the room, almost floating. He was close, she could smell him, sense his presence. Her love had returned to her, just as he'd promised. 

She pulled a rose from the vase in the corner. She inhaled it deeply, allowing the fragrance to dance in her nostrils. She smiled and close her eyes. "You have returned." 

He'd been standing there watching her, leaning against the wall. "As always." 

"And you have news?" She smelled the flower again. 

"It's a beautiful night out tonight. You should really come to the surface. The entire city is out there, waiting for their queen." A smile played across his face. 

"You toy with me again." She frowned and crushed the rose in her palm. When she let it fall to the ground, it was nothing but dust. "Make mommy happy. Tell me you've found it." She turned and pouted. 

He shook his head and began to stroll over towards her. He stopped midway to light a few candles, then put his hands in his pockets and cocked his head to the side. "No. . .but I've found someone who can." He closed the small space between them and loomed in closer, placing a kiss on her neck. 

"I want it now." She folded her arms across her chest and leered at him. 

He stepped back. "Time. It will take time to gain his trust." He hooked her chin with his index finger. "It took you time to earn mine, now didn't it?" 

"I had a vision." She smiled at him. 

His eyebrows went up. "And what did you see?" 

"I saw a feast and there were people there. They were dancing naked in the streets, unaware that it was the last night they'd dance forever." She smirked. 

He nodded his head knowingly. "I see. . .and you wouldn't have had this vision when you went to the surface earlier?" He pulled another rose from the vase and sniffed it. "I pass Bourbon Street on my way here, you know." 

She frowned. "I was hungry." 

"You didn't have to leave them propped up at the bar. I was having a drink and the bartender found them. You caused quite the panic." He dropped the rose and touched her cheek lightly. "Three of them? Are you feeling weak again?" 

She nodded. "I feel myself slipping away, away from you. Every day I feel it more and more. The bottom is falling out of my head and my intestines are creeping up my throat to strangle all the knowledge out of my mind. I don't think they like me anymore." 

He blinked from the imagery. "Your intestines?" 

"The Gods and Goddesses. They're angry I think." She snaked her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair seductively. "Make it better? Only you can." She kissed his lips lightly and nipped at his lower lip with her teeth. "Only the source can fill the vessel." 

He knelt down in front of her and removed his shirt. There were scars all over his back, tiny little X's carved in the shape of a lazy V. He looked up at her, his eyes imploring yet steady. "Not too much. I couldn't move for three days last time. . .and I'm of no use to you sleeping the days away." He put his hands up against the wall in front of him and braced himself. 

She nodded and knelt behind him. She ran her hands roughly across the scars. "Not too much, not at all." With her nails, she carved a new X at the top of his shoulder and he shuddered. She held him steady as she licked the fresh wound. It wasn't flowing fast enough for her, she needed more. She could feel the energy seep in slowly and methodically, but always she needed more. Suddenly she clamped down on his shoulder and he faded into the darkness with a shrill cry. 

----------- 

**Chapter 4: Saying Without Speaking**

_'Oh and every time I'm close to you'_   
_'there's too much I can't say'_   
_'and you just walk away'_   
_'And I forgot'_   
_'to tell you I love you'_   
_'and the night's too long and cold here'_   
_'without you'_   
_'I grieve in my condition'_   
_'for I cannot find the words to say'_   
_'I need you so'_   
_'I Love You' by Sarah McLachlan_

She'd just dusted the last of the late risers and was headed back for home when she stopped short. "I know you're there." 

He waited a moment then jumped down from the tree he was sitting in. "Not so stealthy guy anymore. I'll have to work on that." 

"What were you doing up there, Xand?" 

"Just keepin my eye on ya." He shrugged and offered a slight grin. 

She scrunched her eyebrows. "Now one more time with feeling." She beckoned him to follow her. "Come on. What's on your mind?" 

He sighed and was lost in thought for a moment before he answered. "Is. . well, is everything okay? Between you and Will I mean." 

"Why do you ask?" 

"I sensed some tension the night I came home and even more when we were researching." 

She sighed and stopped walking. "We're having a hard time adjusting. She's been away for a while and. . ." 

"Feed me anything Buff, you know I'll take it. . .but don't feed me that line of bullshit." She gave him a look of shock, but he continued. "Everything went back to normal when she came for a visit during her freshman year at Oxford. We were the Scoobs all over again the minute she walked through the door. Now things are, well, different." 

"It's complicated." She shrugged and continued walking. 

He stood there then fell back into step with her. "Do you love her?" 

"Of course I do, she's one of my best friends." 

He grabbed her arm. "You know what I mean, Buffy. Don't play dumb with me." 

"Xander let go. What the hell is up with you?" 

"Don't be evasive girl with me. You love her, she loves you, what's the problem?" 

She shook her head. "It's not that simple." 

"Did she find out about. . ." 

"God no Xander! Not if I ever want her to speak to me again. What am I supposed to say to her? Gee Will, Xander and I got all cuddly when you were at Oxford because I didn't want to admit I was in love with you." Her eyes widened and her hand covered her mouth. 

"I knew, I've always known." 

She shook her head. "No. I didn't tell anyone. I never. . ." 

"Let me tell you something, Buffy. I've been on the road more often than not in the past five years. The things I've seen, well, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've slept in rat infested shacks and roach motels and I've been beaten to within an inch of my life too many times to count. You know what kept me going? You. You and Will. You guys were my lifeline out there. I kept on thinking, 'how would Buffy get out of this?' or 'if I was as smart as Will, what would she do?'. And you know what I came up with? You'd go to her for advice and she'd do the same. I've known Willow all my life and I know when she loves someone with all her heart, I can tell. . .unless of course it's me then I'm Blindboy. The fact of the matter is that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be to you what she is and I could never be to her what you are." 

She put her hand on his. "Xander, what happened to you out there?" 

He looked down for a moment, lost in thought. Everything happened to me, Buff. Everything, too much and not enough.> "It doesn't matter. Not now." He lifted his head and suddenly he was like the old Xander again. "Go to her Buffy. Fix things before it's too late. She loves you I can see it in her eyes. She never even looked at Oz like that, or me. What ever it is your punishing yourself for, just stop. It's not worth it. I know how you can get so just don't. The only thing you have to do is let her love you." He kissed her forehead and touched her cheek for a moment. "It's not too late. Night roomie." And he walked off into the night. God knows it's too late for me.> 

-------- 

She let herself into the house quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping form she knew would be on the couch. The talk with Xander really had her shook up. 

"Buffy?" A sleepy voice called from the couch. 

"Yeah, Will." 

"How was patrol?" She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. 

"Piece of cake. I ran into Xander." She sat down next to the redhead. 

"Yeah? How is he? I made him promise he'd stop in for some quality Oreo cookie's and milk time but he hasn't yet." 

"He's good, I guess. He's being, I don't know." 

"Mystery guy?" 

"Yeah. It's like he's not saying everything he wants to say. I got a lot out of him tonight. Apparently he had it really rough these past few years while traveling. He never let on in his letters. I wonder why?" 

Willow shrugged. "I'm not sure. There's something missing in his eyes. He always looks so tortured. Reminds me of Angel." 

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. He's still perceptive though. He knows there's something off. Between us I mean." 

"Something is off between us. . .you can't sleep on the couch forever you know." Buffy got up and began to walk away only to be stopped by Willow grabbing her arm. "Hey. Talk to me." 

She couldn't face her, couldn't look at her. Things had gotten better, but not really. "Will, can we just not? I'm too tired to fight and I need a shower." 

"Who said anything about fighting?" She rose from the couch and put her hands around the Slayer's waist. "That's the last thing I wanna do. I've been home for almost three days and we haven't even slept in the same bed." 

"I fell asleep" 

"Watching TV, I know." Willow nuzzled her neck and placed a kiss there. "I've missed you. YOU you. Know what I mean?" 

Buffy sighed in her arms. "Will. . ." 

"Shh, not now. I don't wanna talk." She turned her around so they were face to face. She leaned in to kiss her, but Buffy turned her head and Willow kissed her cheek. "Buffy, what are you so afraid of?" 

"I don't know, Will." She closed her eyes to possibly keep the tears from coming. "When you left it was like, God, it was like when Angel left but worse in a lot of ways." She pulled from the redheads embrace and stepped a few paces away. "All I could think was what if she doesn't come back? What if she meets someone there and forgets all about me? What if I'm not good enough anymore?" She turned to face her now. "And Xander? He left too, Will. He packed up his things and left me a note and walked out of my life. He didn't even say goodbye." She began to pace. "We brought you to the heli-port so you could go to LAX and go back to England. I went on patrol, he went home and packed. I stayed downstairs with my mom that night so I never even knew until the next morning." 

"Buffy. . ." 

"So you see Will? You left, Xander left. . .and now your both back. Who's to say your not gonna leave again?" She stopped and leaned against the wall, bringing her arms around herself. 

Willow approached her. "I'm here to say it. As much as I can mean it, I can say that I'm not gonna leave you. I can't promise that Giles won't send me on an assignment that you can't go on, or that my parents are gonna suddenly call me to come visit them, but. ." She wrapped her arms around the girl in front of her. "I can promise you that I'd hate the idea of being away from you again. Buffy, I never WANT to leave you again. If I have any control over my life for the rest of it, I'd steer it towards yours and never let go. So this way it's our life, not just yours or mine. Ours." 

She swallowed the tears down. "I want to believe you Will. . ." 

"If you don't believe my words, then let me prove it to you with actions." She took her hand and led her to the bedroom. Willow softly closed the door and lit a few candles that were scattered around the room. 

Buffy stood at the foot of the bed, their bed, feeling like a scared teenager again. In truth it had been two years since that amazing night in Spike's attic. They'd had two nights just like it since then. Once on Buffy's birthday and on the night before Willow went back to Oxford. Sex hadn't been important to them, truth be told, they'd achieved a greater and more lasting bond by getting to know each other inside and out. Nothing was more intimate than looking in your lovers eyes, seeing a small change there and knowing exactly what it was and how to fix it. It was an almost spiritual experience to know someone that well. 

Willow approached her from behind. Slowly, she slipped the sweater Buffy was wearing off her shoulders. She laid it on the bed and kissed her neck. "I never want to leave you again." I love you Buffy. You have to believe me.> 

Buffy turned and gazed into her eyes. "I couldn't take it if you. . ." She was cut off by a kiss. I love you Will. But I'm scared.> She wrapped her arms around Willow's waist. 

She froze and opened her eyes. 

"Will? What is it?" Oh, God. . .I've done something wrong.> 

She shook her head. "No you haven't." She whispered. 

It was Buffy's turn to freeze. "But I didn't. . " 

"Kiss me." 

"Will, I don't. underst . ." 

"Just do it. Trust me." 

Buffy leaned in and kissed her again. The kiss grew in intensity when Willow opened her mouth to ask for more. Buffy entwined her tongue with Willows and both girls breathing increased. God, Will. . .torture to be away from you for so long.> 

Willow pulled away and gasped. "I can hear your thoughts." 

"No. It's impossible." 

"You just said that it was torture to be away from me so long." 

"Oh." She blushed a moment but then became concerned. "What does this mean? Why can't I hear what your thinking?" 

"I don't know, but I know someone who might." She sighed in resignation. This wasn't exactly the night she had planned. 

Buffy nodded and put her sweater back on. "Giles." 

---------------- 

**Chapter 5: Putting it All Together**

"Giles!" Both girls burst through the door. 

He looked up from the paper he was reading. "Have you forgotten how to knock? They still knock on doors in England, at least they did the last time I. . ." 

"No time for knocking." Buffy rushed up to him. "Giles. Willow can read my thoughts. What the hell is going on?" 

He looked stricken but regained his composure quickly. "I see. This is an interesting development." 

"Giles I know that look. That's the same look you gave me when you and Angel told me about fighting the master. What's going on?" 

He got up and walked to the kitchen, busying himself with making tea. "Well, it could be several things. You could simply be tuning into each other, or or, have you faced any demons lately without. . " 

"Mouths? No. Been there, slayed that. It's been only dusting for the past year. You know that." 

He put the kettle on the stove and turned up the heat. "Perhaps we should look into this further. Can you read her thoughts?" 

Willow walked over and sat down on the couch. "No she can't , but her's are coming through loud and clear." She put her head down and blushed. 

Giles noted the discomfort and thought it would be best not to inquire as to the nature of the thoughts. "Ahem, I see." He walked out of the kitchen and joined them on the couch. "Did you come up against anything in England?" 

Willow shook her head. "Just final exams. Why don't we hit the books?" She smiled. 

"Only you would be tickled about anything that leads to research, Will." 

"Alright. I suggest you start with the books on telekinetics and psychic connections, mythical or otherwise." Giles pointed to a bookshelf. "Let me know if you come up with anything." He rose to the sound of the kettle whistling. "I'll be over there looking through the Codex for a prophesy of some sort. Better safe than sorry." 

------------- 

_'Things not what they used to be, missing one inside of me.'_   
_'Deathly lost, this can't be real, cannot stand this hell I feel.'_   
_'Emptiness is filling me, to the point of agony.'_   
_'Growing darkness taking dawn, I was me, but now he's gone.'_   
_'Fade to Black' by Metallica_

He strolled down the block with a little more color in his cheeks. Willy the snitch sent him on his way when he cleaned out half the bar of their money in a game of five card stud. He'd become quite the gambler after he made the mistake of losing to a bunch of mind reading demons and wound up working for nothing to pay off the debt. He stopped short suddenly and sniffed the air. She's close.> 

On cue, she appeared from behind a tree about ten paces ahead of him. "No fair. You cheated." 

He smirked and walked up to her. "I can't help it if I've got you under my skin. Literally. You made sure of that." There was a hint of anger there. "I thought we agreed you'd stay away for now until I sent for you?" 

"Are you sad? I've missed you. . as much as Miss Edith has." 

He shook his head. "Not now Dru." 

"Tell mommy what's wrong. Let me kiss it and make it better?" She snaked her arms around his neck and licked his lip. "Let me take it all way." 

"I don't want you to take it away. I deserve it." 

"You deserve the world and much more besides." She tilted her head back and smiled. "Look, luv, the stars are out for you tonight. They're waiting for the day to come. It's close and soon they'll be dancing in your honor. . .and in mine." She looked into his eyes then leaned up and suckled his neck. 

He swooned a little. It was always the same, the feeling, the power coarsing through her and into him. . .it was like a drug and he was addicted. "Dru." He pulled her away and she frowned. "Let's go somewhere less public. They could be anywhere and I don't want to get caught." Not yet anyway.> He looked around suspiciously. 

"Aww. Are you worried about daddy finding out? If it'll make you happy I'll kill him for you." An evil smile played across her lips. "I'll pull out his intestines and boil them and then we can hang them from the chandelier back home. I miss it so. Don't you?" 

He made a disgusted sound a the back of his throat. "Ugh. What is it with you and intenstines?" He shook his head and took her hand. "As much as it would please me to no end to see Spike's entrails on a string, I think you should hold off on that. It's too soon." He kissed her chastely. "Come on." He looked around almost knowing someone was there. "I know a place." 

She smiled and allowed herself to be dragged away. 

A figure stepped out of the shadows and into the street light. He took a long drag on a cigarette and stamped it out with his boot. The anger and repugnance danced in his eyes. "Kill me? Boil my intestines will you? Argh!!!!" He punched the air and stamped his feet and punched his hand with his fist. After getting it out he gained some composer and straightened himself out. "Well. Look who's been batting for the other team. I should have known Dru was behind this. . .fungus demon must've sent her packing." He shook his head and chuckled. "Well, this does nothing but put an interestng spin on things." He lit another cigarette and walked off in the direction of a certain Watcher's house. 

---------- 

Buffy was going through the last of the books on the fourth bookcase for the third time. This was getting them no where. Her back hurt and her eyes were crossed and evil little thoughts were beginning to go through her mind. Willow. . .skin. . .bed. . .naked. . .> 

"Buffy!" Willow's head shot up and gave her an incredulous look. 

She offered a sheepish grin. "Oops?" 

"Either your really bored with research or your reverting back to cro-magnon Slayer. Willow good, reseach bad." She chuckled. 

"Hey!" She sat down next to the redhead. "I'm wiped out. We're getting a big fat zero in the 'Ah ha I've found it right in front of me' department. What do you say we go home?" She batted her eyelashes. "Pleeeeease?" Willow was still sorting through a pile of books. "Will?" 

She pulled one out of the pile. "Ah ha!" She gave a triumphant little squeek. "I don't remember seeing this one before." 

Buffy rolled her eyes. "and I'm sure it was right in front of you this whole time. Come on Will, we've seen every one of Giles' books at least a hundred times." 

Willow shook her head and her expression changed suddenly. She handed the red leather book to Buffy. "No. Look." 

Buffy opened it up to the first page and read it out loud. "Journal entries of Alexander LaVelle Harris. July 30, 1999. Oxnard. The engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So here I am playing dish boy at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. . . " She stopped and flipped through to the last entry. "The last entry is December 6, 2004. Will, that's the night you went back to Oxford and he left." Buffy closed the book and placed it inside her coat. 

"What are you doing?" 

"If wer're gonna find out what's going on with him, this is the best way to do it." She walked to the stairs and yelled. "Giles, we're leaving. See you tomorrow." She gave Willow a quick look and was out the door. 

"Buffy, wait up!" She ran out after her. 

------------- 

**Chapter 6: Coming Apart at the Seams**

Word after word, entry after entry, the shock sunk in. The chaos demon, the fight with demon Arthur, the sunset – all of it danced on the fringes of our minds as if it was a dream and with each word it became a harsh reality. A reality that had been stolen from us, ripped from our memories as if it never mattered – made to look like it had never happened. Each kiss, each embrace, each first time was wiped out and we felt like we'd been raped. He took it all from us for the 'greater good', but we couldn't understand or even begin to imagine his motives. Even now, with my lover's head in my lap and the rhythmic breath of sleep the only sound, it's still but a dream. 

Years upon years stolen from us and all I can think of is, not the council, but him. He did it and from the tone of his last entry he knows that forgiveness may not be an option. 

------------ 

"Will?" 

"Shh, I'm here. You fell asleep." 

"What are you doing?" Buffy rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up. 

"I'm writing in my Watcher's diary. I got it for graduation and I thought now would be the best time to start." 

Buffy looked at her surprised. "But. . .you graduated from Oxford, not the Council. You mean your still gonna work for them after what they've done to us?" 

Willow put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "No. I'm working with Giles here, not the Council in London." She smiled and kissed Buffy's lips. "I told you I didn't want to be away from you again and I meant it." 

Buffy let go a sigh of relief. "Ohh, good. How long have I been out?" 

"We fell asleep here last night. I woke up about an hour ago and re-read the diary." 

"You know what we have to do, Will." Buffy gave her the 'time to get serious' look. 

Willow nodded. "I know. Giles has had this diary for a long time. We have to go talk to him and find out why he never told us." 

Buffy nodded then looked around the room. "Guess I did a little damage here last night." 

"Yeah. I'm just glad your mom was at the gallery waiting for a late shipment." 

"Slayer temper. What can I say?" 

The table by the door was smashed into an unrecognizable heap. Glass shards littered the kitchen floor. The bookcase with all of Willow's own collection from her years at Oxford was tipped over and the books were scattered across the living room. Both girls were sitting on the hide-a-bed assessing the damage. 

"Will, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you last night." She placed her hand on her shoulder. 

"You were angry, Buffy. I understand. I know you would never hurt me. I feel bad for the bookcase though." She let a little smile escape. 

Buffy pulled her into a hug. "Never. I'd never treat you like that bookcase. You did some damage yourself last night you know." 

Willow laughed. "Yeah. But there's a big difference between floating pencils flying out the window into the tree and smashing a table into dust." 

"We should get up and get ready. By the time we eat breakfast, Giles should be up." 

"Yeah." 

-------------- 

"Giles!" 

The Watcher stirred in his bed, absentmindedly reaching out for his glasses. 8am. Who was here at this hour?> 

"Giles man! Get your ass down here now! We have a problem!" Spikes disembodied voice called from the first floor. 

He shot up and ran down the steps quickly. "Spike? Do you know what ti—" He stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh, dear." 

Spike was still giving off smoke from where the sun had hit him on his way in. Slumped over his shoulder was a very badly beaten Xander. He was almost unrecognizable except for the bright blond hair. 

"Is he—" 

"No, I found him in time. Bloody hell man, give me a hand here. He may look thin but the boy's got some weight to him." 

They carried his limp body over to the couch. He was bleeding from his nose, which by the sight alone Giles could tell was broken. Upon closer inspection there were a few cracked ribs and his wrist was broken too. He had two black eyes and a serious head wound. Giles turned him over and pulled up his shirt and literally gasped. 

"What is it mate?" 

"It's . . .some sort of pattern or design carved into his back. Some of these scars are old but there are fresher ones over here." Giles touched the center of his back and Xander suddenly went stiff. "I've seen this before." He laid him back down and walked over to the bookcase. 

Buffy walked through the door with Willow right behind her. She headed straight for Giles and held out the diary. "Care to explain this." 

He looked up at her, shocked. "Buffy, where. . .where did you get this?" 

"Will and I were researching the mind reading thing and she came across it." 

Willow tugged on Buffy's arm. "Buffy." 

She followed the redhead's gaze to the couch. "What the? Xander?" 

Willow slowly walked up to him and took in his battered appearance. "Giles. . ." 

Giles walked up behind them and spoke softly. "Spike just now brought him in. I haven't found out what happened yet." 

"I found him at the mansion. He was left for worm food is my guess." Spike offered from the kitchen. 

Willow automatically went into repair mode. She got the first aid kit that was ever present on top of the bookcase and went to work. Buffy still stood there unable to move. 

"Spike, what happened to him?" She asked without taking her eyes off of Xander and Willow. 

"It's quite the story luv. And I think with what I've found out and what Giles here knows already, your boy Xander got himself sucked into the middle of a prophesy." 

Buffy looked at Giles. All he could do was remove his glasses and nod slowly. 

---------------- 

**Chapter 7: Making the Pieces Fit**

"I never told you Buffy simply because it wasn't my place. I try not to get involved in your, er, personal life and I thought that you'd both tell me when you were ready. I received this diary about a year ago and called Spike immediately in hopes that he could track Xander down so we could get some answers from him. I thought about calling Angel but I thought that with the. . .sensitive nature of some of the diary entries that it was best he didn't get involved. 

Buffy sat on the couch and listened to her Watcher's explanation. When he said it they way he did, she couldn't help but feel that he'd done the right thing. "Your right Giles. I didn't think you could make me see it any other way than the way I did, but you did. I'm glad Will convinced me to wait until morning to talk to you." 

"From the description she gave of your apartment I'd have to say I need to thank her for that." He smiled. "Speaking of which, where is she?" 

Buffy furrowed her brow. "You know, I don't know. She walked outside for fresh air a while ago." 

"Why don't you go see what's keeping her and Spike and I will see what we can come up with concerning the prophesy." 

------------ 

Willow was sitting with her feet stretched out on the fountain. She pulled a tissue from her pocket and wiped a tear from her eye. She'd just finished reading the diary for. . .well, she couldn't remember how many times she'd read it by now. 

As shocking and hurtful it had been to find out about Xander's interference, it almost paled in comparison to how she felt reading about Xander and Buffy's 'relationship'. She had pushed it out of the way the first time she read about it, there were more important matters to deal with, but now sitting alone she allowed the reality of it all to sink in. 

Xander – the boy she'd loved for as long as she could remember – and Buffy had some sort of secret relationship that neither one of them ever told her about. Did they think it wouldn't matter to her? Did they do it because they were afraid she'd be hurt? 

"Will?" 

She looked up. "Buffy, you startled me. I didn't see you standing there." 

Buffy crossed the courtyard and sat down on the edge of the fountain. "I guess you didn't." Buffy looked at her closely. "You've been crying." She took the diary out of Willow's lap. "and you've been reading this over and over since we took it home last night." She put her hand on Willows. "We'll get through it. As soon as Xander wakes up he has a lot of explaining to do." 

Willow closed her eyes and leaned back further into the chair. "Why didn't you tell me?" She whispered. "And don't play dumb with me Buffy, I'm talking about you and Xander." 

"Oh." Was all she managed after a few moments. 

Willow opened her eyes and looked down at the Slayer. "Yeah. That's kind of what I thought you'd say." She rose up and walked away a few paces. 

Buffy sat for a few moments trying to gather her thoughts. What exactly could she say in her own defense? Looking back on it she was lonely, she was afraid, she was missing Willow horribly. . .but none of that seemed like a valid explanation now. She walked up behind Willow and tried to start at the beginning. "You left. Xander and I were patrolling together and he moved in after graduation. We got closer. Anya got bored with him and left for God knows where. We got letters from you but. . .but for me it still wasn't enough. It was like. . .it was like when you left you took a part of me with you and I didn't want. . .I wasn't ready to admit it to myself." 

"Riley and I kinda just fell apart after a while and he broke it off. He said I was distracted and he was right. The night Xander and I almost. . .he couldn't go through with it. I guess now we know the real reason why. I told him I felt like I was missing something in my life after you left. He suggested that we call you and that was the night Giles told you we threatened to come out to England if you didn't call us back." She laughed a little. "God Will, I was so ecstatic when you called. Just to hear your voice. . just to hear you laugh. I said all the wrong things and I made you feel bad. Bad enough that you flew all the way across the ocean to see us." 

Willow stood there with her back to Buffy. Tears fell silently as the Slayer spoke. She wasn't sure how to react. . .how to feel about everything. Buffy turned to Xander because she missed her. . .because she felt an emptiness in her life. Willow guessed that's the same reason she turned first to Tim then later to Cordelia. She'd never change what happened with Cordy, but with Tim. . he turned out to be a demon and the head of the Watcher's Council. None of this would have happened if Xander had just minded his own business and let their lives be. But he got involved way over his head, was tricked by some rogue Council member to twist their memories and now here they were. Where exactly was here? And now that they were here. . .where were they going now? Now Willow was starting to feel guilty. . .she had a few secrets of her own. 

"Will?" Buffy sighed and ran her hand through her hair nervously. "Say something please. . .the silence is killing me." 

She turned around slowly. If she was gonna do this, she had to do it now and face what ever Buffy felt after it was said and done with. "I. . I didn't fly across the ocean to see you Buffy. I actually flew about an hour." Buffy gave her a confused look, but she continued on. "I. . .I lived with Cordelia for about six or seven months while I was in therapy. I told you about that. . .but I didn't tell you for how long or when it was. When you called Giles I wasn't in Wales. . I was in L.A. and Giles called me after you called him. . .he was pretty frantic and took you seriously." 

"I talked about it with Cordy and decided that I'd leave that Friday to see you. I felt so guilty that I was less than 3 hours away and didn't even call or try to see you guys but I wasn't exactly there on a vacation. I went a few months after the attack. . .I didn't want to bother you or Xander with my problems and I knew you had Slaying and Xander had. . .well, what ever it was that he was doing then. So when Giles suggested I go, I didn't put up much of a fight. I just couldn't take you seeing me like that. . .it was horrible, so horrible and I put Cordelia through hell literally. . .I just didn't want you to think any less of me." 

Buffy took a moment or two and processed everything that Willow said. "Truthfully I should be mad at you for not telling me you were only three hours away." She took Willow's hand in her own. "But I understand it. I know that you needed to do things in your own way, your own time. . .you always have. You need to know right now that I would never think any less of you for anything. . .you couldn't have stopped the attack and we both know it. . .as for Cordelia, well. . .maybe she was just what you needed back then. And Xander was what I needed." 

Willow wiped a tear away and smiled. "No more secrets?" 

"Absolutely not." Buffy pulled her into a hug. "You know everything there is to know about me, Will. Everything." 

"Mmm. . but your gonna have to remind me about some of the finer details." 

Buffy looked at her. "Like what?" 

"Like this." She kissed her. 

All the air would have gone out of the room had they been in one. The birds stopped singing, the tree's stopped swaying in the breeze. . .everything ceased to exist except for the two of them joined at the lips. 

Buffy soon had to struggle for some air. Air was good. Good air. "Will, as much as I love kissing you. . ." 

"Public place. . .I know." She pouted a little bit then her face brightened up. "But. . our place isn't so public. It's very private really and it has doors you can close and a bed. . ." 

"You're tempting me. Prophesy ring a bell in that cute little red head of yours?" 

Willow pouted again. "Prophesy smophesy. . . I want smoochies." To demonstrate her point, she kissed Buffy again. 

"Ok. . .I think Giles can handle things by himself for a while." She kissed Willow's earlobe lightly. "Don't you?" She whispered. 

"Uh huh." Willow grabbed Buffy's hand and they ran up the stairs and in the direction of their apartment. 

A very amused vampire was standing in the window shaking his head. "Somebody's gonna get shagged. . " He whispered in a sing-song voice. 

Giles looked up from his book. "Did you say something, Spike?" 

"I said this research is such a drag." He smiled to himself and shook his head again. 

----------------------- 

**Chapter 8: Back to Basics**   


'I_ am looking for someone who can take as much as I give'_   
__'And give back as much as I need'   
__'y'know and they still have the will to live'   
__'Cause I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love'   
__'But I feel forsaken, you know like the things I, I gave away'   
__'And blood and fire are too much for these restless arms to hold'   
__'And my nights of desire, they're calling me here, back to your fold'   
__'And I'm calling you, calling you, from ten thousand miles away'   
__'Won't you wet my fire with your love, babe?'   
__'Blood and Fire' by The Indigo Girls   


Willow had forgotten how strong she was and how easy it was to get caught up in all of that strength. It was a good thing Xander used solid oak when he constructed the door that led to the third floor of the Summers' home – any other kind of door would have creaked and broken with the force it had just been put through. 

Immortal slamming Immortal up against a hard oak door – Willow pressing her body full length up against Buffy's, trying to achieve supreme and total contact – the Slayer moaned out of arousal, she'd never seen Willow like this before. It was definitely a new and more take charge Willow. . .just the thought of it made Buffy's mind, and other parts, ache. 

Without looking, Willow fumbled around and unlocked the door. Once unlocked, she walked Buffy backwards steering her through the mess and into their bedroom. With her foot, she shut the door. She wrapped her arms more firmly around the Slayer's neck and continued the assault on her mouth. . .her neck. . .her ear. . . 

Buffy gasped for air. "Ungh, Will. . .I've never seen you so aggressive before." 

She smiled into Buffy's neck. "That's cause I've never wanted anything so bad before." She kissed her hard again then looked into her eyes with intense desire. "Correction. Anyone. Almost five months, Buffy. . .I've been a good girl since I got home and I think I deserve a reward for my outstanding amount of patience." 

She smiled an evil smile that struck Buffy as being oddly reminiscent of Vamp Willow. Before Buffy had a chance to follow that train of thought, she was pulled back into reality by Willow tugging at her sweater. She reached for Willow's top only to have her hand swatted away. "Hey!" 

Willow grinned evilly again. "Your mine tonight Slayer. . .the sooner you accept it, the better off you'll be." She kissed her again and they fell over onto the bed. Willow straddled her, all the while planting firm, wet kisses across her exposed chest and down to her stomach. 

Buffy arched up to each kiss, begging for more contact. She couldn't believe the amazing sensations running through her body. Willow was certain in each touch, kiss, and embrace. . .Buffy could hardly ever remember a time when she'd felt so turned on. 

Willow kissed her way back up Buffy's stomach and shifted over next to her. She nipped at her ear playfully and whispered. "So what'll it be? Hmmm?" She kissed Buffy's cheek, her lips, and made her way over to the other ear. "Soft and sweet or hard and fast?" She covered Buffy's body with her own again and invaded her mouth with her tongue. She felt Buffy's hands rise up and touch her face, which only gave her more incentive to deepen the kiss further. Soon she broke away for air and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Whada ya like Buff? Hmm?. . .Kink or. ..vanilla?" She whispered and licked her earlobe. 

Buffy's eyes shot open. "Will!" 

"What?" She pushed herself up off of Buffy and looked at her. 

"Where's Willow and what have you done with her?" 

She smiled and relaxed back down on top of her. "I just. . .I want you to think I'm sexy, Buffy. I kinda. . .well, I wanted to turn you on." She rolled over and took a much needed deep breath. "So far I've only managed to scare you." She smirked and looked over at the Slayer. 

Buffy saw the uncertainty start to creep back into her face. She wasn't sure if she was relieved it was back or sad to see feisty Willow go. "Will, I do think your sexy." She rolled over on her side and touched the side of her face. "Everything you do, everything you are is sexy. Just the way you walk into a room gets me fidgety." She kissed her lips lightly. "And the way you get so involved in research that you start to mumble to yourself." Kiss "Or the way you used to sit at the computer to do homework and gnaw on a pencil." Kiss. "Everything about you is sexy. . .I don't need you channeling Faith in order to turn me on. Just be Willow. That's who I love." Buffy leaned in again and kissed her chastely. She'd intended to move back and continue her homage, but Willow had other plans. 

Willow ran her hands lightly down Buffy's sides and hooked her fingers into the top of her jeans. With a few quick movements, the buttons were undone and the jeans discarded across the room. Willow began to undress but found that her own hand was swatted away from her top. She faked a pout. 

"Don't look at me like that. Two can play at that game." Buffy slowly began to unbutton her sweater. As she slide it off her shoulders, Buffy place feather light kisses on each of her shoulders. Buffy felt Willow shudder as her lips came in contact with her skin and she smiled. She'd done that, made her feel that way. Buffy couldn't believe that she had ever doubted her love even for one microsecond. She felt guilty for all the time they lost together since Willow had gotten home. A week, they waited a week to do this because of her own stupid insecurities. Buffy was now determined to show Willow exactly how much she missed her and how much she loved her. This was a hell of a start 

----------- 

"Has he woken up yet?" 

Spike looked up from his seat in the guest room. "No. He keeps mumbling her name though. Stupid wanker. How the hell did he get involved with her?" A barely audible growl came from the back of his throat. 

"Now let's not jump to conclusions, Spike. We'll know more as soon as he's recovered more." Giles rubbed his temples and chose his next words carefully. "When, um, was the last time you two had contact?" 

He fell into thought for a moment. "Ireland. She took up with a human if you can believe that. At least I think he's still human. . .must have turned him by now." He sighed and closed his eyes. "I tried to hide the fact that I couldn't bite anymore. It lasted about a month then she got all pissy with me. Said I didn't love her anymore. Said I should prove it by biting the next person to walk by. She liked it rough and gory. The more blood the better for Dru. I tried and got hit with one of those damn headaches again. She practically laughed in my face. I was humiliated I tell you. Then she had the nerve to go off with the little nancy pants. Said she'd found herself a real man." He got up and pulled himself up to full height. "To hell with her. Who needs her anyhow? Not old Spike I tell you." He began to walk out of the room. 

"When was this, Spike?" 

He shrugged. "Bout two years ago I'd say. Give or take." He headed towards the kitchen. 

Giles sat down on the bed next to Xander. The cuts on his face still had some encrusted blood on them and were oozing. "How the bloody hell did you put yourself in this position?" He mumbled. "You could have gotten yourself killed." He returned to the living room and got the first aid kit again. 

Spike stopped him on his way back into the bedroom. "The girls took off earlier. Something about catching up and what not." 

"I see. Well, there's really nothing for them to do here. May as well enjoy the time alone now." He continued to the bedroom. 

Spike sat down on the couch and took a sip from his 'hug your librarian' mug. He shook his head and sighed. "What the hell are you up to Dru? What have you gotten involved with now?" 

---------------- 

Buffy spooned up behind Willow and kissed her bare shoulder. 

Willow turned her head and smiled. "What?" 

"Nothing. I just love you." She wrapped her arm around Willows waist and pulled her closer. "I am completely and utterly in love with you Willow Rosenberg. Just thought you'd like to know." 

Her smile widened. "Good to know cause you had me worried there for a while." 

"Un uh. Never worry about that. You can count on ants for a picnic and the phone to ring when your in the shower and a mosquito to bite you in the one place you can't reach and the fact that Buffy loves Willow. Not necessarily in that order of course, but you get the point." 

"Loud and clear." Willow's eyes drifted down to the comforter. Little movements were coming from underneath it. "Someone's getting all toasty again. . ." She looked at Buffy and blushed. 

Buffy closed the small space between them and kissed her. "You know what they say." 

"Hmm. . .what?" She replied from under the kiss. 

Buffy slid over and on top of her. "Practice makes perfect." She nuzzled Willow's neck and kissed the smooth skin there. "And you know what a perfectionist I can be." 

"If I didn't already I think I'm about to find out." Willow smiled and brought Buffy's chin up with her hand. "I love you. I don't know how else to say it or if there are even enough words in the whole dictionary to describe it. . .I just. . .I love you." She blinked back a few tears and pulled her down for a long, wonderful feel-it-in-your-toes kiss. The first of many to come. 

-------------------- 

**Chapter 9: Ghosts of the Past**

_'Dark and dangerous like a secret that gets whispered in a hush'_   
_'When I wake the things I dreamt about you last night make me blush'_   
_'When you kiss me like a lover, then you sting me like a viper'_   
_'I go follow to the river, play your memory like the piper'_   
_'And I feel it like a sickness, how this love is killing me'_   
_'But I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly'_   
_'And dance the edge of sanity, I've never been this close'_   
_'In love with your ghost'_   
_'Ghost' by The Indigo Girls_

"She's gonna freak." A voice came from the back seat. 

"It's a little late for that now. Don't you think?" He glanced up at her from the rear view mirror. "Besides. . .we're in this together. You're with us and she'll have to accept it." 

"Yeah, and if this whole Shadowman thingy is for real then they're gonna need all the help they can get." Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Leave it to Xander to get in the middle of everything. God! Hasn't he gotten a life yet?" She pulled the visor down and checked over her makeup. 

Anya huffed from the back seat. "Not the last time I saw him." She crossed her arms across her chest and looked out the window. "I wonder if he's found a new orgasm friend?" 

Angel glanced over at Cordelia and smirked. "You look fine, Cordy." 

She shot him a look. "I know, I just. . ." 

"You wanna look hot cause you haven't seen Red in a long time." The first voice chimed in. 

Cordelia turned around and glared at her in the back seat. "That's not true! Besides, who changed outfits six times before settling on the one they're wearing now?" She arched her eyebrows. 

"Hey, I don't have anyone to impress thank you very much Queen C." 

Cordelia gave her a knowing smile. "That's not what you told me." 

She shifted and knelt on the back seat and put her arms on the seat in front of her. "You just keep to yourself what you know. Got it?" She tried to glare. 

"You don't scare me Faith." 

"So who do you think will pass out first? I'm thinkin Red's go for the swan dive if you ask me. What do you think soulman?" She poked him in the shoulder. 

He shook his head. "Don't get me involved. . .I want nothing to do with it." 

Faith laughed. "B's not gonna know what hit her. . .or who to hit first! Cordy, Red's ex and her ex-honey's current lover or me her ex-fling and her ex-honey's newest partner. Either way she's gonna freak!" She leaned back and chuckled. "Man, I wouldn't miss this for the world." 

The car sped along into the night. They were half an hour from Sunnydale's city limits.   
------------- 

Giles emerged from the guestroom. "Get Buffy and Willow here. He's coming around." 

Spike nodded and headed out the door. 

------------ 

Buffy crept back into the room and noticed Willow was sitting up. "Hey. When did you get up?" 

"About two minutes after I noticed that I didn't have a warm body next to me anymore." She smiled. 

Buffy sat down on the bed and placed a tray on Willow's lap. "I haven't done much in the way of shopping so this'll have to do." 

"Mmm, strawberries and whipped cream?" She dipped her finger in the bowl. "and you warmed up the hot fudge? I've died and gone to heaven." She licked her finger then dipped a strawberry in the fudge. 

"The only reason I have this stuff is because mom and I had an ice cream and movie fest last week. I hope everything is still good." She picked up a strawberry and bit into it. "Mmm, perfect." 

Willow got a glint in her eye. "You know what would be perfect?" She took some whipped cream and dabbed it on Buffy's lips. Slowly she leaned in for a kiss and licked it off in the process. 

Buffy smiled and whispered. "You know what's even more perfect?" She took a finger full of hot fudge and dabbed Willow's chest and lips with it. 

"Hey! That's kinda hot." She pouted. 

"I'm sorry. Here, lemme get it for you." 

Buffy had finished removing the fudge from her chest and was about to work on her lips when there was a knock on the door. "Ugh. . .great timing." She got up and put her robe on. "Don't move. I'm not done eating yet." 

Buffy opened the door. "Spike? What are you doing here?" 

He smirked. "Benedict Arnold is waking up." 

"Oh." 

"Well? Are you gonna invite me in or do I stand here like a bloody fool all night?" 

"Come on in. Just let us get dressed." She moved aside. 

"What in the hell happened here? You two redecorating or something?" He looked around at the mess. 

"Uh, yeah. Something like that." 

"Buffy?" Willow walked out of the bedroom and was tying her robe. "Who's. . .Spike? What's going on?" She moved over next to Buffy. 

"Xander's waking up. We have to get over there." Buffy looked at her and her eyes widened. 

"Someone's been naughty." Spike wagged his finger at Willow then turned to Buffy. "Didn't your mum ever teach you not to play with your food?" He gave them both a wicked grin. 

"Not to play with. . .? Oh no!" Willow turned bright red and licked her lips. "Oops?" 

"Sorry Will." Buffy gave her an apologetic look. "Come on. Lets get dressed and high tail it to Scooby central." Willow rushed off to the bedroom ahead of Buffy then Buffy turned to Spike. "Do you get off on embarrassing her?" 

"I couldn't help it luv. It's just too easy sometimes. She never changes." Buffy slugged him in the arm. "Hey! Not fair, Slayer. I can't fight back." 

She walked off to the bedroom. "We'll be out in a few." 

------------ 

Xander struggled and tossed in his sleep. "Dru. . .no. . .stop!" 

"Xander. Wake up boy, come one." Giles was shaking his shoulder. 

His eyes shot open. "Dru!" He tried to get up but felt a sharp pain. "Ugh, my ribs, my head, my face, my. . .everything." He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "What happened?" 

"That's what I was about to ask you?" Giles looked down at him. 

"Giles? How did I get here? Oh my head feels like it's ten times normal size." 

"Your head is as normal as it's ever been, I can assure you. Buffy, Willow and Spike are on their way. In the mean time take these, they should ease your discomfort." Giles handed him an assortment of pills. 

He popped them in his mouth and gulped the water Giles handed him greedily. "Thanks G-man." He leaned back and let out a sigh. "Ouch." 

"You have at least three broken ribs and I believe your wrist is broken. You're lucky Spike found you when he did." Xander's eyes went wide. "And before you even ask, they found your diary. They know everything. You're lucky your in this condition, I'd hate to think about what you'd look like if Buffy had gotten her hands on you first." 

"Oh man, I'm dead." 

"Not yet but you will be if you don't explain exactly what's going on. Angel and Cordelia are on their way too. . . as well as their other, um, associates." 

Xander huffed. "The Scoobs reunite. And all for lil 'ol me. I'm touched." 

"You'd better get serious, Xander." Giles rose and walked to the door. "You have a lot of explaining to do and you won't be going anywhere any too soon. We have all night." 

-------------- 

**Chapter 10: Confession is Good for the Soul**

_'I woke today, felt your side of bed,'_   
_'The covers were still warm where you'd been laying.'_   
_'You were gone, my heart was filled with dread.'_   
_'You might not be sleeping here again.'_   
_'But its all right, I love you. That's not gonna change.'_   
_'Run me round, make me hurt again and again.'_   
_'But I'll still sing you love songs.'_   
_'Written in the letters of your name.'_   
_'And brave the storm to come, for it surely looks like rain.'_   
_Looks Like Rain by The Grateful Dead_   


It was raining. Not one of those stomp in the puddles and romp with your friends rain. More like that angry torrential the world needs to be cleansed rain. 

Buffy and Willow came slamming through the door of Giles' apartment with a very wet and cranky vampire in tow. They were soaked right through to the skin and Giles shifted into action. He handed them towels and sent them upstairs to change into the clothes they'd brought just in case. Spike stayed downstairs and changed in the bathroom. The apartment was quiet for all of five minutes then there was a knock on the door. Giles went to answer it. 

"Angel" He stated unnecessarily. 

He nodded. "Giles." 

"Come in, come in. I see you faired better than the others did." 

"Umbrellas. Yes, Giles, we've leapt into the twenty first century. Not that it's done anything for my hair mind you." Cordelia took her coat off and shook it out. 

Giles turned. "Yes, and it's always a pleasure to see you too, Cordelia." He nodded to Faith and Anya. "Um, Buffy and Willow are changing upstairs and Spike is in the bathroom. They seem to have gotten caught in the downpour." He took a sip of tea. "Can I get you anything?" 

"Xander." Anya demanded. "I want Xander now." 

Giles looked a little shocked at her forcefulness. "Um, yes well, he's right this way in the. . ." She pushed past him before he could finish. ". . .back bedroom." He shook his head. "Nice to see some things never change." 

Faith plopped herself unceremoniously on the couch. "Yo, G-man. Long time no Watch. How's it hangin?" She grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on. 

Giles merely smiled at her. 

---------- 

Willow froze suddenly. 

"What's wrong Will?" Buffy had just finished putting on her sneaker. 

"Voices." 

"Okay. . .in your head or. . " 

"I'm serious Buffy. I hear voices downstairs and none of them belong to Giles, Spike or Xander." Willow looked worried. 

Buffy thought for a moment then it hit her. "You don't think? He wouldn't. Giles wouldn't call Angel here, not unless. . ." She trailed of thinking about the last time they were all together. She was a vampire and Willow was the Immortal Watcher. She felt a shiver go up her spine. 

Willow noticed how quiet she'd gotten. "I know, Buffy, I know. . .I remember it too." She pulled the sweater over her head. "Come on. We should go down there." Willow walked over to her and took her hand. She leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "It'll be alright. We can do this together." 

Buffy shook off her thoughts. "I know Will. But if Angel is here then so is. . ." 

"And it doesn't matter if she is here. I'm with you and nothing is going to change that. Cordelia and I were a long time ago. Now come on before you worry yourself to death." 

They held hands and walked towards the stairs together. 

-------------- 

Angel was sitting in the oversized chair with Cordelia on his lap. Faith was flipping through the channels and no one had seen Anya since she made a bee line for the back bedroom. Spike was still in the bathroom and Giles was trying to get Anya to unlock the door. Two sets of footsteps could be heard on the stairs and everyone got up and turned around to see Buffy and Willow come down the stairs hand in hand. 

No one moved and it seemed like no one breathed. Finally Spike came out of the bathroom and broke the silence. "Well looky here. It's the old poof! Last time I saw you we were runnin around England together. How's it goin old man?" He patted Angel on the back. 

"I'm good Spike. You look well." 

"Ehh, well as can be expected." He looked around the room at the others. "What the hell are all you ninny's stand around here for? The boy's awake and we need some answers. For pete's sake, you'd think you'd never met each other before. Come on, let's go. . .everyone shove off to Benedict Arnold's deathbed." 

Buffy shook her head and laughed. Leave it to Spike. 

---------- 

Anya finally opened the door and they all filed in one by one. Giles didn't say anything to her, he knew it wouldn't do any good, but he did throw a stern look her way. Buffy sat on the floor in front of the dresser and Willow sat down in front of her. Faith moved to the bottom of the bed and Angel stood next to Cordelia who had taken a seat in the one chair available in the room. Giles stood in front of the door, Anya was on the bed next to Xander and Spike hopped up on the dresser next to where Buffy and Willow were. 

Anya removed the washcloth from Xander's head and whispered something in his ear. After a few moments he opened his eyes and managed a weak smile. "Had I know this was gonna be a reunion I would have dressed for the occasion." He whispered hoarsely. 

"You're blonde. . .and you look like hell." Cordelia couldn't resist. 

"Way to state the obvious Queenie." Faith commented. 

"I think it looks good on him." Anya threw in. 

"As much as I'd love to go over the finer points of Xander's transformation, I think we should start with the most obvious question. What the hell did you think you were doing?" Buffy spat out at him and tightened her grip around Willow's waist. 

He flinched as if he was hit. "Well, depends on what part your talking about Buff. The part where I almost got myself killed last night, the part where I've been living with Drucilla for the past 2 years, how I got the crystal, how I'm involved in the prophesy. . .pick your poison." 

Angel looked at Xander. "Crystal?" He then turned his gaze on Giles. "The mindset crystal?" 

Giles nodded his head. "Yes. It was given to him by a council member to, um. . " 

"I know what it's used for Giles. It's dangerous. Do you have any idea how much damage can be done with that?" Angel knew the questions were rhetorical. Giles knew full well the power of the crystal. 

"He knows. He used it on Will and I." Buffy said dryly. 

"I thought I was helping." Xander whispered and closed his eyes. 

"Helping? You thought you were. . .by twisting our memories and making us forget every time we. . .five years Xander, you twisted and maimed five years of our life. You stole them from us and we can never get them back." Buffy tried to fight back the tears but it was useless. 

Willow turned a little and put her arm around Buffy's shoulder. Buffy buried her head in her sweater. Willow turned to look at Xander and all she could do is glare. She had no words for him. Not right now. 

Cordelia was still confused. "I still don't get it. He used this crystal thingie to change your memories so you would forget stuff. What's the big?" 

Giles cleared his throat. "I, um, don't think that needs to be discussed right now. We need to focus on the prophesy and who attacked Xander last night." 

Buffy looked up. "No, it's alright Giles. They're all going to find out sooner or later. May as well get it over with now." She wiped the tears away. "It's no secret that Willow and I are a couple. We have been since we were in England." She took a deep breath. 

"I'll tell them." Willow finally spoke. "Buffy and I. . .well, we first got together as a couple a few months after Oz left when we were freshmen in college." Buffy took Willow's hand and squeezed it. "Xander met up with a council member on his cross country trip after high school graduation and he gave him the crystal. Xander was told that if it ever looked like we were going to be together, to use the crystal and erase our memories of it." 

Faith shook her head. "Harsh." 

Willow looked up at her. "Yeah, harsh is one word for it. So all through college we kept getting together and he kept erasing our memory of it." Willow looked over at Cordelia. "The last time he did it was when I came here to visit him and Buffy from LA." Willow waited for a reaction from Cordelia. Her face changed a little but she didn't say anything. She continued. "We know all of this because Buffy and I were researching ESP and we came across his diary. He sent it to Giles last year." She pulled the diary out of her backpack and tossed it on the bed. She looked Xander right in the eye. "Thought you might want that back." She said flatly. 

He sighed. "Burn it for all I care." 

"So you and B don't remember anything?" Faith questioned. 

Buffy shook her head. "No. It's all fuzzy. There are a few things we remember but they're all just. . ." She shrugged for lack of words. 

"Disjointed. Like when you dream then you wake up. You remember parts of the dream but not the whole thing." Willow added quietly. "There were at least five times we got together. We can't remember any of them." She dropped her eyes to hers and Buffy's hands. "Nothing." 

The room grew quiet as everyone absorbed what they'd just learned. Finally, Xander shifted in the bed and got their attention. Anya fussed over him and arranged the pillows. He gave her a grateful smile. "I got in over my head playing poker. Doesn't matter where it was, I was in big time trouble. It was a bunch of mind reading demons at this little skank club – every town has them." He swallowed as if every word hurt. "I lived in a little shack behind the club to work off my debt. One night I felt someone following me and it was Dru. She went into her usual wacky diatribe about the stars talking and that they were talking about me. That she needed my help to fulfill a prophesy about The Shadowman. Something about Liveside and Deadside being melded into one and I was the one to stop it." 

Giles perked up at this. "The Shadowman. He walks the line between this world and the other, maintaining order and function where there's never been any before." He trailed off remembering the prophesy. "I knew it was coming but. . .I never would have guessed that you. . ." He approached the bed and leered at him. "All of this could have been avoided. All of it. Do you realize what you've done? You've helped that maniac set off a chain of events that not even we can stop! How could you have been so stupid!" He grabbed Xander by the shirt and Angel and Spike rushed to his side. 

"Giles." Angel said. "Let him go. He's no use to us dead." 

"Come on man. Let him finish. When we know what we need then you can mash him into a bloody pulp. But for now." Spike put his hand on Giles' forearm. 

Giles relented and tried to gain his composure. He silently went back to standing by the door. 

Again an eerie silence fell over the room. No one moved, and it seemed as if no one breathed. Finally Willow removed herself from Buffy and stood up. She straightened her sweater and shifted into her resolve face. 

Xander looked truly frightened as she approached. 

Willow sat on the edge of the bed and looked deep into his eyes. She placed one hand on his chest and the other on his wrist. Three, five, then ten minutes went by and they were locked in to each other, eye to eye. Sweat was forming on her brow and her body began to shake. Finally she broke eye contact, took a deep breath and curled up in Buffy's arms again. She was exhausted. 

Buffy smoothed the hair back from her face. "You didn't have to do that Will." She looked up at Xander's shocked expression. "He doesn't deserve it." 

"He can't help us if he stays in bed all the time." She whispered. 

Xander looked over at them with a confused expression. Buffy finally explained. "She healed you, you idiot. From how tired she is, she probably fixed your broken bones and internal injuries." Buffy looked down at Willow again and her voice softened. "I didn't think you could still do that." 

"Neither did I." She replied. 

Xander began to move. He sat up against the headboard and noticed that while he was still sore, the shooting pain was gone. He thought about thanking her, but knew that nothing he said would make a difference now. They hated him. He saw it in Willow's eyes. There was nothing he could do but continue with the story. "That's all I know about the prophesy. The council member I ran into in my travels told me I was destined for great things. That everything I was doing was for the greater good and survival of the world. Dru said as much too – but made the words rhyme." Xander took a sip of water from the glass Anya handed him. "I spent 2 years with her in New Orleans under St' Anne's church." 

"Sewers. Who'd a thought I'd wind up living in the sewers." He looked around at everyone in the room and spoke to no one in particular. "She. . .she took care of me. Made me feel useful. She needed me. Every week or so she. . .she fed off of me. That's what the scars on my back are from. It's like. . .like nothing I've ever felt before. Like a transference of power from her to me and back again. I told her that I'd send for her when things settled down here but she didn't listen. She came waltzing out of the darkness last night just like the first night we met. I took her to the mansion – it had been over 2 weeks since she'd last fed. The power, the connection we feel – it's intoxicating. Before I knew it I was grabbed and thrown up against a wall and someone was going to town on my head with a tire iron. Dru screamed for me but I couldn't move, I couldn't save her. They put her in a burlap sack and carried her away, just like that. I guess that's when Spike found me and brought me back here." He swallowed and turned to Giles. "We have to save her." 

He shook his head. "We have to do no such thing. She's done enough damage." 

Xander's voice took on a pleading tone. "You owe me nothing. I know that, but Giles, when I think about what they could be doing to her – I can almost feel it. We're connected. The ceremony is almost finished. Two maybe three more feedings and the prophesy was to come true." Giles continued to shake his head no. Xander stood up and faced him. "Don't you understand what I'm saying? If we don't find her, if we can't see this thing through, all hell is going to break loose, literally." 

"He's right, Giles." Angel finally spoke up. "If the ceremony isn't completed then the walls between this world and the other will be torn down and a temporal fold will occur. Both worlds will mix and believe me, the human population of earth is nothing compared to that of the demon world. I brought some of my books. We can go over the finer details later." 

Xander grabbed his head in pain. Anya jumped to his side and held him steady. Finally he calmed down and spoke softly. "They're torturing her. I can feel her screaming for me." He shook off the images that flooded his mind and looked at Giles again. "This is the bottom line. If we don't find her in time I die." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "I'm not a vampire but – I have fed off of her. Her blood is in me. If they kill her or if she doesn't feed again in time *I die*, that temper fold thing fang boy talked about rips open and you'll all be living in demondale instead of Sunnydale. It's that simple." He climbed back into bed, pulled up the covers and closed his eyes. 

-------------- 

**Chapter 11: I Can See Clearly Now**

_'I only want to say, if there is a way, take this cup away from me.'_   
_'For I don't want to taste it's poison, feel it burn me.'_   
_'I have changed, I'm not as sure as when we started.'_   
_'Then I was inspired, now I'm sad and tired.'_   
_'Listen surely I've exceeded. . . expectations,'_   
_'Tried for three years, seems like thirty.'_   
_'Could you ask as much from any other man?'_   
_Gethsemane from "Jesus Christ Superstar"_   


"Sorry baby, this is for your own good." Xander whispered to a sleeping Anya as he tied her up and gagged her. She didn't stir, didn't move at all. Just continued to sleep peacefully. He'd slipped her some sleeping pills Giles gave him and she was out cold. He dressed quickly, still sore from the beating he'd received a few days ago. The past few days were filled with researching the prophesy, Buffy and Faith patrolling, and lots of silence. Well, silence when he was in the room. He knew this would happen, but until it did, he didn't know how bad it would feel. How the feeling would curl up in the pit of his stomach and ferment like a rotten piece of meat. 

He made his decision when he saw the look Willow gave him. As soon as he was strong enough he'd leave in search of Dru. He could feel her weakening, but she still called to him. Given enough time, he could hone in on her exact location like a beacon in the night. Then they'd perform the final ritual and everything would be in place. 

He thanked whatever God was out there that the gang hadn't deciphered the prophesy yet. He made sure of it by hiding the key book in the bottom of a box of books that Giles never used. They wouldn't resort to the boxes until after they'd exhausted every other avenue. That should give him at least twenty four hours, maybe more if he was lucky. 

He opened the window carefully and shimmied out to the back of the complex. Once he was far enough, he broke into a full sprint to the last place he'd seen her – the mansion. He'd be able to pick up her scent from there and hopefully get on the right track. Hopefully. 

*****Twelve hours later***** 

"Damn!" Giles slammed the book down on the table, causing four heads to snap up in his direction. "Sorry. Do any of you have volume 6 of the Garzian texts?" 

"I was looking for it before but couldn't find it." Willow answered finally. 

Giles shook his head. "It was right here yesterday when. . ." He trailed off in thought. "Xander hasn't been out of his room today." 

Cordelia shook her head. "No. He's been in there with little miss 'I-want-orgasms' since last night. You'd think she would give him a break seeing as he almost died. He must have some constitution." She went back to flipping though her book. 

Willow gave Giles a look then sprinted to the back bedroom door. She started knocking frantically. "Xander? Anya?" She tried the knob. "Open the door!" She looked back at Giles worried. 

"Can you, um. . ?" 

She nodded. Willow closed her eyes and concentrated. After a few seconds the lock clicked and she opened the door. "Xander, what do you think you're. . . oh God." 

Anya was tied to the bed. She was struggling with her bindings and she was gagged. Willow and Giles went to her and began to undo the knots. Giles reached up and took the scarf off of her mouth. "Are you alright?" 

Anya narrowed her eyes. "Do I look alright to you? I woke up at eight o'clock this morning. Didn't any of you think to come in here?" 

"Anya we're sorry. What happened to Xander?" Willow tried to get her to focus. 

"I'm wonderful, a little parched but what would you expect after being gagged for half a day?" She sat up and rubbed her wrists. "As for Xander, I don't know. We were talking and the next thing I know I'm laying here, tied up. And it wasn't even in a fun way." She crossed her arms and pouted. 

Willow turned to Giles and rolled her eyes. "I think she'll be fine." 

"He must have gone out the window." Spike commented from the doorway. 

"How do you know that?" Giles turned to him. 

Spike pointed to the window. "Cause it's open you ninny." He shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the wrong team." And he walked out. 

------------------- 

"This wacky vampire could be anywhere." Faith turned to Buffy. "Tell me again why we're patrolling during the day?" 

"She may be a vamp, but the people that took her were human. Giles gave a pretty vague description, but from what I can tell it's the same kind of guys that tried to. . ." She trailed off, not wanting to bring up bad memories. 

"You mean the same MIB's that tried to cart my ass across the ocean?" She sent a sideways glance towards Buffy. "I never saw them but I get the drift." 

"They tried to cart MY ass across the ocean.. . " Buffy stopped short and looked at her. "And yes, it's the same kind of guys, only different ones." She narrowed her eyes wondering if that made sense. 

Neither Faith nor Buffy moved. Faith knew Buffy stopped for a reason, they'd never really talked about it, but she couldn't help but push the older Slayer's buttons. "Technically, it was my ass." She smiled. 

"Yeah, and I was in it thanks to you!" 

"So what? Now you wanna go toe to toe over something that happened ages ago? Cause if you do, I'm ready." She took a defensive stance. "As a matter of fact, I'm ready to go blow for blow on anything you've got to drudge up." 

Buffy looked at her for a few moments. "No." 

She'd said it so quietly and with such resignation that it made Faith soften. "What's the what, B? Don't tell me this thing's got you wigged, cause you've faced a lot tougher shit than this and it didn't faze you." Faith paused a moment. "Hell, you even put me down for the count – the only time it actually counted." She said quietly. 

Buffy laughed under her breath. "Yeah? Where was I when this happened?" 

Faith took her by the arm and pulled her into a nearby alley. "Don't tell me you don't remember." Buffy shook her head. "Man! Wonderboy really did turn your memory into scrambled eggs." 

"What are you talking about Faith?" 

"Us. I mean *US* us." 

"There was never an us." Buffy looked up at her. She wasn't sure, but she could almost see a hurt look on Faith's face, then it was gone in an instant. "Faith?" 

"No big. Wonderboy must have gotten rid of that nasty little memory for you when he was busy wiping out your smooch-fest with Red." She shrugged and started to walk away. 

Buffy grabbed her arm. "Tell me. If you're never honest with me again, if you've never been honest before – this is the one time I need you to be. Please." 

Faith didn't look up at her. "Before patrol, after patrol. . . " She laughed a little. "Even during patrol. Behind the Alpert mausoleum." She walked away a little. "That is of course until you and Angel got back together, then I was yesterday's news." She turned around and tried not to look fazed. "Don't worry B, as far as I know all the pedals were still on your little flower when we were together. It was one big frustrating smooch-fest. But that was a long time ago. No big you don't remember. We're five by five now. It was wicked crazy to think it would last anyway. You're too vanilla for me." She smiled. 

Buffy blinked once or twice. "I. . .I don't remember." She kicked the nearest garbage can half way across the alley. "Damn him! He took it all away and I'm never gonna get it back!" She kicked a few more cans then slid down the wall and put her face in her hands. 

In a very un-Faith like move, the dark Slayer knelt down in front of her and put her hands on her shoulders. "You'll get it back. And he's gonna pay big for what he did. He's not on anyone's Christmas list right now. . .and I have a feeling it's gonna stay that way for a long time. You're strong, B, stronger than most. You're gonna get through it." She smiled as Buffy looked up at her. "Even if I have to pull you through it kicking and screaming." 

Buffy smiled back. She didn't know what to say. There probably weren't enough words for it. To have anyone say that was one thing, but for Faith to do it, well, she knew it must have taken everything she had and a little more just to form the words in her brain, let alone say them out loud. "Whoah, a serious moment from the big bad Slayer who doesn't need anyone. That means a lot." 

"You're never gonna get it again, Buffy, enjoy it while you can." Faith smiled at the expression on her face when she said her name. "And for the record, I'm sorry about all that body switch stuff. I was runnin scared and it was my only option. Don't blame me for something that you can't say you'd never do if it was your only choice." She closed her eyes a moment then opened them again. She stood and put her hand out to Buffy and helped her up. Suddenly Faith perked up. "Hey, I have an idea about the whole memory thing, but you're gonna have to trust me." 

Buffy let out a sigh. "What is it?" 

"Can't tell ya. . .but if you want it back, at least some of it, this may be the only way. You game?" 

As soon as Buffy shook her head yes, Faith grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the alley at a full run. 

--------------------- 

He looked at his watch for the tenth time. The longer he wandered around in the open, the quicker he was going to get caught. He'd been wandering around the cemetery for over an hour now. His senses told him that Dru was near but he'd had no luck finding her. 

He stopped short suddenly and knocked himself in the head. They crypt that ran down to the master's old lair – that was the only place he hadn't looked yet. Sophomore year was the last time he'd been down there and he hoped that his memory served him correctly. He headed off in the general direction of where he thought it was then ducked behind a headstone when he saw Faith run into the cemetery dragging Buffy along with her. 

He silently cursed to himself. It had only been about thirteen hours, they couldn't have known he was gone yet. He watched as they ran across the lawn and behind a crypt, but didn't come out the other side. He debated with himself over running or seeing exactly what the hell they were up to. His curiosity won out and he crept in a big semi circle about 100 yards or so across from the last place he saw them. 

--------------- 

"So what's this? A trip down memory lane?" Buffy finally caught her breath enough to question her. 

"You catch on quick. I knew you were a smart girl." Faith smiled and took a few steps closer to her. 

"What are we doing here Faith? The only thing that comes to mind with this place is slaying." 

"Remember when we got ambushed by those three strung out vamps? They were mouthing off about feeding off of a heroine addict and they thought that they were invincible. Said when they were done with us, they were gonna go take some flying lessons cuz that's what real vampires do." 

"Yeah, that was over there by that bunch of trees." Buffy pointed behind her. "So?" 

Faith switched gears. "So Angel and I had this case. It was a real tough one. This chick, her kid was taken by a bunch of demons. They thought he was their leader come back to help them rule the world or some crap like that. So the woman couldn't remember anything about the guys. Nada. Then Angel takes her to the place where the kid was taken, it was in this alley, and he had the woman walk around to see if she could remember anything. So she's walkin and saying that it's hopeless and they'll never find him when suddenly she stops. Get this. . .the demons were the slimey kind. They leave a trail where ever they go – like a calling card. So the woman is sniffing like a bloodhound and suddenly she remembers everything. Angel found the kid the next day and we did some serious spring cleaning on their nest. Took me a week to get the smell outa my leather jacket." 

"I still don't get it." 

Faith got closer and Buffy took a step backwards. They continued like that until Buffy's back was pressed against the Alpert Mausaleum. "Don't you get it, B? It's the whole trigger thing. You see something specific or you smell a certain smell, and you're reminded of something. The smell of Jack Daniels always reminds me of my old man." She put her hands on either side of the blonde Slayer so that she had no where to run. 

"Yeah, I smell turkey and suddenly I'm eight years old again." Buffy caught on finally to what Faith was leading up to and shook her head no. "Faith I can't, we can't. I'm with Will and I would never do anything to hurt her. I love her too much to. . ." 

Fatih cut her off. "You don't have to do anything, B. If she finds out and it doesn't work then you can blame everything on me, tell her I seduced you. I can take it. But if you want your memory back, this is as good a place to start as any." 

Buffy had a million other reasons on the tip of her tongue as to why this couldn't happen – why it could *never* happen – but Faith kissed them all away. She resisted at first and even tried to pound on Faith's shoulders to break free, but Faith just kept on kissing her. Finally she relaxed and gave up. As it grew more intense, Buffy felt some sort of charge run through her and a thousand images flashed through her mind. Everything that was hazy became clear, everything grey turned into the color it was supposed to be and all of the bleary lines suddenly came into sharp focus. She was remembering. 

Faith pulled away suddenly for air. "Damn, B. If I didn't know any better I'd say you've improved." She wiped her lip to get rid of the lipstick she was sure was smeared there. 

Buffy chuckled. "You know, if this didn't work I'd probably be kicking your ass all over this cemetary and bringing the pieces back to Angel in a box." 

"But your not." 

She looked at Faith. "I'm not. I'm starting to remember. . .everything." She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "You're really good at that too by the way." She shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts. "It's all still a little muddled but. . ." 

"But you remember. So just look at the kiss being in the name of science." Faith shrugged. 

"Yeah. And I also remember being really harsh to you when Angel and I got back together." 

"Don't say it. Keep it buried where it belongs, B. It was a long time ago." Faith shot her a serious look. 

"I know. But let me just say I'm sorry. I mean it Faith." Buffy took a step closer to her and looked her in the eye. "It all started with you. You were the first girl I ever. . .and I think now if I hadn't, then Will and I never would have gotten together. You saw it in me, you said as much and I remember it, and you drew it out. Even though I went back to Angel, I couldn't deny who I was and what I felt – or who I felt it for. You knew, you knew I had feeling for Will." 

"Yup. It was wicked obvious, at least to me. The way you looked at her, the way she looked at you. I always knew you guys would wind up in the hay sooner or later." Faith smirked. "Looks like it was both." 

Buffy nodded. "Come on, we have to get back and tell the others." 

Faith grabbed Buffy by the arm. "Slow down blondie. How exactly are we gonna explain this? Especially to your honey. I really don't need to be turned into a cuddly little rabbit, or a frog or even worse. She could make it so I never have sex for the rest of my life. I'd be of no use to anyone! Your girlfriend has a way wicked habit goin on that I don't want to be on the receiving end of. Get my drift?" 

Buffy laughed. "We'll figure something out. Come on." They headed toward the main gate and back to Giles' apartment. 

------------ 

Xander stood up as soon as he'd seen them walk through the gate. He couldn't hear the conversation, but from the eyefull he'd gotten – he'd surmised that Buffy and Faith had something going on and probably had for some time. That wasn't a first kiss they'd shared – that was a familiar 'I-know-how-to-make-you-sqirm' kiss and had all the makings of more in it. As angry as he was, he felt a little better. At least he knew now that he may have spared Willow some pain by using the crystal. Who knows how many times Buffy had been with Faith, and if Willow found out then she would have been devistated. He smiled just a little knowing that he may have spared his best friend unbearable pain. Now all of those memories were gone and she wouldn't find out. At least for now. 

He reached inside his shirt and pulled out the crystal. He rubbed it between his palms and closed his eyes. Close – she was so close he could practically smell her. The crystal began to glow and he looked down at it. Time was growing short and if he was to fullfill his destiny he'd have to start by finding her – his vessel of strength. 

------------------- 

**Chapter 12: Downward Spiral**   


_'there is a place in the heart that'_   
_'will never be filled'_

_'a space'_

_'and even during the'_   
_'best moments'_   
_'and'_   
_'the greatest'_   
_'times'_

_'we will know it'_

_'we will know it'_   
_'more than'_   
_'ever'_

_'there is a place in the heart that'_   
_'will never be filled'_

_'and'_

_'we will wait'_   
_'and wait'_

_'in that'_   
_'space.'_

_"No help For That." Poem by Charles Bukowski found in the book "You Get So Alone Sometimes That It Just Make_   
_Sense." Published 1994_

------------ 

She's in there. In there all alone and he had to get her out. He was looking at her maybe ten feet away and he couldn't reach her. Two men were sitting at a table playing cards. She was tied to a pipe moaning softly and swinging her head back and forth. He could swear she was whispering his name. 

He leaned back against the cold wall and took a deep breath. It had been a long time since he'd used his strength – possibly over a year – and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to muster enough to get her out of there and dispatch of them. 

He closed his eyes and began to concentrate just like she'd taught him. He clenched his fists and after a few moments, he could feel his temperature begin to rise. He was burning blood, her blood, and the power in it began to fuse his muscles and tendons with almost inhuman strength. He felt his shirt begin to rip and knew it would be a matter of seconds before he could be fully charged. 

He let out a blood curdling scream and the two men at the table looked over at him in shock. Drusilla's head snapped up at the sound and she cackled wildly. He rushed them with his arms open wide and sent them crashing into the wall. They both laid there stunned. 

"You dare take her away from me?!" His voice took on an eerie timber and it echoed against the walls of the long forgotten church. He was breathing heavily and his eyes took on a blue glow. "You'll pay, you'll pay for all of it!" He stalked around the trembling men. "Seven years of my life you bastard! You took it away and for what? You used me, used my friends all for the sake of a damn prophesy. Well you know what? To hell with your prophesy and to hell with you!" 

He grabbed the shorter man by his collar and yanked him to his feet. "I know the outcome, I know what has to be done and what you are trying to prevent." His voice had taken on an eerie softness, though his actions told them he was anything but calm. "You won't stop it. If I have to die to make this prophesy happen, I will. I'll die first before I let your kind get the better of me or my friends." He threw the man against the wall again. 

He lost all control finally. He began beating on them unmercifully. He didn't know what he was hitting or who, he just knew that flesh was coming in contact with flesh and it felt good. He grabbed the shorter man again and put him into a choke hold. "I've read the prophesy and I know what I need to do." He was about to snap his neck. . . . 

"No my pet. It is done now. They can never hurt me again." She yanked on the chains that held her to the wall and they came free. "Come now, we have work to do. It's been so long since I've fed." 

Xander regarded her, looked at the man who's life he held literally in his hands, and let him drop to the floor. He wasn't ready for this. . .wasn't ready to take a life, no matter how disgusting it was. As soon as the ritual was complete, well, then he'd be ready. 

He walked over to Dru, kissed her lightly on the forehead, and led her out of the room. He figured that the sun must have gone down by now. They would be safe. 

------------- 

"So where's Will?" Buffy asked. 

"She's um, out with Angel looking for Xander. Since she healed him, she was able to do a tracking spell. I tried to get her to wait, but. . ." Giles trailed off. 

"It's okay Giles, once she sets her mind there's no stopping her. I know she's safe with Angel." 

"You need to know something Buffy. I haven't told Willow yet, I haven't been able to find the right time." Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his temples. He motioned for all of them to gather around the dining room table. 

Buffy regarded him with interest. He looked so tired, so old and possibly even defeated. Something was terribly wrong and Buffy knew in the pit of her stomach that if they got out of this alive, none of them would ever be the same. She put her hand on his and whispered. "Giles, what is it?" 

He took a moment then looked up at her. "Oh, dear. How do I tell you this?" He shook his head. "It's Quentin, Buffy. He's the one that gave Xander the crystal. Xander picked him out of the Council records I had him go through the first night he got here." 

"No, it can't be. He's dead." 

"He's not, I can assure you. He and Ethan were the ones that beat Xander and took Drucilla. They're not. . ." He struggled with the words. "They're not human, Buffy. They must have been infected somehow by the remains of the hybrids we fought against. Xander says they are half-demon and very strong." 

"Willow. Does Willow know?" 

He shook his head. "No, not yet. I wanted to tell you together but now I think it's best if you let her know. At least now we know some of what we're up against." He rose from his chair and looked at all of them. "It is imperative that we find that book. Volume six of the Garzian texts. It's a black book with gold script on the cover and spine. Buffy and Faith go through those boxes over there. Cordelia, Spike and I will go through the books on the table again." He nodded his head and they all went to their assigned posts. 

------------- 

Buffy and Faith had been back at the house and were filled in on the current situation. Xander was gone, and so was the one book that could explain the prophesy and Quentin and Ethan were on the loose again. It was a tense situation and all of them could feel it in the air. Buffy and Faith were huddled together looking through Giles' old boxes. Cordelia was watching them with sudden interest and it wasn't lost on Faith. 

"You know Queenie, if you take a picture it'll last longer." Faith quipped. 

Cordelia widened her eyes. "What's going on between you two? You've been huddled together since you got here and 

you've been whispering like two cats that shared a canary." 

"Nothing is going on, Cordy." Buffy answered. 

Cordelia sat up and looked between them. "Something is going on!" She got up off the couch and stood over them. "You look guilty as hell." 

Faith stood. "You'll just drop it if you know what's good for you." 

"No, I won't drop it. You two were out on patrol an awfully long time." Cordelia narrowed her eyes at Faith. "And you forgot to put your lipstick back on after you were done doing what ever you were doing." 

Buffy looked stricken. Damn Cordelia and her sense of fashion. Only she would notice the one time Faith wasn't wearing lipstick and make a federal case out of it. Buffy stood up next to Faith. "Cordy. . ." 

"No. I'm right, aren't I? You two were lip-locked somewhere and all of us are here breaking our asses looking through these smelly books." 

Buffy looked over at Faith and back to Cordelia. "I remember. Not everything, but most of it. I'm starting to remember everything that Xander took away from us." 

"How?" Cordelia pressed on. 

"What does it matter? Especially to you Cordy. She remembers the whole year she spent cuddled up next to you, but she can't remember anything with me. Why do you care?" 

"Oh, so it finally comes out now. The perfect Buffy Summers is jealous of the relationship I had with Willow. You know what Buffy? It doesn't matter. She came to Angel and I, she lived in my house, she slept in my bed, I held her when she cried until she fell asleep from exhaustion. Then we did it all over again the next day. I made love to her, I love her and a part of me still does. But none of it matters because whether she remembers anything with you or not she still went back to you! You won! You beat Cordelia Chase in the one thing that mattered and you're still not satisfied! You want more. Well now you've got it. You rekindled what ever sick little flame you and Faith had between you years ago *and* you have Willow. Don't try to deny it either, I know all about your little patrols with her back in high school. Making out in a graveyard? How sick is that!" 

"Cordelia you are way over the line here!" Buffy felt hot tears of anger forming in her eyes. "You have no idea what your talking about." 

Faith grabbed her arm. "Knock it of Cor. I didn't tell you that stuff to use against her." 

"No, Faith, let her go. Now you've seen the real Cordelia Chase. Always thinking about herself and what she can gain from the situation. You never change, Cordy." 

"You know what Slayer? I have changed. I changed a long time ago and it was because of Willow. And if you think for one minute that I'm enjoying this then you have another thing coming. How could you do this? You have her, she loves you and it's still not good enough. How could you risk it all to be with her!?" She pointed to Faith. 

"Answer her Buffy." Came softly from behind them. 

The three of them turned around and saw Angel and Willow standing in the doorway. Willow was leaning against Angel and he had his arms wrapped around her. 

Buffy took a step forward. "Will." She whispered. 

Willow wiped a fresh tear from her eye. "Answer her!" She yelled and Angel pulled her in closer. 

Buffy swallowed and walked towards her a bit. "Faith told me that when she first came to town, we had something together that you guys didn't know about." She looked at Angel. "She told me about that recent case you had, the one with the kidnapped boy. She thought that if I put myself into a situation that I can't remember being in, then. . ." 

"Memory trigger. Interesting. I don't know why I didn't think of it before." Giles commented from behind her. 

"Yeah, that. So Faith and I went to the Restfield cemetery. . .that's where we, I, broke it off with her. She kissed me and I fought her off, believe me. . .she has probably has the bruises to prove it. . . but I remember. Not everything, but I remember us Will." She continued her slow approach of the hacker. "Our first kiss. Jeff and his buddy's were spreading rumors about us. . .you wouldn't talk to me. Finally we went slaying and I got hurt. You took real good care of me that night. We poured our hearts out and I told you all about. . . " She trailed off, wondering if this conversation would have been better without the company, but there was no ideal situation. If she was going to get Willow to understand, she'd have to do it here and now. There was no other way. "I told you that Angelus knew how I felt about you. . .that you were the most important person in my life and that's why he went after you." She glanced up at Angel and he had a sad expression on his face. She continued walking and she was now inches away from him and Willow. "I kissed you and you told me that it's what you were afraid of all along, you were afraid of. . . ." 

"How I felt about you. . .and if you felt the same way." Willow whispered. "Then you took me on the roof and we watched the sun rise." Willow's head shot up with the realization of what she just said. 

Buffy's eyes went wide and she looked between Angel and Willow. Angel placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and walked into the back room. Buffy watched him and realized that the others were gone too. They were alone. Will. Say something.> 

"Faith. . ." She whispered. 

"Helped in her own twisted little Faith way." Buffy responded. 

You know it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love you. But I do.> 

I know Will. And I know that the first thing you thought about when you heard us arguing was Oz. . .that Oz had done the same thing.> "But I'm not Oz, Will. You have to know that I would never jeopardize us." Buffy finished out loud. 

Willow nodded and wiped a tear away. "I know." 

Buffy put her hand out and touched her cheek. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" 

Willow looked up at her. "No." She sighed. "But I can understand why you did it." 

Buffy closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry Will. You don't know how much. . ." Buffy didn't finish. She felt Willows arms go around her waist and there were no words left. She put her own arms around the girl in front of her and rubbed her back as she cried. 

"Buffy. Why don't you take Willow upstairs, we'll continue to research." Giles spoke softly from behind them. 

She nodded her head and led Willow upstairs to Giles' bedroom and quietly shut the door. 

-------------------- 

They had been researching for over an hour. The last of the boxes were being gone through by Faith and Anya when Cordelia stood up with a book in her hand. "Black book, gold writing, right?" She handed it to Giles. 

He looked at it. "Very good. I don't remember putting it in there. . .Damn! Xander must have found it and hid it. Which means that he's already read the prophesy." Giles began flipping through the book. He finally stopped half way through and began to read to himself. He placed the book on the table and looked up at all of them. 

Angel stepped up next to him. "What is it?" 

Giles shook his head. "I don't know why I didn't see it before." 

----------- 

**Chapter 13: Choices and Changes**

_'I once met a young girl filled with fire,'_   
_'That saw through my front to this shell of a man '_   
_'She knew I'd be a handful from the start,'_   
_'This strong willed woman had an angel's heart '_   
_'The holes in these wings don't allow me to fly '_   
_'So you'd better brace for a life of pain,_   
_'And if fate is the path to this better life'_   
_'Somehow I feel you'll never see the faces change'_   
_'Through thick and thin, She stood by you'_   
_'She held the key to my broken heart'_   
_'Upstarts and Broken Hearts' by Dropkick Murphys_

Buffy and Willow were laying in Giles' bed cuddled up. Willow was laying on her side curled up facing the window with Buffy behind her. She'd stopped crying about ten minutes ago and just rolled over and squished herself into this little Willow-ball. Buffy was at a loss of what she should do. Should she try to hold her? Maybe groveling for forgiveness was in order? Or maybe she should just lay in bed thankful that Willow was willing to be in the same room with her.   
"Will?" 

"Hmm?" 

"I'm sorry." 

"Buffy." She whined and turned over. "I know, but you have to stop saying it otherwise, well. . .it'll lose it's meaning." 

"Oh." Buffy looked down at her hands. 

"Look. I know you're sorry. I really do but, well, now comes the hard part." 

"I hate the hard part." Buffy pouted. 

Willow took Buffy's hand. "You have to show me you're sorry and you have to earn my trust again. I understand why you did it and that you may not have been a willing participant at first, but that doesn't change the fact that. . ." 

"I still did it. I get that Will, I really do." Buffy looked up at her. "When I think. . .when I think of what my life might be without you I just. . .I can't. You not being with me is something that I never want to happen. There's just badness there." She shook her head and put Willows hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. 

Willow spread her fingers to cup Buffy's face. "For me too. That's why this hurt so much. I love you. You've been my best friend for, God, for. . .do you realize it's been almost twelve years since we met? I'm gonna be twenty-seven next month and I can't remember what my life was like before I met you. I don't even think I had a life then, I just kind of, you know, existed." She smiled a little remembering the first time they met. "I was eating lunch, you came and sat next to me and. . ." 

"You asked me if I wanted you to leave. I remember." Buffy smiled too. 

"My whole life went into warp speed after that day and it hasn't slowed up yet. But you know what?" 

Buffy looked up at her. "What?" 

"I wouldn't trade it for anything." Willow slowly brought her lips to Buffy's and brushed them gently. She moved on top of Buffy without breaking the kiss. This wasn't a sexual thing and they both knew it. It was a comfort thing, both wanting to get as close to the other as possible so as to really feel the other one was there. Willow laid her head on Buffy's shoulder and Buffy stroked the red locks away from her face. 

"I promise you Will, when this is all over, *when* we get through this whole prophesy thing, I'm gonna throw you the biggest combination birthday party graduation party Sunnydale has ever seen. Mark my words Dr. Rosenberg." Buffy yawned. 

"Dr. Rosenberg – I'll have to get used to the sound of that." Willow smiled. "Oh, and consider your words marked in permanent marker." Willow whispered. 

Soon they both drifted off to sleep. 

--------------- 

"Can't say I didn't expect that." The first man remarked. 

"Me either. At least he came right on time. There's nothing left to do but wait." 

They rose to their feet and dusted themselves off. Slowly they morphed from human to demon form and not a scratch could be seen anywhere on them. 

"Hey Quentin." 

He turned around. "Yes, what is it Ethan?" 

"You think the old man has it figured out yet?" He smirked. 

"I have no doubt, but it's of no concern now. The boy has taken her and no one can stop the transformation now. The final ritual we performed will begin to work in an hour or so. She'll go mad – madder than she is now if it's possible. He'll be dead before the changing of the guards can take place. With the current and future Shadowman dead, the gates will open and we shall have our revenge." 

Ethan smirked. "All in all I'd say it's not bad for seven years of work. Wouldn't you agree old chap?" 

"Absolutely. Demons shall walk this earth – just as it should have been before the Slayer and her little followers got in the way. As soon as the boy is dead, she'll go after them. If she doesn't kill them first, well, when the gates open they'll be wishing she had." 

---------------- 

"Oh, dear." Giles sat down on the couch. 

Cordelia slammed her book down. "Giles, enough with the British drama already! What is it?" 

"We may want to get Buffy and Willow down here for this. I'd hate to disturb them now, but. . ." 

"I'll go." Angel offered and headed up the stairs. 

About five minutes later, Angel came down with two cranky girls in tow. They both flopped on the couch and rubbed their eyes. 

Buffy spoke first. "So what's up Watcher guy? This better be good cause I was in the middle of one really good dream." 

Willow nodded in agreement and put her head on Buffy's shoulder. 

"Cordelia found the missing book with the prophesy in it. It seems to me that Xander found it, read it and tried to hide it among my lesser used books, possibly to buy himself some time." 

"So what does it say already man!?" Spike was growing impatient in the corner of the room. 

"Well, it's not a prophesy at all. It's an ancient foretelling of the changing of the guardians. I've researched this at length and all signs point to the fact that the Shadowman is prepared to go into a sort of retirement and he is looking for a replacement." 

Willow asked the question on everyone's minds. "What is the Shadowman? I remember you mentioning it before, but.   
. ." 

"He's the guardian of the gate between this world and the next." Anya chipped in. 

"You knew of this?" Giles looked at her. 

"Of course. Hey, I was a vengeance demon for over a thousand years. You do make contacts you know. I lost track of the time when I became human. See, the Shadowman is either killed because he is careless, and the one who kills him becomes the next Shadowman, or he retires." She smiled with pride. 

"Yes, yes. . .it says here that in the office of the Shadowman or Gatekeeper, one must execute certain duties. Keep our world and the demon world as separate as possible for one, aide in the delivery of 'those with darkness' to the nether realm. . ." 

"Those with darkness? Can your books be anymore vague G-man?" Faith asked from the corner. 

Willow perked up. "Hey, I remember studying this when I was working on my doctorate. Those with darkness refers to really evil people or demons. They have to be escorted to the nether realm otherwise they'd go off on their own and wander around in limbo forever." 

"Hell." Angel finally said. "They get escorted to hell." 

"Angel, you know about this too? Am I the only one who is to remain uninformed?" Giles looked over at him. 

Angel struggled with his answer. "Well, actually, that comes from personal experience." 

Giles was caught off guard. "Oh, of course. . .sorry." He began flipping through the pages again. "Another duty of the Shadowman is to. . ." He looked up at Buffy then to Angel. Angel simply nodded his head. "You knew? You knew of this and never told me?" 

"Would it have mattered, Giles? I helped and we did a lot of good, that's all that should matter now." Angel waved the comment off as if it were nothing. 

"This is serious Angel. Had I known I would have never. . ." 

"Never what? Never allowed it to happen? Never allowed a vampire to fall in love with a Slayer? There were other forces at work here, that book isn't going to tell you everything. You can count on it." He was getting angry now. 

Cordelia touched his arm. "Angel?" She pointed to his face. 

He had unknowingly slipped into game-face and as soon as she pointed it out he slipped back to human guise. "Sorry." He kissed her on the forehead and put his arm around her. "Giles, " He began calmly. "You have to know, you need to understand that I knew the risks going into this. Had I left things the way they were supposed to be then, well, there's no telling what would happen." 

"Could someone please fill us in on what you two are arguing about?" Buffy yelled at both of them. 

Giles put the book down and looked at her. "The most important role of the Shadowman is to aid the Slayer in her duties." 

"Then why didn't I ever meet this guy?" Buffy questioned. 

"Because Whistler found me." Angel began. "Said I had it in me to be one of the good guys. He told me that the Powers That Be sent him to find me and that I had a destiny, a purpose. When he found me my only purpose was trying to stay alive on rats in alleys. He intervened and in turn, I intervened with your meeting the Shadowman. He saw that you were well tak en care of and decided that you were the one Slayer that didn't need his assistance. I met up with him again. He took me to hell. He said his time was short and he had less than a decade to complete his office, then a new person would be called whether they were willing or not." 

Giles crossed the room and sat down on the coffee table so he was facing Buffy and Willow. "When Angel stepped in, it changed things. Changed the course of both of your destiny's. Had Angel not stepped in then the next appointed gatekeeper would have been the Immortal Watcher." 

"Giles that's impossible!" Willow argued. "We didn't know anything about me being the Immortal Watcher until after I joined the Council." 

"No, no we didn't. But that doesn't mean the Council didn't either." Giles let out a sigh. 

"You mean I was set up? But why? I'm not the Immortal Watcher, they didn't get what they wanted." 

"Yes they did." Buffy was finally catching on. "They did Will. Don't you see? They set it up right from the beginning, and I'll be it was those bastards Quentin, Ethan and Richard all along. When they didn't have Xander doing their dirty work for them anymore, they knew somehow that I was going to visit and knew I would find out what was done to you. They even made it so that Angel had no choice but to turn me into a vampire. But they didn't count on you turning your back on me. No, what they probably counted on was me killing you." 

"Yes, I see it now." Giles began. "I told them you were coming Buffy, it's standard procedure. With Xander's refusing to help anymore, they knew it was a matter of time before the two of you came together again. Therefore they counted on your reaction to Cordelia's and Willow's relationship to ensue a fight. I can't believe we didn't put this together before. They knew what lengths Willow would go through in order to save you, even counted on it. When Willow gave up her station, she did exactly what they wanted her to do all along." He ran his hand through his hair. "You see what this means, don't you." 

Buffy shook her head. "Not exactly." 

"Xander thinks he's preordained to be the Gatekeeper?" Willow asked. 

"Not quite." Giles corrected. "You see, without an Immortal Watcher, the office of gatekeeper is somewhat up for grabs. The current office holder could have someone in mind, or when the time to change comes, it could simply be at random. I'm almost positive that Xander is doing this to protect you, both of you. The next Shadowman has to go through a ritual, an exchange of blood with an immortal. I suppose any immortal will do – which is why he's taken to Drucilla's company." 

"He thinks this Gatekeeper guy is coming after Will? Is that why he. . ." Buffy couldn't finish her sentence. The implications were far too great. 

"Yes, I'm afraid so. Remember, Xander wasn't here when we arrived back from England. He still doesn't fully know what happened to the two of you there. He may have been under the impression that Willow has been in danger all along. For all we know, Quentin could have told him she was to be the next Immortal Watcher, and when he read the book years ago. . ." Giles didn't have to finish. They all knew the conclusions that had been drawn. 

"I still don't see where Xander fits into this?" Anya chimed in. 

Giles shook his head. "Neither do I. How in God's name did he wind up with Drucilla of all people?" 

"Hey!" Spike sounded offended. "That's my girl your talkin 'bout." 

"Seems to me she's wonderboy's girl now, Spikey." Faith smirked. 

Anya folded her arms and pouted at that comment. 

"It is imperative we find Xander. There's nothing else useful in any of the books. He's the only one that can fill in the blanks now." Giles rose to his feet. "The sun is down. I suggest we break up into groups and go searching for him. It's the only way." 

"Fine." Buffy got up off the couch. "Will, Angel and Cordy will go with me. Giles, Anya and Spike go with Faith. We'll canvas the town and meet back at Restfield in about two hours." 

------------ 

"I knew you'd find me." Dru was smiling down at him. 

Xander stirred and sat up. "Uh, God Dru. . .how much did you take this time?" 

"Mommy was thirsty. You look stronger now. . .inside *and* out." 

Xander shook his head in an attempt to clear it. "How do you know what my insides look like?" He put up his hand. "No, never mind, I'd rather not know." He stood on shaky legs. "My turn." His voice took on a grainy tone and he began to burn blood without even thinking about it now. 

She nodded. "Yes, pet. You know what this means, don't you? Shadowman, Shadowman. . .he walks the line where no one can." She walked over to him and kissed his neck. "Your time has come. . .your transformation, your new life, your destiny." 

He'd had enough talk of the damn prophesy, enough of his friends being in danger, enough of this insane vampire – enough of it all. He took the pen knife out of his pocket and approached her. She complied with his silent wish by offering her wrist. As soon as he licked the fresh wound, the swoon came. It would be complete soon, very soon. 

------------- 

**Chapter 14: Two Roads Diverged. . .**   


_'How could I stay?'_   
_'How could I breathe?'_   
_'There had to be more for me'_   
_'Promises gone'_   
_'Plastic and stone'_   
_'I'm doing fine all alone'_   
_'So your having a breakdown'_   
_'So your losing the fight'_   
_'So your having a breakdown'_   
_'And I'm driving and crying'_   
_'Unraveled and flying'_   
_'I'm coming to your breakdown tonight'_   
_'I cannot run and I cannot hide'_   
_'It came with me locked inside'_   
_'The bough will break'_   
_'The cradle will fall'_   
_'It only takes one call'_   
_'So your having a breakdown'_   
_'So your losing the fight'_   
_'So your having a breakdown'_   
_'And I'm driving and crying'_   
_'Unraveled and flying'_   
_'I'm coming to your breakdown tonight'_   
_"Breakdown" by Melissa Etheridge_   


Willow had been lost in thought as they walked around town looking for Xander. Finally she spoke up. "Buffy, as much as I was mad at Xander before, I think he really was trying to help. Quentin tricked him into thinking he'd be keeping me safe." 

Buffy stopped and turned to her. "I've been thinking about that too, Will and I feel bad. We really laid into him and if we find him. . " 

"When we find him." Willow corrected. 

"When we find him, we'll explain everything that happened to us in England. . .and a I'm never above a little groveling." 

"Look." Angel pointed up ahead. "Two demons just went in. Do you think?" 

"Quentin and Ethan?" Buffy nodded. "I have no doubt." 

Willow put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "Buffy, Quentin and Ethan are dead, remember? Big explosion, sewers, oozy stuff?" 

"No, Will. While you were out with Angel, Giles told me that they're the ones that beat Xander and took Drucilla. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to tell you before." 

"Oh." Willow looked at Buffy dumbstruck. 

"Will. . .as much as I'd love to fill you in on everything, we really have to catch those guys. And Xander. . ." 

"I know, I know." She took a few moments to gain her composure. "Okay, lets go." 

"Angel, you and Cordy take the side entrance. Will and I can go in through the main gate." 

----------- 

"And how do you feel?" Dru was gazing over the now transformed Xander. 

"Powerful. . .the power I feel it's. . .intoxicating." His features shifted slightly. His skin now had a darker tone and looked worn like leather. His muscles had taken on a more defined, rippled texture. His hair suddenly grew out to the length of his shoulders and he grabbed a strand of it, twisting it between two calloused fingers. He smiled. "Not much unlike Lestat in those vampire books. Don't you think?" 

Dru smiled back at him. "The brat prince has nothing on you my pet." She leaned in and kissed him seductively. Soon she was tearing at his shirt, his pants. . .straddling him, seeking to dominate the situation. She broke the kiss suddenly and her eyes rolled back in her head. She dug her nails into his shoulders and let out a blood curdling scream. 

Xander grabbed her arms and tried to break free. It was no use, she was much too strong. Soon he found her hands wrapped around his neck, and he now fought for air. Just as soon as it started, it stopped, and he felt a weight lifted off of him. He turned his head just in time to see Dru crash against the side of the mausoleum. "Dru!" He cried out, but he was held down by two cold hands on his shoulders. He looked up. "Angel?! What the hell?" 

"Your down and you'll stay down if you know what's good for you. We know everything Xander. It's over." 

He shook his head. "You, you know nothing! " He grabbed Angels duster and switched their positions. "You don't know what's going to happen. . .you don't know what I've been through dead-boy." He punctuated the sentence with a right cross to Angel's face. 

The began rolling around on the ground, trading punches. Xander gained the advantage from beneath Angel but before he could do anything, Dru grabbed Angel by the neck and lifted him off the ground. 

"You've made me cranky daddy." She threw him against the wall, knocking him out. 

Drucilla and Xander slowly stalked around in a small circle, sizing each other up. "I don't want to hurt you Dru." Xander said through clenched teeth. 

"Oh, the boy grows bold. Come here boy, you've been naughty and mommy must take you over her knee." She began to weave intricate patterns in the air. 

Xander shook off the trance sensation he was beginning to feel from watching her. "Not gonna work Dru." He lunged for her and they fell to the ground. 

Drucilla gained the advantage and pinned him to the ground. "Game over." She smiled down on him and slipped into game face. "Mommy wins, boy looses." She clamped down on his neck. 

He reached up for her head and twisted it to the right. She let out a scream and fell over next to him. Xander grabbed a stake from inside his jacket and drove it through her heart with such force that after the dust cleared, it remained lodged in the grass. He rose to his feet and dusted himself off. "Thank you Mr. Pointy." He looked down and noticed something laying on the ground next to the stake. He reached over, picked it up, and chuckled silently to himself. "Looks like it's off to the orphanage with you." He took the doll between both of his hands and ripped her in half. "I never liked that damn doll to begin with." He flung the pieces off into the distance. 

The skies went pitch black and not a star could be seen. A thick fog settled suddenly over the cemetery and a bright light broke through the door of the Alpert mausoleum. As the fog cleared, Xander saw the silhouette of a man. His eyes glowed with a bright blue light. Xander rose to his feet and knew. . .the Shadowman had finally arrived. 

"Xander, no!" Giles called out from behind him. 

Xander turned around to face the Watcher who had Faith and Anya at his side. Angel had just come around and was making his way to Cordelia's side. He offered them a sad smile. "Yes, Giles. It's the only way." 

--------------- 

A right hook sent Buffy crashing against a tree. She shook it off and went at the demon again. "Bastard!" A round house kick landed firmly against the side of the demons face and Buffy heard the crack of it's jaw. He stumbled to the ground and the slayer pounced on him immediately, taking his head between her hands and wrenching it to the left. "Now this time, stay dead." 

She looked up in time to see Willow fall, and the other demon grabbing her ankle to draw her closer to him. She sprinted over and jumped on his back giving Willow enough time to scramble to her feet and begin a chant. 

The demon reeled backwards and slammed the slayer into a nearby tree. The impact would have broken any mere mortal's spine, but this was the slayer, the immortal slayer and her soul mate was in trouble. The impact was more of an annoyance than anything. 

Willow raised her hands to the sky and thunder crashed around them. A lightening bolt struck the tree, sending both Slayer and demon flying in opposite directions. Willow ran over to Buffy. 

"Buffy!" Willow reached down to her. 

"Did I ever mention how glad I am that your on our side?" She smiled at the concern on the other girls face. "I'm okay. . .a little winded but, good to go." Buffy sat up and looked around. "Something's not right Will. . .that was way too easy." 

Willow looked off into the distance. She could see a light about 100 feet away and it was growing larger. "Oh my God, Xander!" 

------------ 

The Shadowman stepped in next to Xander and put his hand on his shoulder. Xander looked up at him and nodded then turned to his friends. Buffy and Willow had just arrived. 

"Xander don't do this! You don't understand!" Willow cried out to him. She tried to go to him but was held back by Giles. 

"No, Will. You don't understand." His voice was calm and soothing. "All my life it's been the same. I had nothing to grab onto, nothing to call my own. You're a witch and a hacker, Buffy is the Slayer, Giles is her Watcher. Even Angel served his purpose – vampire or not. Cordy has a purpose now too and has for a long time. Even Anya has a colorful resume with being an ex-vengeance demon." He smiled at her. "What do I have? What have I ever had? Nothing. I was donut guy or message boy. . .I never had any real purpose to our little group – I didn't bring anything to it. I don't have superpowers, I'm not much of a studier, and magic, well, we all remember what happened when I tried that little venture. We spent the entire afternoon looking for Buffy rat." Again he smiled. "So when Quentin approached me and told me that I could help, possibly even save your lives. . .well, how could I refuse?" 

"Xander, you don't have to do this. You're not pre-ordained." Giles tried to reason with him. "The Shadowman isn't here for you specifically, he's. . ." 

Xander stopped him with a wave of his hand. "Don't you think I figured that out by now? If you've taught me anything Giles, it's to read carefully between the lines when researching. Quentin and Ethan put some sort of a spell on Dru so she would go mad and try to kill me. That way, the office would remain vacant and the gate would open. I figured as much, so I sped up the transformation so I could fight her off. Even if I wasn't meant to take his place," Xander gestured to the still silent man beside him. "from what I must look like now, I don't have a choice." He took an old looking small book from the pocket of his duster and tossed it to Giles. "That is volume seven of the Garzian text. If I don't take the office, I die. My body will reject the immortal blood I've taken from Dru and I will waste away and die." 

"No." Willow protested. "There has to be some other way, we missed something, or skipped a chapter or. . .no Xander you can't. . ." 

"The boy speaks the truth." Shadowman finally spoke. His voice had an eerie resonance to it. "He will die and the one who was destined for this office will have to take it. It is of no consequence that you are no longer the immortal watcher, young one." He looked at Willow. "The Powers That Be have seen fit to bestow upon you the gift of immortality as well as your equal." He gestured to Buffy. "The two lesser beings meant to corrupt you and take away your innocence, that way when you ascended, things would be as they had wished. With the boys intervention, the great balance will remain the same and the gates will be well guarded I'm sure." He laid his hand on Xander's shoulder. "The office taker must be willing and pure in his intentions. Even if I did pass over the boy, you would not be willing, so the next candidate would be the vessel." 

"Drucilla? Pure is hardly a word I'd use on that nut." Faith replied. 

"Pure evil, Slayer, I never said it had to be pure good." The man smiled. 

Xander nodded his head. "You really don't think I'd let a wacky vampire be the one thing standing between you guys and a bunch of demons, do you?" Xander watched as the Shadowman walked away casually towards the entrance of the mausoleum. He nodded slowly and turned back to his friends. 

"Xander." Buffy choked out. "What are we gonna do without you?" She put her arms around Willow who had been crying for sometime already. 

He smiled. "You'll be okay, Buff. You and Wills have each other, everything is the way it's supposed to be. . .the way it should have been from the beginning." Shadowman cleared his throat and Xander visibly shuddered. He began to slowly back away. "You know. . .I knew it was coming, but I never imagined it would be this hard. I never imagined. . ." He reached the doorway and disappeared into the light. 

The fog lifted as soon as the light winked out. The sky cleared and the stars shone brightly in the dark blue sky. 

Willow fell to her knees and sobbed. Buffy was right at her side with her arms wrapped around her love, her soul-mate, holding her tightly and rocking her, telling her that everything would be alright. Buffy realized after a few moments that she was saying it for herself as much as for Willow. 

Anya stood stock still. She hadn't said a word during the entire exchange, yet something changed in her eyes – something was lost suddenly. Giles approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder. It was only then that she slumped her shoulders and relented – turning her body around to clench at the tweed jacket inches away and weep silently. His heart broke for her. None of them had ever seen her show such a range of emotions. 

Cordelia leaned back into Angels arms and sighed. He wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered. "I know, Cordy. I know." 

Faith stood in contemplative silence. Just as she was about to say something, Spike came running across the grass and stopped short at the sight of them. 

He looked around eagerly. "What? What the bloody hell did I miss this time?" 

Buffy shook her head at Spike and leaned down to Willow. "Come on. Let's go home." Willow nodded in agreement and they all filed out of the cemetery. 

---------- 

***The following night*** 

Angel opened the door to Giles' apartment and nodded to the Watcher. 

"How are they?" He removed his glasses and marked the page of the book he had been reading. 

"Much of the same. Cordy bought some groceries and is there with them now. Faith stayed behind too." He shrugged. 

"Good, good. They need to take some time to grieve. Xander didn't die, but he is still lost to them. They know they may very well never see him again." 

"Yes they do." Angel looked around the apartment. All was quiet. "Anya and Spike?" 

"I really don't know. Spike took off last night after I informed him of Drucilla's demise. Anya was gone when I woke this morning." Giles rose from the couch and stretched. "I'm afraid she's taking this very hard. The girls and Xander were best friends, but to loose someone you are romantically involved with. . .it's, devistating." Giles noticed the stricken expression Angel was trying to hide. "Sorry." 

"It's okay Giles. You know." Angel walked around the couch and stood in front of him. "They're not girls anymore. They're women. Willow is going to be twenty-seven in a few weeks." 

------------ 

"How is she?" Cordelia walked up behind Buffy who was standing in the doorway of hers and Willow's bedroom. 

"The same. She cried herself to sleep." Buffy's voice rattled from exhaustion. She'd been up all night with Willow trying to comfort her. "I feel so helpless. There isn't anything I can do for her, nothing I can say to make her feel better. She's inconsolable." 

"They've been best friends since they were six, Buffy. He always stood by her no matter what. . .she may be feeling like she let him down." 

Buffy turned to her, puzzled. "There's one of those double entrance things in there, right?" 

Cordelia smiled. "Double entendre. Willow always stood by you no matter what happened. When she was attacked, she felt like she let you down. . .like she disappointed you. We both know what the result was with that. She ran, she was ashamed." Cordelia got quiet for a moment and whispered. "Just love her Buffy. Let her know how much you love her and what a good person she is. . .eventually she'll believe it and stop blaming herself. But for now, let her sleep." 

They walked down the hall into the livingroom where Faith was watching TV. "Hey, how's Red doing?" 

"Not good, but at least she's sleeping now." Buffy flopped down on the couch next to Faith. 

"She'll get over it, B. Red's a strong kid. Don't worry so much." 

"Kid? She's going to be. . .oh my god, I almost forgot. Her birthday is in three weeks and I promised her a party." 

"Party planning? Now that's the kind of reseach I can get into." Cordelia perked up. "So what do we need to do?" She stood and walked toward the door. "Just let me get my bag from the car and we can start planning it now." 

--------------- 

Willow stirred under the covers Buffy had placed over her only moments before. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around. She was in her room, hers and Buffy's room, in bed alone and it was dark out. Had she been sleeping all day? With the night she had, she wasn't surprised. Her eyes were still stiff from crying and she rubbed them again to try and get the sleepies out. 

She knew what she had to do. She'd thought about it ever since Giles let her see the seventh volume of the Garzian text. She had to find Xander, had to get answers, give answers, make him understand that he didn't let her down, that she didn't stop loving him and he'd always be her best friend. She couldn't let him go on thinking that she was mad at him. There were too many times in the past that she had let things go, let things fester and their friendship had suffered for it. In order to be at peace with herself, she had to be fester free – and in order for that to happen she'd have to find Xander. Which meant leaving Buffy, again. 

She packed a few essentials in the oversized backpack she brought back from Oxford. She chose different herbs and candles at random and grabbed a few magic books just in case. How did someone find a Shadowman anyway? Well, she was about to find out. 

When her bag was packed, she sat down to write Buffy a note. This was hard. . .this was so hard and she didn't know how to begin. . .she didn't know how to say how much. . .   


_I love you. I really do. You have made my life so much better than I ever could have imagined. I swore to you that I would never want to be away from you for any reason if I could help it, and I meant that. But right now, I can't help it. I have to find Xander and I have to fix this. I can't let it go, I have to fix it and I hope you can understand._

_For the first fifteen years of my life he was there. He protected me and looked out for me. We looked out for each other. In a lot of ways, we only had us. Then you came along and suddenly there was a group of us and it was good, great, it was very groupie and we all just clicked._

_You and I went to college, and although we didn't forget about him, I can understand how he must have felt left out. I hope you can understand why I need to do this. I need to know that he knows I love him and he is my best friend and always will be. I'm giving myself a month to find him and if I can't by then, well, I'll have to accept that he just doesn't want to be found._

_You are my soul mate, my lover, my best friend, my rock – Buffy, you are everything to me. I need you to know and I need you to understand. You can doubt anything but never doubt the love I have for you. Ever. I can only hope you will forgive me for leaving again and accept me back into your arms when I return._

_Yours always,_

_Willow_

She folded the note and placed it on the pillow. Quietly she opened the window and slipped out, using the trellace to climb down to the ground. She gave a last look up at the Summers' home - her home - and walked away into the night. 

----------- 

**Epilogue: . . .And That Has Made All The Difference**   


_'Through the night, through the dawn'_   
_'Behind you another runner is born'_   
_'Don't look back, you've been there'_   
_'Feel the mist as your breath hits the air'_   
_'And its underneath the moonlight '_   
_'Passing some'_   
_'Still your heart beats in the moonlight'_   
_'Like a drum'_   
_'And you will run your time'_   
_'A shooting star across the sky '_   
_'And you will surely cross the line'_   
_'To pass on the flame'_   
_'Sun come up, sun go down'_   
_'Hear the feet see the sweat on the ground'_   
_'Watch your step, keep your cool'_   
_'Though you cant see what's in front of you'_   
_'Runner' by Mamferd Mann's Earth Band_   


She walked without purpose, without direction or intention. Her clothes were dirty, wrinkled and she supposed that she smelled really bad. It didn't matter. Nothing did now that he was gone. 

Anya stopped and stood under a streetlight on the corner of Fifth and Main. She looked around and sighed. She imagined that it might be around one or two in the morning, she wasn't sure. Again, it didn't matter. In over eleven hundred years of being a vengeance demon, she still couldn't wrap her head around the reasons men do the things they do. Or why women still love them despite their stupidity. 

She felt her stomach lurch and lost her balance. She gained it quick enough, but when she adjusted her vision, she was no longer standing in Sunnydale. No, she was standing in a place much more familiar than that wretched little town. 

"You no longer travel well. Must be the time you've spent as a mortal." 

She'd recognize that voice anywhere. "D'Hoffryn." 

The demon emerged from the shadows and bowed his head to her. "Anyanka. You look well." He steps up in front of her. "Your screams are keeping me up at night, as well as most of Arash Ma'har, and the community is not pleased. What seems to be the problem?" 

Anya glares at him accusingly. "What seems to be the problem? What's the. . . .you have got to be kidding me! I've been wronged, dropped, dumped by a man! My heart is broken, I have no orgasm friend, and you ask me what my problem is!?" She crosses her arms across her chest. "You are definitely male, D'Hoffryn." 

He tried to suppress a grin. "I see. So a male has caused this difficulty in your life." 

"You didn't bring me here for idle chit-chat. You can do that with your minions any hour. What do you want?" 

"He doesn't want anything." A deep voice answered from behind her. "I, on the other hand, wanted to see you." Xander placed his hand on her shoulder. "And this was the only way I could think of at the moment." 

"Xander." Anya whispered. She turned around and blinked a few times, wondering if it was a dream. "Are you real?" 

He chuckled. "Of course I'm real! Go ahead, touch me. I won't disappear, I promise." 

She reached out and poked him in the ribs a few times. 

"Hey! Cut it out!" He swatted her hand away. "I may be immortal, but I'm still ticklish." 

She smiled up at him for a few seconds, but then her smiled turned into a blank expression. Then her blank expression turned into a frown. 

Xander knew that could only mean one thing. "Anya?" He whimpered. 

She pulled her arm back as far as she could and decked him. Hard. She got a sudden burst of adrenaline and started whacking away at him anywhere she could. 

"Anya! Ouch. . .no. . .stop! Hey. . cut it out!" He finally got a hold of her arms and held her still. "Take it easy. I heal quick, but not that quick. That smarts!" He gave her his best lopsided goofy grin. 

"You left. Not a word, no note, no last orgasm, no goodbye. You just disappeared into that dimensional tear." 

D'Hoffryn cleared his throat from behind her. 

Xander looked up, embarrassed. "Yes, well. . .lets go someplace else and talk." He put his hand out to her. 

Anya hesitated for a moment looking between his face and his hand. 

"Come on. Trust me." He pleaded. "I want to tell you a story about what happened to me when I was standing on the corner of Fifth Avenue and Main Street. Only not here." 

She relented. "Fine." Seconds after she placed her hand in his, their bodies faded out, leaving two tiny lights floating in the air. The two lights scurried off into the darkness and D'Hoffryn shook his head as they disappeared. "Kids these days." 

-------------------- 

Buffy found the note almost two hours ago. Faith, Angel, Cordelia and Giles were out looking for Willow. They all spread out to canvas the town and Cordelia took Angel's car to cover more ground. Buffy decided to stay behind in case Willow changed her mind. As Cordelia made a left turn onto the main road, she spotted Willow immediately. Quickly she parked the car and ran to catch up to her near the Espresso Pump. 

"Have you totally lost your brains!?" 

Willow was startled out of her reverie. That piercing voice could only belong to one person. "Cordelia?" 

"Damn right. You're lucky I'm the one that caught you trying to pull a Copperfield and not Buffy. Just what do you think your doing?" 

Willow placed her bag at her feet. "I have to find Xander. I have to explain to him. . ." 

"Willow. You have to earn a living, pay taxes on them, get up in the morning, shower, eat, and die. Well, you and Buffy are exempt from the dying part. But that's not my point. Xander made his choice." 

"And so have I." 

Cordelia shook her head. "If you leave now, it will kill her. . .well, metaphorically that is. I mean, do you get that at all? Do you get just how much you mean to her? To all of us?" 

"Cordy, please." 

"No, Red. . .I'm not budging on this one. You came to me and Angel after you were attacked. Maybe that's what you needed, maybe it's what was best for you but when she found out – she went crazy! To save her life, Angel had to turn her into a vampire! Hello? How many people can say they were a vampire and lived to talk about it?" 

"I was there Cordy, I remember everything. I know how much she hurt, and I gave her time and now I need time and. .." 

"She called Angel after you left for Oxford. He was on the phone with her all night listening to her cry and talk about the fight you guys had and how much she missed you. He called her every day after that just to make sure she got out of bed and went on patrol and was living some sort of a life until you got back. You didn't hear her Will, you didn't hear the emptiness in her voice." Cordelia paused a moment then put her hand on Willow's shoulder. "If you leave now, I don't think she'll be able to take you back, Will. I really don't." 

"He left, Cordy. Xander's gone and I may never see him again. We've known each other since we were five and he stole my Barbie doll." She chuckled. "I can't imagine my life without him – I just can't." 

"There was a time that I couldn't imagine my life without someone too. We had built such a strong relationship, learned to rely on each other, told each other secrets and loved each other in our own special way." Willow looked up at her and she smiled. "But she left and I had to move on. It hurt, but I did it. Xander's not dead, Will. He'll come back when he's ready. Until then, you and Buffy need each other. Don't you think you've been apart too many times already?" 

Willow reached out and squeezed her hand. "Cordy, I'm sorry." 

"Don't be sorry, Will. I'm not. I wouldn't trade the year we had together for all the money in the world. And with how stingy Angel is with raises, that says a lot!" 

Willow stood in contemplative silence for a few moments. "I love Buffy, I really do. To tell you the truth, I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm not sure if it's the right thing to go and try to find him, or to stay here and let him come to us." She walked away a few paces. "God, Cordy. . .do you realize that I've been running since I got out of college? First it was to England, then to you and Angel in L.A., back to England, back to Sunnydale for about a year, off to England again to finish my degree and here I am *again* in Sunnydale." She took a deep breath and smiled at Cordelia. No matter how old she got, she kept the babble-mode ready and waiting at all times. "I just don't know what to do, where I belong." 

"You know where you belong Red. You belong with Buffy. Since your freshman year in college you two have been getting together. Not even a mystical crystal thingie could keep you apart. Don't you think the Powers That Be are trying to tell you something?" 

"Cordy?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Take me home?" 

Cordelia smiled. "You got it Red." 

------------ 

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed flipping through her charred high school yearbook. It seemed like such a long time ago and things were simpler then. She, Willow, Xander and for a time Cordy and Faith – they were the core Scooby gang, the Slayerettes. They did it together. They fought the good fight and Giles was right: She was the longest surviving Slayer for a reason and that reason was the support she got from her friends. 

As she turned to the page she knew so well – the page with Willow's picture on it – a small piece of paper slipped out and onto the floor. She bent down to pick it up and smiled when she saw what it was. Willow had slipped it to her in chemistry class out of the blue. Everyone had just found out that Angel was back and somehow, Willow knew exactly what Buffy needed to hear. She began to read out loud: 

_When I take stock_   
_Of all the times we shared_   
_Strangely enough_   
_The memories I hold most dear_   
_Are not from the moments of fun and laughter_   
_But of the times_   
_When food was scarce and times were tough. . ._

Willow slipped quietly into the room and finished the rest of the poem. 

_And you found your strength in me_   
_And I in you_   
_For surely those were the times_   
_That we truly learned the meaning_   
_Of love._

  


Willow smiled at her. "You know. . .even then I knew on some level how I felt about you, it just took me a while to realize it." She sat down on the bed next to Buffy. "I'm scared, Buffy. And when I'm scared I run. So instead of running now, I've decided that what I need most of all is you. I need to let you see me hurt because in the end I always wind up running to you anyway. So if it's okay with you, I'll just cut out the middle part and go straight for the comfort." 

Buffy placed her head on Willow's shoulder. "No matter how much time passes, I'll never get tired of hearing you say you need me." 

"Well good. Cause I'll never get tired of saying it." 

"I miss him too Will. I don't understand what you're going through but I can try. All I can do is try and be there for you and be what you need." 

Willow kissed her forehead softly. "You've always been just what I needed. Always. And I'm not going to forget that again. I promise." 

------------ 

***Three weeks later – A warm March evening – The sun has just set*** 

"You're sure?" 

"Buffy I'm positive. Sheesh! Angel went to pick her up at the airport. Her plane gets in around seven and she'll be here by eight. Now would you relax already? Everything will be perfect." 

Willow spent five days with her parents and Nana in Oregon. They said that if they weren't going to be able to spend her birthday with her, the least she could do was visit them for a few days. She agreed knowing that her parents wouldn't give up on it. It was good the way things worked out because this way she was guarenteed to spend her birthday with her friends in Sunnydale. Right where she belonged. 

The Summer's house was buzzing with activity. Cordelia was hanging the last of the streamers in the back yard with Giles, while Joyce and, of all people, Faith prepared the food. 

"I never would have guessed you could cook." Joyce commented to the brunette slayer. 

Faith shrugged. "I pretty much took care of myself growing up. Everybodies' gotta do it sometime. I just did it sooner than later I guess." 

"Hey you two. Mmm. . .looks good." Buffy stole a chicken leg from the stove. 

"Hey, B! Can't you wait?" 

Buffy shrugged. "Slayer metabolism, F. . ." Suddenly, Buffy froze. "Shh!! Everyone!" Buffy strained to listen to something coming from outside. "She's here! Quick. . .take your places!!!" 

--------- 

". . .then when Giles was sleeping, I took the seventh volume of the Garzian texts, hid the sixth and, well, you were there for the rest of it." 

Xander had taken Anya on a walk through limbo. It was quite peacefull actually. It was somewhat like a forrest, but not. Everything was alive and able to communicate. Anya had almost forgotten what it was like there. She plucked a flower from the base of a tree and the old oak turned to her and preceded to lecture her on having manners and not taking what didn't belong to her. After all, how would she like it if he went to her house while she was sleeping and took a lock of her hair? Or decided that he wanted her ear for himself? Xander found this greatly amusing. Who would have thought that he would be more comfortable in this dimension than an ex-vengeance demon? 

They walked along in silence. He wanted to give her time to absorb everything he'd told her. She stopped finally and looked up at him. "It was selfless and selfish at the same time. Only a male could pull that off and get away with it." 

"I love you." 

Anya froze mid-step and looked at him as if he had three heads. 

He cocked his head to the side and smiled. "What?" He took her hand in his. "I love you. Is that so hard to believe?" 

"You don't love me. You left me. You can't possibly leave someone that you love." 

"Anya, sometimes you have to make it harder now so that it will be easier later. I've been human a lot longer than you have, and I've been Immortal for less time than you also but the one thing that we have in common is that we need people. We need to be loved and give love in return. Human or demon – that will never change." 

"I loathed people for over a thousand years. I reigned in terror and was worshiped. I don't need anyone." 

"If it weren't for people, then you never would have 'reigned in terror'. After you left me again you went to L.A and have been working with Angel ever since. If you don't need anyone, then why did you go to him? Why not crawl around in the sewers like a rat or live in back alleys away from people?" 

"So what are you trying to tell me Xander?" She was growing impatient. . .plus, she hated to lose an argument to him. 

"I'm saying that I still want to be with you, I still want there to be an us. It's not that difficult really. I have a job to do here, but that doesn't mean that I can't go to the mortal rhealm every now and again to see my girl." 

"So you want to have more orgasms with me?" 

He laughed loudly. Somehow, he never got tired of hearing her say that. "Yes, if that's what you want to call it, sure." 

She concidered this for a moment. "I guess it could work." 

"Well good." Xander looked at his watch. "Oh God, I didn't realize how long we've been gone." 

"How long?" 

"Three hours. Arash Ma'har hours." 

Her eyes went wide. "But that means. . ." 

"Three mortal weeks." He smiled at her. "On the job for not even one day and I'm already goofing off." He started to walk in the direction they came from. "Come on, lets get you back." They walked hand in hand for a while, then he turned to her. "Wait. I left on a Friday. . .picked you up Saturday morning. . .three weeks mortal time is three hours here so. . . " He suddenly got a panicked expression. "How could I forget?! Come on. . .there's something I have to do." He practiacally yanked her arm out of it's socket when he broke into a full sprint. 

--------------- 

"I still don't see why we couldn't stop in a Giles'." Willow glanced at Angel in the driver's seat. They had just pulled up to Rovello Drive. Willow was thankfull to be back home again, but she was anxious to see Buffy. 

"I have my orders little one. Buffy said you were to go straight home without any stops." 

She frowned at him. "Grumble, grumble." 

Angel smiled at her. "Lets get inside. I'm sure Buffy will be here any minute." 

"Fine." She got out of the car and went around the back to grab some of her bags. "Big old mean vampire." 

------------ 

"Surprise!!!!" 

Everyone jumped up at once when they heard Willow and Angel walk into the backyard. She dropped her bags and looked around at the smiling faces of her friends. She looked at Angel, looked at Buffy, looked back at Angel and buried her face in his chest and immediately started to cry. 

Buffy ran up to her. "Not the reaction I was expecting." She smiled at Angel. 

Willow chuckled and turned to her. "Buffy I. . .you did. . .party?. . . .I. . .oh geez." She pulled Buffy into a hug. 

"Now that's more like it!" Buffy wiped the tears from Willow's face and placed her hand on her cheek. "I take it you're surprised?" 

Willow nodded. Slowly she brought her lips to Buffy's. She nipped and kissed and emersed herself in the feeling and they were both soon lost to everyone around them. 

"Ahem." Angel cleared his throat. 

Willow blushed and kissed Buffy quickly again. "Thank you." 

"You can thank me like that anytime. Just maybe not so much with the audience next time." 

----------- 

"And finally, this arrived today. I don't know who it's from." Buffy led Willow over to a large box. 

She opened the card and smiled. "I can't believe it." 

Buffy walked over to her. "Who's it from Will?" 

"Dear Red, Hope you have a good one. Have as many as I have and you won't want to be celebrating so enjoy it while you can. Make sure that Slayer treats you good or she'll have the big bad to answer to. Spike." She looked up at Buffy. "Can you believe it?" Willow unwrapped the box and immediately began to laugh. "It's a bookcase and there's another note inside. 'To replace the one you and the Slayer smashed to smitherines." 

"I'll never cease to be amazed at what Spike is capable of." Buffy smiled. 

"What's this about a smashed bookcase?" Joyce quirked her eyebrows at the two girls. 

"Nothing mom. Long story." 

"Have room for one more gift?" 

They all turned around and saw Anya walk into the yard. 

"Anya, I trust you're feeling better." Giles smiled at her. 

She nodded. "Yes." She handed a small wrapped box to Willow. "Here, this is for you." 

"You didn't have to get me anything, but thanks anyway." 

Anya smiled at her. "I never said it was from me." No one moved or said anything for a few seconds. "Well? What are you waiting for? Isn't it tradition for you to open a gift when you receive it?" 

Willow carefully undid the wrapping and opened the lid of the box. When she removed the tissue paper she gasped at what she saw. "No. It can't be." Gently, she lifted the item out and held it up. "I can't believe it." 

Buffy looked at her, concerned. "What?" 

"Xander." In Willow's hands she held the Barbie doll he stole from her when they were five. How could she tell? Other than it's tattered and worn appearance, she lifted the shirt the doll was wearing and looked at her back. Scratched there in a child's unsteady hand she found this: 

W.R.   
+   
X.H.   
BFFAA 

"How do you know it's him?" Buffy whispered. 

"The back of the doll." She replied in a shaky voice. "Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris. Best Friends Forever And Always." 

"You'll see him again. Just give it time." Anya stated simply. 

Willow nodded and smiled in reply. 

"Okay! Who's up for some birthday cake?" Buffy announced suddenly. She had to lighten the mood one way or another. "How about you Dr. Rosenberg. It's ice cream cake. . ." 

Willow's eyes lit up. "Ice cream cake? You didn't. . ." Buffy nodded and smiled. "You did!" 

"Rocky Road!" They said in unison. 

------------ 

Happy birthday was sung, a little off-key, and the cake was handed out to everyone by the guest of honor. Willow had three pieces herself and by the end of the night what once was a cake now only looked like soup. 

Willow walked off towards a lone tree in the back yard and was content for a few moments just standing there, watching her friends – no – her *family* have a good time. She looked beyond the festivities to the street light out front. She caught a glimpse of someone standing there and began to go towards him, but he put his hand up to stop her. He bowed low, blew her a kiss – then simply disappeared. She smiled and knew it was Xander. He'd said everything she needed to hear without saying anything at all. 

"Good thoughts?" Buffy walked up to her. 

Willow smiled. "Nothing but. . " 

"How about some more cake?" 

Willow shook her head. "No. No more Rocky Road for me. I've had enough of it to last me a good long while. I'm all sugared up as it is. Do you want me bouncing off the walls all night?" 

Buffy wrapped her arms around Willow's neck and leaned into her ear. "I don't mind you bouncing all night. . .but off the walls isn't what I had in mind." 

"Buffy!" 

Buffy stopped any other protests Willow may have had in mind with a kiss. It was long and soft, unrushed and desperate at the same time. Finally she broke away for air and smiled at the beautiful redhead in front of her. "Hey." 

Willow smiled back. "Hey yourself."   
------   
__The poem used in this chapter is untitled and was written by Javan. It can be found in the book "Something to Someone." Copyright 1989.__

_To be continued in the fifth book. . .These Roads We Travel. Coming soon!!!!_


End file.
